This review was initially posted on November 30th, 2021 on Steam.
Discussing the labrynthian nature of College Kings without first addressing some basic principles of decisions and decision-making feels a lot like making a gin & tonic with neither gin nor tonic (impossible? you decide!). So instead, I will meander through my own first impression while simultaneously bringing up any kind of relevant nonsense as it relates to the women around my in-game character. Or I won't, who cares?
I first approached College Kings with the duality of eagerness and caution. The eagerness because I love a good dating simulation game, the caution because the look of the in-game characters was slightly off-putting. Eager for storyline and character beats, cautious of the inclination to bang on a whim aimlessly. During my initial playthrough, these twin feelings of excitement and discretion fueled the flame within me. There are two wolves.
Which should I feed?
A wonderfully long time ago, I played Telltale's Walking Dead game. During the story, the player must make certain decisions. These decisions hold such considerable gravity that they come with an alert screaming the that consequences exist. KENNY WILL REMEMBER THAT.
And that's fine, right? Totally not obnoxious. Whatever. Then I saw my decisions laid out entirely in front of me (with global internet statistics too!). While it was nice to see how many people support or opposed the same decisions that I had made, I finally noticed something that bothered me. The game flat out told me about the binary decisions that I (and others) made that directly influenced the flavor of the path I (and others) had taken. Any kind of mystique or intrigue about the vast intricacies of the game's system of decision-making vanished. You're either driving in the left lane or right. Jedi or Sith. Paragon or Renegade.
As I played College Kings, I worried over coming to the same exact conclusion that I had about Telltale's Walking Dead. When you join a frat, do you go Apes or Wolves? Do you date Lauren or not? Are you interested in Chloe or not? Initially, the fear set in. I could see the Matrix. But my vision blurred before too long. What I initially saw as a path taken through a series of binary this-or-that choices eventually sprawled out into a vast and sprawling roadmap akin to navigating the western half of America without access to GPS technology. How is Lauren feeling? Did you support Chloe every time you could? Are you cool with Imre/Ryan or have you beefed? Does it matter or does it not? Or will it just matter significantly more significantly later?
Early in Act I, the game explicitly communicates to you that consequences exist within this universe. Then it never tells you again. It's beautiful. At the very worst, the game notifies you when a decision you have made has caused you to cross a threshold within the Key Character Trait (KCT) Venn Diagram axis. This alert never bothered me, as it seems a somewhat natural conclusion. You have a history of being confident, loyal, popular, etc. Whichever most defines you would ultimately be how you are perceived by those around you. Maybe the game even lets you know when your KCT influences the decision another character has made.
And you know what? That's okay! It doesn't infringe upon that same annoying sore spot that Telltale's Walking Dead did, nor does it leave the player completely in the dark about how their decisions changed the way that the game will directly play out. It doesn't tell you "Hm, well you could bend Aubrey over that minibar and plow her like it's a snow day, but you will be jeopardizing your allotted boyfriend points with your respective main lay!" Aubrey will remember this. Lauren won't experience this. Nora won't forget that.
Who is Chloe again?
It doesn't matter.
One of my favorite things about this game is the ability to scroll up and change decisions that I've already made. Should I suffer the consequences of saying the wrong thing, or miss out on talking to Nora while doing something else, I can simply scroll up and recover my misdeeds. I may be a coward, but I'm a coward who is trying his best to be efficient.
And I still mess it up. I started a run intending to focus solely on Emily, but then I hit a brick wall and tried to see what Chloe was up to. Then I hit a brick wall with that and focused instead on Penelope. Then Samantha. At the end, in my frustration I slept with a random Tindr girl since I had failed to get laid any other way. Then Emily and I let out our frustrations in a random bathroom. And at the end, I had no idea if I had done anything correctly.
Even in my initial main playthrough! I started out as a Lauren man while possibly having the openness to Chloe. But then Nora starts warming up to me, and suddenly I'm cast all out of whack. I could have a sticky note directly over my computer monitor labeled "RILEY THIS TIME, YOU IDIOT" and I'd still end up dancing the horizontal tango with Aubrey.
Aubrey...
