This review contains spoilers

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

-me during mission 20 after i hit the Fuck You Button

i have never felt an emptiness so comforting, disgust and depression and darkness so effortless in their omniscience. they carved their pneumatics and sonics into my senses, strangling my amygdalae with hooks and barbs of indiscriminate love.
i can only recount my experience in broad, emotional strokes- as if to make sure i never forget the decisive futility of it all, i browsed the final screenshots from my first playthrough as my brain finally caught up to my heart, demanding release. i withered and cried in mourning of people and places who don't exist. i felt cradled and blessed in that moment, and i wasn't sure if i deserved to know such divine clarity.

signalis bore holes deep into my flesh and bone of blackest nightmares, of the loudest louds and a thousand, thousand deaths and rebirths consuming my synapses with the wisdom and light of infinite sorrows, a kindness i fear i will never be able to repay for as long as i live. it is one of the most beautiful pieces of human creation i have ever endured, and its memory will persist long after i am nothing but ash and dust.

This review contains spoilers

i just broke down crying explaining to my dad why watching this giant dragon slowly meandering through the sky and into a lake completely out of nowhere filled me with an acute awareness of my own insignificance and an indiscriminate love and pathos for the natural world and if that doesnt speak to this game's effortlessly ubiquitous beauty then idk what will

this is the single most effective piece of conservative propaganda ever created

Organic life as we know it no longer exists.

The robot marches down cold metal corridors, an abstraction fueling its imperative to maim the maze's residents. Screams and fluids and the clatter of lead fill the halls, sonic companions to its 267bpm Core, threatening to Break the quantifiable limits of its own medium.
Twisted anatomy is reduced to a fine red paste with machine efficiency, its crimson cascade a nourishing reprieve for the automaton. Their demise is merely an overture to the sanguine opera to come, for they are legion.

All of this informs its diegesis, which is to say,

MANKIND IS DEAD
BLOOD IS FUEL
HELL IS FULL.

"ULTRAKILL" (the word, not the game) is a microcosm of itself, a singularity of simulated violence that refuses to be spelled any other way than fully capitalized. It is effortless in its totality, the sum of my words a mere approximation of its true glory. The best thing I can say about ULTRAKILL is that it is ULTRAKILL- brutal, uncompromised, glorious, gratuitous, beautiful.

It belongs in the dictionary.

This review contains spoilers

if i have to give one more second of thought to the body swap in garlemald im going to lose all the moisture in my skin and mummify in real-time

if you played TETRIS ATTACK instead of PANEPON you have been played for an ABSOLUTE FOOL and i shall impress upon you the DEPTH OF YOUR FOLLY

TETRIS ATTACK is for PAWNS and BABIES, UNDERSTUDIES and BIT PLAYERS dancing to the tune of a MADMAN, PERVERSE AND EVIL, the landscape of PEAK 90'S ANIME AESTHETIC EXPUNGED and LEAVENED with LIES by THE FALSE IDOL, YOSHI

will you remain PREY TO HIS AMBITIONS? remain ENSLAVED to a SHAMBLING SHADE OF PERFECTION?

REAL ONES will answer NO

REAL ONES will play PANEPON