In the cold winter night, between 1503 and 1519, Leornado Davinci sat alone in his decrepit room, frostbitten fingers and poverty-ridden, painting his soul onto canvas fabric. And then: the moment of his passing - and then it was discovered, and revered: the Mona Lisa. It had been an unknown painting lying in wait, only honored posthumous after his passing.

Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma is not like the Mona Lisa.

It is as if it were not the Mona Lisa discovered in the room that day, but Leornado Davinci, in his final dying breaths, painting his life's work with his very own blood and sweat. And on the day it is hung in the Louvre Museum, you realise it is not a painting. It is the game called Zero Time Dilemma.

As the Mona Lisa was not appreciated during Davinci's lifetime - Zero Time Dilemma is a game the world is not ready for yet. Or perhaps it is more accurate to say that this game can only be truly appreciated in retrospect after it is experienced.

What makes a game good? What interconnected and satisfying story will leave players in awe and wonder? Zero Time Dilemma throws out all conventional answers. No. It asks a new question:

"How can we make the player never predict what happens next?"

And they succeeded! The answer was so simple, so elementary, but - so daring, that it is impossible to ever figure it out yourself. It achieves something that no other game or even media has ever achieved before. It has achieved [ True Mystery ].

In that sense, it is very avant-garde - Kafkaesque even, pulling you along puppet strings in the mindless masquerade of the '9' façade.

Thus, I think Hegel's philosophy is more relevant than ever: He posits is that the foundation upon that which we must build knowledge must be that which is completely unconditional and free, which he defines as the absolute. He also states something along the lines of that the absolute is the conscience upon finalizing its own process of self examination and incremental discovery of truth until finding that which is absolute, and that the conscience understands itself and is aware of what the truth is and what the difference between the knowledge it inherits is and what the external absolute truth is.

I don't actually know what Hegel is talking about, but listening to it makes you feel smart; not dissimilar to Zero Time Dilemma.

For example, the average conversation in the game looks something like this:

"No! Junpei is dead!"
"Have you heard of the "Gilded Rhinoceros principle"?
"What?"
"In 1784, they tried to attach wings to a rhinoceros, but it didn't work. While the rhinoceros did end up having wings, they were only aesthetic, and served no real purpose. Philosopher David Harman proposed a theory: that evolution alone dictated our limits as living beings; and that forcefully implementing these changes were something beyond our control"
"I think I heard about that one in my 5th grade biology class actually! They brought the winged rhinoceros all the way from London to Egypt on the Gigantic!"

One great aspect of Zero Time Dilemma is how it is proud of it's accomplishments; one such example being it's textures. Zero Time Dilemma will remind you again and again of how beautiful the game looks by showing you the same room and ceiling over and over and over so that you never forget about it even after you finish the game. Additionally, it really loves to hammer in complex concepts so you never forget them - like the daunting mythical "force quit box".

Now that you've gotten a grasp of how amazing this game is; I have to actually admit to the truth. Zero Time Dilemma is not a good game. Objectively, it is one of the worst games I have played.

But, should reasoning lay in micro-objectivity, or should we take a step back from abstraction to look at the journey of our entire lives? Should we be bound by tags on a game and how things are "meant to be experienced"? The answer is no. Fuck that.

Shout "It's Zero Escaping time!", and then experience the same room 50+ times with friends. The first puzzle of the game is realizing that this is not a singleplayer game, and that you have to bring your friends along to experience the game together for the fun to really start. Then, relive your childhood together by solving kindergartener coloring puzzles as you learn about "Abraham Lincoln's faked assassination(?)". Zero Time Dilemma gives the most important takeaway from any game that I've ever played, and I really mean that. Zero Time Dilemma is the friends I made along the way.

To my dear friends reading this review, I give to you this quote from the bottom of my heart:

"I live to make you smile. And there's nothing I'd rather do"

-Markiplier