There's a certain feeling I hate getting when I'm playing a game, one that is a clear sign that what I'm playing is not worth the time of day. I was in the middle of the second level of Blasto when I said to myself "Oh god, is this all the game is?".
"Like Tomb Raider mixed with Duke Nukem" is the quote I would give this game if I was working for a game magazine in the 90s. The game's premise of "manly action hero full of one-liners wipes out a bunch of aliens and also there's Sexy Babes there" isn't the only thing this game borrows from Duke Nukem, as it seems to adhere to the boomer shooter tradition of "go here, hit a switch, ok now go back there, hit that switch, ok now that part is open, find the switch here, etc". Blasto's moveset resembles Lara Croft's in a couple ways, being a tank-controlled third-person shooter with a focus on jumping, though Blasto is much less focused on puzzle-solving, instead going full action. It's also a lot faster than Lara Croft, the jump is definitely more reliable for platforming. It's not like any of this is doomed to fail, but good god Blasto employs the most boring and annoying possible level design. On top of all the backtracking I mentioned, every couple steps you run into a section full of enemies spawning out of thin air, many times behind your back in such a way that getting to them before they hit you is impossible. The game is generous with health and extra lives, but that almost makes it worse because it feels like it knows it's shit and is trying to last-minute balance itself. Seriously, by the time I got to level 3 I felt like I was going insane with how much this game repeats the same tricks every couple seconds. The same flying enemies spawning everywhere in large numbers, the same on-foot enemies spawning right in front of you, the same switches and platforming challenges, it became miserable very quickly. Just, imagine Tomb Raider if instead of a Tomb to solve it was a big hallway and every 10 seconds you had to stop and fight 10 bats and 10 dogs.
There are a few redeeming qualities to Blasto, ones that keep me from giving it the lowest score possible. For one, Blasto doesn't actually control that poorly, if you're used to tank controls you mostly won't have a problem when it comes to trying to fight enemies or make jumps, it's really the level design and enemy encounters that kill this game. Secondly, hearing Phil Hartmann in anything is a joy, even in this. The lines he's given are pretty bad (the opening cutscene does 3 Uranus jokes and the game definitely takes place on Uranus only because it wanted to make those jokes), but he sells the hell out of them. A damn shame his talents were wasted on Blasto.
Anyway, check out the tcrf page for this game, it's got a naked woman on it.
"Like Tomb Raider mixed with Duke Nukem" is the quote I would give this game if I was working for a game magazine in the 90s. The game's premise of "manly action hero full of one-liners wipes out a bunch of aliens and also there's Sexy Babes there" isn't the only thing this game borrows from Duke Nukem, as it seems to adhere to the boomer shooter tradition of "go here, hit a switch, ok now go back there, hit that switch, ok now that part is open, find the switch here, etc". Blasto's moveset resembles Lara Croft's in a couple ways, being a tank-controlled third-person shooter with a focus on jumping, though Blasto is much less focused on puzzle-solving, instead going full action. It's also a lot faster than Lara Croft, the jump is definitely more reliable for platforming. It's not like any of this is doomed to fail, but good god Blasto employs the most boring and annoying possible level design. On top of all the backtracking I mentioned, every couple steps you run into a section full of enemies spawning out of thin air, many times behind your back in such a way that getting to them before they hit you is impossible. The game is generous with health and extra lives, but that almost makes it worse because it feels like it knows it's shit and is trying to last-minute balance itself. Seriously, by the time I got to level 3 I felt like I was going insane with how much this game repeats the same tricks every couple seconds. The same flying enemies spawning everywhere in large numbers, the same on-foot enemies spawning right in front of you, the same switches and platforming challenges, it became miserable very quickly. Just, imagine Tomb Raider if instead of a Tomb to solve it was a big hallway and every 10 seconds you had to stop and fight 10 bats and 10 dogs.
There are a few redeeming qualities to Blasto, ones that keep me from giving it the lowest score possible. For one, Blasto doesn't actually control that poorly, if you're used to tank controls you mostly won't have a problem when it comes to trying to fight enemies or make jumps, it's really the level design and enemy encounters that kill this game. Secondly, hearing Phil Hartmann in anything is a joy, even in this. The lines he's given are pretty bad (the opening cutscene does 3 Uranus jokes and the game definitely takes place on Uranus only because it wanted to make those jokes), but he sells the hell out of them. A damn shame his talents were wasted on Blasto.
Anyway, check out the tcrf page for this game, it's got a naked woman on it.