Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest (or Diddy Kong’s Quest, as I and many other illiterate 8 year olds knew it) was a game that held a powerful lustre for me as a kid. As a rascal raised on Diddy Kong Racing and attitudinal promotional artwork from Nintendo Official Magazine, I found that Diddy Kong projected untold levels of Cool that could be matched only by the almighty-90s Bart Simpson himself. Something about a baseball cap with Nintendo written on it was just so insanely Cool to me. My undeveloped baby brain could barely handle it! And he wore the cap backwards! And played the guitar while wearing his cap backwards! Oh, I wanted to be Diddy Kong so badly.
Despite being a prime child of the SNES era, I never owned a SNES. When my brother and I asked for a SNES for my birthday, my dad got us a NES by way of an honest money-saving mistake - he didn’t know the NES and the SNES were two entirely separate and incompatible computer game machines, which was a totally forgivable thing to believe in 1996. This was a long time ago, back in the days when “the Nintendo” really was just “the Nintendo” to almost everyone on the planet. Diddy Kong remained eternally out of reach.
Our friend up the road’s big brother did have a SNES though, and sometimes he let us all play it when he wasn’t calling us f#cking r#tards for not knowing about the 1-1 shortcut to Birdo in Super Mario Bros 2. He’d never let us play the good games, though - for some sadistic unknown big brother reason, we were always stuck with the Mickey Mouse platformers and Clayfighter and Mortal Kombat on the Super Game Boy. Diddy Kong’s Quest remained on the high shelves with the sticky magazines and the empty bottles of Jack Daniels that Big Brother had found in the bushes at the park, and I never plucked up the courage to take the cartridge down and replace Rocky Rodent with a game that Nintendo Official Magazine had once declared to be Certified: Awesome. All this ritual and ceremony for a video game about a monkey who played the guitar with his hat on the wrong way round only gave it more power. Diddy Kong’s Quest took up way more than 4MB of space in my soft little brain.
A few years later, I got on the internet. While scouring video game message boards in a vain attempt to find out when Super Mario 128 was coming to the Nintendo Dolphin, I found out about emulators and ROMs. A few weeks later, after workshopping a convincing story to tell the FBI when they raided my house for illegally downloading a video game, I got my first emulator and ROM - ZSNES, and my very own copy of donkey_kong_country_2_diddy_kongs_quest.zip. I played it for a couple of minutes, but was too afraid of a life spent in jail to really appreciate the momentousness of the occasion. A few days later, while looking for Bloody Roar: Primal Rage cheat codes, I discovered you could look up pictures of naked ladies on the internet. And I forgot about Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest.
A few years later, after many Youtube-watching 12 year olds harassed @NintendoAmerica about it every day on Twitter, Nintendo released Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest on the Nintendo Switch Online service, and a man in his thirties decided to play it for the first time. Properly, mind you. Without save states, or that really awkward rewind function - the one that’s not as useful as the rewind function that the man remembered using on ZSNES while drenched in guilt-ridden sweat during an illegal gaming session some decades prior.
Turns out that playing games properly is a fucking stupid idea. This game is a really fucking annoying piece of shit and I hate it. Diddy Kong Country 2: Diddy Kong Quest came out on the Nintendo Switch a year ago, and I’ve only just beaten it today. After much SHITting and FUCKing about how brutally unfair it is, I crawled the stupid backwards-capped guitar-playing prick Diddy Kong to a measly 40%ish completion stat. Fuck you and your game, Diddy Kong. Never meet your heroes, because you’ll only get your dick crushed by falling platforms.
It may be an annoying piece of shit, but it’s also a beautiful work of art. Beautiful in ways I probably wouldn’t have appreciated had I got it for my 9th birthday or snuck it into someone else’s SNES or tried to play it on a Compaq Presario 95’s keyboard. Elegant rotosprite work comes together with the best music that the SNES chip and David Wise were capable of to create a really unique dream-ape gamefeel. I don’t need to say much more than that about the game’s presentation - presumably most people on here have read that one Onion article that’s all like “Man Tasked With Making Score for a Monkey Riding a Swordfish Underwater Creates Transcendent Piece of Music” or whatever. Just don’t play it past the first few worlds if you want to preserve the crystalline beauty of the memory of your past. Some games are better played on your mind’s eye than a SNES.
