Chromentur
BACKER
2005
"Heroes never die, they keep coming back as re-runs!"
Mindless gonzo combat as an analog for scathing potshots at manufactured celebrity - a much more resonant theme now than on release - they made you, and will turn on you in an instant for being exactly what they created you to be. Unquestionably a downgrade from the previous games though, Ratchet is barely an entity in this and you can't even play as Clank - but boy does this do the whole forced 2000s grit cringe WAY better than Jak II and III. In fact this whole thing feels like a predictor of the gaming generation to come - with an emphasis on fleeting short-attention-span gameplay over depth, so you can crank out these missions (in dull, empty environments) as fast as possible without having to really think about it. But it's also reasonably fun at doing that, plus the story is loaded with searing social satire and is absolutely fucking hilarious to boot (Dallas and Juanita ftw). PS3 port is rife with visual glitches and framerate drops. Grindrail sections are HOT ass. Had a good time with it no doubt, but also really glad they got this out of their system.
Mindless gonzo combat as an analog for scathing potshots at manufactured celebrity - a much more resonant theme now than on release - they made you, and will turn on you in an instant for being exactly what they created you to be. Unquestionably a downgrade from the previous games though, Ratchet is barely an entity in this and you can't even play as Clank - but boy does this do the whole forced 2000s grit cringe WAY better than Jak II and III. In fact this whole thing feels like a predictor of the gaming generation to come - with an emphasis on fleeting short-attention-span gameplay over depth, so you can crank out these missions (in dull, empty environments) as fast as possible without having to really think about it. But it's also reasonably fun at doing that, plus the story is loaded with searing social satire and is absolutely fucking hilarious to boot (Dallas and Juanita ftw). PS3 port is rife with visual glitches and framerate drops. Grindrail sections are HOT ass. Had a good time with it no doubt, but also really glad they got this out of their system.
2013
"Heroes never die, they keep coming back as re-runs!"
Mindless gonzo combat as an analog for scathing potshots at manufactured celebrity - a much more resonant theme now than on release - they made you, and will turn on you in an instant for being exactly what they created you to be. Unquestionably a downgrade from the previous games though, Ratchet is barely an entity in this and you can't even play as Clank - but boy does this do the whole forced 2000s grit cringe WAY better than Jak II and III. In fact this whole thing feels like a predictor of the gaming generation to come - with an emphasis on fleeting short-attention-span gameplay over depth, so you can crank out these missions (in dull, empty environments) as fast as possible without having to really think about it. But it's also reasonably fun at doing that, plus the story is loaded with searing social satire and is absolutely fucking hilarious to boot (Dallas and Juanita ftw). PS3 port is rife with visual glitches and framerate drops. Grindrail sections are HOT ass. Had a good time with it no doubt, but also really glad they got this out of their system.
Mindless gonzo combat as an analog for scathing potshots at manufactured celebrity - a much more resonant theme now than on release - they made you, and will turn on you in an instant for being exactly what they created you to be. Unquestionably a downgrade from the previous games though, Ratchet is barely an entity in this and you can't even play as Clank - but boy does this do the whole forced 2000s grit cringe WAY better than Jak II and III. In fact this whole thing feels like a predictor of the gaming generation to come - with an emphasis on fleeting short-attention-span gameplay over depth, so you can crank out these missions (in dull, empty environments) as fast as possible without having to really think about it. But it's also reasonably fun at doing that, plus the story is loaded with searing social satire and is absolutely fucking hilarious to boot (Dallas and Juanita ftw). PS3 port is rife with visual glitches and framerate drops. Grindrail sections are HOT ass. Had a good time with it no doubt, but also really glad they got this out of their system.
"πΆπ£πΆI want my, I want my, I want my MTV πΆπ£πΆ"
Snags a high 3 for now - but at first I was honestly enjoying this more than both Guitar Hero III and 5. The first half of the campaign is elite - with essentially wall-to-wall bangers, a neat spin on its story mode, and characters that look fantastic. But the second half dwindles intrigue almost immediately - with what feel like the most filler-iest filler songs the console releases have ever seen and winners only few and far between. But even a lot of its hits are ultimately undone by this game's weird collection of re-recordings and live versions which - I'm sorry - are never superior or even on par with the originals. That Ozzy + Metallica "Paranoid" rendition outright SUCKS, and didn't they already use the original like barely three years before this? Tiering system based on vibe was done so much better in my beloved Guitar Hero World Tour. I dig when this gets weird like the grotesque + straight-up badass transformations, that huge titan amp monster thing, as well as a few standout venues like the haunted house, dingy pub, and Lars' awesome forest place. Appreciate that this took steps to differentiate itself, but it doesn't all pan out - needed another couple years in the pot to avoid the rhythm genre running out of steam the way it did at this time, as this is clearly still the product of crunch and overuse. Too much to a formula that craves simplicity.
