Hey. Szymanski. Now, I know you and Mr. Plier are making the Iron Lung movie. But. And hear me out on this... A Chop Goblins Animated TV Series. Think about it, the kids would love that! You could make toys of each of the goblins and they would fly off the shelves, the comedic and marketing potential of these chopping bastards is limitless! This is where true gold-mine is at! Artistic integrity? That's secondary to funny little gremlins!
Chop Goblins gives off the same feel of a Saturday morning cartoon without having anything to do with one visually nor structurally, but the simple comedic stroke of genius that is the enemies being a bunch of world-ending goobers that only want cheese and the short but fast-paced run-time of the game give the same sensation of sitting in the couch watching a funny cartoon episode.
In the span of one hour you go through a museum, watch the goblins chop cars and buildings, travel through space and time, and also fight Dracula which I don't know why but it seems fitting 'cause sure why not. All the levels are pretty small but very concise and creative spaces that explore different visual styles, being both linear and maze-like at the same time, something I didn't even know was even possible but they pull it off so who am I to complain?
All weapons serve different niches, like the starting pistol being slow as hell but a one shot tool for lesser enemies, and the wand being a ''fuck you'' tool to get out of difficult situations, and then there's the dagger. You can hit axes thrown at you and instakill the enemies with it. The dagger is funny. Everyone loves the dagger and dagger loves us too.
It's not the fastest paced shooter out there by any stretch of the imagination but the lay-out of the rooms and the way each goblin behaves are a puzzle on their own that forces you to think fast and react faster, taking cover and considering what weapon to use or if blowing up the car that's 1 meter away from you is a good decision or not (it usually isn't but I do it anyway), and yeah, it's fun!
Chop Goblins is a short and funny little game and that's pretty much it; after beating it you can try the Goblin difficulty and the Remix levels, but that's pretty much it, and it's fun! I wish there was any way to access the options in the pause menu and that it attempted more interesting set pieces like the ones in the second level, but you know, the game wants to be simple, and I’m not gonna knock that against it, go wild you lovable little bunch of gremlins!
For real tho it’s hilarious this came out just after Iron Lung and was even teased on it, I couldn’t think of games more opposite of each other, and I’m just saying, Iron Lung doesn’t have any goblins, it’s clear who’s the one deserving of an adaptation…
Chop Goblins gives off the same feel of a Saturday morning cartoon without having anything to do with one visually nor structurally, but the simple comedic stroke of genius that is the enemies being a bunch of world-ending goobers that only want cheese and the short but fast-paced run-time of the game give the same sensation of sitting in the couch watching a funny cartoon episode.
In the span of one hour you go through a museum, watch the goblins chop cars and buildings, travel through space and time, and also fight Dracula which I don't know why but it seems fitting 'cause sure why not. All the levels are pretty small but very concise and creative spaces that explore different visual styles, being both linear and maze-like at the same time, something I didn't even know was even possible but they pull it off so who am I to complain?
All weapons serve different niches, like the starting pistol being slow as hell but a one shot tool for lesser enemies, and the wand being a ''fuck you'' tool to get out of difficult situations, and then there's the dagger. You can hit axes thrown at you and instakill the enemies with it. The dagger is funny. Everyone loves the dagger and dagger loves us too.
It's not the fastest paced shooter out there by any stretch of the imagination but the lay-out of the rooms and the way each goblin behaves are a puzzle on their own that forces you to think fast and react faster, taking cover and considering what weapon to use or if blowing up the car that's 1 meter away from you is a good decision or not (it usually isn't but I do it anyway), and yeah, it's fun!
Chop Goblins is a short and funny little game and that's pretty much it; after beating it you can try the Goblin difficulty and the Remix levels, but that's pretty much it, and it's fun! I wish there was any way to access the options in the pause menu and that it attempted more interesting set pieces like the ones in the second level, but you know, the game wants to be simple, and I’m not gonna knock that against it, go wild you lovable little bunch of gremlins!
For real tho it’s hilarious this came out just after Iron Lung and was even teased on it, I couldn’t think of games more opposite of each other, and I’m just saying, Iron Lung doesn’t have any goblins, it’s clear who’s the one deserving of an adaptation…
4 Comments
I don't know where i read it (or if I had read it at all and didn't made it up), but apparently Chop Goblins is a dream the main character from Iron Lung had. Pretty sad news that the goblins ain't real after all...
Where's all the cheese?
Where's all the cheese?
@AlphaOne2 Oh, I mentioned Iron Lung mostly for the joke at the start and since it's the game of his I played before this and Chop Goblins came out just after it, but I'm pretty familiar with Szymanski's library and I even played the Squirrel Stapler's original release on the Dread X collection. Having said that there's still much of him I want to play, I have yet to play his most recent releases and even Dusk, which I just recently got so hey, maybe I'll play it soon! But yeah, love how varied his catalogue and how they all share that unqiue visual flare.
@paq250_ Honestly if that's true I can forgive the goblins being fake because of how fucking hilarious that is, and hey, at least they'll always be reall in our hearts...
AlphaOne2
3 months ago