Prison Life Simulator 2022: World Fight Battle GTA Ultimate
releases on TBD
Simulator with a third-person view. The game takes place in a jail, after a failed bank robbery and a city chase, you arrested for 7 years.
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I could literally feel my information being sold to China as I played. This epic Unity Asset Flip promises ”beautiful graphics” and “intuitive controls”, and that (from the poorly Google translated eShop description) “you have to play as a character named Derek.”
Any and all menus, including the title screen and main menu, can only be accessed via the touch screen. At first I thought the game was busted, and it is, but the buttons just do nothing until you start playing (but you basically have to play it undocked because the menu touch controls are still mandatory).
But even then I can scarcely call it playing, because it feels like an old 3D browser game played through beer goggles after being sucker punched in the throat and paper cutted in the taint.
Every player action feels like a sequence break. Every movement is loose and jittery. Every royalty free sound is jarring as it blasts through the game’s eerily dead silence.
“It is not just a game”
You got that right. It’s more like an interpretation of a game made by extra-terrestrials whose only contact with earth was through those ads within free versions of iPhone apps.
This is yet another shovelware embarrassment somehow available on the official Nintendo Switch platform. Let’s just say it’s not deserving of the ol’ Seal of Quality. I haven’t laughed this hard since I played Batman Forever on the Sega Genesis, and this makes that game look like Arkham Asylum. Heck, this makes Crypt of the Serpent King and Skate Bird look positively AAA. Plus even if they polished it up, the gameplay would still be 100% tedious fetch quests.
And I know it’s laughable to think that something like Prison Life Simulator 2022 World Fight Battle Ultimate or whatever it’s called would have accessibility options, but as an Inverted Y-Axis gamer I was out of luck.
And that always sucks!
Any and all menus, including the title screen and main menu, can only be accessed via the touch screen. At first I thought the game was busted, and it is, but the buttons just do nothing until you start playing (but you basically have to play it undocked because the menu touch controls are still mandatory).
But even then I can scarcely call it playing, because it feels like an old 3D browser game played through beer goggles after being sucker punched in the throat and paper cutted in the taint.
Every player action feels like a sequence break. Every movement is loose and jittery. Every royalty free sound is jarring as it blasts through the game’s eerily dead silence.
“It is not just a game”
You got that right. It’s more like an interpretation of a game made by extra-terrestrials whose only contact with earth was through those ads within free versions of iPhone apps.
This is yet another shovelware embarrassment somehow available on the official Nintendo Switch platform. Let’s just say it’s not deserving of the ol’ Seal of Quality. I haven’t laughed this hard since I played Batman Forever on the Sega Genesis, and this makes that game look like Arkham Asylum. Heck, this makes Crypt of the Serpent King and Skate Bird look positively AAA. Plus even if they polished it up, the gameplay would still be 100% tedious fetch quests.
And I know it’s laughable to think that something like Prison Life Simulator 2022 World Fight Battle Ultimate or whatever it’s called would have accessibility options, but as an Inverted Y-Axis gamer I was out of luck.
And that always sucks!