Every hour, every minute, every second spent in thus game took me from idle enjoyment to an increasingly nagging question: why does this compare so poorly to Powerwash Simulator?

They're both in that family of chill task-oriented client-mission simulator games where you plug away at a job, and I half-expected the variety of House Flipper to keep it around the same level, but it lacks the polish, the pleasantness, the humour, the aesthetics, the charm, the individuality that comes from my favoured job sim, and instead feels like point-accruing and wealth-hoarding to no end. Do I want to turn my shack into a proper house with my nigh-infinite funds from my boring ass jobs? Do I fuck. It doesn't feel like the idea is even sold to me, let alone any unique expression in the missions. Yes I can make everything look like shit while still filling bars or abandon jobs early, but to what end? What's the point? It doesn't feel good. There's no flow. This game simply has no rizz.

It doesn't even do a fun time lapse to show what cool shit I did. I just have to... what, enjoy the memories?

I won't. I refuse. Two stars. Just because bland isn't always enough to bottom out entirely. It has its moments. I think. I just can't think of any right now.