2023
haha funi clown game
It's very game jam-y, but I don't see that as a downside beyond a bit of jank here and there. Dialogue is exactly what you want it to be. The only thing it lacks is a satisfying ending as it just kinda stops, but it's a game you can beat in an hour and got plenty of laughs out of me, so I have trouble complaining about it.
It's very game jam-y, but I don't see that as a downside beyond a bit of jank here and there. Dialogue is exactly what you want it to be. The only thing it lacks is a satisfying ending as it just kinda stops, but it's a game you can beat in an hour and got plenty of laughs out of me, so I have trouble complaining about it.
I love IllFonic's other stuff. Ghostbusters in particular is one of the best asymmetric multiplayer games I've ever played, and I even genuinely enjoyed Arcadegeddon. What the hell happened here?
This is somehow a worse Texas Chainsaw, and Texas Chainsaw is buns. The objective structure is a hot mess for both sides and the fighting feels terrible. Klowntalities are massively less interesting for both sides than humans getting cocoon'd, but the risks of letting humans rescue each other is too great so the boring option tends to win. It just sucks to play from every angle.
I'd say it's Dead by Daylight at home, but I am home! And I have Dead by Daylight! Why the fuck would I play this instead?
This is somehow a worse Texas Chainsaw, and Texas Chainsaw is buns. The objective structure is a hot mess for both sides and the fighting feels terrible. Klowntalities are massively less interesting for both sides than humans getting cocoon'd, but the risks of letting humans rescue each other is too great so the boring option tends to win. It just sucks to play from every angle.
I'd say it's Dead by Daylight at home, but I am home! And I have Dead by Daylight! Why the fuck would I play this instead?
2023
Do you like roguelikes? Not roguelites, likes, where you have to interpret a grid of sprites that hate your little guy and the only thing that improves is you?
Path of Achra is one of those. And it's so fucking good.
If you've played Rift Wizard this feels a lot like that, but much less difficult (don't worry, there are settings to crank that if you need 'em). Instead it wants you to experiment with its thousands of possible character builds, figure out what to steer into skill-wise, pivot if your build isn't quite coming together, and clear legions of mooks in the process.
Sure, there's not a ton of variety in terms of the actual opposition. Enemy types are varied but you fight most of them every run. Gear will become familiar fairly quickly. In a lesser roguelike this would present a problem, but Achra runs are surprisingly short and significantly more focused on you, the player, as opposed to your surroundings. If most roguelikes are a Ninja Warrior course you have to learn to navigate after 100s of attempts, Achra is a playground where you get to build your own impractical construction vehicle and bulldoze through. It's the best kind of power trip because when you fail you'll laugh, and when you succeed you'll laugh harder.
There are so many games like Path of Achra, but so few that do it as well.
Path of Achra is one of those. And it's so fucking good.
If you've played Rift Wizard this feels a lot like that, but much less difficult (don't worry, there are settings to crank that if you need 'em). Instead it wants you to experiment with its thousands of possible character builds, figure out what to steer into skill-wise, pivot if your build isn't quite coming together, and clear legions of mooks in the process.
Sure, there's not a ton of variety in terms of the actual opposition. Enemy types are varied but you fight most of them every run. Gear will become familiar fairly quickly. In a lesser roguelike this would present a problem, but Achra runs are surprisingly short and significantly more focused on you, the player, as opposed to your surroundings. If most roguelikes are a Ninja Warrior course you have to learn to navigate after 100s of attempts, Achra is a playground where you get to build your own impractical construction vehicle and bulldoze through. It's the best kind of power trip because when you fail you'll laugh, and when you succeed you'll laugh harder.
There are so many games like Path of Achra, but so few that do it as well.
2024
I don't know how to talk about live service games. I don't know how to talk about license-fests that desperately want your money either. But I have over 100 hours in MVS from the beta to now and I've played the release a good amount, so I guess I should have an opinion? TL;DR: The game could be the best of its kind but they have got to sort out how awful every second spent outside of a fight is.
