DalamusUlom
I really, really, REALLY wanted to like this game more than I did. But I just can't. And it's not because of some annoying enemy, painfully difficult boss, or obtuse puzzle. Oh, nay nay. The problem(s) with this game are the DROP RATES. I have spent about 17 hours playing this game, and at LEAST 5 of those hours were spent grinding for jugs of milk or what have you in order to make more food so I could actually heal, or murdering the same crappy little enemy for a percent of a chance for the bastard to drop his shard, which made the game horridly boring after enough of it. And that utterly sucks, because I WANTED to play more, but I knew if I did I'd have to grind even more than I already had.
But, even despite the UNGODLY level of grinding, I'm still considering jumping back in, because it's just so good, and is why I'm still giving it 4 stars despite my hatred of grinding. Maybe there's a mod or something that'll reduce the grind.
But, even despite the UNGODLY level of grinding, I'm still considering jumping back in, because it's just so good, and is why I'm still giving it 4 stars despite my hatred of grinding. Maybe there's a mod or something that'll reduce the grind.
2013
Shadowrun Returns. The game that started Harebrained Schemes' Shadowrun Trilogy, and yet is hands down the worst of the three. Now, this isn't to say it's a BAD game, otherwise it wouldn't have gotten a DLC so good it became it's own game, or an actual full sequel. But, it is most certainly flawed. No companions are free to take, instead costing you money to hire(including the ones required by the story to progress). Because of this, it never feels like you're actually growing with these characters, never connecting with them, so because of this, you never really care if any of them die.
Now, while some may tell you that that's the quintessential Shadowrun experience in Tabletop, it was only ever like that to help facilitate drop in play, letting people join a group for a single session before leaving and never being seen again. But this is a video game, and I've seen Tom's troll ass available for every goddamn run I've gone on in this game, so having the hireable mercs system feels like nothing more than a waste of good nuyen that could be spent on fun stuff, like cyberware, weapons, or spells.
Besides this, most of the story is a tad generic at best, and super weird and full of some of the weirdest parts of the Shadowrun lore. And, while the guys who've been playing the tabletop game for decades will know who Harlequin is, I don't know him from Tom, and at least Tom's been available to me the whole game. Good ol' dependable Tom.
Anyway, moving past these faults, the game is still quite fun(otherwise I wouldn't have finished it), with a plot that, while the majority of which you'll see coming from a mile away, the climax was definitely not what I, or most other people, expected to see, in a largely entertaining way.
However, the best piece of praise I can give Shadowrun Returns is that it allowed Shadowrun: Dragonfall and Shadowrun: Hong Kong to exist. And honestly? That's pretty good praise in my book.
Now, while some may tell you that that's the quintessential Shadowrun experience in Tabletop, it was only ever like that to help facilitate drop in play, letting people join a group for a single session before leaving and never being seen again. But this is a video game, and I've seen Tom's troll ass available for every goddamn run I've gone on in this game, so having the hireable mercs system feels like nothing more than a waste of good nuyen that could be spent on fun stuff, like cyberware, weapons, or spells.
Besides this, most of the story is a tad generic at best, and super weird and full of some of the weirdest parts of the Shadowrun lore. And, while the guys who've been playing the tabletop game for decades will know who Harlequin is, I don't know him from Tom, and at least Tom's been available to me the whole game. Good ol' dependable Tom.
Anyway, moving past these faults, the game is still quite fun(otherwise I wouldn't have finished it), with a plot that, while the majority of which you'll see coming from a mile away, the climax was definitely not what I, or most other people, expected to see, in a largely entertaining way.
However, the best piece of praise I can give Shadowrun Returns is that it allowed Shadowrun: Dragonfall and Shadowrun: Hong Kong to exist. And honestly? That's pretty good praise in my book.
2009
A Note: This reveiw is a cleaned up and slightly expanded version of a review I previously posted on Steam.
Brütal Legend, a game so metal-iciously awesome that it gets to add a random umlaut to it's name just to show how fucking Brütal it is.
