I played through this on Infinite Wealth. It's aight.

Indie final bosses don't mess around.

This isn't as funny and absurd as Postal 2, but I will still give it credit for not being cringe millennial burnout humor like Postal 4 or... whatever Postal 3 was. It still has its own gruesome sense of charm, but as we all know, Postal isn't exactly known for its solid core gameplay loop. I don't even think it's worth mentioning in depth because you're probably going to be playing this for "haha school shooting game", but just know there will be a fair amount of jank that can be frustrating to deal with, even for the standards of its time.

In a stunning coup de grace, all-American developer Berkan Deneziaran opens up a riveting cinematic thread in the Half-Life universe by positing the question: who or what would Gordon and Alyx run into when Half-Life 3 inevitably comes out and they go to the Borealis? This game is filled with challenging gameplay reminiscent of the Dark Souls series (one could even call this the "Dark Souls of Half-Life". The main character Mitcher has the exaggerated swagger of a HECU soldier. The reveal of the antagonist Adam is a plot twist on par with the likes of Shutter Island and the Sixth Sense, where it turned out Bruce Willis had hair the entire time. The villain's death was made memorable as he uttered his iconic catch-phrase, "Mitch, Please!"
Talented and morally upstanding voice actors Sky Williams and Pyrocynical join the star-studded cast alongside President Keemstar.
The level design explores a bold new frontier in terms of gameplay, and immerses the player in the world of the visually impaired by refusing to put proper lighting in most areas, rendering the player unable to see.
I look forward to the GoldSrc port of this masterpiece.

What can I say? This is one of the greatest games ever made, to this day. It does something that most modern metroidvanias don't even do: gives you a sense of progression and makes you feel like you dominate the castle. The graphics are still some of the most beautiful that gaming has to offer, since it came out at the end of the 2D era of gaming. The aesthetic and soundtrack are extremely memorable, to the point where I think the 1700s drip is an integral part of my personality from having played this game at such a young age. The gameplay is stellar, though since it's made in 1997 not as smooth as something like Hollow Knight. This game does, however have some flaws: the leveling system introduces an issue where you're more or less underleveled for the upside down castle if you've played normally, and requires some grinding to beat enemies fairly if you don't want to use exploits, but other than that this is a great game. 10/10, go play it immediately.

This game was made in 1986. I would like to say "oh it's a product of its time," and that would be true, but it's 2024. There's a balancing act that needs to be performed between acknowledging a game's age and influence, and writing something in light of developments of gaming that occurred between 1986 and 2024. I wasn't even alive in 1986. In fact, by the time I was born, Ocarina of Time would be released seven months later. So this rating is based off 2024 standards, and not 1986.
How does it hold up to 2024 standards? Honestly, compared to other more open and long-form games of the time, pretty decently. But compared to today, not too well. Here are some nice things: the gameplay is very addictive, with the simple hack and slash combat. The story is... serviceable. The feeling of progress is almost unparalleled for a non-turn based game in 1986 and wouldn't be outdone until Ys released in 1987. The dungeons are fairly interesting, even if a few of them resort to cheap tactics to keep you throwing yourself against them over and over again. The soundtrack is very memorable, and the graphics look pretty good for an NES game.
The biggest issues I have with this game are two-fold: the lack of direction, and the overly punishing design. Not having your hand held is fine to an extent, but you can't reasonably expect yourself to complete this game in a short period of time without a guide or some other form of outside help. This was the kind of game made for children who got one or two games a year and wanted to discuss the crazy things they found on the playground at school the next day. This is not for an adult who already has a million other games to play and not a lot of gaming time to fully immerse himself in a game that's pushing 40. Still, there's something to be said about how satisfying it is to explore the world and build up your power level (only to be demolished by Wizzrobes in level 6).
The difficulty is the same way. Some progress in a dungeon is saved when you die, but in general, you're going back. This wasn't a problem in 1986, when you had all the time in the world to keep throwing yourself at the wall in hopes of making a dent in it. This is a problem in 2024, in an era where we have save states. Let me tell you, it's not satisfying to beat something that's overly frustrating, and it's not satisfying to beat something using a guide and save states because it's overly punishing and cryptic.
Overall, give it a shot but don't feel too bad if you don't feel like sticking through it.

