Back over on GameFAQs there was a dedicated Fighting Game board that I frequented, and one of the regulars there was a dude who would constantly ask about SVC Chaos getting an HD remaster or a rerelease. They were essentially like me back when I asked about a new F-Zero in every Nintendo Direct thread (pre-99), except potentially without a hint of irony behind it and persistently making entire topics about it.

Needless to say, ladies, gentlemen, astounding people. No matter what your wish is, no matter what you desire, never let your dreams be memes, and never let the man or the general public get you down. Every dog has their day, even the old ones.

I wish every fighter had a tournament legal Shin Akuma.

This doesn't have a title on it's spine.

I wonder what that is? Is this a special version of Black where it's truly pitch black? How much more black could this be? The answer is none, but it's the next step up from the Black Edition of Need For Speed Most Wanted (2005), which was much too cowardly to commit to the bit, and still had it's logo readable under proper lighting. What caused this? Was it a printing error, or was the spine logo unable to make it to work on time due to the crisis that has expanded beyond the realms of the game itself?

You may ask, what is this mysterious game that I don't feel like pulling off the shelf to investigate further? Well, it's a helicopter rescue simulator with a side of arcade fries, which utilizes the sticks on the DualShock to control your chopper. You have rescue missions where your goal is to put out fires with your water hoses and funny fire extinguisher missiles, and in the meantime attempt to pick up survivors in the form of regular humans, dogs, people in costume, construction workers who refuse to put down their girder, etc. Doing these rescues quickly will net you more time to tackle the next random accident that suddenly happens right after your successful attempt, I assume Crisis City is the actual name of this place (not to be confused with the PS1 game Crisis City, or maybe they're one and the same, I haven't played that one yet...). You also have chase missions, in which you aid Crisis City's police department in apprehending highly skilled busjackers who can do quick u-turns and sideswipe cop cars, as well as a deli thief getting away in the red Ferrari from Outrun. These missions are very much based on score and acquiring high ranks. There's not a lot to the game, so of course it's ranking system can be a bit demanding for unlocks, so it will probably take a bit before you can get the hidden helicopter named "Pork", which is a giant stuffed pig with a rotor engine on it's head. It's very much an early gen PS2 game, so this is all to be expected.

The tone of City Crisis takes a balancing act to it though that I kinda appreciate. The final rescue mission is a stage taking place after a massive earthquake had struck, and your mission is essentially a giant timer and trying to rescue as many people and douse as many fires as you can within the open play area. It's presented in a very serious manner, but prior to this finale comedic undertones were ever present within the gameplay as you could tell from my last paragraph. This somehow works extremely well, if you had stuck around this long with the game to make it to this final stage without busting out the codebreaker or action replay, it makes it all the more dramatic in this sudden turn of events where the comedy has fully left, and makes you feel much more inclined to help everyone as best you can. I remember once while renting this way back with my friend on their PS2, that we always felt the need to rescue the dog as soon as we could once we saw it in any mission, because the last thing we ever wanted to see was a skull and crossbones appearing above them.

....and I feel in retrospect upon writing about this unique and funny game with no spine logo, it really helped achieve that requirement of being highly skilled and needing a big heart. It's one of the toughest jobs out there...and lord knows I wouldn't be able to do it, I'd cry at just the sight of a disaster area...

This was actually super affordable on ebay for once, so I think you should try it too if you also have a big heart...or just play it on PCSX2, that apparently got a massive update recently and widescreen might help....

The actual Wario Land II... and the very first adventure I had with him, one I had barely remembered... like meeting with a long lost friend.

During the dumb kid days, my dad liked to randomly show up with game consoles sometimes. His excuse to my mom usually would be that I would enjoy it, but the obvious reason was that he wanted to play it. These consoles would range from things like another Sega Genesis, but this time it has a CD attachment growing out of it's side for some reason, or maybe it'd be a funny looking pair of red binoculars on a stand. This funny looking pair of red binoculars on a stand was no doubt something he got on clearance or something, because it also came with a ton of games, and part of me wants to think he actually did get it for me this time in order to keep me away from that really cool Sega Saturn he got not terribly long ago.