Now, Brütal Legend(yes, I will add the umlaut to it's name every time it's mentioned, it's FUCKING. METAL.) is an interesting game. While at first you might believe the game to be a pure third person hack-n-slash romp through the world of every heavy metal record cover combined, it's actually a third person hack-n-slash that's been fused together with a real time strategy game that takes you through the world of every heavy metal record cover combined. I know, I was a surprised too. Now, while this may seem off-putting at first, it isn't actually too hard. There's a lot of streamlining of the strategy elements to make it easier to control for people using a controller, so there's not as much need to worry about all the RTS stuff like Actions Per Minute and what have you (in fact, I personally recommend using a controller, for an element I shall mention later).
The story is fairly simple, and yet heavy metal to it's core. The main character, Eddie Riggs(voiced by the always amazing Jack Black) is a professional roadie who, due to the incompetence of the band he works for, ends up experiencing a work place accident that transports him to The Brütal Land where heavy metal music is magic, and joins with a trio of human resistance fighters to help kickstart the heart of a rebellion against the ultimate oppressors of humanity. . . demons in church themed bondage. Kinky.
The cast is filled with rock legends, such as the already mentioned Jack Black, Fellow Tenacious D member Kyle Gass, Rob Halford of Judas Priest, Lemmy Kilmister(RIP) of Motörhead, Rita Ford of the Runaways, and last but certainly not least, Ozzy Motherfucking Osbourne. Besides the rock legends, there are a few notable actors who happen to not be musicians, including Richard Steven Horovitz(the voice of Rasputin Aquato from Double Fines previous game Psychonauts, and a mainstay voice actor for the company) and none other than Tim Curry voicing the main villain(more on the villain, and who was originally going to voice him, later)
Now, there are some negatives. The combat can feel a tad samey sometimes, if you're on the back foot in a battle it's sometimes just easier to restart the whole mission than keep trying(especially on the harder difficulties), the fact that your health isn't displayed and instead your screen goes red until you regen enough life is really annoying on harder difficulties, and the physics are pretty wonky sometimes cough coughLIONWHYTES HAIRcough cough but all in all the game ran rather smoothly for a game from 2009. No, my biggest problem is that, while the game is available for PC, it was very much not made with a keyboard and mouse in mind. I've played through the game three times, twice on normal and once on hard, with my first being on a controller, and my latter two playthroughs on normal and hard on mouse and keyboard(that poor cheap controller died because of Ornstein and Smough, the bastards). Having played it twice on mouse + keyboard, I can safely say it sapped the experience a bit. While you can rebind them, they're still not amazing in my opinion, and you're far better suited to a controller if you have one, especially for the magical guitar solos you can perform.
Speaking of magical guitar solo, did I mention there are magical guitar solos? Well there are, and they're awesome. From exploring the world, you'll gain riffs that do everything from buffing your troops, to summoning animals to fight alongside you, to melting fucking faces, to even summoning your hot rod, refered to as The Duece by the menu and riff title, and as The Druid Plow(excellent double entendre right there, I must say), playing these sick and delicious riffs is likely one of, if not the, most important thing you can do during a battle, especially on harder difficulties or in multiplayer.
Side note about the multiplayer, it's a lot of fun, just be aware that a lot of the people playing have been doing so for actual years. It's also where you have a chance of possibly playing against Tim Schafer(the founder of Double Fine) or at least someone who has. You'll even get an achievement!
The collectibles have a reason for existing, as collecting them will either give you new riffs for your guitar, increase your health, gives you access to the Motor Forge which lets you upgrade your car and your both your axes(literal and musical), and gives you new rock and metal songs for your radio, which are all excellent.
Finally, not a negative so much as a sad fact and realization. So, in mid-June of 2009, the original voice of Doviculas, the main villain, was recast to Tim Curry. At the time, it was stated by Double Fine that they felt "Tim Curry was a better fit for the character", while fans believed it was due to the original voice actor having a feud with Ozzy Osbourne. However, a few short month later, on November 25th that same year, the original voice actor announced that he was diagnosed with stomach cancer, and sadly died on May 16, 2010.
Who was the original voice actor for Doviculus? Well it was none other than Ronnie James Dio.
Now, I don't know if Dio dropped out of voicing the main villain because of his cancer or not, so at most this is an unconfirmed theory that seems to align fairly well with the facts.
Despite this sad thought, Brütal Legend is an absolutely fucking amazing game, that oozes with charm and heavy metal. If you want to have a headbanging good time, then there's only one game that can truly deliver, and it is Brütal.