Every man needs an Aubrey in his life. A friend told me this before I even played College Kings for the first time. I thought he was joking, but at the twilight of my main playthrough I realized that Aubrey was genuinely a platonic friend to me. Instead of adding her to the ever-growing and expansive list of ladies to screw on the regular, I established a seemingly real care for Aubrey. Aubrey! The one who I specifically didn't want to sleep with! Every man needs an Aubrey in his life. My friend was more correct than he could possibly know.
College Kings invites us to consider what we would do given the opportunity to live through an absurd facsimile of American college life. Wanna nail every board(broad?) in sight? Wanna go for the number one girl of the school? Wanna provide Lauren with the first real (and honest) boy she's ever loved? Wanna ignore it all and become fight king?
Then go for it. Have a blast. Just know that it's easier to lose your way amidst the winding paths than one might think. Give the game a bit of credit and it will return the favor ten times over. And I might specifically make an Act III review in order to highlight the specific storyline relative to that episode, since Act III feels climactic in its own right. Seriously, the events of Act III are wild. Real ones know.
I may not have much of an understanding of the various people who play dating sims on steam, or even the ones who go so far as to read a meandering stream of consciousness review talking tangentially about this godforsaken game (especially this far!), but I at least understand myself. What I would do, what I would say, who I would be given the opportunity. And having that alone is enough to get a pleasant kick out of this firecracker of a game.
College Kings is a truly beautiful game. If you can get past some of the absurdity, you'll find a treasure trove of flavor. I especially love the transitions in Act I. They communicate a real "Don't take this too seriously" kind of feeling, while ensuring you to keep your guard up: Lindsey might need you. Nora might need you. Have you talked to Amber lately? Do you even know who Samantha is?
I started as a Wolf, then I became an Ape. With my switch to the aggressive frat came an unexpected insight into the struggles of wayward men and the flimsy veil of masculinity. I want to see where the story goes in that manner. I don't doubt for a single second that the game's developer, Undergrad Steve, is set to weave yet another wild addition to this beautiful tapestry. I'll probably come back and add to this as I discover more or think a little differently about the next act.
Kings and Queens.
Eagles and Snakes.
Apes and Wolves.
Monarchs and Madmen.
The choice belongs to you.
What will you do with it?
Discussing the labrynthian nature of College Kings without first addressing some basic principles of decisions and decision-making feels a lot like making a gin & tonic with neither gin nor tonic (impossible? you decide!). So instead, I will meander through my own first impression while simultaneously bringing up any kind of relevant nonsense as it relates to the women around my in-game character. Or I won't, who cares?
I first approached College Kings with the duality of eagerness and caution. The eagerness because I love a good dating simulation game, the caution because the look of the in-game characters was slightly off-putting. Eager for storyline and character beats, cautious of the inclination to bang on a whim aimlessly. During my initial playthrough, these twin feelings of excitement and discretion fueled the flame within me. There are two wolves.
Which should I feed?
A wonderfully long time ago, I played Telltale's Walking Dead game. During the story, the player must make certain decisions. These decisions hold such considerable gravity that they come with an alert screaming the that consequences exist. KENNY WILL REMEMBER THAT.
And that's fine, right? Totally not obnoxious. Whatever. Then I saw my decisions laid out entirely in front of me (with global internet statistics too!). While it was nice to see how many people support or opposed the same decisions that I had made, I finally noticed something that bothered me. The game flat out told me about the binary decisions that I (and others) made that directly influenced the flavor of the path I (and others) had taken. Any kind of mystique or intrigue about the vast intricacies of the game's system of decision-making vanished. You're either driving in the left lane or right. Jedi or Sith. Paragon or Renegade.
As I played College Kings, I worried over coming to the same exact conclusion that I had about Telltale's Walking Dead. When you join a frat, do you go Apes or Wolves? Do you date Lauren or not? Are you interested in Chloe or not? Initially, the fear set in. I could see the Matrix. But my vision blurred before too long. What I initially saw as a path taken through a series of binary this-or-that choices eventually sprawled out into a vast and sprawling roadmap akin to navigating the western half of America without access to GPS technology. How is Lauren feeling? Did you support Chloe every time you could? Are you cool with Imre/Ryan or have you beefed? Does it matter or does it not? Or will it just matter significantly more significantly later?
