Well, fuck me for thinking this was just "weird Gradius, but not quite weirder than Parodius." Neither did I ever think that the cute winged spaceship was going to have deep father issues to start and suffer from psychological trauma by the game's end, nor in a billion years did I ever expect a fifteen-minute shooter released in 1986 to have big things to say about the pitfalls of adopting commodity currency vs. fiat.
It's also wild that this thing was almost the official Sega mascot by that much. Can you imagine a weird alternate reality where instead of Sonic, Mario competed with the likes of a cute spaceship with legs for dominance in the hearts and minds of nineties videogame-playing boys all over the world? Imagine it in all the Sega and Mario olympics games, imagine it in Tokyo 2020 with its little feet puttering across the track trying to get to the finish line like the little engine that could. But I mean I get it, in the end Sonic is just better fodder for deviantart sickos. Try as they might, one simply cannot jerk off to Opa-Opa.
It's also wild that this thing was almost the official Sega mascot by that much. Can you imagine a weird alternate reality where instead of Sonic, Mario competed with the likes of a cute spaceship with legs for dominance in the hearts and minds of nineties videogame-playing boys all over the world? Imagine it in all the Sega and Mario olympics games, imagine it in Tokyo 2020 with its little feet puttering across the track trying to get to the finish line like the little engine that could. But I mean I get it, in the end Sonic is just better fodder for deviantart sickos. Try as they might, one simply cannot jerk off to Opa-Opa.