pedo archive
A Libertarian's dream come true. Underage girls falling in love with adult men, a gun for every child, and crippling debt imposed by unfeeling megacorporations. All adding up to a pretty mediocre gacha money hole with a fairly polished presentation.
This is probably the most sus I've ever felt while playing a video game. The sheer amount of grooming that happens in the character stories is unhinged. I truly cannot imagine a sane adult playing through this game without ever feeling skeeved out at some point. This is truly video games' The Police's "Don't Stand So Close To Me." The very definition of a red-flag game.
Music's pretty good, though.
This is probably the most sus I've ever felt while playing a video game. The sheer amount of grooming that happens in the character stories is unhinged. I truly cannot imagine a sane adult playing through this game without ever feeling skeeved out at some point. This is truly video games' The Police's "Don't Stand So Close To Me." The very definition of a red-flag game.
Music's pretty good, though.
if only you knew how cute and funny things really are.
fifa if it's main demographic was pedophiles instead of ishowspeed
I Will update this as i go since it's a (Gacha Game) finished good half of Vol 3 rest will follow
i Can now say that this is The Greatest Game Ever made cant put into words but this Really is the Story of their Youth Even with all the Hiccups That happened along the way story wise it's a Perfect Rep of what makes a Person a person I LOOOOOVE KASUMI
i Can now say that this is The Greatest Game Ever made cant put into words but this Really is the Story of their Youth Even with all the Hiccups That happened along the way story wise it's a Perfect Rep of what makes a Person a person I LOOOOOVE KASUMI
(Tsurugi was hit by a train and flew 10 meters.)
uuohhhhhh
(review as the of the end of volume Final)
A game I completely discounted on release, Blue Archive is a perfect example of how gacha soshage have really taken the torch from the 00s/10s eroge scene. Of course, this has been the direction the space has taken since Fate/Grand Order's raucous success, but this one to me feels like the moment. Its hard for me at least to discuss the game except in comparison to its main two competitors in the Story Gacha, FGO and Arknights. Those games I often feel--as great as they are--get away from themselves, with their grand stories and rotating casts often running away from the presentation of the plot--if I was a smarter person, perhaps I'd make some reference to how Grand the scale of those games are and how the small phone screen ill-suits them, but I am not a philosopher.
Blue Archive keeps it simple. Its a game downright obsessed with the small, every day--even the most minor cursory thoughts about how Kivotos as a place works makes the whole thing crash down, but that same small nature just makes it work better for the phone format. I could easily shotgun entire chapters of Blue Archive while at work in a way I struggle to with FGO or (especially) Arknights. The focus on the more day-to-day "nichijou-kei" sort of writing helps this as well, I think.
But all of that would be missed if the writing wasn't up to par, which is where Blue Archive shines. The game's so endearingly optimistic and even the bit characters have too much charm that you can't not love them and buy into their struggles or lackthereof. It even made one of the worst character types--the person who Talks Only In Video Game References--arguably the best, most realized character in the game. The plots themselves can get quite grand in scale--be it Ancient Blood Feuds or Literally The End of Existence of Every Dimension Ever--but they never stop focusing on these girls, and your role in helping them overcome their various traumas, quirks, feelings, or whatever.
Which is where I should put my subnote--yes, the premise is that you're the good-hearted sensei who teaches these girls, and yes they are all very voluptuous and a lot of them definitely do want to jump your bones--but I was honestly shocked by how wholesome the whole game is. Its horny in practice, but in spirit? I'm not as convinced.
I actually really liked how far it takes the teacher conceit--although your character does take definitive action in the stories, it always comes from a place of growth for the girls you are helping. It has a lot of emphasis on how part of the reason Kivotos as a place is fucked is because the world ultimately does not help these girls and there's no mentorship, no people helping them out except themselves--this is exemplified by all the main antagonists being pretty explicit metaphors for methods of control and coercion of the adults these girls should be able to trust and rely on(and, mechanically, this is also tied in by the main character's Otona no Card--literally, adult card, translated into english as your credit card, an object that the other antagonists who are adults should have but don't because they don't accept that responsibility to the students). And that sort of sense of, I don't know, fulfillment? , is what makes the whole plot work.