Snags a high 3 for now - but at first I was honestly enjoying this more than both Guitar Hero III and 5. The first half of the campaign is elite - with essentially wall-to-wall bangers, a neat spin on its story mode, and characters that look fantastic. But the second half dwindles intrigue almost immediately - with what feel like the most filler-iest filler songs the console releases have ever seen and winners only few and far between. But even a lot of its hits are ultimately undone by this game's weird collection of re-recordings and live versions which - I'm sorry - are never superior or even on par with the originals. That Ozzy + Metallica "Paranoid" rendition outright SUCKS, and didn't they already use the original like barely three years before this? Tiering system based on vibe was done so much better in my beloved Guitar Hero World Tour. I dig when this gets weird like the grotesque + straight-up badass transformations, that huge titan amp monster thing, as well as a few standout venues like the haunted house, dingy pub, and Lars' awesome forest place. Appreciate that this took steps to differentiate itself, but it doesn't all pan out - needed another couple years in the pot to avoid the rhythm genre running out of steam the way it did at this time, as this is clearly still the product of crunch and overuse. Too much to a formula that craves simplicity.
2009
Why does Pandora look like a Teletubby? I'd be saying nothing new by mentioning the clear evidence of genre apathy having set in by this point - which can still be felt in it strongly to this day - or a setlist with almost a 1:1 ratio of songs that matter versus mid filler songs. Though perhaps I'd be treading some new ground by stating just how fucking UGLY this game is - given the era, they made the confounding decision to replace the charming highway designs with a plain jet black across all characters, along with EVERY venue being all washed-out and gross. And if you thought Guitar Hero World Tour's encore events were uneventful, ohh... just you wait and see these duds. But at the end of the day, it's that unmistakable Guitar Hero gameplay with a fairly smooth engine - and the songs that rip here really rip: Shout it Out Loud, Blue Orchid, Feel Good Inc., Sweating Bullets, Only Happy When it Rains, Ring of Fire, Sympathy for the Devil, Sex on Fire, Lithium, Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting), Jailbreak, Hungry Like the Wolf, Hurts So Good, Sultans of Swing, Runnin' Down a Dream, A-Punk, What I Got, Du Hast, Under Pressure, Bullet with Butterfly Wings, Comedown, All the Pretty Faces, Kryptonite, Dancing with Myself, 2 Minutes to Midnight, Fame, Play That Funky Music, So Lonely, Smells Like Teen Spirit, Superstition, Woman From Tokyo, You Give Love a Bad Name... like Jesus Cristo the sheer POWER on display only for it to still be just "eh, pretty good". Shame they went with the shittier Zakk Wylde "Bring the Noise" instead of the infinitely superior Anthrax version that was on THPS2 :/
Games I Like That Everybody Else Dislikes
"Now we are empty. Now we are nothing."
Graphically, artistically, and narratively the best one of these at the time of its release - but demonstrably the worst in terms of its combat. Like yeesh, these never had the most optimal fighting systems to begin with but here everything seems to happen a second or two after you initiate it (or try to, with how much more often you'll be caught in a move in a series where that's already super common), the dodge roll is as nonfunctional as it's ever been, its blocking sucks, fury mode or whatever tf that was sucks almoat as much, and the secondary weapons feel clunky and unnecessary. It's easy to see the faultlines from being bogged down by seventh-generation lameness - particularly its tacked-on and tossed-off multiplayer mode, which invaded many single-player flagships at this time to satisfy the hunger of casual CoD addicts and is absolutely LOADED with a laundry list of stupid microtransactions. But it's also one of the best looking games on the PS3, like seriously fucking WOW. Look at this wild behemoth!! Its spectacle is fitting and in no short supply to match - scaling and fighting through the massive Apollo statue, riding all those giant mechanical snakes, and the enormous Hecatoncheires prison (the latter of which being a strong contender for finest setpiece ever in a GoW game) and more all pop right off the screen - they're some of the greatest environments in the franchise flat-out. Plus it's cool seeing Kratos with some actual pathos here, smiling and shaking/holding people's hands in a way that actually feels natural (unlike, say, Hitman: Absolution's take on its antihero). I gotta give at least some points to a prequel that actually feels semi-authentic (can't say the same about Ghost of Sparta). Amulets are cool, final boss is epic, not even nearly the worst entry - honesty, one of the better ones! Has flaws but so do the others.
