I want to grind this game down to a fine powder and snort it

Me: Hmm... I know there's an HD remaster of this game, but I think I wanna check this out on the original system, since it's always held up as a flagship game for the Vita.

Gravity Rush on Vita: SWIPE YOUR FINGER ACROSS THE TOUCHSCREEN TO DODGE ENEMY ATTACKS

If GameFreak thinks they can sell me a "traditional" Pokémon game again after this, they can kiss my ass

Team: Samurott, Arcanine, Toxicroak, Goodra, Electrode, Mismagius

West Side Story but turn-of-the-millennium counterculture cyberpunk. Save the world by spraying the cops and capitalists with graffiti while blasting pirate radio jams, pulling sick tricks, and understanding the concept of love.

They very truly do not make 'em like this anymore, just an all-around miracle of a game.

seeing the moja: oh. not sure about that.

seeing the black locoroco: c'mon guys.

hearing the black locoroco: GUYS

Somehow the exact perfect midpoint between Insomniac's two other prime offerings, Ratchet & Clank and Marvel's Spider-Man, and it definitely feels like a necessary stepping stone for the latter's development in particular.

Has a great aesthetic and soundtrack, but somehow the game just kinda feels undercooked all throughout. Like, this is probably the least polished Insomniac game I've ever played. The moments where the game leans into how stupid and manic and frenetic it all is are where the game truly shines, but in between those moments (usually Insomniac's trademark Mega Set Pieces and Absurd Corporate Satire), the game is strangely... I wanna say "rizzless"? Despite being ostensibly My Shit, it never fully clicked with me.

Yuri Lowenthal was basically carrying this game on his shoulders too: without his charismatic performance, I would find it hard to care at all about anything narrative-wise. Don't think I'll be able to name a single memorable character from this in about a week. I will certainly remember the bizarre surprise celebrity cameo that occurs near the end of the game for seemingly no reason, though.

Anyway, don't mythologize this one like I did due to its elusive platform exclusivity: it's entirely skippable.

aka Metal Gear: Ghost Babel

This getting branded as "Metal Gear Solid" outside of Japan was a massive disservice, as this is not simply a ported/demake'd MGS1. Sure, it's heavily inspired by MGS1 gameplay-wise, but Ghost Babel is a totally unique and strange alternate-universe sequel to the original Metal Gear. Even more bizarre is how much future games seem to pull directly from Ghost Babel. The narrative is, shockingly, a proto-MGSV in a lot of ways with the subplot of Viper (a venomous snake, if you will) and his crusade of vengeance against FOXHOUND. There's even straight up [REDACTED] in this game, whereas MGSV held back and wouldn't go all the way despite the themes. Some of MGS3's narrative and best moments are taken right out of this game, too. And the post-game special VR missions are just straight up Raiden's VR training alluded to in MGS2, that's not even up for debate - the missions are literally conducted by one of the Patriot AIs! It's impressive how overlooked Ghost Babel is in the Metal Gear series history given all that.

Overall, this is a delightful experience: the visuals are oozing with charm (that codec screen is just eye candy to me), and the gameplay is that classic Metal Gear 2 top-down goodness. It's retro in all the right ways if you ask me, and it doesn't overstay its welcome. Metal Gear fans owe it to themselves to check this one out - just play it with save states to bypass some of the frustrating padding introduced in the last few levels.

🐍📦

Add this right next to Skyward Sword on the list of games most people hate because of the control scheme that I somehow had zero issues with and actually found quite enjoyable

Remedy has to stop giving all their "good stories but half-baked gameplay" IPs to Microsoft because this game is just begging for an Alan Wake 2-tier sequel. There are a few moments where the otherwise standard (but very well-written) time travel plot veers ever so briefly into rad as hell territory, but those aspects of the narrative never get their proper moment in the sun and are largely left for us to speculate about. I would love to see what Sam Lake and his merry band of madlads cook up with those concepts now that the foundation of this world has been firmly established, but alas, Quantum Break is likely locked up in the Recycle Bin alongside Internet Explorer for the foreseeable future. Ah well, at least we've got legally distinct Tim(e) Breaker and Warlin Door now.