I mean, it's Bioshock. Saying Bioshock is good is like saying water is wet. It's a streamlined ImmSim experience brought to the modern age, with an immersive world, an intriguing story, extremely good voice acting and dialog, and high replay value. This game has aged like a fine wine due to its presentation and art style as well. It's action-packed without being overly flashy. The narrative is dramatic without being ham-fisted. The gameplay is fun and heavily rpg-esque without being too janky.
That being said, here are the flaws because I love to complain. The last few hours of the game are a serious miss. The escort mission with the little sister and the hilariously high difficulty spike kind of sour the experience, and the final boss is very lackluster.
Overall though, no game is perfect but this one is still a masterpiece. Best in the series, even. Go play it now.

Someone must've broken into my house and started cutting onions when I was watching the ending of this game.

Good lord, what a game. There's really nothing quite like the Metal Gear Solid series. The way the gameplay and story meld together in such a way is just special, and had never been replicated in quite the same way (aside from MGS 2 and 3 of course). This game has an amazing story, good atmosphere, and gameplay that is decent most of the time but aged like milk (specifically a few of the bosses and some combat encounters). Psycho Mantis, Sniper Wolf, Vulcan Raven, and Rex are some iconic boss fights that still holds up as thrilling engagements. Liquid's three phases and "Deepthroat" (hehe) were downright frustrating though. Especially that awful turret section at the end... protip: use first person view for that turret section.
There were some memorable sections as well, like the torture section that actually tortured you, the player. This was brilliant, if not physically painful. There are also sections like the comms tower chase, which was a memorable moment for the wrong reasons because they bring out the game's jank in full force.
As an arcade stealth game, it's serviceable, but there isn't as much stealth gameplay as I remember there being. It's mostly an action game against a myriad of bosses and crazy encounters, interspersed with the occasional lackluster stealth section and tedious backtracking. It's especially poorly paced in disc 2, when it's just balls to the wall action until the game is over. Overall, a great game, but I prefer the sequels.

Massive improvement over the first game. It's insane how close this game is to the original MGS1, and still plays decently well for something made 33 years ago.

Very technically impressive game for the time but I just can't, it's too boring.

This game was like a blowtorch to the nuts, even when you played """easy""" (still obscenely difficult) mode as Maria. I enjoyed my time marathoning Classicvania, but I'm glad it's over because these old CV games are not good for your mental well being.

This is a horrendously painful game that is almost begging to be save scummed. I will personally kidnap every developer, tie them to a chair, and force them to watch boring French art house movies for three days straight so they can feel even a fraction of the pain I experienced playing this pure torture.
10/10 go play it, it's excellent. I love the gore, unique boss fights, and destructible environments.

Going from the original NES/GBA Castlevania games to this one is like leaving an abusive relationship. Don't get me wrong, it's still a very difficult game, but the challenge in the first 2/3 of the game is extremely fun and fair, and you're properly equipped to handle most of the extremely difficult things the game throws at you. However, the final few stages return to the abusive ways of the old Castlevania games with unfair enemy placements that require memorization and extremely long boss rushes that were just begging to be save scummed. Overall an S tier game in terms of gameplay, atmosphere, and graphics. It's a shame they never utilized the 8-directional whip again, because it seems like a wasted mechanic with regard to future games.

I suck at side scrollers, but this cutesy kid's game was way harder than it had any right being. I've never played more than like, ten minutes of a Mega Man game so I have no real baseline to compare this. The only thing I can say is the final level is extremely punishing because it makes you restart the entire thing, even if you die to the final boss, and the bosses don't have health bars, which is extremely annoying. Overall, a decent time killer and it's funny to see what's possibly Alucard as this deformed, grumpy little vampire prowling the modern day world.