And thus started my 3D Mario 100% marathon.
Super Mario 64 is the oh-so-iconic 3D that we all love and cherish, I feel like nobody actually wants to write a throughout review of Mario 64 due to its state as an iconic game and god knows if you piss off nostalgic gamers you are doomed!
I mean, I like this game a lot, I grew up with the DS version so I'm more than accustomed to this game but even I can admit how shit it can be at times, that's right, I'm starting a movement called "Fuck Tiny-Huge Island" I really dislike this stage!
The game itself aged like wine, I really don't want to say otherwise because play literally any other platformer from that era and they all suck balls, even Glover. But honestly, Mario 64 is more like Supermarket wine, it tastes like wine for sure and it aged better than milk but it is still Supermarket wine, it's far from the best and that's how I feel about Super Mario 64, I think it is the worst 3D Mario game and not because it's bad, it's just because the rest is just so much better!
Enough Linux wine metaphors, I'm here to whine about outdated game designs like the 1up existing for NO reason, I mean why do you need extra lives in this game? Oh no I ran out of lives I gotta go back to the courtyard now! Well, to be frank, I never ran out of 1ups in this entire playthrough, unlike sunshine you get way more than enough and I do appreciate that they took the time to play a bunch of secret one-ups everywhere, again, unlike Sunshine.
Next up, Tiny-Huge Island, yeah you saw that one coming I fucking hate this stage because it's actually a good idea! It reminds me a lot of that Super Mario Galaxy 2 stage where everything is big, the only difference is that in 64 everything is against you, including the controls so you are bound to fall off to your death countless times if you don't pay attention.
The next stage I highly dislike is Rainbow Ride, its also one of the few stages that don't follow the naming structure of "Word Word Word" so you know it's gonna be dogshit, that's right I fucking love Tick Tock Clock the name is awesome and I think pure rough platforming is fun, if it wasn't for 64's controls it would be a fucking amazing stage in Sunshine.
Ranting about the controls for hours? I'll pass, honestly, the controls are the dead horse of 64 whether you praise it to death or curse it to death, it's a matter of what you find fun in a game, I'm in a "Meh" opinion because I love being a centrist and I just don't have anything against it but I do acknowledge its flaws, and Mario sunshine controls exist so I have bigger fishes to fry, now that is how Mario should play.
Uhh, we got the common bullshit stages like the 100 coins which are not that bad honestly, the water stages are definitely a chore, I wish we had more pure platforming stages like the Bowser stages, and I wish it had fewer instant death pits because fuck Shifty Sand Land, and so on, I mean if this game could get a remake it could fix all of that crap and add even more!
Surely this DS remake will not simply add crap on top of this game without fixing anything, surely.
Super Mario 64 is the oh-so-iconic 3D that we all love and cherish, I feel like nobody actually wants to write a throughout review of Mario 64 due to its state as an iconic game and god knows if you piss off nostalgic gamers you are doomed!
I mean, I like this game a lot, I grew up with the DS version so I'm more than accustomed to this game but even I can admit how shit it can be at times, that's right, I'm starting a movement called "Fuck Tiny-Huge Island" I really dislike this stage!
The game itself aged like wine, I really don't want to say otherwise because play literally any other platformer from that era and they all suck balls, even Glover. But honestly, Mario 64 is more like Supermarket wine, it tastes like wine for sure and it aged better than milk but it is still Supermarket wine, it's far from the best and that's how I feel about Super Mario 64, I think it is the worst 3D Mario game and not because it's bad, it's just because the rest is just so much better!
Enough Linux wine metaphors, I'm here to whine about outdated game designs like the 1up existing for NO reason, I mean why do you need extra lives in this game? Oh no I ran out of lives I gotta go back to the courtyard now! Well, to be frank, I never ran out of 1ups in this entire playthrough, unlike sunshine you get way more than enough and I do appreciate that they took the time to play a bunch of secret one-ups everywhere, again, unlike Sunshine.
Next up, Tiny-Huge Island, yeah you saw that one coming I fucking hate this stage because it's actually a good idea! It reminds me a lot of that Super Mario Galaxy 2 stage where everything is big, the only difference is that in 64 everything is against you, including the controls so you are bound to fall off to your death countless times if you don't pay attention.
The next stage I highly dislike is Rainbow Ride, its also one of the few stages that don't follow the naming structure of "Word Word Word" so you know it's gonna be dogshit, that's right I fucking love Tick Tock Clock the name is awesome and I think pure rough platforming is fun, if it wasn't for 64's controls it would be a fucking amazing stage in Sunshine.
Ranting about the controls for hours? I'll pass, honestly, the controls are the dead horse of 64 whether you praise it to death or curse it to death, it's a matter of what you find fun in a game, I'm in a "Meh" opinion because I love being a centrist and I just don't have anything against it but I do acknowledge its flaws, and Mario sunshine controls exist so I have bigger fishes to fry, now that is how Mario should play.
Uhh, we got the common bullshit stages like the 100 coins which are not that bad honestly, the water stages are definitely a chore, I wish we had more pure platforming stages like the Bowser stages, and I wish it had fewer instant death pits because fuck Shifty Sand Land, and so on, I mean if this game could get a remake it could fix all of that crap and add even more!
Surely this DS remake will not simply add crap on top of this game without fixing anything, surely.