kingdom hearts has a reputation that precedes itself. for as many fans and diehards of the series that you could find, i could show you an equal amount of detractors and otherwise "the series stopped being good after II" ex-fans. i've always found myself to be a mix of both camps, but admittedly more of the latter. i haven't played every KH game, but i've played enough to get a feel that the series really did have a natural conclusion with II and, outside of the teasers for sequels, didn't have anywhere to go with its characters. keep in mind that i don't even particularly like II.
if anything, i've always seen myself a prisoner of kingdom hearts in that the first game in the series is a perfectly self-contained story that has never truly needed sequels and could stand perfectly on its own. it helps that the game is a microcosm of how square was slowly inching its way towards experimentation, as we'd later see with games like FFXII. this isn't my first exposure to final mix, as i played the PS3 version around 7 years ago. but, it's been a while since i revisited this game with fresh eyes and a willingness to really critically examine it as both a game and a narrative. i've always sort of taken for granted that this is one of my favorite games of all time, and thus the critical thought sort of just turns off when i think back on my experiences with kingdom hearts. i'm pleased to report that this game does hold up, just not quite in the way i was expecting or even wanting.
i started up this game about a week ago going with a staff build on proud mode and had maybe one of the most unpleasant experiences with a kingdom hearts game i've ever had. i went staff because, by endgame, it's objectively the best stat-wise, and had always wanted to try it out. in this decision, i discovered one of the worst shortcomings of this game: this is not an action game. sure, it masquerades as one, but it does not feel satisfying to play as an action game in the way that later entries do. the FOV you get with this game's camera is truly lacking if you're playing this as a "any damage you take could've been dodged" type action game. further, guard is a practically necessary skill to make the most of this game's combat, which is a huge issue considering it has a variable arrival time for players. scan is also something borderline required to make accurate assessments about enemy health and damage management, and it also has the same fate as guard.
so in this staff playthrough, i hit a lot of brick walls. sure, offensive magic is good, but even when it's boosted, bosses will hard wall you a lot in damage mitigation. do i know now that you should be grabbing thunder early so you can trivialize trickmaster? of course. but fighting him with the staff build and having nothing but fire, blizzard, and wimpy kingdom key's stats is agony, especially if you consistently try to dodge his projectiles (remember: you do not get guard until much later in a staff playthrough). kingdom hearts' greatest failing is that it has the seeds of good action game combat, but it utterly drops the ball on making it both cathartic and achievable for most of the runtime. by endgame, you will be having a better time, but, speaking from personal experience, it's a harrowing and tedious journey to get there.
i got to the end of neverland and i decided something must be wrong with me. this isn't the game i remember. i'm not having the fun time i usually do with this game. to say that kingdom hearts was a cornerstone of my childhood as a gamer would feel like an overstatement, but it would also be a completely accurate statement. revisiting this and having such a dogshit time was giving me, unironically, a bit of an identity crisis. so, i decided to see if it was just me. i dumped that playthrough, and i started over this time as a shield build with a bigger emphasis on item usage and less on damage mitigation.
and you know what?
it fucked. i was back in.
i won't go too deeply into why shield is my preferred way of playing the game, but the shortlist is that you get guard early and defense is a much more vital stat than offense in earlygame. this was my kingdom hearts! this was the game i'd sunken so much time into as a child, teen, and adult. it just felt. . . right.
i immediately understood something i'd taken for granted. the builds matter so much more to how you play the game than i'd originally thought. the best way i can break it down is that it's ultimately like playing different genres. when you pick sword, you're playing the game like a hack-and-slash. you get your modifiers early, you close distances quicker and sooner, and you're basically smashing everything with melee until it stops moving. staff plays more like an action game, to its detriment. i don't necessarily think staff is a wholly incomplete or flawed build to go with, but it doesn't jive for me, and it illuminates problems with the gameplay i'd otherwise be blissfully ignorant of. lastly, shield plays like a neo-JRPG, like a proto-FFXII. damage isn't necessarily meant to be wholly avoidable, but wholly mitigated. is the boss doing an attack that's hard to dodge and hurts a lot? having aero will help with that. is that area of effect attack really slapping you and your party members' shit in? a mega-potion can quickly heal them. where i look for traditional answers in avoidance, this game provides them instead in remedies. that's something i never quite understood until this playthrough.
