It was the summer of '95. Batman Forever was in theaters, Cotton Eye Joe was on the radio, and uhh hold on let me google something...uhh The NATO bombing campaign against Bosnian Serb artillery positions begins in Bosnia and Herzegovina. It was a time of change, revelations, revolution, and at the forefront of all this was one man, nay, a creature. A green guy with a big game and an even BIGGER attitude. What he lacks in size, he makes up for in style, as well as his huge cock. The man, the myth, the legend, the thing on everyone's mind, a one-syllable name that could move mountains and catch lightning: Bug!

Ahh, The Summer of Bug. Of course I wasn't born at the time to experience it, but if I had a time machine, the first thing I would do is transport myself to August 1995, to be there amongst the people that Bug brought together. The comradery, the kinship, the warmth of men setting aside their difference for one day, to unite in the reverie brought on by Bug's release. But of course, I'm only recounting what has already been extensively documented, analyzed, and mythologized in the past decades since that day. Echoes of Bug's influence can be heard throughout our daily lives, in everything we see and do, Bug has its place. This is, as everyone knows, why every family in the world always leaves one seat at the table empty, for it is Bug's place to sit. The term "monogamy" is now obsolete, as any couple fully understands they are in a relationship with not just their partner, but with Bug as well.

(In the year 2072) My two horrible grandchildren who want me dead: "Shut up, grandpa! We hate this story and we hate Bug! We like our other grandpa better, he has a region-free Saturn with a 4MB RAM cartridge!"

Oh ho ho, you kids. Someday you'll understand. You'll understand that your other grandpa is going to hell, along with anyone else who covets the RAM cartridge. Ahhh, all this recounting is making me tired, let your old peepaw nap for just a minute.

Goes to sleep, never wakes up again