When i was a kid i went to my friends birthday party and some dumbass i never met before was playing this on my friends wii and i thought it looked cool so i asked

"What is that game"
Then he was like "i dunno"
Then i said "Well youre playing the game what the cr*p is it"
He responds "i dont know"
I beg "Do you know the name of the game atleast"
He grimaces and says "no"
...."Can i p-
"no"

So i leave the room and come back and the game is paused so i sit down and continue playing and according to my mom because at this point in the story for whatever reason shes sitting down near the couch that im playing the game on. The kid from before comes back and says "thats my game give it back" and im like "What" "dude give me my game back youre mean" For some reason according to my mom i just stare at him for 1 minute straight emotionless and he just leaves i have no recollection of this

Anyway, the game fucking sucks but it takes an hour to beat so if you want to digest some slop bone apple tit

Cleared on March 3rd, 2024 (SEGA Genesis Challenge: 47/160)

Say hello to one of the six launch titles for the Sega Genesis when it was launched in the US. It was the game that came bundled with every Sega Genesis before Sonic took over that position a year later to great success. Altered Beast is an arcade port of a beat-em up where you play as a resurrected human to rescue Zeus daughter from the clutches of Hades, who really wants to welcome you to your doom.

It's pretty much run of the mill as far as side scroller beat-em ups go which isn't surprising since it is launched in 1988, but I liked the idea of transforming into a mighty beast. Upon collecting 3 orbs from the blue hellhounds, you transform into a beast and soon after take on the boss. There's five bosses in the game which are nothing special. The first three bosses are easy enough once you figure out what to do. The fourth boss takes a good amount of hits and avoiding their attack combinations can be difficult under bad circumstances, but then there's the final boss.

Why won't that fucking rhinoceroes die?!

Considering the bad reputation Altered Beast has, I don't mean to defend it from the hate it's got. Why make a personality out of dissing old games? This is a 1988 title, a port of an arcade game, I don't want to gatekeep you saying "you had to be there" to understand, but the full potential of playing basically an arcade game on your home console wasn't lost on anybody at the time. I wasn't there specifically, but I remember playing Tekken 3 on the PS1 as a kid and feeling the same sense of wonder about the future of videogames. Generation after generation we all have had the same expectations about the future.

Altered Beast is by no means a masterpiece but it's funny. It's hard and controls aren't intuitive (did you know you can kick up by crouching and kicking?), but bit by bit I reached the end of the game and saved the day. If you don't consider every restart, since every time you lose all lives you go back to the beginning, the game doesn't last long, but it gave me something: everytime the player would power up twice and he'd become this big mountain of a man, when hit he'd be laying down on the grass in a funny pose (see the sprite in the bottom). Like the Peter Griffin pose, that caught me off guard. If someone asked me if it's something worth to take out of a game, I'd say it is, I had a good amount of fun and once the gameplay loop hits, it becomes addicting in a way.

What bummed me were the bosses: the game's difficulty comes from enemy placement during the side scrolling sections, but then the bosses have each a pattern easy to avoid and to exploit. Add the single continue, after which it's game over, you can see why this game is reviled. Me? I find that falling animation funny and the transformations were goofy enough to keep me invested, but if it's worth something I cheered at the golden werewolf, "Just like Super Sonic!" I thought.

Conclusion: I would say Golden Axe is better, but why wouldn't it be? I can see where Team Shinobi and the porting team learned their lessons right here. I think it's worth checking out because it's funny and there shouldn't be any bias when playing games, since there are standards and I understand, but we should all be able to enjoy things nonetheless. I mean come on it's 15 minutes long at least give it a try!