LETTERMAN: Our next guest is the former Grand Master of the Jedi Order and current denizen of the swamp planet Dagobah. Jeez, talk about a lousy 5 year plan.
SHAFFER: You're telling me.
LETTERMAN: Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Yoda!
(Band kicks into Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World" as Yoda walks onto stage, waving. He mugs at Paul and the band for a moment like he's going to mind trick them, but his face quickly melts into a smile and he continues walking towards his chair. Lamb Chop stands from her seat and shakes Yoda's hand as he approaches, moving down a chair as Yoda sits.)
LETTERMAN: Welcome back to the show.
YODA: (solemnly) Dave...
LETTERMAN: (Chuckling) Uh-oh.
YODA: Dave, I'm not doing the voice tonight.
LETTERMAN: (Laughs) You're not the-...Not doing the voice?
YODA: I'm not doing the voice tonight.
LETTERMAN: Now, that's not-...People love the voice. Tell him, Paul!
SHAFFER: It's a great voice.
(Audience cheers)
LETTERMAN: See? See? Ah, well. If they can't convince you, I don't know what will.
YODA: Thank you all. You're very kind. Very kind.
LETTERMAN: Now, I've been hearing these rumors. Always rumors with you. Oh, he's died and become a force ghost. He's zipping around in a, uh, a...Wookiee evacuation pod.
YODA: Yeah, there's a lot of-
LETTERMAN: Can you set the record straight for once? America demands it.
YODA: (Chuckles) I have to, um-...I have to maintain a bit of an air of mystery, but I can confidently say that I am not a force ghost.
LETTERMAN: Now, that's good to hear. Not a force ghost?
YODA: No, not a force ghost.
(Scattered applause from audience)
YODA: (muffled) Not yet at least.
LETTERMAN: (Laughing) Not yet. Now, for a while there you were working alongside Galactic Emperor Sheev Palpatine.
YODA: Mmm-hmm.
LETTERMAN: What is that like? If you'll pardon the expression, I imagine two big egos like that can't help but bump up against one another every-
YODA: Well, I-...
LETTERMAN: And I mean, that's before you even factor in Ki-Adi-Mundi! Had to get contentious over there, no?
YODA: (Laughs) At times. At times. But, um, no, I really don't have anything juicy to reveal. You all know about our daring final confrontation in the Galactic Senate, but other than that we, uh, we rarely interacted outside of boring committees and the like.
LETTERMAN: Never got stuck in the elevator to the cafeteria with one another?
YODA: No, can't say so. Can't say-...Hell, we don't even eat the same kind of food.
LETTERMAN: Wow, I feel like we are learning so much about you today, Yoda.
(Audience laughs)
LETTERMAN: I'd like to learn even more, but we gotta do a commercial. Will you stick around, Yoda?
Yoda: Yeah, of course.
LETTERMAN: Great, great. We'll be right back with more from Yoda!
(Audience claps. Band begins to play)
LETTERMAN: (Muffled) Now, the Journal of the Whills...
(Segue to commercials as footage of Yoda fighting Ivy in Soul Calibur IV arcade mode plays)
(Commercials)
SHAFFER: You're telling me.
LETTERMAN: Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Yoda!
(Band kicks into Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World" as Yoda walks onto stage, waving. He mugs at Paul and the band for a moment like he's going to mind trick them, but his face quickly melts into a smile and he continues walking towards his chair. Lamb Chop stands from her seat and shakes Yoda's hand as he approaches, moving down a chair as Yoda sits.)
LETTERMAN: Welcome back to the show.
YODA: (solemnly) Dave...
LETTERMAN: (Chuckling) Uh-oh.
YODA: Dave, I'm not doing the voice tonight.
LETTERMAN: (Laughs) You're not the-...Not doing the voice?
YODA: I'm not doing the voice tonight.
LETTERMAN: Now, that's not-...People love the voice. Tell him, Paul!
SHAFFER: It's a great voice.
(Audience cheers)
LETTERMAN: See? See? Ah, well. If they can't convince you, I don't know what will.
YODA: Thank you all. You're very kind. Very kind.
LETTERMAN: Now, I've been hearing these rumors. Always rumors with you. Oh, he's died and become a force ghost. He's zipping around in a, uh, a...Wookiee evacuation pod.
YODA: Yeah, there's a lot of-
LETTERMAN: Can you set the record straight for once? America demands it.
YODA: (Chuckles) I have to, um-...I have to maintain a bit of an air of mystery, but I can confidently say that I am not a force ghost.
LETTERMAN: Now, that's good to hear. Not a force ghost?
YODA: No, not a force ghost.
(Scattered applause from audience)
YODA: (muffled) Not yet at least.
LETTERMAN: (Laughing) Not yet. Now, for a while there you were working alongside Galactic Emperor Sheev Palpatine.
YODA: Mmm-hmm.
LETTERMAN: What is that like? If you'll pardon the expression, I imagine two big egos like that can't help but bump up against one another every-
YODA: Well, I-...
LETTERMAN: And I mean, that's before you even factor in Ki-Adi-Mundi! Had to get contentious over there, no?
YODA: (Laughs) At times. At times. But, um, no, I really don't have anything juicy to reveal. You all know about our daring final confrontation in the Galactic Senate, but other than that we, uh, we rarely interacted outside of boring committees and the like.
LETTERMAN: Never got stuck in the elevator to the cafeteria with one another?
YODA: No, can't say so. Can't say-...Hell, we don't even eat the same kind of food.
LETTERMAN: Wow, I feel like we are learning so much about you today, Yoda.
(Audience laughs)
LETTERMAN: I'd like to learn even more, but we gotta do a commercial. Will you stick around, Yoda?
Yoda: Yeah, of course.
LETTERMAN: Great, great. We'll be right back with more from Yoda!
(Audience claps. Band begins to play)
LETTERMAN: (Muffled) Now, the Journal of the Whills...
(Segue to commercials as footage of Yoda fighting Ivy in Soul Calibur IV arcade mode plays)
(Commercials)