Bio
Just here for the scenery.
A good friend. [I swear]
Current Favorites: Upcoming 2023 Games I think I'm most excited about. [Year of Wario-likes! Let's goooo]
He/Him | LGBTQ+ | Mostly Retro Trash and the Odd Indie Title | Sega Apologist | #FreeBloodyRoar
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GOTY '22
Participated in the 2022 Game of the Year Event
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Gamer
Played 250+ games
N00b
Played 100+ games
Favorite Games
1213
Total Games Played
016
Played in 2023
154
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What I Look For In a Life Partner: stereotypically Italian, makes pizza and knows how to perform a spinning piledriver.
You know what I'm tired of? Player characters who only do wimpy attacks like jumping on their enemies, or swiping with their dinky-ass little broadswords. What are ya gonna do with that buster sword? Tickle me to death? I'm here to grapple with every goddamn thing I see, and uppercut them through the ceiling straight into other enemies, initiating a combo and gaining points like an even more sadistic version of bowling. Like a demented pizza-making freight train I dash around colliding into everyone like an Ed Edd n' Eddy character straight outta Hell with nothing to lose. I do a sick body splash too. You see that stupid sunglasses-wearin' pineapple guy? I'm gonna beat the daylights outta him. I hate him! He ruins every pizza he touches! I'm gonna smash you into the ground Pineapple Man!!! BOOM! POW! SMACK!
BRUTALITY IS ME! I AM THE BRUTALIZER!
BRUTALITY IS ME! I AM THE BRUTALIZER!
It kind of goes without saying what Pizza Tower is attempting to mimic. I mean, you know why I'm playing this, and I know why you're probably interested in it. Hell, it even has a golf stage perhaps as an allusion to the third game. Mario is jealous! He is so mad that Wario has better games than him! He can't take it anymore! He politicked to Nintendo and made Wario sit behind a desk to develop microgames for wee ant babies, while Mario continued to hog the spotlight! Denying us more pure Wario games with shoulder charging and butt smashing action! Say no more though, because a wacky Italian pizza chef straight out of some kind of What A Cartoon-ass 90s era CN show is here to deliver the good shit.
In the case of whether you're wondering if it pulls it off well, I personally think it passes with multiple flying colors of some sort. I would even go as far as to say it adds enough to become it's own identity regardless of it's painfully obvious inspiration. Peppino is a big-time brawler that I mesh with as well as tomato sauce and mozzarella, and just when you think the transformations are gonna start repeating they instead just keep cranking out more. Well, except near the end, they kinda go overboard on a certain one involving a semi-ranged weapon that people tend to hate in multiplayer. Still pastrami cool though, and it's gonna be really satisfying once you start making this game your main squeeze and master it to the nth degree.
THE CHECKLIST:
•Heavyweight character move-set with professional wrestling moves [X]
•Collecting shit, but not too much shit. [X]
•Blast Processing [X]
•Sick Boss Fights [X]
•Cartoon Aesthetic [X]
•Heavyweight character move-set with professional wrestling moves [X]
•Collecting shit, but not too much shit. [X]
•Blast Processing [X]
•Sick Boss Fights [X]
•Cartoon Aesthetic [X]
Yup, that's a bunch of boxes checked. Vee is in love maybe. Pizza Tower, I choo-choo-choose you to be my Valentine. Swoon
Sonic 1! The start of a legend! Every plumber shrieks in fear as the blue hedgehog appears to steal the hearts of millions!
As rough as the needlemouse's own quills, I got a bit of a new respect for the debut of one of the biggest influences on my childhood after racing some friends in it. Green Hill Zone is forever iconic, Marble Zone has a banger riff that I'd love to play on guitar despite it's constant need of looking upwards, Spring Yard is forever catchy regardless of it's mysterious boxes that could kill you instantly on-sneeze, Starlight is a relaxing breather, and Scrap Brain is an exhilarating trip into the hellish landscape of a world dominated by earth-destroying humans.
What's that? Labyrinth Zone? What about it?
"I love the slow plodding tedium of Labyrinth Zone." ~ Guy in prison with tax evasion Yoshi
I still don't like it as much as the Master System version, but it's a better starting point than some let on! By the way, did you know that the Japanese version was released later with some added minor effects and a whole added ring to Labyrinth Zone? That's the one I used for the race! Ignore that it was also apparently made ever so slightly easier too... heh heh. Fiendishly clever Vee....
Approximately five months ago I played Gate of Thunder (real fuckin' good game) and successfully gaslit at least 17 people into thinking I was gonna start exploring the Turbografix/PC Engine library, and proceeded to put more effort into the Atari Jaguar instead. Y'all should've seen your faces, I got you so bad! Calculated and just as planned.
It took BL game club and my pathetic want of needing to be a part of something to play another PCE game. One about playing as a toy made by an American naval engineer from my home state apparently, that was originally priced at one whole didgeridoo, I think that's like five-hundred didgeridoos these days adjusted for inflation. This particular Slinky toy was born from a Louie egg straight outta Bomberman dropped by...Christian God? At least that's the story for Mesopotamia, the Japanese release of Somer Assault. Did you get the pun? Hee hee ho. In Somer Assault the intro is just a boring villainous monologue from the sorceress as the Slinky inexplicably appears and goes "I WILL STOP YOU FOUL VILLAIN!!!" in an overly heroic voice as I like to imagine.
Afterwards you proceed to clumsily bumble your way through the Amiga-ass stages and hold down the turbo button to blast bosses in the noggin constantly after you find safe spots, or simply tank through everything with your humongous lifebar that you gained from the generous drop rates of the power ups from the eternally respawning enemies. I actually almost timed out in the first stage of Mesopotamia when I first booted it up, but Somer Assault makes things easier, which to me is almost unheard of. I'm so used to it being the other way around! I completely blame Konami for making their games harder overseas on that one, I'm still suffering from the fallout of Bayou Billy on that shit.
I think it's neat! Different for sure! Am I coming back to it? Eh...I think it's just kinda hee ho-hum. Go play Gate of Thunder instead. I'm gonna go watch Ace Ventura When Nature Calls for the 500th time.