And its beautiful.
As to the game? Its a passable idle game i guess, but who really cares about that.
A game I completely discounted on release, Blue Archive is a perfect example of how gacha soshage have really taken the torch from the 00s/10s eroge scene. Of course, this has been the direction the space has taken since Fate/Grand Order's raucous success, but this one to me feels like the moment. Its hard for me at least to discuss the game except in comparison to its main two competitors in the Story Gacha, FGO and Arknights. Those games I often feel--as great as they are--get away from themselves, with their grand stories and rotating casts often running away from the presentation of the plot--if I was a smarter person, perhaps I'd make some reference to how Grand the scale of those games are and how the small phone screen ill-suits them, but I am not a philosopher.
Blue Archive keeps it simple. Its a game downright obsessed with the small, every day--even the most minor cursory thoughts about how Kivotos as a place works makes the whole thing crash down, but that same small nature just makes it work better for the phone format. I could easily shotgun entire chapters of Blue Archive while at work in a way I struggle to with FGO or (especially) Arknights. The focus on the more day-to-day "nichijou-kei" sort of writing helps this as well, I think.
But all of that would be missed if the writing wasn't up to par, which is where Blue Archive shines. The game's so endearingly optimistic and even the bit characters have too much charm that you can't not love them and buy into their struggles or lackthereof. It even made one of the worst character types--the person who Talks Only In Video Game References--arguably the best, most realized character in the game. The plots themselves can get quite grand in scale--be it Ancient Blood Feuds or Literally The End of Existence of Every Dimension Ever--but they never stop focusing on these girls, and your role in helping them overcome their various traumas, quirks, feelings, or whatever.
Which is where I should put my subnote--yes, the premise is that you're the good-hearted sensei who teaches these girls, and yes they are all very voluptuous and a lot of them definitely do want to jump your bones--but I was honestly shocked by how wholesome the whole game is. Its horny in practice, but in spirit? I'm not as convinced.
I actually really liked how far it takes the teacher conceit--although your character does take definitive action in the stories, it always comes from a place of growth for the girls you are helping. It has a lot of emphasis on how part of the reason Kivotos as a place is fucked is because the world ultimately does not help these girls and there's no mentorship, no people helping them out except themselves--this is exemplified by all the main antagonists being pretty explicit metaphors for methods of control and coercion of the adults these girls should be able to trust and rely on(and, mechanically, this is also tied in by the main character's Otona no Card--literally, adult card, translated into english as your credit card, an object that the other antagonists who are adults should have but don't because they don't accept that responsibility to the students). And that sort of sense of, I don't know, fulfillment? , is what makes the whole plot work.
And its beautiful.
As to the game? Its a passable idle game i guess, but who really cares about that.
Search up "cunny.school" on your tabs right now
Relogging this after finishing Vol F
Fucking Peak, it hit so fucking hard. Never have I thought I would have spent almost 16 hours straight on this one volume hooked and kept on playing even If I was tired. This game lets on more than what it actually is, and some people will actually give their honest opinion making it this far into this game which is Blue Archive actually being peak storytelling.
"Your life matters. Don't regret living.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy.
Thinking the only way to end your suffering is through death is terrible.
You weren't born to suffer.
And you shouldn't.
No child should ever feel that way.
If your world is filled with more pain than happiness...
If you're wandering the world feeling like you don't belong in it...
That's not your fault.
It's the fault of the world you live in and the people responsible for it.
No one person should ever carry the entire weight of the world on their shoulders... especially not a child.
No matter how many horrible things you've done, no matter how many unforgivable offenses you've committed...
It should NEVER be that way.
It's not your responsibility.
That duty should fall to the adults in your life.
...I'll be the one to take responsibility."
RE Aoharu changed me. Thank You Blue Archive.
Fucking Peak, it hit so fucking hard. Never have I thought I would have spent almost 16 hours straight on this one volume hooked and kept on playing even If I was tired. This game lets on more than what it actually is, and some people will actually give their honest opinion making it this far into this game which is Blue Archive actually being peak storytelling.
