The least fun game ever made, full stop. It is astounding that anyone alive and with a pulse and oxygen going to their brain ever thought that anyone would ever have a good time playing this. A reskin of a Japanese-only game where you have to do chores, but only if you can figure out non-hints from your annoying family. And then, since there’s not much of a game after that, you just go and fight ninjas.

It’s easy to take Mario for granted, and think that it’s just as easy to create a good mascot for your system, until you remember how absolutely fucked it was for early Sega. I still can’t believe that they went through this kid and a cute spaceship with wings and feet before they finally just landed on a blue rodent who can run fast. It boggles the mind even more when you realize that Alex Kidd in Miracle World was a pretty fun game, and all they had to do was that, again, and they couldn’t even do that. Hey guys! How about a platformer in a neat fantasy world where you punch baddies with big fists and ride a bunch of neat vehicles? Maybe try making another one of those?!?!??!!