The game is good, unironically. Better than the 3 stars would suggest, we'll get to that. The speed reduction is only an issue because we all played the fast version first. We've gone from Melee to Brawl pace, but in so doing the game has gotten way less mashy and cancel-happy. It's a platform fighter where you actually need to commit to moves and use footsies! Imagine!
We're at 3 stars because everything else sucks ass. Rifts are boring at best and their implementation is equal parts jank and frustrating. The interface and menuing is abysmal; it takes like 50 clicks to do anything. The live service F2P structure is constantly shaking keys in your face every moment you aren't actively fighting. It makes my brain itch.
The game is good, unironically. Better than the 3 stars would suggest, we'll get to that. The speed reduction is only an issue because we all played the fast version first. We've gone from Melee to Brawl pace, but in so doing the game has gotten way less mashy and cancel-happy. It's a platform fighter where you actually need to commit to moves and use footsies! Imagine!
We're at 3 stars because everything else sucks ass. Rifts are boring at best and their implementation is equal parts jank and frustrating. The interface and menuing is abysmal; it takes like 50 clicks to do anything. The live service F2P structure is constantly shaking keys in your face every moment you aren't actively fighting. It makes my brain itch.
2019
Received a review code, full review upcoming. As of right now the game does not function as intended on Switch. Busted textures/effects, and broken autosaves mean you need to clear the game in one shot. It's miserable to play and not in the intended ways.
I would likely bump it up a star if/when these are fixed. It's not a particularly well executed giallo, and the first thirty minutes of this just-over-an-hour game feels like a waste of time, but there are some late moments that stand out and I do legitimately like Puppet Combo's visual presentation, even though the characters constantly clip through their own dresses.
I would likely bump it up a star if/when these are fixed. It's not a particularly well executed giallo, and the first thirty minutes of this just-over-an-hour game feels like a waste of time, but there are some late moments that stand out and I do legitimately like Puppet Combo's visual presentation, even though the characters constantly clip through their own dresses.
If there was ever any doubt that this is more interested in shock than message, it ends on "share this mess" and a bunch of links to socials
this is just Gex with extra steps
2007
Got recertified for the first time in a few years because it's the only way to remain Pegglepilled. God this game is still incredible. It pulls you in with the very height of gambling machine design but in service of a game of skill. If you don't believe me, watch a speedrun. Old PopCap were masters of their craft. RIP.
Since nobody on this website needs an in-depth review of why Peggle rules I'm gonna list the masters from worst to best. I'll also include Marina even though she's from Nights, fuck it.
CLAUDE - Flippers suck ass on the majority of boards. Even when they're good, the angles you can get on them are heavily restricted. You can't even guarantee buckets reliably with these things. Garbage.
BJORN - He's not a real character, he's a walking talking tutorial. You don't need to pick this guy.
SPLORK - Incredibly RNG dependent. On average, poor.
KAT TUT - Pyramid is widely overhated. It's the bare minimum of acceptability for what a power should do in my view: provide value in additional clears and/or points for free balls. It ain't great at those things, but it does do them, so it's here.
JIMMY - Multiball is very difficult to evaluate because every single variable the game puts forward affects him more than anyone else. I'm putting him in the middle because he's basically always one extreme or the other.
TULA - What if Splork but consistent. Held back by how accessible the greens are from the first turn and which oranges they can reach, but rarely bad.
WARREN - Pretty sure this is my most controversial Peggle take. Hat Ball is undeniably amazing but you'll go entire boards without ever seeing it thanks to Warren's Wheel of Waste. Little bastard always gives me triple score on a precision play or Super Guide. Fuck you Warren, I hate you.
MASTER HU - The yin to Bjorn's yang. You don't need Hu's ability to do crazy things, but those little nudges can generate a shitload of value. Who (Hu?) knows, you might even learn something.
CINDERBOTTOM - There are boards that make fireball less good, but they're rare and there are about as many that it completely breaks. It's also really easy to use well, just don't put yourself in an even worse spot by getting rid of all your angled shot potential.