I'd give this a solid "check it out" even if I can only muster to rate it "good", because there's a wonderful sense of ambition on display here. Like, love it or hate it, you're not gonna find another game that plays full, live-action TV show episodes with dynamic content based on decisions you made in the gameplay segments in between its narrative chapters. Most people would call that very concept absurd just due to simple logistics, but Remedy will not be dissuaded by such mundane troubles. Sure, the episodes are shot like the digital display ads you might find in a dentist's office between fillings, but goddamn I'll give them props for going for it all the same.

Of course, it helps that Lance Reddick brings his best to every scene he's in, because that's just how he rolls. Rest in peace, man - gone too soon for real.

I grew up in the middle of full-fledged Pokémania collecting binders upon binders full of the trading cards, but I never actually played the Pokémon TCG - me and my friends just could never grasp the mechanics, really. So, it's wild to be falling in love with the 1996 Pokémon TCG in 2023.

As an RPG, it leaves a lot to be desired, but gameplay-wise, this is a straight up deck building roguelike card game. You go around playing your deck(s) against dozens and dozens of others to collect booster packs, which you can then use to re-tool your deck(s) to be even more busted than you previously thought possible. You challenge club masters (think: gym leaders) and collect medals (think: gym badges) in any order you choose and eventually earn the right to take on the grand masters (think: elite four). Not a single frill to be found here, just pure, unfiltered, jank-as-hell gen 1 TCG goodness. I'd go fuckin feral for a modern version of this, ngl.

Main deck drivers: Venusaur x3, Koffing x2, Kangaskhan x2

katamari damacy for those of us with terminal twitter brain 🦝

This game came as a complete system shock. About an hour from here is a town with a name that's a barely disguised synonym for "Possum Springs", and I may or may not have lived in the real life analogs for both "Hunwick" and "Bright Harbor". So, you can imagine my surprise when starting this up and seeing so many deeply familiar things appear on screen. Here we go, Smelters, am I right?

Night in the Woods completely nails the sense of ennui I feel only more strongly with every subsequent visit to my hometown since moving out: things are recognizable on the surface, but underneath have been weathered by the passage of time. Favorite hangout spots and local businesses replaced by big corporate brands, institutions once newly built now fallen into disrepair, the childhood homes of friends under new ownership as everyone has gradually moved away to start their own families - and a feeling of "stuckness" in everyone who still remains. You can really sense that this game was written by someone who lived this, by someone who feels this ennui in the very stardust that makes up their atoms.

Based on that alone, I was destined to connect with this game. The fact that it's also heavily inspired by Twin Peaks and features a boldly unique art direction paired with a bangin' soundtrack slots Night in the Woods comfortably into the realm of "totally my shit". Beyond that though, everything about this game lives up to its hype as an indie darling and I simply cannot recommend it enough - especially if you've ever felt the crushing weight of living in a former labor union town well past its prime.

gregg rulz ok

Something about the physics in this game just broke my brain: Mario is too slow, yet he jumps way higher than you'd expect. But there are little Jason Voorhees Goomba dudes in some levels so like, there's merit to this whole endeavor. Worth a look simply for how bizarre the game is, really. Seriously, one of the first levels in the Tree Zone makes you go left as part of the primary path.

Endlessly charming and impressively animated, but ultimately feels like a missed opportunity: what I hoped was an exploration-focused adventure through a haunted hotel felt more like a linear cruise through a harmless theme park. Still worth a look for the gorgeous visuals and an instant recommendation for younger gamers, but if you're like me, hoping that LM3 will recapture some of the magic of the original Luigi's Mansion, then it might be time to lay this series to rest.

I love this game but we really need to move on as a species