(Winner of the "Hindenburg Award" for biggest technical blunder in the 2023 Vidya Gaem Awards, speech below)
What a shocking surprise! The game is poorly optimized, who would have guessed?
Maybe we should have taken the hint when Todd Howard told us to "Just get better hardware lol" even though it can't even run on the dedicated consoles it was designed for.
Let’s talk about the Creation Engine 2 that, despite Bethesda slapping a number two in its name, still at its core has the exact same issues since it was used to make Morrowind. That's over 20 years now of working with an engine that is held together by duct tape and mods.
Oh the mods, the famous ""mods will fix it"" attitude is exactly the reason why Bethesda never cared to put some actual effort into their software.
It’s hilarious how this giant company, who had all the time in the world to copy No Man's Sky, opted for “explorable” planets that are procedurally generated and barren, or limited to the modern equivalent of a village in skyrim.
And the NPCs of course, they like to clip out of their clothes, or clip outside the level geometry. When you're having a conversation with them, they don't have the patience (or the programming) to stay still. And don't you dare pick up that basketball next to a civilian, or you'll be shot on the spot for trying to murder them with it.
And we can add all the other smaller stuff like thousands of polygons for a single mug, wonky controls and dubious coding in general, basically it just doesn’t work and it deserves this year’s award without a doubt.
(Winner of "Press X To Win The Award" for worst gameplay in the 2023 Vidya Gaem Awards, speech below)
How do you do, fellow kids? It's me, Rob Broward, here to show you an exciting world. Many of them, in fact! Dozens! Bajillions! Just a hop, skip, and ten loading screens away.
From the makers of Fallout 3, aka ""Oblivion with Guns,"" we're happy to introduce Skyrim with Guns. In Spaaaaaace!
Featuring less than one half of the weapon variety as our previous game, Fallout 4, this tighter and more focused experience ought to make you feel an extraordinary level of boredom as you cross our barren landscapes to our copy-pasted bases!
Hell, you can't even kill anybody important, so there's no real consequences. What do you think this is, New Vegas?
And for all you 'speed runners,' make sure your jetpack can be activated by both space bar and one other key for maximum performance! Everything's better with jetpacks!
Leave your basement, right now, and ask your mother to buy you The Elder Scrolls: Starfield. You won't regret it!
What a shocking surprise! The game is poorly optimized, who would have guessed?
Maybe we should have taken the hint when Todd Howard told us to "Just get better hardware lol" even though it can't even run on the dedicated consoles it was designed for.
Let’s talk about the Creation Engine 2 that, despite Bethesda slapping a number two in its name, still at its core has the exact same issues since it was used to make Morrowind. That's over 20 years now of working with an engine that is held together by duct tape and mods.
Oh the mods, the famous ""mods will fix it"" attitude is exactly the reason why Bethesda never cared to put some actual effort into their software.
It’s hilarious how this giant company, who had all the time in the world to copy No Man's Sky, opted for “explorable” planets that are procedurally generated and barren, or limited to the modern equivalent of a village in skyrim.
And the NPCs of course, they like to clip out of their clothes, or clip outside the level geometry. When you're having a conversation with them, they don't have the patience (or the programming) to stay still. And don't you dare pick up that basketball next to a civilian, or you'll be shot on the spot for trying to murder them with it.
And we can add all the other smaller stuff like thousands of polygons for a single mug, wonky controls and dubious coding in general, basically it just doesn’t work and it deserves this year’s award without a doubt.
(Winner of "Press X To Win The Award" for worst gameplay in the 2023 Vidya Gaem Awards, speech below)
How do you do, fellow kids? It's me, Rob Broward, here to show you an exciting world. Many of them, in fact! Dozens! Bajillions! Just a hop, skip, and ten loading screens away.
From the makers of Fallout 3, aka ""Oblivion with Guns,"" we're happy to introduce Skyrim with Guns. In Spaaaaaace!
Featuring less than one half of the weapon variety as our previous game, Fallout 4, this tighter and more focused experience ought to make you feel an extraordinary level of boredom as you cross our barren landscapes to our copy-pasted bases!
Hell, you can't even kill anybody important, so there's no real consequences. What do you think this is, New Vegas?
And for all you 'speed runners,' make sure your jetpack can be activated by both space bar and one other key for maximum performance! Everything's better with jetpacks!
Leave your basement, right now, and ask your mother to buy you The Elder Scrolls: Starfield. You won't regret it!