I don't have much of a tendency to talk about sports, mostly due to lacking any good reason to. I'm not very athletic, but I played a decent handful of sports while I was a child.

My parents tried getting me into soccer by signing me up for a kids team, but I was usually too afraid to trip over the ball or accidentally kick another player, and I didn't have enough coordination to do anything successfully. Our team was called the Monsters, we lost our first and only league game, and after our last practice we all went out for pizza.

My dad was a shortstop and pitcher on his high school baseball team, so he tried his absolute best to push the interest onto his kids. I remember the first time I ever hit the ball in my five-year-old tee-ball team I ran as fast as I could and then became immediately confused because I had no idea where first base was. The field was brown and dusty. I like baseball jerseys. I've had a genuinely nice time attending baseball games and just sitting around eating hotdogs, popcorn, and not paying too much attention to the actual game. There's a lot of standing around in baseball,

There's a lot of standing around in football, too.

I don't think I've enjoyed a single American football video game I've played outside of maybe NFL Blitz because it's barely even a football game. I do not give a shit about actual American football. There are a million rules, you have like twenty guys on a field at a time, it's noisy, nothing fucking happens the entire game, and when something finally does happen everyone in family gatherings starts yelling and discussing Mickey McPasstheball's five-year career like they've studied him religiously for their entire life.

RealSports Football is a great American football game because, like the sport itself, it fucking sucks.

Hand-egg.

Deflate-gate.

Goat Brady.