It's a short game, but The Procession to Calvary is one of the most stylistically unique games in the point and click adventure genre. It has just as many complex and convoluted puzzles as its other point and click peers, for better or for worse, but they're all done with a visual flair and tinge of absurdist humor that you'd struggle to compare with any other game out there.

The console port is quite lazy. Instead of adapting the gameplay to allow controller-bound players to cycle through interactable elements and control the protagonist with the, y'know, control stick, the game instead binds a cursor to the control stick and calls it a day. It's an annoyance that doesn't leave you until the game is finished. There's even a meta joke in-game that references Steam, which more than loses its impact when playing on an Xbox. If you have the choice, play this on PC.

The walking speed is also frustratingly slow. Perhaps it was to allow players to soak in the visual detail in the environments better, but for how many times you have to backtrack through the same fields and courtyards, it could add an extra hour to your playtime as you desperately try to deduce where you're headed next. It starts to feel like the game is actively punishing you for not knowing exactly where to go. Combine this with the aforementioned convolution and you'll find that the best way to experience The Procession to Calvary is with a walkthrough.

That being said, allowing a walkthrough to remove those hurdles in turn allows you to appreciate the game's art and animation even better. You can simply indulge in the music and humor without getting numb to it through repetition. Stopping to appreciate that the naked man on a spit is actually 3 or 4 different paintings animated together is one of the best things about the game, reminding you how laborious it must have been for the dev to actually put such a unique renaissance fever dream together. There's even a gallery room you can access that showcases many of the original paintings that were used to craft the game's interactive collages.

The Procession to Calvary is a reminder that Amanita Design aren't the only ones putting a particularly creative visual spin on point and click games. If I have to spend an obnoxiously long time going through the same screens again and again, then at least I can pretend like I've been perusing museum galleries in Florence for the last few hours.

The wild variety of star ratings for this game speaks volumes to just how confusing and messy of a game Security Breach is. It's got so, so much potential, but it's a game that's far too ambitious for its own good.

It's fun to run around the Pizzaplex and discover some weird hallway that leads to a bakery or a hair salon that could have been missed entirely, but that just demonstrates how poorly laid out the mall is in relation to the storied path in the game. Your wonder and amazement is replaced with you wishing that the area was better fleshed out and presented with more purpose. Every collectible you find gives you that satisfaction of achievement as you now feel justified in your excessive exploration, but then you're reminded that this is your 7th novelty t-shirt and it's just going to spend the rest of the game hidden behind a buggy menu tab with the other 50 useless pngs you've found.

One of FNAF's greatest hooks is its story, but even that feels unsatisfying. Its overly ambiguous nature means you won't even feel like the story has ended when you finally fight your way to the end of the main game. You'll have so many questions and the game refuses to answer any of them. Why does Freddy help you? What's the deal with Vanny? Why are there like 6 different endings to the game and which one is the canon one? "Figure it out yourself," answers Security Breach, without giving you enough cohesive clues to even attempt to do so.

This is where I was going to write about how poorly the game introduces "difficulty" over the course of its runtime, but I couldn't do it without ranting about how insanely frustrating and broken Chica is. Just know that 9 times out of 10 you're going to be blaming the game for killing you rather than feeling it was you who failed to adapt to an increase in challenge.

Security Breach lives in my head almost every day because I spent 45 bucks on it last year and I still can't stop imagining how much better it could have been. In the end, the most fun you will have with this game is just watching someone else play it on YouTube. You can watch some other sucker struggle with the game-breaking bugs and 300 staff bots and it won't even cost you a dime.