Far and away the most egregiously misguided attempt at myth-making in games history. This isn't the worst game ever. It's not the weirdest game ever. It is not the 'first American produced visual novel.' Limited Run Games seems content to simply upend truth and provenance to push a valueless narrative. The 'so bad it's good' shtick serves only to lessen the importance of early multimedia CD-ROM software, and drenching it in WordArt and clip art imparts the notion that this digital heritage was low class, low brow, low effort, and altogether primitive.

This repackaging of an overlong workplace sexual harassment/rape joke is altogether uncomfortable at best. Further problematising this, accompanying merch is resplendent with Edward J. Fasulo's bare chest despite him seemingly wanting nothing to do with the project. We've got industry veterans and games historians talking up the importance of digital detritus alongside YouTubers and LRG employees, the latter making the former less credible. We've got a novelisation by Twitter 'comedian' Mike Drucker. We've got skate decks and body pillows and more heaps of plastic garbage for video game 'collectors' to shove on a dusty shelf next to their four colour variants of Jay and Silent Bob Mall Brawl on NES, cum-encrusted Shantae statue, and countless other bits of mass-produced waste that belongs in a landfill. Utterly shameful how we engage with the past.

Since jumping into Starfield on its Gamepass release date, I’ve become even more of a disgusting gremlin than I already was. No longer cognizant of the passage of time, I have let my already unhealthy sleep schedule become positively obliterated. My baby son’s life passed by in the blink of an eye. I spend my days bathed in the sickly light of my television, creeping to the kitchen periodically to get a tasty treat. The only evidence of my wife’s survival is a missing Diet Coke or two from the fridge.

Starfield is not ’No Man’s Skyrim’. It’s actually more like a better version of The Outer Worlds. I have gripes with it that keep it from a top score, like a pretty weak opening, the lack of interior ship customization, repetition of outposts, and the fact that you can’t have a fleet of ships captained by your ai companions… okay, they didn’t necessarily promise that last one but having only one ship out at a time seems like a missed opportunity. While you can’t circumnavigate every planet on foot, many have multiple biomes and topographical features, with plenty of secrets and activities to discover. I ran into a crazy amount of weird side quests just because I took the time to explore and root around on land and in space.

I can only speak to my expectations and experience with the game, but I think this is the most actual roleplaying a Bethesda game has allowed since Morrowind through its skills, quests, and traits. Many of the quests allow multiple routes for completion, with different avenues of play and endings. The central followers all being goodie-two-shoes is another qualm I have, but I usually play the good guy anyway. The main quest isn’t excruciatingly annoying this time around (Have you seen Shaun, my baby… Shaun he’s just a baby, a brand new baby little baby child!), with an ending and New Game+ that serves and a direct answer to me restarting Skyrim 1,000 times over the years.

But I love exploring strange new worlds, constructing spaceships, getting into dogfights, and expanding my crew. In many ways this is a dream come true game for me, far surpassing No Man’s Sky with its inclusion of compelling side quests and narratives, even if I can’t seamlessly fly from a planet to space. Another gripe. But for my worries going into this game and relative displeasure with Bethesda over the past couple years, I was pleasantly surprised to find they had loosened up on me as a player. I’m stoked for The Elder Scrolls VI, because I think they’ll almost certainly resolve some of my complaints just by toning down the physical scale a bit. Not saying it won’t be big, but I don’t think it’ll have 1,000 planets and therefore will probably have less repeated content; I’m glad they tried it here even if I don’t feel it’s right for Elder Scrolls or Fallout.

I have spent too much time away from the game now… the Starfield is speaking to me. I give myself to it. Goodbye.

kind of this weird point of middling jank and very half baked story beats and gameplay mechanics. both of which could’ve been so much more interesting if not glorified jerk off simulator for horny millennials in Europe and Japan. like if this was a two hour long arcade cabinet that you’d find in like a speciality arcade I would vibe w it a lot more. instead it’s like this very middle of the road weird piece of obscure ps2 history that rlly should’ve never been a console game. shame too bc I rlly do like the aesthetics the game is trying to go for w such an intensely low budget, I like the fog and I like the closed in cramped corridors. Chicago has such a cool rich history to it wnd so many very vibey and yeah scary iconography and landmarks that it’s a bit of a shame it just uses all interiors that look like they could be in anywhere in America or the rest of the world. I do like the fog and I do like the anime girls puking up blood and slug monsters, I like the zaka tv logo and I like the flavor text ur rewarded w for finding random items in each level. I do think it takes advantage of the fact that ur a cameraman too, like there’s rlly cool mise en scene going on, stages are almost set up like a diorama for a horror house and I think it’s cool they rlly do allow u to frame other characters in cool and interesting ways, the boom mic guy appearing out from behind a palm tree as he drunkenly rants. it looks good and u get to make it look better if u want. idk how can u not love low texture fast food bag in the style of like in n out that just says FOOD on it and which u can interact w. reminds me of those insurance ads that are poking fun at horror movies, like anything that can go wrong does. but also end of day it’s way too boring for how short it is and also v casually misogynistic which yeah is expected in the genre but just bc it’s expected doesn’t mean it’s excusable. one of my favorite boxarts ever though, both for europe and japan tbh and it sucks that the game doesn’t at all deliver the aesthetics that it promises.

Ok i finally got around to beating it and admittedly it’s pretty good but not amazing.
First it’s super weird that a game inspired by Akira Kurosawa has like maybe 5 good looking cutscenes? The rest are just collections of shots really far away from the characters to hide the lack of facial expressions, removing lots of the emotion which is probably why it took me so long to be interested in story. Also the fact you can’t skip them unless you’re playing new game plus?
I do also have complicated feeling about the gameplay but my feelings on that are mixed if not mostly really positive. It’s just hard to put into words idk.

Yeah i just can't be bothered to finish this. I can atleast understand why someone would find this fun but it's just the complete antithesis of what fallout is to me.

I was willing to go through this with an open mind but it honestly just makes me depressed. Sure i had fun on occasion, most of the companions are pretty cool and probably the high point of the game! clearing areas makes for a fun time. but is that really what I'm looking for in a fallout game? it's not. I really couldn't care less. To me, Bethesda just does not understand what Fallout is. Also I knew this game wasn't for me when i didn't wanna touch base building ever even though it's probably the main selling point.

I don't even wanna go into how bizarre Bethesda's obsession is with designing everything in their fallout games unable to move on from the war even though they're set hundreds of years after, do they not understand the concept of post-post-apocalypse? if you wanna make a post-apocalyptic game that's cool! go for it! but why is a game set after Fallout 1, 2, and New Vegas depicting the world as if the bombs only dropped like a few years ago?

I think the funniest thing about this game, aside from it being obsessed with wanting to tell you its story the way it wants to even though it's not even that good. Is it giving you the ability to get a power armor --the most powerful armor in the series-- and killing a Deathclaw --the most powerful mob in the series-- ...in the first hour of the game. I'll just leave it at that.

I'm sure Far Harbor is cool, and admittedly, it was my main motivation for going through this game, but now I'm honestly just even more soured on how Bethesda handles this series. If only Troika Games got the IP instead.