MARINA - Electrobolt rules so hard it's unreal. Being able to pop any line of pegs on the board you want is borderline broken. Even when Nights' boards try to make it less effective they mostly fail, because drawing a line of action in a game specifically designed to not let you do that is very very strong.
RENFIELD - Spooky Ball is incredible. This thing can clear boards if used correctly and is all but guaranteed to generate significant value unless you don't take a green peg until the last minute, which you won't do because you're not stupid.
Since nobody on this website needs an in-depth review of why Peggle rules I'm gonna list the masters from worst to best. I'll also include Marina even though she's from Nights, fuck it.
CLAUDE - Flippers suck ass on the majority of boards. Even when they're good, the angles you can get on them are heavily restricted. You can't even guarantee buckets reliably with these things. Garbage.
BJORN - He's not a real character, he's a walking talking tutorial. You don't need to pick this guy.
SPLORK - Incredibly RNG dependent. On average, poor.
KAT TUT - Pyramid is widely overhated. It's the bare minimum of acceptability for what a power should do in my view: provide value in additional clears and/or points for free balls. It ain't great at those things, but it does do them, so it's here.
JIMMY - Multiball is very difficult to evaluate because every single variable the game puts forward affects him more than anyone else. I'm putting him in the middle because he's basically always one extreme or the other.
TULA - What if Splork but consistent. Held back by how accessible the greens are from the first turn and which oranges they can reach, but rarely bad.
WARREN - Pretty sure this is my most controversial Peggle take. Hat Ball is undeniably amazing but you'll go entire boards without ever seeing it thanks to Warren's Wheel of Waste. Little bastard always gives me triple score on a precision play or Super Guide. Fuck you Warren, I hate you.
MASTER HU - The yin to Bjorn's yang. You don't need Hu's ability to do crazy things, but those little nudges can generate a shitload of value. Who (Hu?) knows, you might even learn something.
CINDERBOTTOM - There are boards that make fireball less good, but they're rare and there are about as many that it completely breaks. It's also really easy to use well, just don't put yourself in an even worse spot by getting rid of all your angled shot potential.
MARINA - Electrobolt rules so hard it's unreal. Being able to pop any line of pegs on the board you want is borderline broken. Even when Nights' boards try to make it less effective they mostly fail, because drawing a line of action in a game specifically designed to not let you do that is very very strong.
RENFIELD - Spooky Ball is incredible. This thing can clear boards if used correctly and is all but guaranteed to generate significant value unless you don't take a green peg until the last minute, which you won't do because you're not stupid.
Back when I was active in the FGC I used to run mystery game tournaments. Jank ass 3D fighters in particular are a weakness of mine; you haven't seen the height of competitive spirit until you've seen a room full of Street Fighter and Blazblue players get way too heated over Ready 2 Rumble Boxing. Yet despite my affinity for its ilk I had never played Kakuto Chojin until embarking on my Xbox Quest. I'm glad I did!
You can feel the Dream Factory influence in this one. Very Tobal-esque, albeit with more fluid animation, and high/mid/low buttons instead of attack types like most games. The roster isn't as varied as I'd like but we still have a few fun freaks here, like a luchador who can't stop screaming or an overweight kung fu guy in his late 30s who also can't stop screaming.
In terms of gameplay it's a pretty standard 3D fighter, but with a mechanical hook that gives it some sauce. You have a meter that constantly refills as long as you're not blocking, and it tops off quickly. When you pop it you can do a super (mostly pretty bad as they often have long startups) or go into a Yun-from-Third-Strike Genei Jin mode (complete with turning blue!) where everything's faster and new combos are possible. The latter allows every character to get up to some heinous shit, and because you can even pop it while in hitstun (!!!) you always have to be ready for your opponent to suddenly become way more dangerous.
