This game FUCKS, YOU'RE ALL WRONG
One of the best gameplay formulas in gaming history JACKED UP by the power of next gen, the SPRAWLING level designs are PACKED with creative platforming sequences and secret areas. LEAPING ACROSS T-REX FOSSILS BEFORE PARAGLIDING THROUGH SNAKING CAVE SYSTEMS. HOPPING ACROSS ROCKS GLISTENING IN THE GUSHING RAVINES OF FEUDAL JAPAN'S GRAND CHASMS. SLIDING ACROSS TRAIN TRACKS AS A 19TH CENTURY LOCOMOTIVE SWERVES AROUND THE CORNER BEHIND YOU. The scope is HUGE, who the FUCK told you this game was bad LET'S FUCKING GO
Enhanced by the ancestors and costumes. The worst thing about the Sly series is that it has INCREDIBLE platforming and CAPTIVATING characters... surrounded by the most dogshit minigame compilation you've ever seen. This game IMPROVES that, with much of the variety now stemming from these.
They keep the same core gameplay as Sly but with enough tweaks and changes to offer unique challenges; third person shooting, 2D platformer segments, some of Sly's moves but with different physics. They're EXTENSIONS of the core movement-focused gameplay rather than DISTRACTIONS FROM it, FUCKING fire... so anyway here's MOTION CONTROLS AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
YA BLEW IT, WHAT THE FUCK. Control the most jacked caveman ever fossiled but UH OH, this loggy woggy is HEAVY WEVVY, to lift it tilt the controller left WEEEEE tilt the controller right WEEEEE tilt the controller le- EAT SHIT. Zonks, this door is sealed shut, guess it can only be fixed by TILTING A BALL THROUGH A MAZE, DON'T FALL OFF THE EDGES HAHA ROLLY POLY DOOPSY POOPSY. Shake Carmelita's ass. I'm serious, IN THIS GAME FOR 7 YEAR OLDS THERE'S A SEQUENCE WHERE CARMELITA GIVES A LAP DANCE, SHAKE THE CONTROLLER TO SHAKE HER ASSHOLE. "Mummy, what's that on my PS Vita screen?" "Oh nothing Eduardo, it's just LABIA"
The writing, WHAT THE FUCK WHY. This suave, quick witted rogue is now a BELLEND, moping whenever the girlfriend he lied to calls him out on his bullshit then busting out the corniest puns I've heard since my racist uncle was exiled from the family. MURRAY. LOUD. ALL THE TIME. HE'S LOUD LAUGH COME ON. PENELOPE, what the FUCK. Turning this SWEETHEART of a bb grill into EVIL BECAUSE MONEY.
"B-but she was Black Baron, Black Baron evil she was a bitch" YEAH because she was 1) alone in the world and 2) was fighting for survival, she had to use every trick she could. NOW SHE'S GETTING DICKED DAILY SURROUNDED BY PILES OF GOLD, BULLSHIT ASS
Overall though, the game SLAPS eat my SixAxis controlled ass
One of the best gameplay formulas in gaming history JACKED UP by the power of next gen, the SPRAWLING level designs are PACKED with creative platforming sequences and secret areas. LEAPING ACROSS T-REX FOSSILS BEFORE PARAGLIDING THROUGH SNAKING CAVE SYSTEMS. HOPPING ACROSS ROCKS GLISTENING IN THE GUSHING RAVINES OF FEUDAL JAPAN'S GRAND CHASMS. SLIDING ACROSS TRAIN TRACKS AS A 19TH CENTURY LOCOMOTIVE SWERVES AROUND THE CORNER BEHIND YOU. The scope is HUGE, who the FUCK told you this game was bad LET'S FUCKING GO
Enhanced by the ancestors and costumes. The worst thing about the Sly series is that it has INCREDIBLE platforming and CAPTIVATING characters... surrounded by the most dogshit minigame compilation you've ever seen. This game IMPROVES that, with much of the variety now stemming from these.
They keep the same core gameplay as Sly but with enough tweaks and changes to offer unique challenges; third person shooting, 2D platformer segments, some of Sly's moves but with different physics. They're EXTENSIONS of the core movement-focused gameplay rather than DISTRACTIONS FROM it, FUCKING fire... so anyway here's MOTION CONTROLS AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
YA BLEW IT, WHAT THE FUCK. Control the most jacked caveman ever fossiled but UH OH, this loggy woggy is HEAVY WEVVY, to lift it tilt the controller left WEEEEE tilt the controller right WEEEEE tilt the controller le- EAT SHIT. Zonks, this door is sealed shut, guess it can only be fixed by TILTING A BALL THROUGH A MAZE, DON'T FALL OFF THE EDGES HAHA ROLLY POLY DOOPSY POOPSY. Shake Carmelita's ass. I'm serious, IN THIS GAME FOR 7 YEAR OLDS THERE'S A SEQUENCE WHERE CARMELITA GIVES A LAP DANCE, SHAKE THE CONTROLLER TO SHAKE HER ASSHOLE. "Mummy, what's that on my PS Vita screen?" "Oh nothing Eduardo, it's just LABIA"
The writing, WHAT THE FUCK WHY. This suave, quick witted rogue is now a BELLEND, moping whenever the girlfriend he lied to calls him out on his bullshit then busting out the corniest puns I've heard since my racist uncle was exiled from the family. MURRAY. LOUD. ALL THE TIME. HE'S LOUD LAUGH COME ON. PENELOPE, what the FUCK. Turning this SWEETHEART of a bb grill into EVIL BECAUSE MONEY.
"B-but she was Black Baron, Black Baron evil she was a bitch" YEAH because she was 1) alone in the world and 2) was fighting for survival, she had to use every trick she could. NOW SHE'S GETTING DICKED DAILY SURROUNDED BY PILES OF GOLD, BULLSHIT ASS
Overall though, the game SLAPS eat my SixAxis controlled ass