Pretty patently the best cast of any Fire Emblem game, but then how could it not be? The life-skills social simulator structure allows for unprecedented access to your eager little students: a tea party, a meal in the dining hall, the little notes they leave in the confessional box, impromptu choir practices, and support conversations, my God so many fucking support conversations. Much to do with these blushing moe blobs, not the least of which is working through reliable fantasy chestnuts like class anxiety and religious dogma, all against the ever-palatable school days backdrop. They provide easy access points for understanding the geopolitics at play, fleshing out the setting without an excess of jargon, and when the game eventually stakes its political partisan line they effectively rationalize the silent protagonist's choice of side. I found a lot to dig into and appreciate and I only played one house! When people talk about putting 300, 400 hours into this game, I almost understand them...

...until I start thinking about the gameplay. I play Fire Emblem games for the first time on Normal to get a lay of the land and generally they keep me on my toes without being too dirty or frustrating. Three Houses, however, is remedial, an absolute bore past the first few chapters. You are given an obscene amount of opportunities to accrue tools and buffs specifically tailored to your units; weapons are plentiful and can be repaired on the cheap; and if for some baffling reason you've managed to fuck up all of your students' builds, the game gives you nice little prebuilt units in the second half, some of which are among the game's best. By the time IS starts throwing actual danger at you in the last five hours of the game, you've accrued so many Divine Pulses that there is never any real danger of putting a toe out of line and losing a character, let alone control of the overall situation. Maybe Maddening requires a little bit more gray matter but somehow I doubt it. The emphasis on character development and edge-free gameplay has a pretty obvious motivation: this is as beginner-friendly as the franchise will ever get, an official shift to courting the ravenous fandom kiddies, and the high sales reflect that. It's just unfortunate that the actual gameplay has to be so half-assed as a consequence.

Reviewed on Nov 03, 2023


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