Turns out that makes for a pretty fun dynamic! It's not as approachable (or as good) as DoA3, but it's easier than 6th gen Mortal Kombat and not irredeemably ass like Tao Feng. Given recent events it's also kind of funny to remember that Microsoft was always hanging games out to dry even when they first showed up to the industry, what with this getting pulled from shelves and all. This one really deserved better, if only a little.
You can feel the Dream Factory influence in this one. Very Tobal-esque, albeit with more fluid animation, and high/mid/low buttons instead of attack types like most games. The roster isn't as varied as I'd like but we still have a few fun freaks here, like a luchador who can't stop screaming or an overweight kung fu guy in his late 30s who also can't stop screaming.
In terms of gameplay it's a pretty standard 3D fighter, but with a mechanical hook that gives it some sauce. You have a meter that constantly refills as long as you're not blocking, and it tops off quickly. When you pop it you can do a super (mostly pretty bad as they often have long startups) or go into a Yun-from-Third-Strike Genei Jin mode (complete with turning blue!) where everything's faster and new combos are possible. The latter allows every character to get up to some heinous shit, and because you can even pop it while in hitstun (!!!) you always have to be ready for your opponent to suddenly become way more dangerous.
Turns out that makes for a pretty fun dynamic! It's not as approachable (or as good) as DoA3, but it's easier than 6th gen Mortal Kombat and not irredeemably ass like Tao Feng. Given recent events it's also kind of funny to remember that Microsoft was always hanging games out to dry even when they first showed up to the industry, what with this getting pulled from shelves and all. This one really deserved better, if only a little.
2024
Animal Well is Tunic if it didn't have terrible combat. Alternatively, The Witness if you wanted it to be a video game.
Similarly to those and other figure-it-out games, it's nigh impossible to discuss without spoilers so I'm just not gonna. Point being if you like puzzles, platforming, and pretty visuals, you'll probably enjoy it.
...look, I know you're probably questioning the 3 star rating. In a nutshell: I thought the game was undeniably well crafted, but I'd be lying if I said I really had fun with a lot of its puzzles. There's a difference between solving and completing a puzzle, and despite the puzzles themselves being clever Animal Well handles the in-between rather poorly.
Pretty often you can see what needs to be done early on, especially if it fits on 1-2 screens. Aside from main route obstacles, most have enough execution steps and/or failure points that they take a while to be done even if you already see how to do them. Throughout the game I often completed a section only to feel more relieved than satisfied. Games only have so long to cash out their dopamine after any given revelation, and Animal Well runs the clock way too long more often than not.
The post game does go crazy though. I respect such a strong commitment to the bit.
Similarly to those and other figure-it-out games, it's nigh impossible to discuss without spoilers so I'm just not gonna. Point being if you like puzzles, platforming, and pretty visuals, you'll probably enjoy it.
...look, I know you're probably questioning the 3 star rating. In a nutshell: I thought the game was undeniably well crafted, but I'd be lying if I said I really had fun with a lot of its puzzles. There's a difference between solving and completing a puzzle, and despite the puzzles themselves being clever Animal Well handles the in-between rather poorly.
Pretty often you can see what needs to be done early on, especially if it fits on 1-2 screens. Aside from main route obstacles, most have enough execution steps and/or failure points that they take a while to be done even if you already see how to do them. Throughout the game I often completed a section only to feel more relieved than satisfied. Games only have so long to cash out their dopamine after any given revelation, and Animal Well runs the clock way too long more often than not.
The post game does go crazy though. I respect such a strong commitment to the bit.
Volvo: DfL is in a mildly more noble subcategory of advergame in that it was never sold as a standalone product. Instead it was inflicted on Volvo showrooms across the country, which means somewhere out in the world there is an ex-car salesman who day drinks in futile attempts to purge "WELCOME TO THE VOLVO: DRIVE FOR LIFE GAMING EXPERIENCE" from his memories, only to realize that's been imprinted more permanently than his estranged children's birthdays.