Despite being a prime child of the SNES era, I never owned a SNES. When my brother and I asked for a SNES for my birthday, my dad got us a NES by way of an honest money-saving mistake - he didn’t know the NES and the SNES were two entirely separate and incompatible computer game machines, which was a totally forgivable thing to believe in 1996. This was a long time ago, back in the days when “the Nintendo” really was just “the Nintendo” to almost everyone on the planet. Diddy Kong remained eternally out of reach.
Our friend up the road’s big brother did have a SNES though, and sometimes he let us all play it when he wasn’t calling us f#cking r#tards for not knowing about the 1-1 shortcut to Birdo in Super Mario Bros 2. He’d never let us play the good games, though - for some sadistic unknown big brother reason, we were always stuck with the Mickey Mouse platformers and Clayfighter and Mortal Kombat on the Super Game Boy. Diddy Kong’s Quest remained on the high shelves with the sticky magazines and the empty bottles of Jack Daniels that Big Brother had found in the bushes at the park, and I never plucked up the courage to take the cartridge down and replace Rocky Rodent with a game that Nintendo Official Magazine had once declared to be Certified: Awesome. All this ritual and ceremony for a video game about a monkey who played the guitar with his hat on the wrong way round only gave it more power. Diddy Kong’s Quest took up way more than 4MB of space in my soft little brain.
A few years later, I got on the internet. While scouring video game message boards in a vain attempt to find out when Super Mario 128 was coming to the Nintendo Dolphin, I found out about emulators and ROMs. A few weeks later, after workshopping a convincing story to tell the FBI when they raided my house for illegally downloading a video game, I got my first emulator and ROM - ZSNES, and my very own copy of donkey_kong_country_2_diddy_kongs_quest.zip. I played it for a couple of minutes, but was too afraid of a life spent in jail to really appreciate the momentousness of the occasion. A few days later, while looking for Bloody Roar: Primal Rage cheat codes, I discovered you could look up pictures of naked ladies on the internet. And I forgot about Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest.
A few years later, after many Youtube-watching 12 year olds harassed @NintendoAmerica about it every day on Twitter, Nintendo released Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest on the Nintendo Switch Online service, and a man in his thirties decided to play it for the first time. Properly, mind you. Without save states, or that really awkward rewind function - the one that’s not as useful as the rewind function that the man remembered using on ZSNES while drenched in guilt-ridden sweat during an illegal gaming session some decades prior.
Turns out that playing games properly is a fucking stupid idea. This game is a really fucking annoying piece of shit and I hate it. Diddy Kong Country 2: Diddy Kong Quest came out on the Nintendo Switch a year ago, and I’ve only just beaten it today. After much SHITting and FUCKing about how brutally unfair it is, I crawled the stupid backwards-capped guitar-playing prick Diddy Kong to a measly 40%ish completion stat. Fuck you and your game, Diddy Kong. Never meet your heroes, because you’ll only get your dick crushed by falling platforms.
It may be an annoying piece of shit, but it’s also a beautiful work of art. Beautiful in ways I probably wouldn’t have appreciated had I got it for my 9th birthday or snuck it into someone else’s SNES or tried to play it on a Compaq Presario 95’s keyboard. Elegant rotosprite work comes together with the best music that the SNES chip and David Wise were capable of to create a really unique dream-ape gamefeel. I don’t need to say much more than that about the game’s presentation - presumably most people on here have read that one Onion article that’s all like “Man Tasked With Making Score for a Monkey Riding a Swordfish Underwater Creates Transcendent Piece of Music” or whatever. Just don’t play it past the first few worlds if you want to preserve the crystalline beauty of the memory of your past. Some games are better played on your mind’s eye than a SNES.
6 Comments
Glad you enjoyed the review! Stick around, it’s really fun here!!
Yeah this is one of the best reviews on the site and I'm not joking.
I also played this game as a kid at a friend's house, then as a teen on an emulator, then fully as an adult, but I actually never thought it was any good, so
One of the best reviews on the site. Laughed multiple times. Thank you very much.
YEAH! IT'S ALL TRUE
kaseykockroach
2 years ago
But this was such a vindicating hilarious review, I had to throw together an account real quick just to tell you so. Thank you. After ages of it being shoved down my face in chat rooms and hour-long video essays as to what a masterpiece of perfect artful game design that no other platformer could ever possibly compare to this was, this was cathartic to come across.