"Your life matters. Don't regret living.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy.
Thinking the only way to end your suffering is through death is terrible.
You weren't born to suffer.
And you shouldn't.
No child should ever feel that way.
If your world is filled with more pain than happiness...
If you're wandering the world feeling like you don't belong in it...
That's not your fault.
It's the fault of the world you live in and the people responsible for it.
No one person should ever carry the entire weight of the world on their shoulders... especially not a child.
No matter how many horrible things you've done, no matter how many unforgivable offenses you've committed...
It should NEVER be that way.
It's not your responsibility.
That duty should fall to the adults in your life.
...I'll be the one to take responsibility."
RE Aoharu changed me. Thank You Blue Archive.
this is happening in Ukraine rn
saori sob
Now that I’ve finished Volume F and almost caught up with the main story (in the English version at least), I can finally talk more about this. If there’s any genre I dislike the most, it’d be gacha. I’ve tried them many times and just couldn’t no matter what, I always find them to be too much of a dedication, especially with most of them being on mobile which is probably my least favourite way to play games. But with Blue Archive… there was something that made it stick with me, and I can easily call this one of my new favourites
The story was such a surprise for me, even with all the hype I saw. I started back when you needed to progress through the missions to get further in the story, so I didn’t think I’d get too far (before they ended up changing that. I even thought about just watching it on Youtube at that point but I’m glad I didn’t). But man, it started strong and only got better as it went on (Eden Treaty and Volume F being the main highlights, I never would’ve expected them to hit anywhere near as hard as they did). Another surprise was the cast. Originally I thought they would’ve been nothing more than weeb bait, but god I love these characters so much. Hifumi is my main favourite, but other favourites are Aru, Mika, Saori, Azusa and Aris (my daughter btw)
There’s a lot more to say about this but I just want to keep this short. I guess in a way, this game has been one of the main things keeping me going these past few months. It’s a game that isn’t easy to recommend with it being a gacha and… other reasons, but I can’t recommend it enough if you’re interested. It’s also very F2P friendly imo. Now that I’ve said all of that, Nexon please bring Nagisa back and give me the rest of my favourites in my next pull
The story was such a surprise for me, even with all the hype I saw. I started back when you needed to progress through the missions to get further in the story, so I didn’t think I’d get too far (before they ended up changing that. I even thought about just watching it on Youtube at that point but I’m glad I didn’t). But man, it started strong and only got better as it went on (Eden Treaty and Volume F being the main highlights, I never would’ve expected them to hit anywhere near as hard as they did). Another surprise was the cast. Originally I thought they would’ve been nothing more than weeb bait, but god I love these characters so much. Hifumi is my main favourite, but other favourites are Aru, Mika, Saori, Azusa and Aris (my daughter btw)
There’s a lot more to say about this but I just want to keep this short. I guess in a way, this game has been one of the main things keeping me going these past few months. It’s a game that isn’t easy to recommend with it being a gacha and… other reasons, but I can’t recommend it enough if you’re interested. It’s also very F2P friendly imo. Now that I’ve said all of that, Nexon please bring Nagisa back and give me the rest of my favourites in my next pull
none of them are fat
the last bastion of defense against the world getting overrun by mihoyo and nikke hentai
"Atsui~
Atsukute hikarabisoouu~
Ugoite nai no ni atsuiyoo~"
One of the greatest voice lines in all of video games. I needed it for myself. Dumped 200 rolls on Mika's banner the other day. Mika's cute and all, and the 6% rate was tantalizing, but what I was really chasing was that heat. Even with so much saved, it was still a 0.3% rate. Fate/GO players shot for the stars with more, and died in disgrace for less. It was a steep price to pay for missing the train back in January. I wasn't a believer then, but half a year of Twitter art forces a man to acknowledge the sheer strength Blue Archive commandeered as the head honcho of the cute and funny genre. Come April, I knew what I had to do. I installed, started grinding, and bided my time until the fated day would come. Ohhh I waited. Banners came and went, and my gem stock slowly grew. They called me a fool for skipping Himari. But there is no virtue chasing higher ranks in a future without Summer Hoshino. Days became weeks. Weeks became months.