Do you even care what it plays like? Honestly it's not that miserable. It actually looks shockingly good for the time, with raindrops sticking to your screen and some nice lighting effects. It even features different terrain types that meddle with your steering, which would be cool if these shitboxes didn't already steer like a stick of butter on a hot pan.
Which isn't to say that Volvo: DtF's attempts to sell you their cars aren't a constant. They make a point of going on about how safe these things are, including several educational videos, and you can steer these fuckers headlong into an 18-wheeler without so much as a dent. They even let you turn DSTC and RSC off if you're feeling squirrely, which make the car undrivable and incredibly easy to flip respectively. Aren't you glad daddy Volvo is willing to take the wheel?
My single favorite piece of this product is the Swedish Ice Hotel track, which features almost every form of winter road hazard known to man. Driving over a cracking frozen lake, boulders from above due to an avalanche, falling trees, the works. Your poor XC90 may have 12 premium sound speakers and a 6 CD capacity, but it is not equipped to handle these challenges. The developers knew this, which is why you can Mr. Magoo your way through this mess and still get a gold medal. Honorable mention to the butt rock track which prominently features the Howie Long scream.
Instead of a proper conclusion I'll leave you with a fact that Backloggd apparently doesn't want you to know: this game was developed by Climax, which means there is a possibility that without the money they made from this deal we never would have gotten Silent Hill Origins or Shattered Memories.
Do you even care what it plays like? Honestly it's not that miserable. It actually looks shockingly good for the time, with raindrops sticking to your screen and some nice lighting effects. It even features different terrain types that meddle with your steering, which would be cool if these shitboxes didn't already steer like a stick of butter on a hot pan.
Which isn't to say that Volvo: DtF's attempts to sell you their cars aren't a constant. They make a point of going on about how safe these things are, including several educational videos, and you can steer these fuckers headlong into an 18-wheeler without so much as a dent. They even let you turn DSTC and RSC off if you're feeling squirrely, which make the car undrivable and incredibly easy to flip respectively. Aren't you glad daddy Volvo is willing to take the wheel?
My single favorite piece of this product is the Swedish Ice Hotel track, which features almost every form of winter road hazard known to man. Driving over a cracking frozen lake, boulders from above due to an avalanche, falling trees, the works. Your poor XC90 may have 12 premium sound speakers and a 6 CD capacity, but it is not equipped to handle these challenges. The developers knew this, which is why you can Mr. Magoo your way through this mess and still get a gold medal. Honorable mention to the butt rock track which prominently features the Howie Long scream.
Instead of a proper conclusion I'll leave you with a fact that Backloggd apparently doesn't want you to know: this game was developed by Climax, which means there is a possibility that without the money they made from this deal we never would have gotten Silent Hill Origins or Shattered Memories.
If you're gonna make a Blockbuster-exclusive softcore volleyball game set explicitly in Hell, I guess it only makes sense that it be announced by Steve Carell.
2023
Hi-Fi Rush is incredible. I'm here to mourn Tango's passing, and to tell a story.
I graduated from high school in 2010, got into my second choice college, and lasted exactly 1 semester before getting thrown out. Long story, it was only partially my fault. Point is, coming back home after that was weird. Working full time, doing community college, making and losing friends, meeting the woman I'd eventually marry, I was busy. Busy meant a lot of driving. Driving meant listening to a lot of music. Music meant listening to the local indie station, who, among many other bands, started playing a little Welsh rock group called The Joy Formidable. Of everything they gave airtime, it was their work that resonated with me the most.
As I was playing through Hi-Fi Rush for the first time over a couple sitdowns I joked with friends that the game felt personalized for me and me alone. Rhythm character action cel-shaded comedy? You couldn't concoct a more Demetri-ass concept without also serving me a hot gyro. I enjoyed every single decision made, particularly in the audio department. So imagine my reaction when I get to the surprisingly impactful climax and its gorgeous, massive construction zone, only for one of the most emotionally charged songs of my entire life to start thumping in my ears.
