For those who don't know (all of you), whenever someone says it's their birthday in Discord I throw a link to this at them without typing anything else. In hindsight it might come off a bit rude, but it's a personal bit I've committed to harder than most games I've started this year, and believe me there's legitimate love put into that blind video tossing whether it's a stranger in a public server or someone I've known online since goddamn GameFAQs. It's kind of coincidental actually that my own birthday was a few days ago, so I guess this is my belated birthday wish to myself. I swear, I was just looking at my shelf of PS1 games and I guess the sun that was my eyes hit that shelf just right that it sang "hey, play Emperor's New Groove ya schmuck." Yes ma'am.
I'm sorry to say, but it's one of those scrimbly bimbly bumblos or whatever people call 3D platforming collectathons these days. I'm pretty sure I butchered it's spelling and actual meaning, because I'm not hip. I heard this game compared to Spyro a bunch, and for a while I thought everyone making that claim was just talking about them both being quadrupeds who charged at people. However there's this little shithead on a toy bike (Not in the movie, verified by yours truly who watched it 999 times) that constantly challenges you to chase them down or race them, basically being the stand-in for the egg thieves from the first Spyro. There it is, now I get it. I miss when games ripped off the good stuff....
It's kind of a foregone conclusion that they weren't gonna be able to pay David Spade or John Goodman enough money to go into the recording booth for new lines, so we have sound-alikes instead. The one for Kuzco actually does pretty well and is a delicious asshole for most of the game, but Pacha's was definitely only paid in M&Ms or something 'cause they really didn't care. They did manage to get Eartha Kitt and Brock Samson though, so that's pretty cool at least even if they understandably didn't put as much oomph into their performances. The fact they showed up is enough for theoretical ten-year old me in 2000 to appreciate it.
There's however a ton of fourth wall breaking like in the film. One particular instance prior to a terrible button-mashing session with jaguars chasing me began with Kuzco mentioning something about a video game in the 80s. This absolutely stumps the shit out of me for many reasons. So we have Kuzco from the fictional Disney multiverse talking about a video game that would've been made many centuries later, which I'm going to assume is Track and Field on NES. So Disney multiverse is.....real? God, I hope not. I'd strangle the shit out of that mouse if I saw him walking down the street.
Either way, it's alright....except for those roller coaster sections near the end. If I hear anyone talk shit about the trolley in Spyro 2 again I'm bonking them real good after that nonsense. This is one of those "games you played at your cousin's house" type of vibe games. Even if it's probably something I just staple to the face of every Disney game, thanks to that terrible Lion King game on SNES or that.....Beauty and the Beast board game thing on Game Boy Color. Yeah, that existed. I wasn't really sure if this was either gonna be my last game of 2022 or my first one of 2023, but I got engrossed enough to finish it tonight. Rest easy I guess that some stupid shit like Congo on Saturn could be my big initiation for the new year.
Kuzco is my favorite Disney princess. If that happy birthday video ever gets removed, there's gonna be some serious fuckin' hell to pay.
I'm sorry to say, but it's one of those scrimbly bimbly bumblos or whatever people call 3D platforming collectathons these days. I'm pretty sure I butchered it's spelling and actual meaning, because I'm not hip. I heard this game compared to Spyro a bunch, and for a while I thought everyone making that claim was just talking about them both being quadrupeds who charged at people. However there's this little shithead on a toy bike (Not in the movie, verified by yours truly who watched it 999 times) that constantly challenges you to chase them down or race them, basically being the stand-in for the egg thieves from the first Spyro. There it is, now I get it. I miss when games ripped off the good stuff....
It's kind of a foregone conclusion that they weren't gonna be able to pay David Spade or John Goodman enough money to go into the recording booth for new lines, so we have sound-alikes instead. The one for Kuzco actually does pretty well and is a delicious asshole for most of the game, but Pacha's was definitely only paid in M&Ms or something 'cause they really didn't care. They did manage to get Eartha Kitt and Brock Samson though, so that's pretty cool at least even if they understandably didn't put as much oomph into their performances. The fact they showed up is enough for theoretical ten-year old me in 2000 to appreciate it.
There's however a ton of fourth wall breaking like in the film. One particular instance prior to a terrible button-mashing session with jaguars chasing me began with Kuzco mentioning something about a video game in the 80s. This absolutely stumps the shit out of me for many reasons. So we have Kuzco from the fictional Disney multiverse talking about a video game that would've been made many centuries later, which I'm going to assume is Track and Field on NES. So Disney multiverse is.....real? God, I hope not. I'd strangle the shit out of that mouse if I saw him walking down the street.
Either way, it's alright....except for those roller coaster sections near the end. If I hear anyone talk shit about the trolley in Spyro 2 again I'm bonking them real good after that nonsense. This is one of those "games you played at your cousin's house" type of vibe games. Even if it's probably something I just staple to the face of every Disney game, thanks to that terrible Lion King game on SNES or that.....Beauty and the Beast board game thing on Game Boy Color. Yeah, that existed. I wasn't really sure if this was either gonna be my last game of 2022 or my first one of 2023, but I got engrossed enough to finish it tonight. Rest easy I guess that some stupid shit like Congo on Saturn could be my big initiation for the new year.
Kuzco is my favorite Disney princess. If that happy birthday video ever gets removed, there's gonna be some serious fuckin' hell to pay.
5 Comments
When I saw the Argonauts Games logo at startup I went "oh god! It's the Ren & Stimpy Fire Dogs guys!!" I only got to play Croc for a bit, but since I actually took the time to finish this one I wanna say it's better for sure. It's not re-writing the way 3D platforming is done, but it's something I would've enjoyed back then.
off-topic but "games you played at your cousin's house" immediately brought a very powerful memory bubbling to the surface - the abysmal South Park FPS for N64. Need to bite the bullet and fire it up someday just to close that particular door in my mind palace that's been cracked open for the last, oh, 25 years
Oh god, dude you'll be so tired of fighting turkeys by the end of the first set of levels you will not want to have thanksgiving next year. I can't stand that Turok is related to that thing.
Shooting an endless wave of turkeys coming out of piss colored fog and wondering if they were ever going to, yknow, stop, is literally the only thing I remember about it hahaha
BlazingWaters
1 year ago
Disregarding that, I do want to play it. I mean it's just Argonaut Games using the Croc (2?) engine to make a license game of one of the best Disney movies, and a personal favorite of mine at that, so how could I not ya know? Gotta fill that Library Oddball quota somehow!