When I first played Konami Krazy Racers, I was but a child. I did not know TwinBee or Parodius or Rakugakids. I was in it entirely for Cyborg Ninja.

I speak to you today as a man.

It's alarming how much Konami this game expects you to be familiar with. It's not a version of the company that most western fans would associate them with either. There's no Contra, no Silent Hill, no Sparkster or Frogger. This is well before they acquired Hudson Soft too, so don't expect to see Bomberman or Master Higgins, either. This is Powerful Pro Yakyuu and Pop'n Music. Games I haven't played. It's actually kind of weird that Metal Gear Solid got roped in.

The most fun references are in the character-specific Specials, where you get a partner character protecting you. Count Dracula gets the Grim Reaper, Takosuke gets the angelic pig, Michael, and Grey Fox gets a HIND-D. What's a Russian gunship doing here? Giving you a speed boost, of course!

The music's pretty great, especially if you know their sources. A straight Bowser's Castle clone getting a Vampire Killer remix is a massive upgrade. It's conceivable that the music guys were the ones responsible for the character roster, since they're largely from games with brilliant soundtracks.

What will divide players is how much the game is rooted in the original Super Mario Kart. It's not subtle about it. There's coins and a hop button, stiff handling and sharp corners. They've also got those bastard tropical island tracks. Your tolerance for Krazy Racers will largely hinge on how much you enjoy Mario Kart 1. Of course, the game's completely flat too. You can see why people got so excited about the inclines in GT Advance 2, after this.

There are differences, though. Weapons and speed boosts are distinguished between red and blue pick-ups, so you can approach items with a little more intent. Picking up an item will cruelly replace whatever you've currently got, too, so you're often looking at items scattered around the track as hazards. There are jump pads to give the tracks a little more of a vertical dynamic, though some of the later tracks can use them in some fairly cheap ways to send you speeding into a pit. Collision isn't always as slick as it ought to be, and you can find yourself clipping on obstacles and other racers awkwardly.

It really is the Konami stuff that elevates this above a b-grade Mario Kart clone. And not just for the references. There's a weird energy to the game that's consistent with Bishi Bashi and Beatmania. The main menus are presented as a PC desktop, with Pentarou-style penguins offering racing tips via very short emails. There's a lightning strike item that turns all your opponents into tiny pigs (the pigs handle a little better than most of the karts, so I don't mind getting hit by it too much). There's a Wonder Boy-style shop that you can pre-equip starting items from, and licence tests to unlock new races and characters. The game's intro invites you to take part via a message from "Konami Man". It's good. I like it.

You're playing a GBA kart racer. Super Circuit ain't exactly hot shit either. You might as well play the one with a playable Easter Island statue in it.