Being a fan of Nintendo can be tough sometimes. I'm sure I'm not the only one for whom Wario was as much a part of childhood as Mario. Be it when I was borrowing the first few games from my older cousins, playing the hell out of my own copy of Wario Land 4 on the GBA, or enjoying the many spinoffs he was front and center in. Wario was always there, until Nintendo decided he wasn't anymore. As the Mario games shifted more and more into a heavily protected mega franchise, Wario had to go. Mario's greedy, smelly rival was shuffled off to the eternal spin off mines. The way of almost all Nintendo IPs of course that aren't profitable enough, whatever the fuck that means in shareholder land. Luckily, Indies have given us many, sometimes even better substitutes to whatever Nintendo isn't willing to do anymore. And in 2023, a bit out of nowhere, we got another great one: Pizza Tower.

The devs at Tour de Pizza indeed created the ultimate answer to the question: Where did Wario Land go ? Apparently it turned into an awesome 2D platformer where a funny Italian man, with serious anxiety problems, fights an Evil Pizza Face trying to nuke his restaurant. Obviously.
And that is all presented through an absolute wild art style. An amazing art style. Many have compared it to old 90s cartoons drawn in MS Paint, but I can't really agree with that. For me, it seems a lot more like it's going for mid 2000s adult swim shows and Newgrounds cartoons. A bit like Super jail or Mr Pickles. The kinda off- model drawings that throw away smooth line work and continuity in its individual frames for a much faster, chaotic style that feels like you're watching a painting melt on acid before your eyes. And just like its inspirations, Pizza Tower still excels in actual animation quality. It's insane how many individual poses and expressions fill the screen at any moment, along with the movement in the gameplay. Peppino himself gets a giant TV on the top right that is shifting all the time to new hilarious expressions, all depending on what's happening to him at that moment. For sure just a giant, well earned flex by the devs.

The soundtrack accompanying his crazy pizza adventure is also one of the best I have ever heard. Its almost impossibly diverse with dark humming undertons flawellesly going into a driving beat in levels like Dont Make a Sound or entering Crust Cove and hitting you with music that wouldnt at all be out of place in Jet Set Radio. A lot of these songs stay in my head long after I closed the game.

And while this amazing soundtrack is playing you'll be air dashing with Peppino all over the place trying to reach the end of each Level. Just like Wario Land 4, when you hit the exit switch, this time not in the form of a weird frog statue but as the weirdly creepy looking John Pillar. Who's a Giant Pillar with a Human face that is holding the Pizza Tower together, of course. You're then promted to run back to the exit before the timer runs out or be chased to a game over by the games villain, Pizza Face. The first time in each level is always an anxiety inducing dash as you try to grab all the collectibles you missed while going faster than sonic could ever dream of. If your like me, you'll probably still get a bad letter grad like C or D even. But that's the other beautiful thing in Pizza Towers design: How complex its move set is and how good you become at it if you're willing to put in a bit of work. It's honestly a god like feeling when you eventually understand it and fly through the stages with the goal of reaching the top ranking. Dash through the metal block, up smash, get the secret, fall out the bottom, don't forget to get the Janitor.... It's so awesome. It must be how speedrunners or fighting games players feel when they reach their apex skill level. That said: I can't exactly claim I'm that good at it. As much as I wish I was, I will probably forever stay in the A to S tier ranking. The highest you can get is P, which requires a full run of the level, never losing your combo, then finished the second lap while the countdown is ticking down and beating each of the 3 hidden stages. Not to mention you're ranked again in total at the end of the game. It's a lot, and it already took me hours to just P Rank the first world. I think I'm good with leaving that to the professionals.

I'm just so glad Pizza Tower exists. An incredible game that just had even more content added to it via The Noise Update. An entire new character to play as with his own move set to learn and tons of new costume animations. Needlessly to say, my conclusion is that Pizza Tower is absolutly goated and makes me question if I even still need Nintendo. Seriously, just sell Wario to Tour de Pizza, they would do my favorite yellow garlic enjoyer justice for sure.