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The funniest thing to me about this game is that tubing down a river is, as I understand it, supposed to be a fairly relaxing activity. I mean, you just sit in the tube. Even speedboat tubing looks exciting, and it is, but you're ultimately just sitting there. It's awesome. Meanwhile, our Toobin' protagonist is giving it all he's got just to get down the river. Awesome. I wish him the best.
Also, major shoutout to the digital guitarist doing the soundtrack to this game. Racing down the river, and this dude's absolutely just tearing ass on this guitar solo.
Before logging into my computer this morning, I read the center message saying something to the effect of "Try out tons of free games!" Being a gamer and all, I figured "why not", assuming it would link me to Game Pass or something, even though I know damn well that Game Pass costs money (and is an incredibly good deal that I do not personally take advantage of because I don't play a big enough variety of games, my steam backlog is enormous, and getting games for free via alternative means is incredibly easy and based).
It opened up Edge (which I never use for obvious fucking reasons, please if you're reading this and haven't already done so, get Firefox at absolute minimum for privacy reasons, Chrome is literal spyware and Edge is strictly worse) and brought me to a browser version of this game. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize, before even clicking anything at all, that this is just Puzzle Bobble. And then it showed me an advertisement.
I get that Puzzle Bobble, or "Bust-A-Move" if you're a fuckin lame-o nerd, has been copied and renamed a thousand million billion times, but to start my morning with the feeling of "I fucking hate video games" so quickly feels both like a targeted attack from Microsoft, and a reminder to stop playing stupid shit video games. Just stop completely. If you ever get a feeling of "wow this game isn't very good and I'm not having that great of a time and would rather do something else," please just do something else instead. Or play Super Mario Galaxy.
Also, I would like to take this opportunity to personally invite Bill Gates to eat my dick and also balls, along with every other billionaire posturing that they "give back to the world through charitable actions" while hoarding and acquiring tremendous amounts of wealth via exploitation of the working class. He can have his turn first though.