and, in some ways, it is still a failing of the game that your blind and uninformed choice in the first minute of gameplay will have such a long-lasting impact on your playthrough. but, it's also something i've come to respect, in a strange way. you get such vastly different experiences with the game depending on your build, and it does lend credence to the idea that this game was designed with multiple playstyles in mind. it's impressive, not only for early PS2, but also for such an experimental genre-blending game.
lastly, i think the narrative is something a lot of people tend to dog on when it comes to KH games, but i would and still do stand by this game having a pretty near-flawless narrative. you can take it at face-value and say "this is a story of tragedy where characters are thrown through ordeals and overcome it with the power of their bonds", or you can look at it allegorically and say something along the lines of "this is a story that broadly tackles the idea of maturing out of your home and established circle of friends, ultimately resulting in life separating you through cruel circumstance". i think KH works best when you take a mix of these approaches. sometimes, when taken literally, KH is silly. but when you look at it as something greater than the sum of its parts, as a sort of "coming of age meets the tragedy of growing up meets hero must save the world meets hero must sacrifice everything for the world", you can get something coherent and resonant out of KH that very few other narratives approach. i honestly could write so much more about why i love this game's narrative in particular, but i'd be echoing a tidal wave of voices.
as a refresher back into the series, i do have hope that maybe i'll be able to find more positive and wondrous things to see in the later games. on the one hand, i'm very much not looking forward to some of the stupid shit these games are gonna throw at me (KHII atlantica not only being a retcon but a bad rhythm game, why), but i am excited to see if maybe fresh eyes can lead to a new conclusion. i want to be able to say that this series has more hits than just this game (and 358/2 Days if you can get over the jank). this game has given me a retroactive hype for the sequels, and, as miniscule as it is, that's something i'm going to hold onto and use as fuel to get me through this series replay. i have low expectations, but that's only because i want to be impressed again.
if anything, i've always seen myself a prisoner of kingdom hearts in that the first game in the series is a perfectly self-contained story that has never truly needed sequels and could stand perfectly on its own. it helps that the game is a microcosm of how square was slowly inching its way towards experimentation, as we'd later see with games like FFXII. this isn't my first exposure to final mix, as i played the PS3 version around 7 years ago. but, it's been a while since i revisited this game with fresh eyes and a willingness to really critically examine it as both a game and a narrative. i've always sort of taken for granted that this is one of my favorite games of all time, and thus the critical thought sort of just turns off when i think back on my experiences with kingdom hearts. i'm pleased to report that this game does hold up, just not quite in the way i was expecting or even wanting.
i started up this game about a week ago going with a staff build on proud mode and had maybe one of the most unpleasant experiences with a kingdom hearts game i've ever had. i went staff because, by endgame, it's objectively the best stat-wise, and had always wanted to try it out. in this decision, i discovered one of the worst shortcomings of this game: this is not an action game. sure, it masquerades as one, but it does not feel satisfying to play as an action game in the way that later entries do. the FOV you get with this game's camera is truly lacking if you're playing this as a "any damage you take could've been dodged" type action game. further, guard is a practically necessary skill to make the most of this game's combat, which is a huge issue considering it has a variable arrival time for players. scan is also something borderline required to make accurate assessments about enemy health and damage management, and it also has the same fate as guard.
