reviewed Batman: Arkham Asylum
yesterday i was watching utube videos and i saw one about spiderman ps4. then im like damn i never played the dlc for that game, thats crazy. i should go buy and play that. Then i remembered i packed up my ps4 cause im moving. Oh thats ok, i think. Now there is a pc version. its pirating time. but then i remembered again that the pc version has the weird new peter face. so I decided to replay this instead. And I've got some stuff to say. Firstly this game kind of sucks but at the same time it is like the industry standard still 20 billion years after its come out and its crazy. Now hold on. Did I just say it sucked? maybe it does suck a little bit. The animations, the flat voice acting, glitchy combat, basic stealth, and especially the story, it's all done better in city. But like I don't care because there's nothing quite like this game. Even games to this day are still copy pasting it and failing ballstacularisly (ghost of tsushima) ((sucks))
maybe it's just the mood ive been in but replaying stuff always just helps me see the flaws more clearly. But on the other hand it also helps me to see the upsides more clearly too. Combat is awesome despite the little hiccups and the atmosphere is untouchable. The riddler's riddles are elementary for a mind like mine but thats ok some of them were pretty fun. I'm really glad I played this when I was little because if i played it now i would've said "i wish i played this game when i was little" games like lego dc supervillains, scribblenauts unmasked, gotham knights, oh man gotham knights. We have to talk about gotham knights don't we. Okay here we go. gotham knights.
Umm. I didn't play it. I did not. I know I said i pre ordered it but I lied. I lie about a lot of things. I think it's funny to lie, i think it's really the only power a person can truly have over another. If you think about it like that when you lie you just change reality for the other person. I walk up to a guy and i tell him my name is Dr Shrimp Puertorico then he will just be like "ok shrimp. my name is billy smith" and he will have no idea that the reality in his head is a fake reality. That's what gotham knights basically is. A big lie. They lied to me by telling me the game would be good. I didn't think the game would be good. I thought it would suck. And as more and more info came out, it was clear to me that it would suck. Which is terrible. I mean what videogame does everyone in the universe want? that's right. a co op arkham game. OK and they set it up after the knightfall protocol in arkham knight. this will be a good continuation of the arkhamverse. BOOM its not in the arkhamverse. Why? because that shitty pooicide squad game is in the arkham verse. Firstly fuck the suicide squad and whoever decided that was the huge new dc thing. It's not. Suicide squad is so lame. I don't want a game where i play as captain fucking boomerang trying to kill superman I WANT TO PLAY AS FUCKIGN SUPERMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! same shit with avengers. you took the blandest, most c tier filled superhero team and just because marvel studios made one good movie now they're the big guys. newsflash pal... Xmen, fantastic 4, fuckin that little team in ultimate spiderman where they went to stop kingpin. u know the ones. spidey, daredevil, moon knight, shang chi, iron fist, dr strange. hell throw punisher in there too why not. They're all cooler than boring lame avengers. For crying out loud avengers has iron man and captain america and thor and black widow and hawkeye. the most bland and boring and lame and fucking lame and boring af guys ever and you put em together? you know whats truly screwed? the 3 actually cool avengers.. hulk, ant man, and the wasp... hulk barely is in the avengers movies and in the new ones hes like a little baby, and ant man and the wasp are like super old in the mcu. WTF? scott and hope are cool but like hank and jan r the guys u care about. whateversauce. What was i talking about? oh how lame suicide squad is. U know what was so terrible about this? they teased suicide squad in arkham origins. They did. And it was for deathstroke. he was gonna be in it. And years later we get rocksteady's suicide squad which they seem to have been forced to make at gunpoint, with a new deadshot, a new harley quinn, and superheroes that were only subtley and (masterfully) hinted at before. U know my theory? The guys who made gotham knights and the guys who made suicide squad swapped projects. Gotham knights was supposed to be a sequel to arkham knight and suicide squad was just supposed to be some co op live service avengers clone. Which it probably is already going to be. my theorem is that because that new THE suicide squad movie came out and was actually not terrible, the warner brothers dickhead investor dudes were like OMG OMFG OMG OMFG OMG WE NEED OUR A TEAM ON THIS and the devs were like umm sir the A team is working on gotham knights which is a high quality very good awesome game where you co op with the batfamily in an open world gotham and the story is good and we built off the already made batfamily movesets from the arkham series and like omg this game is a slam dunk waiting to happen and it didnt happen because why because who knows because i can't have good things because elden ring came out and was good and there can only be one good game per year and this is like some message from god that tells me i need to move on from superheroes and videogames and pay my taxes and my alimony and visit my son and apologize to my ex and stop listening to eminem and get a life. Wel screw you god i'm not doing any of that. You know what im gonna do? you can smite gotham knights into being bad but you can't smite me into somehow not liking arkham city on replay. So who's laughing now? bitch?
Reviewed on Jan 21, 2023