"Now we are empty. Now we are nothing."
Graphically, artistically, and narratively the best one of these at the time of its release - but demonstrably the worst in terms of its combat. Like yeesh, these never had the most optimal fighting systems to begin with but here everything seems to happen a second or two after you initiate it (or try to, with how much more often you'll be caught in a move in a series where that's already super common), the dodge roll is as nonfunctional as it's ever been, its blocking sucks, fury mode or whatever tf that was sucks almoat as much, and the secondary weapons feel clunky and unnecessary. It's easy to see the faultlines from being bogged down by seventh-generation lameness - particularly its tacked-on and tossed-off multiplayer mode, which invaded many single-player flagships at this time to satisfy the hunger of casual CoD addicts and is absolutely LOADED with a laundry list of stupid microtransactions. But it's also one of the best looking games on the PS3, like seriously fucking WOW. Look at this wild behemoth!! Its spectacle is fitting and in no short supply to match - scaling and fighting through the massive Apollo statue, riding all those giant mechanical snakes, and the enormous Hecatoncheires prison (the latter of which being a strong contender for finest setpiece ever in a GoW game) and more all pop right off the screen - they're some of the greatest environments in the franchise flat-out. Plus it's cool seeing Kratos with some actual pathos here, smiling and shaking/holding people's hands in a way that actually feels natural (unlike, say, Hitman: Absolution's take on its antihero). I gotta give at least some points to a prequel that actually feels semi-authentic (can't say the same about Ghost of Sparta). Amulets are cool, final boss is epic, not even nearly the worst entry - honesty, one of the better ones! Has flaws but so do the others.
2016
Top 50 Favorites: #11
Legal high. Audiovisual synaptic connections of humanity at its core, stripped of all desires and/or ambitions (here seen as miscellaneous), left only with purpose - and what kind of effect that would have on a mind. Delirious, hypnotic, deeply meditative, disorienting but simultaneously so clear-eyed... bottom line, unforgettable. Even four years ago this was leagues ahead of everything it famously promised (and, yes, underdelivered on) at launch - let alone the exemplary beast it is now. Systems complex enough to be engrossing over long periods of time, yet accessible enough not to need to sink ~50-60 hours just to get the proper feel/hook for it - as these games normally tend to do. I'm honestly perfectly okay with saying that this has the market cornered on RNG that is directly married into the core gameplay experience - it's such an exciting variable here that constantly affords so many unique, bewildering new discoveries. One of the most enrapturing, drop-dead BEAUTIFUL gaming experiences ever created - pure visionary atmosphere that I hold as the highest standard for all space games moving forward. Sat down for a month and just totally lost myself in this during COVID lockdowns - sometimes high out of my mind on edibles - and it was one of the most transcendent, defining moments of my life. All that was lost can be here still, it all depends on you. It hurts but that's okay, time affords new birth through the inevitable. You made a real game, Jack.
Legal high. Audiovisual synaptic connections of humanity at its core, stripped of all desires and/or ambitions (here seen as miscellaneous), left only with purpose - and what kind of effect that would have on a mind. Delirious, hypnotic, deeply meditative, disorienting but simultaneously so clear-eyed... bottom line, unforgettable. Even four years ago this was leagues ahead of everything it famously promised (and, yes, underdelivered on) at launch - let alone the exemplary beast it is now. Systems complex enough to be engrossing over long periods of time, yet accessible enough not to need to sink ~50-60 hours just to get the proper feel/hook for it - as these games normally tend to do. I'm honestly perfectly okay with saying that this has the market cornered on RNG that is directly married into the core gameplay experience - it's such an exciting variable here that constantly affords so many unique, bewildering new discoveries. One of the most enrapturing, drop-dead BEAUTIFUL gaming experiences ever created - pure visionary atmosphere that I hold as the highest standard for all space games moving forward. Sat down for a month and just totally lost myself in this during COVID lockdowns - sometimes high out of my mind on edibles - and it was one of the most transcendent, defining moments of my life. All that was lost can be here still, it all depends on you. It hurts but that's okay, time affords new birth through the inevitable. You made a real game, Jack.