There's not an ounce of embarrassment in my heart when I tell you that I teared up hearing Whirring in the final level of Hi-Fi Rush, and I wouldn't have dared pause to wipe them away. I cannot think of another video game level that made me feel so much so strongly so quickly. I don't know anybody at Tango Gameworks, but I feel like I do. Or should. At the very least I want to thank them personally.
Hi-Fi Rush may not be perfect for everyone, but it is for me. Together we're unstoppable.
I graduated from high school in 2010, got into my second choice college, and lasted exactly 1 semester before getting thrown out. Long story, it was only partially my fault. Point is, coming back home after that was weird. Working full time, doing community college, making and losing friends, meeting the woman I'd eventually marry, I was busy. Busy meant a lot of driving. Driving meant listening to a lot of music. Music meant listening to the local indie station, who, among many other bands, started playing a little Welsh rock group called The Joy Formidable. Of everything they gave airtime, it was their work that resonated with me the most.
As I was playing through Hi-Fi Rush for the first time over a couple sitdowns I joked with friends that the game felt personalized for me and me alone. Rhythm character action cel-shaded comedy? You couldn't concoct a more Demetri-ass concept without also serving me a hot gyro. I enjoyed every single decision made, particularly in the audio department. So imagine my reaction when I get to the surprisingly impactful climax and its gorgeous, massive construction zone, only for one of the most emotionally charged songs of my entire life to start thumping in my ears.
There's not an ounce of embarrassment in my heart when I tell you that I teared up hearing Whirring in the final level of Hi-Fi Rush, and I wouldn't have dared pause to wipe them away. I cannot think of another video game level that made me feel so much so strongly so quickly. I don't know anybody at Tango Gameworks, but I feel like I do. Or should. At the very least I want to thank them personally.
Hi-Fi Rush may not be perfect for everyone, but it is for me. Together we're unstoppable.
On one hand it's the most mechanically complex kart racer I've ever played.
On the other hand it's the most mechanically complex kart racer I've ever played.
On the other hand it's the most mechanically complex kart racer I've ever played.
2024
Agh. Fuck. How do I talk about this without ruining it? I'll do my best.
What I was most worried about going in was that this was going to be some Reddit atheist-tier shit. It is thankfully not! Indika is about one nun's journey, both literally and ideologically, and how her life experience has made her current situation untenable. If you're familiar with Christian doctrine and apologetics you'll have heard a good amount of it before, but they're communicated well and their visual interpretations are genuinely impressive. It ain't deep, mind, but it's well told.
The unexpected element is its tonal range. A lot of writing-forward games tend to have exactly one mood, one vibe, and feel shallow as a result even if what's there is well executed. I went through this with a few friends and the game, to its credit, had us in rapt silence at some moments and howling with laughter at others. The game is overall on the somber side, especially towards the end, which makes its occasional comedic bits knock the wind out of you in the best way. The bike scene is worth the price of admission alone.
The day I start seeing "INDIKA ENDING: EXPLAINED: GONE SEXUAL" recommended to me on YouTube is the day I give up on gamers becoming even baseline media literate.
What I was most worried about going in was that this was going to be some Reddit atheist-tier shit. It is thankfully not! Indika is about one nun's journey, both literally and ideologically, and how her life experience has made her current situation untenable. If you're familiar with Christian doctrine and apologetics you'll have heard a good amount of it before, but they're communicated well and their visual interpretations are genuinely impressive. It ain't deep, mind, but it's well told.
The unexpected element is its tonal range. A lot of writing-forward games tend to have exactly one mood, one vibe, and feel shallow as a result even if what's there is well executed. I went through this with a few friends and the game, to its credit, had us in rapt silence at some moments and howling with laughter at others. The game is overall on the somber side, especially towards the end, which makes its occasional comedic bits knock the wind out of you in the best way. The bike scene is worth the price of admission alone.
The day I start seeing "INDIKA ENDING: EXPLAINED: GONE SEXUAL" recommended to me on YouTube is the day I give up on gamers becoming even baseline media literate.