I chooseth this fate of mine own free will.

Over the past year, I've thought a lot about my place in life, in this world, and what it all means to me. I've also found it quite painful to hold all my thoughts within myself, and learned how helpful it is to have some kind of outlet for these feelings. For that reason, I've gradually opened up a lot in my Backloggd reviews. It started in February with my initial NieR: Automata review, and has only grown over time. I've talked at length about my feelings on media, why I feel that way, and what my place is in all of this. Now, for my 100th review, I'm going one step further.

To tell you the truth, I never would've even thought about my own death if none of this had happened.

I've heard most people are lucky to find a piece of media that truly speaks to them and changes their outlook on life. In that case, I've been lucky twice this year: First, when I played NieR: Replicant 1.22, and completely reconsidered the value of media and my opinions on it. Second, when I played Persona 3, and realized just how important my life is.

You don't really know how much you take your life for granted... until there's a possibility you might lose it.

Throughout my 19 years of living, I've dealt with a lot of stuff. I've felt pressured to excel in academics, had trouble getting along with people inside and outside of my family, and watched the pain and suffering caused by those with far more power than they deserve. As a result, I often isolate myself from others physically and emotionally, and resort to... inadequate methods of coping with reality. While I haven't done anything irreversible or illegal, it's certainly taken a toll on my mind and body, and for a while I saw no chance of escape. I thought I was doomed to a life of pain.

Isn't there some saying...like about how being alive is a kind of sin?

Then I played Persona 3. I saw people who, like me, were largely alone in the world. They were faced with that world coming to an end, and forced to fight against it, no matter what the cost. But even beyond that, they had faced great pain in their lives, far greater than I could have possibly had. Sure, I've seen people like that all the time on the news, but the Persona 3 cast were different: they were a lot like me. They went to school, goofed off, made decisions, regretted them, argued with each other, and reconciled. I know it sounds cheesy to say, but... they were like friends to me. And they made me realize just how much I have.

I won't ever walk through a sunny field again because my legs and heart can't handle it.

For every bit of pain in my life, I've had something wonderful. I have a healthy body and strong mind. I have a good home, and the chance to get a good education. I've never had to worry about money, or food, or my own safety. And I have people who care about me. I have a family that loves me. I have friends I can spend time with and talk with about my life. I have so many things that people across the world could only dream of, and I nearly lost all of them in my own self-pity.

Celebrate life's grandeur... its brilliance... its magnificence...

Persona 3's ending is widely regarded as its best scene. The beautiful dialogue and music combined with the tragedy of the protagonist's fate brings many fans to tears. But I actually didn't cry, because in the midst of all the sadness, it feels... comforting, in a strange way. The protagonist's life ends, but they leave behind the world they saved, the people whose lives they changed forever, and the memories those people carry in their hearts. They die, but they die surrounded by those they love more than anything. Despite things being cut short, they seem content, knowing every day of the life they lived meant something to someone.

I am resolved; free from doubt or absolution! This is because...It is because I have such wonderful, such priceless friends...

If someone like that can find meaning in their life, why can't I? I have everything I need to live a fulfilling life, and all I have to do is use it. I have tons of opportunities to connect with people and leave an impact on their lives forever. I can use my skills to make the world a better place, whether it involves taking drastic actions to help solve its problems, or something as simple as making video games that people can enjoy. In fact, I've already made an impact, and I'm incredibly proud of it.

So thank you. Thank you to everyone who has been my friend. Thank you to everyone who has supported my dream of becoming a game designer. Thank you to everyone who gave me this wonderful life of mine. I promise I won't waste your gifts anymore.

I've never been one for New Year's resolutions, but for this next year, and for the rest of my life, I promise to live every day to the fullest. I promise to break my bad habits and pull myself back together. I promise to let the people in my life know how much I mean to them.

This is the promise I've made to myself. I don't know how I'll do it... but I guess that is a part of living, too.

I can't give Persona 3 Portable a perfect score. Its gameplay and presentation flaws are hard to ignore, especially with Reload releasing in about a month. But there are few pieces of media in this world that mean as much to me. It is a beautiful game, and one that I think everyone should experience at least once, because it did something extraordinary: it made me feel grateful to live.

As difficult as it may be sometimes, I've made my choice.

I have my whole life ahead of me, as short as it may be. I'll keep living it, every day, until the very end. I will make a difference in the world.

And I won't do it alone.

You don't have to save the world to find meaning in life... Sometimes, all you need is something simple, like someone to take care of.