I'll be honest, the whole kart duo gimmick - interesting of a spin on the formula as it is - does almost nothing for me here. It very rarely ever feels fun to use solo, and in multiplayer one player is always going to be relegated to the less-fun position of item holder. That being said, while it's definitely not my favorite it's still a fantastic kart racer in its own right - that crisp GameCube aesthetic has aged wonderfully, and its got a real murders' row of outstanding tracks (Dino Dino Jungle, Daisy Cruiser, Wario Colosseum, Mushroom Bridge, Yoshi Circuit, Peach Beach, and this game's marvelous rendition of Rainbow Road among others). Though its too-short length can't go unnoticed, you can crank out all these courses and a few games of battle mode in less than an hour. A handful of hot takes that I have no idea why they're hot takes: Dry Dry Desert is elite, DK Mountain is one of the weaker DK courses, GCN Sherbet Land >>>> N64 Sherbet Land, Waluigi Stadium feels kind of awkward to race on, and Baby Park is a top 10 course of the entire franchise - even its defenders love to admit how chaotic it gets before dropping the confusing "buh.. it's just an oval!!1!" line.... yeah and that's the point?? Why do you think there are 7 laps on it?
2018
Cute, perhaps a little too cute. Annapurna has made some of my favorite games of all time and I will support them to my dying breath - this one's got the juice too but in far too short of supply. Gives you an immensely satisfying gimmick but feels over with in a flash, like you'd get far more mileage out of a phone game with the same mechanics (hello, Fancade). Its 'randum xD' humor isn't as grating as you may think - occasionally rather funny - but there's far too much of an emphasis on it compared to actual gameplay so it gets tiring despite how short this is. Love the art style, all the little animals, and as little of the nom nom hole gameplay as they let you run wild with - but it's a quickie.
2008
Might be controversial, but I prefer this ever so slightly to Guitar Hero III - mainly because it just feels more dynamic. More dynamic in its setlist (without those rough covers which GHIII still had [like Paranoid + Holiday in Cambodia.. ooof]), its wide docket of pretty venues, campaign, and of course full band gameplay. Charts are still weaker than GH overall (very possibly due to Harmonix's attitude that rhythm games should be played with 'music >> gameplay' in mind) but they're still mostly fun - and holy hell is it ever a VAST improvement over almost everything wrong with the first Rock Band - I'm very impressed with how much this still holds up! Still a few dropped notes here and there (especially with long lines of strum salads) and I'm not sure if I'm a fan of how much repetition you can expect in the campaign setlists, but there is just hours upon hours of good content here (with DLC support!) even just as a solo guitarist. Still can't touch Guitar Hero World Tour at all though imo.
2007
Set the standard but can't keep the pace - an immense letdown of a revisit after being a series die-hard in my youth brought upon by dull + awkward charts, too many mid filler songs, and wonky hit detection. Also - and I'm sorry to say this - but it's damn ugly. I get it, it's supposed to look like a concert recording and all but holy hell does that lead to it looking super bland and samey - there is no sense of scale in any of these venues because of it either. Hammer-ons are so much harder to read here, but even if they weren't this doesn't feel nearly as fun and/or lively as - say - the godly Guitar Hero World Tour, which came out just a year later and was that series' first foray into full-band gameplay also. Saved from getting a 2.5 strictly for its vast DLC support (which, unlike GH you can still get to this day), but there are still some sick songs in the base setlist if you know where to look (Flirtin' with Disaster is essentially the perfect song for one of these games, I Think I'm Paranoid is one of my favorite songs ever, plus come on... SAY IT AIN'T SOOOooOOoOOO!!).
