Yakuza 5 is an anthology series.

Episode 1 - Kazuma Kiryu
“Suicidal Pedestrian Kart”
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The citizens of Nagasugai are desperate to die! It is your job to thwart the morbid plans of the populace while lawfully delivering your passengers!


Episode 2 - Taiga Saejima
“Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts: Sapporo Edition feat. Weapon Distribution Santa”
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Eat tripe, learn what a Marten is, and giggle every time Saejima says “Baba-chan”!


Episode 3 - Haruka Sawamura
“Harukatsune Miku”
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Sing and dance as you learn to stand up for yourself, but also repeat things back to authority figures verbatim and follow countless instructions without any error or deviation of any kind!


Episode 4 - Shun Akiyama
“Inept Businessman Simulator: Osaka Expansion”
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Spend very little time establishing a new office because there’s so much DANCING and KICKING to do!


Episode 5 - Tatsuo Shinada
“Brothel Baseball Chocobo Racer”
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Whack balls, race chickens, and write smut to get out of CRIPPLING DEBT!


Episode 6 - All
"Yakuzavengers: Homecoming"
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Probably the most baffling, nonsensical climax of any Yakuza game so far, but that doesn't stop it from being hype!

i had to put aside my biases and play this despite the fact that it's blatantly ripping off lego fortnite's gameplay mechanics. My thoughts? It's really early access. It's less buggy than i'd expect and honestly has more content than i'd thought, but the gameplay loop is honestly pretty lame. The pals automating the work in your camp is a really cool idea and i can see it becoming self sufficient and satisfying lategame, but in terms of being an actual open world pokemon game it leaves some to be desired. Like, sure the designs are good and it's real time combat and its fun and everything, but you don't control the pals. You attack alongside them which is badass but i'm trying to catch this pal so i got him at 1hp and my pal just does the killing blow without me asking. Sometimes the pal won't attack at all. The AI is busted and janky and i'm honestly not sure if they'll stick with this long enough for it to finish early access and become good. I did manage to catch a human in a pokeball which is f#cking hilarious. I named him kenneth awesomepants (after my iconic baldurs gate 3 character) but he did no damage and couldnt do any camp work so ironically he was the mascot. Has potential. Wait til full release.

A cute game full to the brim with cat and dog puns.

My wife and I started playing this co-op on normal difficulty and let me tell you, the difficulty of this game on normal mode does not match the general tone of the game. It doesn't take much to kill you in this game which is surprising because the visuals and writing really makes it feel like a family game. The absolute biggest issue with the difficulty is deaths are pretty unforgiving. When you die you go back to the very beginning of the quest. Not great.

Annoyingly, you can't lower the difficulty after starting the game. Eventually I just reverted to playing it solo which was much easier as the AI-controlled companion has infinite health.

The gameplay itself is OK. World is big with lots to explore but the hacking and slashing got stale pretty quickly.

+ Cute
+ Silly puns (this could also be a con)
+ Good for families

- Difficulty in co-op doesn't match the cute tone
- Terrible checkpoints
- Shallow and repetitive

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Talk to
PSI
Check
Goods
Equip
Status
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Mushroom zombies is the dumbest idea ever. Why ruin the best monster with a mushroom? I can’t take it seriously at all. Mushroom monsters are reserved for Mario. I can’t be scared of a pizza topping. Not only that, but their face looks like pepperoni. OK I guess theyre going with a pizza zombie theme. But then out of nowhere they start making dolphin sounds. OK buddy... I get you're trying to be different from every other zombie thing but the appeal of zombie things is that they could all happen in the same world.

Like oh im passing thru this house and maybe umm idk Ben from night of the living dead was here. Whatever. The spore thing is stupid too and serves no purpose. I dont like "clickers" and the fact that its impossible to melee fight them more than one at a time. I dont like the puzzles all being ladder or plank or wood pallet and i dont like how close the camera is to your character wtf i cant see anything.


and the camera zooms in dramatically every time you do a melee hit and you get less and less situational awareness and it sucks because these mushroom bitches can one shot you if they approach you but i cant see you because im punching this zombie and i can see about 4 milimeters of my 900 inch 4k tv screen not being taken up by joel, the man with the shoulders of me on steroids.

In fact im gonna go on record as to saying I think this may not even be fixed if it was playable with a keyboard and mouse. I'm sorry to everyone who stockholmed themselves into thinking that videogames are playable on controllers but I feel about 60% in control of my character at any given moment.

I couldve pulled off some badass shit if i was allowed to aim and do an input without pressing up left quarter circle l2 at the same time to switch my gun. Even then the melee system still somehow doesnt understand that we figured out targeting with devil may cry 3 and hell probably before that who gives a shit.

Now im using my last melee charge on this baby normal zombie who cant one shot me and oh look the one shot pizza zombies coming here time to do the whole encounter again. FUCK limited melee weapons i hate them with all my heart let me have a knife or something i swear to you i can smash a baseball bat into someone full force and it'd break on the first hit but that's because i'm extremely strong. if someone like joel were to hit a baseball bat into someone you know it would last for a very long time because it's made of strong wood sometimes aluminum or something not plywood.

Seriously i dont get the obsession with having charged up/limited melee attacks in these arkham knockoff stealth games like this and deus ex HR. What a god damn shit show for real. But yeah now for the good parts. This game is really good, i love the story and the graphics, the writing is nice, i insulted the combat a bit earlier but when it works and you're smashing zombie heads into the wall and punching them into pieces it feels amazing.

I love exploring neighborhoods and stuff and looting its very relaxing and nice. I would love to live in a zombie apocalypse IRL i think it'd be very relaxing just like that.

Yeah so... now for the elephant in the room. Yes I know I had this game at one star before. Why did I give it another try?
well aside from not being able to think about anything but walking dead for the past 6 months, I've been curious as to why so many love this game and think its the best ever made.

And yeah I totally get it now. I'm a man, I'm man enough to admit when I was wrong. I've sinned a lot in my life and I've made plenty of mistakes. I shot my brother, I rated encore higher than to pimp a butterfly, I watched Jane die, but nothing.. nothing will compare to the 9 years I have spent thinking and telling others that this game was bad.

And for that ... I apologize. But I'm thinking... does this make me a normie? am I a normie now? am I gonna line up for the next god of war reboot game? oh pls no. I need to play something patrician and niche to fix my reputation. Shit i think its time i pull out god hand.