base game review CONTENT WARNING: its not as fun as present daeam maeam reviews. apologies to all present daeam maeam review fans. i will be giving out drink coasters to commemorate how far we have come in the parking lot after the show, so make sure you stick around!
pizza tower: the noise update. ← (this is just my opinion so quite literally speaking you can’t even be mad at me like im not kidding like you can’t). i feel like i’ve seen this sentiment from a few other people as well, but holy shit it’s quite possible i had more fun with this yellow lump of funk we call the noise than our very own pasta-ful pizza man peppino (🍕) spaghetti (🍝) !!
what i find to be so impressive about Pizza Tower 3 & Noiseckles (2024) is how it transforms the already fantastic base game into a new gameplay experience while still keeping all of the same levels and general “flow” of the player character’s movement. it really says a lot about how solid pizza tower’s level design is that it can accommodate a character with different mechanics while feeling like the levels were made actually for the noise rather than peppino. i genuinely think i attained a higher level of shmoovenlightenment with yellow fuckface than sauceguy. all of the noise’s movement mechanics satisfy the same needs as peppino’s in order to have the levels be playable (and playable well, mind you):
- the skamtebord kicks off of the wall are different enough from peppino’s wallrun to make you rethink how you should approach vertical impasses that are vertically impassing your improgress
- peppibozo’s dive has morphed into a twisty thang i like to call “the noise does a little spin and its awesome?” and um… it’s kinda awesome? seriously, using the drill spin whatever the fuck is overwhelmingly satisfying and its downright erotic how i be pressing that button on my little controller to make him do his little twirls. groove city :groove_city_emoji:
- transformations are spiced up a bit too!! 🎉party popper emoji! they’re still one-hundred percent dripping with the same essence as the pizza boy’s variants, and although i don’t like all of them (the gun feels a bit jank, for example) they’re still extremely solid on the whole
- i really fucking miss brick though. i miss brick. where the fuck is brick. you could have kept brick. i would have been happy to see brick. bring brick back. while it is neat to be like “waow, the noise is so cool you don’t even NEED to play as gustavo and brick right now” it more of felt like the game was actively spitting in the face of old mechanics rather than offering a cool new noisetastic spin on things. one more for good measure: brick
HOWEVER!! due to the fact that this is by and large just a new character plopped down into the same environments, my original issues with some of the pizza tower stages still exist. pretty much anything that acts as a barrier to speed unnecessarily sucks. i think ladders are kinda boring? yeah i don’t like ladders. anyways, when i got to the level peppibot factory in slum, i literally thought it was a brand-new level. i did not remember that shit at all, and even now, even though i finished it the day i’m writing this, i STILL do not remember that level. they can’t all be winners. most of them are fucking stellar, tho. bad news pizza tower fans! GOLF STILL EXISTS !! LMFAOOOO FUCK YOU GOLF WHERE ARE MY GOLF HATERS AT!!!!
now, dear reader, you may be wondering: “mae, can you please look at me with a straight face and say ‘golf is a stupid fucking level that makes me sad’” and as a matter of fact, no, i can’t! it’s pride month, i gotta say it with my bisexual face. i guess you could say golf is a subpar level (hehe) and while yeah i love me some gimmicks–gimmicks are fun, they make me feel more whole–only SICK FUCKS enjoy stopping the bone-throttling speeeeed that pizza tower has to offer to punch a stupid fucking “greaseball” into a baskingball hoop. (editor’s note: hey… it’s okay if you like the level GOLF from pizza tower. we can still play toys.)
anyways, i think i may have gotten minorly derailed there with something. all-in-all, i think that Pizza Tower: The Pizza Tower: The Noise Update Featuring The Pizza Tower’s The Noise Update For Pizza Tower Starring The Noise From Pizza Tower (2024) is a fan-fuckin-tastic update to an absolutely excellent game. there’s an absurdly high level of quality–and it’s free (pizza tower base game not included)! the art continues to be delightful and juicy and also ugly but still like delightful and juicy and also actually beautiful. gosh i wanna look at the noise getting beaten to fucking death on loop for twelve hours. please @ me the noise, let me watch you get beaten to fuckign death on loop for twelve hours. the little stickers which i assume were made by the community of the noise that get plastered onto the stage-start art are lovely. great stuff. this certainly isn’t an experience that could make you like pizza tower if you didn’t already, but also why would it? it really made me FEEL like the noise, and if you enjoy playing as pepperino peppibo from pizza tower, i bet your britches and a half that you might just enjoy yourself some pizza tower the noise update. out now on yellow-ray and DVCheese.
