Wrote the blueprint for western turn-based RPGs.

Maybe someday I'll post a book-length review explaining all the things I love about it, but that's unlikely, because I know I'd be showing my whole old ass by doing that. I know my take is biased because I played this when I was a nerdy, lonely teen and just vibed with it immensely. I know there are a lot of things that some other folks would find rushed, or sloppy, or off-putting, or janky about it.

But... eff me it's brilliant innit? I can still look at those flaws and say with a straight face: 10-out-of-10, top 5 all-timer, perfect game.

And unlike most things in the genre it spawned, it only takes 20 hours to complete! Copy that part of it more often please, CRPG makers.

The developer of this, Joe Richardson (A game by Joe Richardson) has taken renaissance art and classical music available in the public domain and edited it all together to create an incredibly unique looking collaged style. Even the name 'The Procession to Calvary' is a painting from 1564 by artist Pieter Brugel. I'm not an art critic by any means so only recognized a couple of paintings used whilst playing, only one of which I could have named, but the style and stop motion-esque animation really make it stand out to almost any game I've played in some time.

You play the role of...lets call her Bellona from one of Rembrandt's paintings. She is a blood thirsty warrior who is disappointed the holy war is won. She can stop killing! The problem is she likes killing. Bellona manages to convince the newly crowned Immortal John to let her go South on one last mission to kill the leader of the other faction, Heavenly Peter! The game is at no point meant to be taken seriously and I must admit I laughed out loud on several occasions during this bonkers escapade. It's like a mixture of Monty Python and Terry Pratchett and often left me with a smile on my face at some of the witty dialogue or plain daft situations. Though if you're easily offended I would stay away as the humour is often dark with few limits in what it mocks.

Speaking of Terry Pratchett, gameplay wise it's a point and click adventure similar to Discworld, Monkey Island or Broken Sword. Most of the puzzles are fairly logical though at times I got a little stumped in what to do but often there is something to give you a hint unless you are an impatient spanner and skip the dialogue. It's fairly short once you actually figure out what you are doing and by the developers own admission is pretty niche, but it's my type of niche.

Recommended if you want some thing a bit weird, amusing or absurd.