so in this staff playthrough, i hit a lot of brick walls. sure, offensive magic is good, but even when it's boosted, bosses will hard wall you a lot in damage mitigation. do i know now that you should be grabbing thunder early so you can trivialize trickmaster? of course. but fighting him with the staff build and having nothing but fire, blizzard, and wimpy kingdom key's stats is agony, especially if you consistently try to dodge his projectiles (remember: you do not get guard until much later in a staff playthrough). kingdom hearts' greatest failing is that it has the seeds of good action game combat, but it utterly drops the ball on making it both cathartic and achievable for most of the runtime. by endgame, you will be having a better time, but, speaking from personal experience, it's a harrowing and tedious journey to get there.
i got to the end of neverland and i decided something must be wrong with me. this isn't the game i remember. i'm not having the fun time i usually do with this game. to say that kingdom hearts was a cornerstone of my childhood as a gamer would feel like an overstatement, but it would also be a completely accurate statement. revisiting this and having such a dogshit time was giving me, unironically, a bit of an identity crisis. so, i decided to see if it was just me. i dumped that playthrough, and i started over this time as a shield build with a bigger emphasis on item usage and less on damage mitigation.
and you know what?
it fucked. i was back in.
i won't go too deeply into why shield is my preferred way of playing the game, but the shortlist is that you get guard early and defense is a much more vital stat than offense in earlygame. this was my kingdom hearts! this was the game i'd sunken so much time into as a child, teen, and adult. it just felt. . . right.
i immediately understood something i'd taken for granted. the builds matter so much more to how you play the game than i'd originally thought. the best way i can break it down is that it's ultimately like playing different genres. when you pick sword, you're playing the game like a hack-and-slash. you get your modifiers early, you close distances quicker and sooner, and you're basically smashing everything with melee until it stops moving. staff plays more like an action game, to its detriment. i don't necessarily think staff is a wholly incomplete or flawed build to go with, but it doesn't jive for me, and it illuminates problems with the gameplay i'd otherwise be blissfully ignorant of. lastly, shield plays like a neo-JRPG, like a proto-FFXII. damage isn't necessarily meant to be wholly avoidable, but wholly mitigated. is the boss doing an attack that's hard to dodge and hurts a lot? having aero will help with that. is that area of effect attack really slapping you and your party members' shit in? a mega-potion can quickly heal them. where i look for traditional answers in avoidance, this game provides them instead in remedies. that's something i never quite understood until this playthrough.
and, in some ways, it is still a failing of the game that your blind and uninformed choice in the first minute of gameplay will have such a long-lasting impact on your playthrough. but, it's also something i've come to respect, in a strange way. you get such vastly different experiences with the game depending on your build, and it does lend credence to the idea that this game was designed with multiple playstyles in mind. it's impressive, not only for early PS2, but also for such an experimental genre-blending game.
lastly, i think the narrative is something a lot of people tend to dog on when it comes to KH games, but i would and still do stand by this game having a pretty near-flawless narrative. you can take it at face-value and say "this is a story of tragedy where characters are thrown through ordeals and overcome it with the power of their bonds", or you can look at it allegorically and say something along the lines of "this is a story that broadly tackles the idea of maturing out of your home and established circle of friends, ultimately resulting in life separating you through cruel circumstance". i think KH works best when you take a mix of these approaches. sometimes, when taken literally, KH is silly. but when you look at it as something greater than the sum of its parts, as a sort of "coming of age meets the tragedy of growing up meets hero must save the world meets hero must sacrifice everything for the world", you can get something coherent and resonant out of KH that very few other narratives approach. i honestly could write so much more about why i love this game's narrative in particular, but i'd be echoing a tidal wave of voices.
as a refresher back into the series, i do have hope that maybe i'll be able to find more positive and wondrous things to see in the later games. on the one hand, i'm very much not looking forward to some of the stupid shit these games are gonna throw at me (KHII atlantica not only being a retcon but a bad rhythm game, why), but i am excited to see if maybe fresh eyes can lead to a new conclusion. i want to be able to say that this series has more hits than just this game (and 358/2 Days if you can get over the jank). this game has given me a retroactive hype for the sequels, and, as miniscule as it is, that's something i'm going to hold onto and use as fuel to get me through this series replay. i have low expectations, but that's only because i want to be impressed again.