You know, I don’t think I’ve ever actually completed a Sonic game before? The blue blur and I actually go way back. Which, lol, I say that as if i wasn’t a child born in 1997. Though, I think, actually, in a time where my family was not one to get many new games, I think ‘Sonic X’ might actually be my first worthwhile run in with the wee hog. Memories of being sat in front of a modest TV in the living room of the two-bed apartment we lived in for but a year; an episode in which Sonic and friends must finally leave the world of humans. It was a sad episode that I don’t remember the ending of, because I had a complete meltdown at the idea of the show ending and started bawling. I cried a lot as a kid and most of my very vivid memories before puberty are moments where I cried. Through all those years, though, Sonic the Hedgehog was there.

I have played the very first game, ages ago, thanks to a Sega Genesis plug-‘n’-play device that had the first Sonic along with other Sega classics that would enamor me much less than the little woodland boy. Sonic Adventure 2: Battle would be my first Gamecube game, along with some others, though I didn’t really know how memory cards worked back when I first had the Gamecube. So, I would never bolster a significant playthrough in that game until much later, but my brother and I would have many bouts in the titular battle mode. Sonic Rush was actually my first game on the Nintendo DS, a game I would opt to get instead of Pokémon Pearl Version!!! Although at this point I was much deeper into the video game paint, I still could not crack the later levels of ‘Rush’, and haven’t to this day.

I would even spring for getting Sonic Advance 3, secondhand, probably pre-owned from GameStop for an actually reasonable price. A game I liked so much that I would make a YouTube video on it, inspired by the (mostly soiled) group of AVGN copycats that ruled the internet in the mid-2010s. Of course, because I circled the orbit of that era of YouTube, I also was deep into classic gaming takes, such as “2D Sonic games are the only good ones,” or, “actually there is not really a single good Sonic game at all.” I mostly went along with certain consensus such as those when I was a kid, I feel like a lot of people just kind of went along with what other people were saying about most games, let alone Sonic. This series has been one ruled by narratives and discourse, especially, and it’s one that really makes me feel like nobody is ever correct. People are either pouring out love for something that I don’t get or shitting on something and completely writing it off out of nowhere.

‘Generations’ feels like a response to the discourse. “Fine, you want 2D Sonic? Here it is! Look, here are some beloved levels, remixed, and the 3D Sonic fans get something, but also the 3D levels will also have 2D sections because we really don’t have any confidence to stand beside anything we were doing the last decade, I guess.” Back then, I was on board because, despite not really playing a whole lot of different Sonic games, myself, I still felt like this nostalgia trip was also my own, as well, even though back when I first played this game I only really recognized a few levels. As a kid, I was playing this on Xbox 360 back around when it came out and, guess what, I didn’t beat it back then. I’ve had this game on Steam for a handful of years and have barely touched it, so I thought I’d give it a go, what with the new rendition coming out this year. Which, I must say, it is pretty hilarious to release what is essentially DLC for ‘Generations’ instead of remastering any of the titles still trapped on the Wii or ‘Unleashed’, even.

Though, maybe this game needs it because, well, I didn’t really like it. Before I get into specifics, I will say, the PC port drove me mad. Had to really mess around and look up on forums what proper configurations would make the game stutter less and even after that, I still had so many instances where the game would stop for five seconds, sometimes, and I’d have to hope I could time my next input well for when the game resumed. It wasn’t until I got to Planet Wisp that the game had a coniption during Act I, when I tried to use the wisp ability for the first time. I had to force restart my computer because the game wouldn’t alt-tab away. Having a seperate program installed in order to configure graphics and fucking controls(?!), too, it’s a little funny that this port is still so archaic since it’s basically the only way to play this that’s not secondhand. Not for the faint of heart (people with older computers).

Besides all that, I mean, this game still has so much jank. It gets worse as the levels go on, funny enough, as the timeline of Sonic games gets deeper into its 3D era, this game’s levels start to feel more and more exhausting and torturous, as well. A wonderful parallel, truly. A lot of deaths that happened to me can be attributed to this design flaw in the homing attack. Especially when looking top-down, it’s hard to tell if Sonic’s got his feet fully-planted on the ground before you jump again. If you’re a pixel too high off the platform, pressing ‘A’ again to jump will activate the homing attack and send you flying. Doesn’t exactly attribute itself to speedy gameplay if I have to be more cautious, and this feels like something that could’ve been fixed by designing a little more lee-way for what the game considers to be an airborne Sonic.

There are a couple good levels here. But, like, a couple. Rooftop Run was really fun and then it’s so funny because the Planet Wisp level is maybe the worst advertisement for Sonic Colors they could’ve possibly made. The challenges that you have to do at least a handful of to unlock bosses can go fuck themselves. Somehow the lord our god waived his hand over the developers of this game and only made one challenge per zone required, but even then, give me a break. These challenges are exactly the kind of thing a developer has trouble making consistently interesting and engaging so you get near the end and they all feel…strange, because they’re really half-assed. The rival bosses are cute but they mostly drove me nuts. All of the bosses have at least a moment that made me feel insane, but then the final boss you barely have to think at all there’s no creativity to using two sonics at the same time at all, and that made me feel insane. The rival bosses are all about going fast and catching up the your rival to attack them and there are sometimes where you feel like that’s impossible because of some phantom force in the game’s scripting that’s acting against you despite everything.

That’s what playing a Sonic game always felt like, to me, really. Trying to force something in a game that doesn’t want the best for you. There’s always some weird bug or glitch or design flaw that makes you die for no reason, even when you’re flying high it’s only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down. Even when it does, though, Sonic has a huge safety net to fall on: nostalgia and legacy. Everyone has a Sonic game they haven’t actually played in years but says is good, but all Sonic games are bad except that one that’s actually good because I remember it fondly, and the next Sonic game coming up actually looks good until it comes out and then it’s a step in the right direction until it’s bad like all the other ones except for that one I like that the next game just has to replicate and then Sonic will be good again.