Early in Act I, the game explicitly communicates to you that consequences exist within this universe. Then it never tells you again. It's beautiful. At the very worst, the game notifies you when a decision you have made has caused you to cross a threshold within the Key Character Trait (KCT) Venn Diagram axis. This alert never bothered me, as it seems a somewhat natural conclusion. You have a history of being confident, loyal, popular, etc. Whichever most defines you would ultimately be how you are perceived by those around you. Maybe the game even lets you know when your KCT influences the decision another character has made.
And you know what? That's okay! It doesn't infringe upon that same annoying sore spot that Telltale's Walking Dead did, nor does it leave the player completely in the dark about how their decisions changed the way that the game will directly play out. It doesn't tell you "Hm, well you could bend Aubrey over that minibar and plow her like it's a snow day, but you will be jeopardizing your allotted boyfriend points with your respective main lay!" Aubrey will remember this. Lauren won't experience this. Nora won't forget that.
Who is Chloe again?
It doesn't matter.
One of my favorite things about this game is the ability to scroll up and change decisions that I've already made. Should I suffer the consequences of saying the wrong thing, or miss out on talking to Nora while doing something else, I can simply scroll up and recover my misdeeds. I may be a coward, but I'm a coward who is trying his best to be efficient.
And I still mess it up. I started a run intending to focus solely on Emily, but then I hit a brick wall and tried to see what Chloe was up to. Then I hit a brick wall with that and focused instead on Penelope. Then Samantha. At the end, in my frustration I slept with a random Tindr girl since I had failed to get laid any other way. Then Emily and I let out our frustrations in a random bathroom. And at the end, I had no idea if I had done anything correctly.
Even in my initial main playthrough! I started out as a Lauren man while possibly having the openness to Chloe. But then Nora starts warming up to me, and suddenly I'm cast all out of whack. I could have a sticky note directly over my computer monitor labeled "RILEY THIS TIME, YOU IDIOT" and I'd still end up dancing the horizontal tango with Aubrey.
Aubrey...
Every man needs an Aubrey in his life. A friend told me this before I even played College Kings for the first time. I thought he was joking, but at the twilight of my main playthrough I realized that Aubrey was genuinely a platonic friend to me. Instead of adding her to the ever-growing and expansive list of ladies to screw on the regular, I established a seemingly real care for Aubrey. Aubrey! The one who I specifically didn't want to sleep with! Every man needs an Aubrey in his life. My friend was more correct than he could possibly know.
College Kings invites us to consider what we would do given the opportunity to live through an absurd facsimile of American college life. Wanna nail every board
Then go for it. Have a blast. Just know that it's easier to lose your way amidst the winding paths than one might think. Give the game a bit of credit and it will return the favor ten times over. And I might specifically make an Act III review in order to highlight the specific storyline relative to that episode, since Act III feels climactic in its own right. Seriously, the events of Act III are wild. Real ones know.
I may not have much of an understanding of the various people who play dating sims on steam, or even the ones who go so far as to read a meandering stream of consciousness review talking tangentially about this godforsaken game (especially this far!), but I at least understand myself. What I would do, what I would say, who I would be given the opportunity. And having that alone is enough to get a pleasant kick out of this firecracker of a game.
College Kings is a truly beautiful game. If you can get past some of the absurdity, you'll find a treasure trove of flavor. I especially love the transitions in Act I. They communicate a real "Don't take this too seriously" kind of feeling, while ensuring you to keep your guard up: Lindsey might need you. Nora might need you. Have you talked to Amber lately? Do you even know who Samantha is?
I started as a Wolf, then I became an Ape. With my switch to the aggressive frat came an unexpected insight into the struggles of wayward men and the flimsy veil of masculinity. I want to see where the story goes in that manner. I don't doubt for a single second that the game's developer, Undergrad Steve, is set to weave yet another wild addition to this beautiful tapestry. I'll probably come back and add to this as I discover more or think a little differently about the next act.
Kings and Queens.
Eagles and Snakes.
Apes and Wolves.
Monarchs and Madmen.
The choice belongs to you.
What will you do with it?