Until Judgement Day. 7/25. The red carpet was rolled out for Mika. Fanfare, Twitter campaigns, displays, advertisements. She had it all. Even Arona Hot Dog was there. But I was only concerned about my pink, 0.3% prize. I only had a 45% chance to get her. I had nothing else but hopes and prayers; I prostrated before the numbers, completely at the mercy of a coin flip. And it flipped.
It was a silly little thing. One moment I didn't have her, and then in the next, I did. 70 pulls in. It's an unbelievable feeling, to entrust the culmination of several months of dreams on a dice roll, and win. At that time, at that place, for a fleeting moment, through no power of mine, the whims of reality and my wordly desires were one and the same. With no rhyme or reason, the Mandate of Heaven bestowed upon me Hoshino. Don't you see what this means? I walked the path forged by the stars, and it was written in indelible celestial text that Victory was my lot.
Anyway +3 stars for Ui, she's my favorite.
Atsukute hikarabisoouu~
Ugoite nai no ni atsuiyoo~"
One of the greatest voice lines in all of video games. I needed it for myself. Dumped 200 rolls on Mika's banner the other day. Mika's cute and all, and the 6% rate was tantalizing, but what I was really chasing was that heat. Even with so much saved, it was still a 0.3% rate. Fate/GO players shot for the stars with more, and died in disgrace for less. It was a steep price to pay for missing the train back in January. I wasn't a believer then, but half a year of Twitter art forces a man to acknowledge the sheer strength Blue Archive commandeered as the head honcho of the cute and funny genre. Come April, I knew what I had to do. I installed, started grinding, and bided my time until the fated day would come. Ohhh I waited. Banners came and went, and my gem stock slowly grew. They called me a fool for skipping Himari. But there is no virtue chasing higher ranks in a future without Summer Hoshino. Days became weeks. Weeks became months.
Until Judgement Day. 7/25. The red carpet was rolled out for Mika. Fanfare, Twitter campaigns, displays, advertisements. She had it all. Even Arona Hot Dog was there. But I was only concerned about my pink, 0.3% prize. I only had a 45% chance to get her. I had nothing else but hopes and prayers; I prostrated before the numbers, completely at the mercy of a coin flip. And it flipped.
It was a silly little thing. One moment I didn't have her, and then in the next, I did. 70 pulls in. It's an unbelievable feeling, to entrust the culmination of several months of dreams on a dice roll, and win. At that time, at that place, for a fleeting moment, through no power of mine, the whims of reality and my wordly desires were one and the same. With no rhyme or reason, the Mandate of Heaven bestowed upon me Hoshino. Don't you see what this means? I walked the path forged by the stars, and it was written in indelible celestial text that Victory was my lot.
Anyway +3 stars for Ui, she's my favorite.
yeah
Mika my beloved
😭
The main story is fucking amazing and the characters in this series. Genuinely caught me off guard but every character is just so loveable, music and everything.
I LOVE MIKA😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I LOVE MIKA😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
little girls 😭
- Boring Gameplay
- Too much time-gates for Noob
- Kimoi Game for Otaku Pigs
- Too much time-gates for Noob
- Kimoi Game for Otaku Pigs
Misono Mika...you rocked my world...
After several weeks of playing this game, I’ve decided to actually give Blue Archive a somewhat proper review.
To be honest, I was very distant to Blue Archive when I first started it up. After all, I only really downloaded the game to see if Eden Treaty really was top tier storytelling like I’d heard it was. Pretty much everything else was an afterthought, and I was able to get away with this mindset for a decent amount of time, that is until that one specific story episode that forced me to actually build my characters and level up my account. I absolutely resented BA for this and I still think it was a bit of a fucked up move by the devs, but it also kinda acted as a blessing in disguise. It led to me getting much more involved with the game’s systems, I started getting invested in characters who weren’t in the main story that much, and I was able to derive at least some enjoyment out of the game’s combat. It’s amazing what a great story can do to my motivation.