hi, welcome to the parking lot after the show.
here’s your drink coaster lol
pizza tower: the noise update. ← (this is just my opinion so quite literally speaking you can’t even be mad at me like im not kidding like you can’t). i feel like i’ve seen this sentiment from a few other people as well, but holy shit it’s quite possible i had more fun with this yellow lump of funk we call the noise than our very own pasta-ful pizza man peppino (🍕) spaghetti (🍝) !!
what i find to be so impressive about Pizza Tower 3 & Noiseckles (2024) is how it transforms the already fantastic base game into a new gameplay experience while still keeping all of the same levels and general “flow” of the player character’s movement. it really says a lot about how solid pizza tower’s level design is that it can accommodate a character with different mechanics while feeling like the levels were made actually for the noise rather than peppino. i genuinely think i attained a higher level of shmoovenlightenment with yellow fuckface than sauceguy. all of the noise’s movement mechanics satisfy the same needs as peppino’s in order to have the levels be playable (and playable well, mind you):
- the skamtebord kicks off of the wall are different enough from peppino’s wallrun to make you rethink how you should approach vertical impasses that are vertically impassing your improgress
- peppibozo’s dive has morphed into a twisty thang i like to call “the noise does a little spin and its awesome?” and um… it’s kinda awesome? seriously, using the drill spin whatever the fuck is overwhelmingly satisfying and its downright erotic how i be pressing that button on my little controller to make him do his little twirls. groove city :groove_city_emoji:
- transformations are spiced up a bit too!! 🎉party popper emoji! they’re still one-hundred percent dripping with the same essence as the pizza boy’s variants, and although i don’t like all of them (the gun feels a bit jank, for example) they’re still extremely solid on the whole
- i really fucking miss brick though. i miss brick. where the fuck is brick. you could have kept brick. i would have been happy to see brick. bring brick back. while it is neat to be like “waow, the noise is so cool you don’t even NEED to play as gustavo and brick right now” it more of felt like the game was actively spitting in the face of old mechanics rather than offering a cool new noisetastic spin on things. one more for good measure: brick
HOWEVER!! due to the fact that this is by and large just a new character plopped down into the same environments, my original issues with some of the pizza tower stages still exist. pretty much anything that acts as a barrier to speed unnecessarily sucks. i think ladders are kinda boring? yeah i don’t like ladders. anyways, when i got to the level peppibot factory in slum, i literally thought it was a brand-new level. i did not remember that shit at all, and even now, even though i finished it the day i’m writing this, i STILL do not remember that level. they can’t all be winners. most of them are fucking stellar, tho. bad news pizza tower fans! GOLF STILL EXISTS !! LMFAOOOO FUCK YOU GOLF WHERE ARE MY GOLF HATERS AT!!!!
now, dear reader, you may be wondering: “mae, can you please look at me with a straight face and say ‘golf is a stupid fucking level that makes me sad’” and as a matter of fact, no, i can’t! it’s pride month, i gotta say it with my bisexual face. i guess you could say golf is a subpar level (hehe) and while yeah i love me some gimmicks–gimmicks are fun, they make me feel more whole–only SICK FUCKS enjoy stopping the bone-throttling speeeeed that pizza tower has to offer to punch a stupid fucking “greaseball” into a baskingball hoop. (editor’s note: hey… it’s okay if you like the level GOLF from pizza tower. we can still play toys.)
anyways, i think i may have gotten minorly derailed there with something. all-in-all, i think that Pizza Tower: The Pizza Tower: The Noise Update Featuring The Pizza Tower’s The Noise Update For Pizza Tower Starring The Noise From Pizza Tower (2024) is a fan-fuckin-tastic update to an absolutely excellent game. there’s an absurdly high level of quality–and it’s free (pizza tower base game not included)! the art continues to be delightful and juicy and also ugly but still like delightful and juicy and also actually beautiful. gosh i wanna look at the noise getting beaten to fucking death on loop for twelve hours. please @ me the noise, let me watch you get beaten to fuckign death on loop for twelve hours. the little stickers which i assume were made by the community of the noise that get plastered onto the stage-start art are lovely. great stuff. this certainly isn’t an experience that could make you like pizza tower if you didn’t already, but also why would it? it really made me FEEL like the noise, and if you enjoy playing as pepperino peppibo from pizza tower, i bet your britches and a half that you might just enjoy yourself some pizza tower the noise update. out now on yellow-ray and DVCheese.
hi, welcome to the parking lot after the show.
here’s your drink coaster lol