Nice try, but I'm still not listening to Tool. One of those games where the release itself felt like a historical event - and all these years later it doesn't disappoint, very likely the greatest GH entry. Neversoft showing you how much money Guitar Hero III made by rubbing it right in your face - one of the best looking, sounding, and playing games on the PS3. I can feel my wealth bracket rise up a few notches just looking at this expensive beast. A few filler songs but that's a small, forgivable price to pay for having such a diverse, jaw-dropping, Herculean setlist (for the first time all glorious masters) filled to the brim with underheard beauties and classic titans - not just your expected shouts. Obviously the first one to introduce full band support, as well (with some nice customization options to boot). I also prefer the new tiering system, that combines both vibe as well as difficulty - it's so much more exciting. Some of the most fun charts to play in rhythm game history on a watertight engine, I haven't been this fully enraptured with a game in what feels like years. Tap notes make you feel like a GOD if you don't use the stupid slide bar. I think in the late 2000s' effort to artificially extend the lifespan of shitty casualcore gaming by forcing this poor franchise to cough up multiple major tentpole releases per year, we forgot just how adept these games are at escapism - no one does it like these did, man. Addicting and euphoric.
MY FAVES:
Weapon of Choice
VinterNoll2
Lazy Eye
Band on the Run
Obstacle 1
Some Might Say
Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)
Beat It
Rebel Yell
Stranglehold
Our Truth
Do It Again
Freak on a Leash
Heartbreaker
La Bamba
The Wind Cries Mary
Mr. Crowley
Eye of the Tiger
Stillborn (wish it was the far superior "ft. Ozzy" version though, especially considering he's in this game)
((Cutting this short because I could just say... like 99% of this setlist))
MY FAVES:
Weapon of Choice
VinterNoll2
Lazy Eye
Band on the Run
Obstacle 1
Some Might Say
Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)
Beat It
Rebel Yell
Stranglehold
Our Truth
Do It Again
Freak on a Leash
Heartbreaker
La Bamba
The Wind Cries Mary
Mr. Crowley
Eye of the Tiger
Stillborn (wish it was the far superior "ft. Ozzy" version though, especially considering he's in this game)
((Cutting this short because I could just say... like 99% of this setlist))
Good ole' fashioned Goat Simulator fun, second best of the DLCs. It's clear that I've kinda outgrown this type of gameplay despite my fond memories of the original - but even still, there's a lot to admire here. For one, I'm impressed with the sheer size of this map, like... holy cow this thing is massive and just packed with stuff to see. The Portal spoof in particular is very amusing, even if some of the other references aren't quite as strong. The neckbeard brony dude stuff in this is hilarious and bold for a game of this nature. And the quests finally feel semi-substantial here! Satisfied, but also glad to be done with these for a while.
Ehhhhh... even as a Goat Simulator apologist I think this is mid. The characters are funny but that's about it - its map isn't as good as Goat MMO Simulator and as a whole it just flat-out isn't as enjoyable, clever, or humorous as GoatZ. The pranks aren't satisfying, its comedy is mostly stale, there just... isn't a lot here. Easily the weakest of the ragdoll-y, purposefully janky meme games that feature Rocket League parodies. Every criticism I disagreed with for the original I agree with for this.
2011
Some of the most under-the-radar egregious microtransaction bullshit sours what otherwise is an excellent portable Katamari experience. All the expected compromises are here: noticeably less populated levels (which sometimes feel a bit barren), pop-in, collection requirements feeling padded out, runs more slowly than the others - but none of them are enough to ever once take away from the core experience. Stealthily might be the weirdest one? 3D low-res King is nightmare fuel, but also feels oddly fitting here - his horrifying Play-Doh visage, bug eyes, and celebrity veneers fitting this series' particular brand of strangeness like a glove. And it's a nice change of pace to see him being shit-talked by the quest-givers for a change, rather than the other way around. Its stretch gimmick is yet another nice new addition to add to these games' docket of quirky mechanics that feel insanely satisfying and responsive to pull off. Great OST, terrific graphics for the system, and maintains not only the nihilistic sense of humor about the human condition we've come to love from the franchise, but also its fun factor. For a lot of this I was honestly enjoying it more than Katamari Forever - but then it gets upended by the fucking Fan Damacys which are the worst addition ever to be put in one of these, and ONLY exist to steal your money. Still essential for Vita owners imo, in awe that this even exists.
Damn fine game that checks off nearly every qualification a great PS1/PS2 era puzzleball outing should have: funky music, colorful splashpad visuals, eclectic laundry list of tactical hazards, fun unlockable minigames, brain-melting puzzles, vast variety of clever levels, good graphics, control that is neither too tight nor too loose, and an interesting set of gimmicks with the main ball(s) that sets it apart from the others. Vastly superior to the PSP original, wish there was a permanent loop of the ball dancing when you get a good score running somewhere so I could go there if I'm ever feeling down.