So now here I am, 64 levels deep, listening to Alkaline Tears and After School Dessert almost daily whilst Ayane’s sweat soaked face graces my main menu. Definitely not the position I was expecting to be in when I saw Mika’s design for the first time and thought she looked pretty.
The story is definitely as good as people say it is. Of course Eden Treaty was fantastic, mainly because the Make Up Work Club is literally just my four favorite characters in a single group, but the other Volumes were no slouch either. After playing Genshin and getting consistently frustrated with how much its writing prodded on and on and on for no reason, a concise story that makes its points quickly while knowing when to have some fun is exactly what I needed. Whenever some goofy or chaotic moment happens and it actually becomes an element of the plot I’m always left with a wide grin on my face, aside from that one case where I both smiled and cried a little (I will never look at ski masks the same way ever again). I once heard the plot be called a children’s story for adults and that’s actually pretty accurate. A chapter will put Sensei and their students through utter hell as they deal with extremely stubborn corporate greed, generational hatred, crippling distrust/paranoia, and the horrors of nihilism, before ending with everyone gathering together to best all the odds as someone declares “THE BLUE ARCHIVE IS REAL”. This is only a slight exaggeration. Also, the characters fill me with so much joy and I would legit take a bullet for about 98% of them.
I will say though, the last thing I expected from this game was me loving Sensei and their role in the story as much as I do. Despite being a self insert, they actually get a decent amount characterization as a bad spender with a childish imagination who is sorta kind of a degen. Basically, your average gacha player. However, in the land of Kivotos where most adult figures for the students are either non existent in their lives or are manipulative bastards, Sensei acts as the guiding light that actually teaches them how to grow and learn from their mistakes, and is willing to put a lot on the line to do so. This does end up leading into most of the students fawning over sensei in some way, shape, or form, sometimes in rather suggestive ways. While this quasi-harem comes off as a bit tacky at first, as time went on I began to completely understand the girls’ feelings, especially after reading Where All Miracles Begin because goodness gracious it cannot be underestimated how life changing Sensei’s actions are there I’m choking up just thinking about it. Shit, I’d probably fall head over heels for Sensei in the students’ position too.
Even though i’m docking a star off for the Hell BA put me through to see through its story, don’t be mistaken. I adore this game about as much as my 5 stars, and am genuinely so happy that I was convinced by the dozens of pieces of Mika art being shoved down my throat to give Blue Archive a shot.
Azusa best girl btw
ᓀ‸ᓂ
Edit: I’m bumping the rating up to 4.5 stars because I get happy every time I think about this game and just 4 stars doesn’t feel right
To be honest, I was very distant to Blue Archive when I first started it up. After all, I only really downloaded the game to see if Eden Treaty really was top tier storytelling like I’d heard it was. Pretty much everything else was an afterthought, and I was able to get away with this mindset for a decent amount of time, that is until that one specific story episode that forced me to actually build my characters and level up my account. I absolutely resented BA for this and I still think it was a bit of a fucked up move by the devs, but it also kinda acted as a blessing in disguise. It led to me getting much more involved with the game’s systems, I started getting invested in characters who weren’t in the main story that much, and I was able to derive at least some enjoyment out of the game’s combat. It’s amazing what a great story can do to my motivation.
So now here I am, 64 levels deep, listening to Alkaline Tears and After School Dessert almost daily whilst Ayane’s sweat soaked face graces my main menu. Definitely not the position I was expecting to be in when I saw Mika’s design for the first time and thought she looked pretty.
The story is definitely as good as people say it is. Of course Eden Treaty was fantastic, mainly because the Make Up Work Club is literally just my four favorite characters in a single group, but the other Volumes were no slouch either. After playing Genshin and getting consistently frustrated with how much its writing prodded on and on and on for no reason, a concise story that makes its points quickly while knowing when to have some fun is exactly what I needed. Whenever some goofy or chaotic moment happens and it actually becomes an element of the plot I’m always left with a wide grin on my face, aside from that one case where I both smiled and cried a little (I will never look at ski masks the same way ever again). I once heard the plot be called a children’s story for adults and that’s actually pretty accurate. A chapter will put Sensei and their students through utter hell as they deal with extremely stubborn corporate greed, generational hatred, crippling distrust/paranoia, and the horrors of nihilism, before ending with everyone gathering together to best all the odds as someone declares “THE BLUE ARCHIVE IS REAL”. This is only a slight exaggeration. Also, the characters fill me with so much joy and I would legit take a bullet for about 98% of them.
