polyhedra
2024
I see a lot of people comparing ZZZ to works like Hi-Fi Rush, which is both an insult to Tango's legacy and completely unwarranted. The only thing that ZZZ is comparable with to Hi-Fi Rush or Persona 5 is style. From my preliminary experiences, this game is quite literally identical from a game design perspective from previous Hoyoverse slop such as Genshin or Honkai, and shares much of the same DNA. Sure, the gameplay and artstyle might be different, with ZZZ being a bit more action-forward, but the design philosophy, the structuring of narratives and levels and quests, and every decision made from the gacha to the quest markers is stagnant. This can partially be attributed to long dev times and the iterative style of game design that Hoyoverse uses resulting in superpolished boxes of active space in stasis (e.g. the way quest lines are set up around central, easily-indentifiable areas such as a quest giver with each game's density built around the sprawl in order to minimize wait times rather than truly encourage exploration.) However, there's a more fundamental reason: Hoyoverse doesn't want to evolve. They don't want to take on the risk that creating a new IP with different game design compared to their previous titles incurs, as the cost of educating the playerbase on the new structures and making them disregard their crystallized intelligence in regards to Hoyoverse design habits is significant enough to cause Hoyoverse to settle for the gradient. People talk about wanting uniqueness in gaming, with a principle complaint (one I have levied all too often) being the sameness of different titles and how they tend to clone and copy each other in a perpetual feedback loop resembling an AI using its own data as inputs to continuously hallucinate more and more ridiculous outputs (that are fed back into the machine.) Yet, it's that familiarity which is why Hoyo is at where it is today. I don't blame them. As a result of these observations, in lieu of an actual serious review about ZZZ (which would be quite short, as there is nothing interesting to say about this game), I decided to copy-and-paste the joke review I made for HSR instead. Enjoyl
You get home and realize there's no food in the house. Looking at your calendar, you realize that you aren't due for another trip to the supermarket until tommorow.
Across the street, there's a bakery. You love this bakery. You have fond memories of going there and sitting outside in the garden with your classmates, basking in the warmth of a fading sun. This store recently recieved a major renovation. You walk outside and see a sign on the windowsill. Two for one pastries, it says, with the caveat that it is valid only for new customers. "I don't see why not", you say to yourself, and with a chip or smile on your face, you walk past the door.
Immediately, you're greeted with the same kind smile that kept you coming back for months. Looking at the aisles of neatly arraigned pastries, you demur over which one suits your appetite the best. Making up your mind, you finally raise your voice. "I'll take one Belgian bun, please!"
The woman, instead of grabbing the Belgian bun, grabs what seems to be a probability wheel. "Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding -- it's only a 50 percent chance for you to get a Belgian bun."
The wheel spins.
"Ah, better luck next time!" the woman remarks, handing you a mint granite with the same kind smile on her face. Looking at the granita, you're reminded of the ice cream you ate yesterday, and the stomachache that followed. Would it really be a good idea to eat something cold right now? That's right, that's right. What you want is something warm and soft and fluffy and comforting like...like a Belgian bun. "Oh, what's wrong?", the woman asks. "For another two dollars, I'll give you another pastry and another spin of the wheel."
...
The wheel spins.
You get home and realize there's no food in the house. Looking at your calendar, you realize that you aren't due for another trip to the supermarket until tommorow.
Across the street, there's a bakery. You love this bakery. You have fond memories of going there and sitting outside in the garden with your classmates, basking in the warmth of a fading sun. This store recently recieved a major renovation. You walk outside and see a sign on the windowsill. Two for one pastries, it says, with the caveat that it is valid only for new customers. "I don't see why not", you say to yourself, and with a chip or smile on your face, you walk past the door.
Immediately, you're greeted with the same kind smile that kept you coming back for months. Looking at the aisles of neatly arraigned pastries, you demur over which one suits your appetite the best. Making up your mind, you finally raise your voice. "I'll take one Belgian bun, please!"
The woman, instead of grabbing the Belgian bun, grabs what seems to be a probability wheel. "Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding -- it's only a 50 percent chance for you to get a Belgian bun."
The wheel spins.
"Ah, better luck next time!" the woman remarks, handing you a mint granite with the same kind smile on her face. Looking at the granita, you're reminded of the ice cream you ate yesterday, and the stomachache that followed. Would it really be a good idea to eat something cold right now? That's right, that's right. What you want is something warm and soft and fluffy and comforting like...like a Belgian bun. "Oh, what's wrong?", the woman asks. "For another two dollars, I'll give you another pastry and another spin of the wheel."
...
The wheel spins.
2023
You get home and realize there's no food in the house. Looking at your calendar, you realize that you aren't due for another trip to the supermarket until tommorow.
Across the street, there's a bakery. You love this bakery. You have fond memories of going there and sitting outside in the garden with your classmates, basking in the warmth of a fading sun. This store recently recieved a major renovation. You walk outside and see a sign on the windowsill. Two for one pastries, it says, with the caveat that it is valid only for new customers. "I don't see why not", you say to yourself, and with a chip or smile on your face, you walk past the door.
Immediately, you're greeted with the same kind smile that kept you coming back for months. Looking at the aisles of neatly arraigned pastries, you demur over which one suits your appetite the best. Making up your mind, you finally raise your voice. "I'll take one Belgian bun, please!"
The woman, instead of grabbing the Belgian bun, grabs what seems to be a probability wheel. "Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding -- it's only a 50 percent chance for you to get a Belgian bun."
The wheel spins.
"Ah, better luck next time!" the woman remarks, handing you a mint granite with the same kind smile on her face. Looking at the granita, you're reminded of the ice cream you ate yesterday, and the stomachache that followed. Would it really be a good idea to eat something cold right now? That's right, that's right. What you want is something warm and soft and fluffy and comforting like...like a Belgian bun. "Oh, what's wrong?", the woman asks. "For another two dollars, I'll give you another pastry and another spin of the wheel."
...
The wheel spins.
Across the street, there's a bakery. You love this bakery. You have fond memories of going there and sitting outside in the garden with your classmates, basking in the warmth of a fading sun. This store recently recieved a major renovation. You walk outside and see a sign on the windowsill. Two for one pastries, it says, with the caveat that it is valid only for new customers. "I don't see why not", you say to yourself, and with a chip or smile on your face, you walk past the door.
Immediately, you're greeted with the same kind smile that kept you coming back for months. Looking at the aisles of neatly arraigned pastries, you demur over which one suits your appetite the best. Making up your mind, you finally raise your voice. "I'll take one Belgian bun, please!"
The woman, instead of grabbing the Belgian bun, grabs what seems to be a probability wheel. "Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding -- it's only a 50 percent chance for you to get a Belgian bun."
The wheel spins.
"Ah, better luck next time!" the woman remarks, handing you a mint granite with the same kind smile on her face. Looking at the granita, you're reminded of the ice cream you ate yesterday, and the stomachache that followed. Would it really be a good idea to eat something cold right now? That's right, that's right. What you want is something warm and soft and fluffy and comforting like...like a Belgian bun. "Oh, what's wrong?", the woman asks. "For another two dollars, I'll give you another pastry and another spin of the wheel."
...
The wheel spins.