"Look son! I got this reaaaally cool pair of binoculars! You might see Wario in it! Meanwhile, I'm gonna play this reaaally NOT cool Sega Saturn! Have fun son!"

"Wow! Thanks dad! This is so cool!!!" :D

I can't remember him playing it that much, but I would play it out on the kitchen table away from the living room that housed the really not-cool Sega Saturn, where I would get a neck cramp constantly from looking into it for extended periods. It's a certified Dumb Console™ that wouldn't look out of place next to the Mattel HyperScan, the Tiger R-Zone, or the Coleco Telstar Arcade, which are things I've been recently more interested in actually owning, since they're harder to replace with computer programs like my currently completely useless PS1 collection (That longbox copy of Starblade Alpha might eventually get me a house someday, ionno.). However, a detrimental quality of the Virtual Boy is that there is 100% a way to play it that is flat out better than playing on the legitimate console, and it has been that way for at least a decade at this point, and it's not getting any better these days when the console's failure rate is getting out of hand, since apparently Nintendo cheapened out on some of the innards. Not helped that apparently like many early childhood consoles of mine, they decided to wander off and become lost forever not long after I had met them...

The console is dumb, we know that. You know that, and whatever god above knows that. You know what isn't dumb though? A bunch of the games themselves, especially this one.

The fact Wario is so cool and awesome that he can single-handedly carry a blunder of a console on his back and keep it lingering in the minds of Nintendo's more dedicated fanbase just goes to show how good he truly is. His game here is actually quite gorgeous I feel with the red and black pallete, even if I did opt to turn it into the cinderblock pallete. It really does suit the environment of dwelling through the darkness of caves, and sometimes it gives off a mystical vibe of a place under constant sunset and the application of 3D I feel was done about as well as they could've for a sidescroller. The boss fights are the highlight for sure, even if the final one might be really wonky the first few times you try to fight it. I will say, pretty on par for Wario that you can sneak in a cheap shot if you jump at the final boss right away, very much in-character. Kazumi Totaka's music on this unique one-time evolution of the Game Boy might actually be among my favorites from the series, even if it may just be reusing a common main theme through out most of it, but I was always a huge sucker for that ever since a certain purple dragon graced my life. Be sure to look out for Totaka's Song after the end!

It's gameplay feels like a lost bridge between the funny original Wario that wore silly hats, and the more familiar and nimble Wario that would become invincible to everything, except for getting grappled by giant clowns....and then would go back to being susceptible to damage again in the game after that. The use of the shoulder buttons to run almost feels like something of a precursor to the running head smash in Wario Land 4, and I kinda like how you can just have Bull Wario idly stand there menacingly with his shoulders out, or do a funny belly flop if you try to butt smash without the bull power up. It's a fairly short game, tapping out at about two hours of in-game time for my first playthrough, and only about an hour-and-a-half on my second where I actively tried to find the treasure for the best ending...which by the way features a playboy bunny girl riding along with Wario on a flying carpet....which is for sure something you wouldn't see these days from Nintendo I think...especially them releasing a new Wario game...

...or the ability to play this and other Virtual Boy games on a more accessible platform. The Virtual Boy is a Dumb Console™, but I feel Nintendo is doing the library a huge disservice keeping them inaccessible without emulation or paying too much money for a Dumb Console™ and giving yourself a migraine actually playing the damn thing. I know it only sold like 700k total, but there's gotta be at least 100k other numbskulls like me who had a fondness for this and were potentially fellow Teleroboxer-heads. The fact they never bothered to make these games available on the 3DS was the biggest missed opportunity to maybe give these games a new lease on life, and potentially make an impression on a newer audience. Hell, perhaps full color adaptions of some games would make for nice standalone re-releases... which they'd probably charge full price for at 59.99. Aw man, especially if they're the still unreleased and undumped Dragon Hopper or Zero Racers...

We can never win can we? Keep circulating the tapes.

btw final boss looks like a ghostly demon Waluigi face, I'm headcanoning that this is actually Waluigi and where Wario found him, and Waluigi hates Luigi because he's ghostphobic