Whenever I played Donkey Kong 64 back in the day it was not switching between the Kongs that kept me from finishing it, nor was it the minigames or the boss fights or anything intrinsic to Donkey Kong 64 itself. No, it was the original fuckin’ Donkey Kong arcade game that you had to complete in order to actually win the game. I could never actually finish that thing and I am still confounded as to what on earth you are supposed to do on the third stage.

Clearly this isn’t the same version of the game but I’m still mad. It’s a foundational game and the music kind of slaps, and it’s the origin of two of the Nintendo greats. But even trying it again as an adult I don’t like it! No sir!