I will say though, the last thing I expected from this game was me loving Sensei and their role in the story as much as I do. Despite being a self insert, they actually get a decent amount characterization as a bad spender with a childish imagination who is sorta kind of a degen. Basically, your average gacha player. However, in the land of Kivotos where most adult figures for the students are either non existent in their lives or are manipulative bastards, Sensei acts as the guiding light that actually teaches them how to grow and learn from their mistakes, and is willing to put a lot on the line to do so. This does end up leading into most of the students fawning over sensei in some way, shape, or form, sometimes in rather suggestive ways. While this quasi-harem comes off as a bit tacky at first, as time went on I began to completely understand the girls’ feelings, especially after reading Where All Miracles Begin because goodness gracious it cannot be underestimated how life changing Sensei’s actions are there I’m choking up just thinking about it. Shit, I’d probably fall head over heels for Sensei in the students’ position too.
Even though i’m docking a star off for the Hell BA put me through to see through its story, don’t be mistaken. I adore this game about as much as my 5 stars, and am genuinely so happy that I was convinced by the dozens of pieces of Mika art being shoved down my throat to give Blue Archive a shot.
Azusa best girl btw
ᓀ‸ᓂ
Edit: I’m bumping the rating up to 4.5 stars because I get happy every time I think about this game and just 4 stars doesn’t feel right
This is ostensibly a strategy RPG game, but you have barely any control over the battles since it's mostly automated. You just watch cute chibi anime girls shoot at evil anime girls and occasionally use a special skill when you get enough energy points or whatever.
The story is basically an isekai where some dude gets teleported to this world of cute anime girls (and robot and dog people too I guess?) who all carry guns but also are nearly impervious to bullets and can survive multiple gunshots. You're suddenly put in charge of these girls as their sensei for like 6 schools for some reason, and immediately every single want of them wants to be violently impregnated by your throbbing cock.
They all have their own little quirks and stories you unlock by increasing your relationship level with them, which is kind of weird because they're all your students and are between the ages of 15-18, but who cares the girls are all cute and I want to die by being suffocated in Asuna's cleavage.
Edit: I finally completed the main arc of the story after ignoring it forever, and I'm surprised by how well written this game is. Wasn't expecting that from what looks like a dumb booba game. Honestly, I think it deserves a slight bump up in score due to that.
It's still pretty mindless gameplay-wise, but it definitely has more heart to it than you'd expect a gacha game to have.
The story is basically an isekai where some dude gets teleported to this world of cute anime girls (and robot and dog people too I guess?) who all carry guns but also are nearly impervious to bullets and can survive multiple gunshots. You're suddenly put in charge of these girls as their sensei for like 6 schools for some reason, and immediately every single want of them wants to be violently impregnated by your throbbing cock.
They all have their own little quirks and stories you unlock by increasing your relationship level with them, which is kind of weird because they're all your students and are between the ages of 15-18, but who cares the girls are all cute and I want to die by being suffocated in Asuna's cleavage.
Edit: I finally completed the main arc of the story after ignoring it forever, and I'm surprised by how well written this game is. Wasn't expecting that from what looks like a dumb booba game. Honestly, I think it deserves a slight bump up in score due to that.
It's still pretty mindless gameplay-wise, but it definitely has more heart to it than you'd expect a gacha game to have.
K A N I
this game has engraved the word "cunny" into my brain
I followed this for the first year if you count retweeting art of girls as following. And then they came out with track mari and I decided I had to lock in for at least 6 months. I got my spark and my track mari but I also received peak fiction. I think hifumi "I love cliches" speech enjoyers should be giving out less 1 stars and more "hooooooly moly" ratings to games with soul but arent really good. I dont like the gameplay very much but its a gacha and you cant convince me they can be anything but reloads and micromanaging rng (and macromanaging rng by getting good rolls).