This review contains spoilers
Right away, I'm grabbin' a half pint of mead and a shitty mix of medicine and a stone some demon says is 'Life Stone' and already I'm practically broke.
I use the shawty on my ipad to call up my boys Walter and Jonathan and they show up with more Life Stones and also we got some bread or whatever and we all took a bite each and it's great I don't give a fuck.
We all walk over to my boy The Baker's house, and he's got this hustle going where he reads books or some shit, and then moves bread for Walter up in the Casualrities' quarter, then keeps fuckin' talking about books and literature and shit before making the delivery.
I decide to ride with them out to my old neighborhood after seeing it's on fire and I'm thinking, this fuckin' ipad lady is probably gonna read me the riot act when I get there and do the main quest, but until she does, fuck it, I'm celebrating.
At my home crib, Jonathan gets 20 macca in quarters and we just fucking take over this corner with a healspot like it's our fuckin' office, and every once in a while some demon'll show up and we'll bust his ass.
At some point, my buddy Issachar shows up, and he's all tweaked out and he's got this demon pill with him and he's bragging how it's filled with power and how he just fuckin' burned the entire village we grew up in. But fuck! This is when the EXP kicks in and I'm not following him, y'know.
The next thing we know, the fuckin' black samurai show up, Walter grabs me and we just fucking book it into a forest lot and I remember thinkin' I could run 20 miles straight. So we're followin' the black samurai and it's fuckin' freezing and she leads us into this fuckin' forest glen and I don't know what the fuck is goin' on.
The black samurai gets some hot chicks and we all get too horny to focus, and that weirdo freak who reads manga pulls us out of there while I'm riding a good hard wet dream because the demon babes made us fall asleep while we were horny, and I'm all fucked up and Walter and Jonathan leave my party for some reason, and literally the next thing I know I'm runnin' around with them again in Naraku climbing down this fucking tower I don't understand. The climb takes forever and this fucking Minotaur keeps trying to talk to me and I try to tell him I need some peace and quiet or I'm gonna fucking throw up. Once we get him down to 30% health, he starts copping an attitude with me, like he thinks we're just some fucking JRPG kids. I tell him to chill the fuck out and he starts buffing and then I start buffing too.
(The intro dream sequence is cooler than anything else in the game.)
I use the shawty on my ipad to call up my boys Walter and Jonathan and they show up with more Life Stones and also we got some bread or whatever and we all took a bite each and it's great I don't give a fuck.
We all walk over to my boy The Baker's house, and he's got this hustle going where he reads books or some shit, and then moves bread for Walter up in the Casualrities' quarter, then keeps fuckin' talking about books and literature and shit before making the delivery.
I decide to ride with them out to my old neighborhood after seeing it's on fire and I'm thinking, this fuckin' ipad lady is probably gonna read me the riot act when I get there and do the main quest, but until she does, fuck it, I'm celebrating.
At my home crib, Jonathan gets 20 macca in quarters and we just fucking take over this corner with a healspot like it's our fuckin' office, and every once in a while some demon'll show up and we'll bust his ass.
At some point, my buddy Issachar shows up, and he's all tweaked out and he's got this demon pill with him and he's bragging how it's filled with power and how he just fuckin' burned the entire village we grew up in. But fuck! This is when the EXP kicks in and I'm not following him, y'know.
The next thing we know, the fuckin' black samurai show up, Walter grabs me and we just fucking book it into a forest lot and I remember thinkin' I could run 20 miles straight. So we're followin' the black samurai and it's fuckin' freezing and she leads us into this fuckin' forest glen and I don't know what the fuck is goin' on.
The black samurai gets some hot chicks and we all get too horny to focus, and that weirdo freak who reads manga pulls us out of there while I'm riding a good hard wet dream because the demon babes made us fall asleep while we were horny, and I'm all fucked up and Walter and Jonathan leave my party for some reason, and literally the next thing I know I'm runnin' around with them again in Naraku climbing down this fucking tower I don't understand. The climb takes forever and this fucking Minotaur keeps trying to talk to me and I try to tell him I need some peace and quiet or I'm gonna fucking throw up. Once we get him down to 30% health, he starts copping an attitude with me, like he thinks we're just some fucking JRPG kids. I tell him to chill the fuck out and he starts buffing and then I start buffing too.
(The intro dream sequence is cooler than anything else in the game.)