Brütal Legend, a game so metal-iciously awesome that it gets to add a random umlaut to it's name just to show how fucking Brütal it is.
Now, Brütal Legend(yes, I will add the umlaut to it's name every time it's mentioned, it's FUCKING. METAL.) is an interesting game. While at first you might believe the game to be a pure third person hack-n-slash romp through the world of every heavy metal record cover combined, it's actually a third person hack-n-slash that's been fused together with a real time strategy game that takes you through the world of every heavy metal record cover combined. I know, I was a surprised too. Now, while this may seem off-putting at first, it isn't actually too hard. There's a lot of streamlining of the strategy elements to make it easier to control for people using a controller, so there's not as much need to worry about all the RTS stuff like Actions Per Minute and what have you (in fact, I personally recommend using a controller, for an element I shall mention later).
The story is fairly simple, and yet heavy metal to it's core. The main character, Eddie Riggs(voiced by the always amazing Jack Black) is a professional roadie who, due to the incompetence of the band he works for, ends up experiencing a work place accident that transports him to The Brütal Land where heavy metal music is magic, and joins with a trio of human resistance fighters to help kickstart the heart of a rebellion against the ultimate oppressors of humanity. . . demons in church themed bondage. Kinky.
The cast is filled with rock legends, such as the already mentioned Jack Black, Fellow Tenacious D member Kyle Gass, Rob Halford of Judas Priest, Lemmy Kilmister(RIP) of Motörhead, Rita Ford of the Runaways, and last but certainly not least, Ozzy Motherfucking Osbourne. Besides the rock legends, there are a few notable actors who happen to not be musicians, including Richard Steven Horovitz(the voice of Rasputin Aquato from Double Fines previous game Psychonauts, and a mainstay voice actor for the company) and none other than Tim Curry voicing the main villain(more on the villain, and who was originally going to voice him, later)
Now, there are some negatives. The combat can feel a tad samey sometimes, if you're on the back foot in a battle it's sometimes just easier to restart the whole mission than keep trying(especially on the harder difficulties), the fact that your health isn't displayed and instead your screen goes red until you regen enough life is really annoying on harder difficulties, and the physics are pretty wonky sometimes cough coughLIONWHYTES HAIRcough cough but all in all the game ran rather smoothly for a game from 2009. No, my biggest problem is that, while the game is available for PC, it was very much not made with a keyboard and mouse in mind. I've played through the game three times, twice on normal and once on hard, with my first being on a controller, and my latter two playthroughs on normal and hard on mouse and keyboard(that poor cheap controller died because of Ornstein and Smough, the bastards). Having played it twice on mouse + keyboard, I can safely say it sapped the experience a bit. While you can rebind them, they're still not amazing in my opinion, and you're far better suited to a controller if you have one, especially for the magical guitar solos you can perform.
Speaking of magical guitar solo, did I mention there are magical guitar solos? Well there are, and they're awesome. From exploring the world, you'll gain riffs that do everything from buffing your troops, to summoning animals to fight alongside you, to melting fucking faces, to even summoning your hot rod, refered to as The Duece by the menu and riff title, and as The Druid Plow(excellent double entendre right there, I must say), playing these sick and delicious riffs is likely one of, if not the, most important thing you can do during a battle, especially on harder difficulties or in multiplayer.
Side note about the multiplayer, it's a lot of fun, just be aware that a lot of the people playing have been doing so for actual years. It's also where you have a chance of possibly playing against Tim Schafer(the founder of Double Fine) or at least someone who has. You'll even get an achievement!
The collectibles have a reason for existing, as collecting them will either give you new riffs for your guitar, increase your health, gives you access to the Motor Forge which lets you upgrade your car and your both your axes(literal and musical), and gives you new rock and metal songs for your radio, which are all excellent.
Finally, not a negative so much as a sad fact and realization. So, in mid-June of 2009, the original voice of Doviculas, the main villain, was recast to Tim Curry. At the time, it was stated by Double Fine that they felt "Tim Curry was a better fit for the character", while fans believed it was due to the original voice actor having a feud with Ozzy Osbourne. However, a few short month later, on November 25th that same year, the original voice actor announced that he was diagnosed with stomach cancer, and sadly died on May 16, 2010.
Who was the original voice actor for Doviculus? Well it was none other than Ronnie James Dio.
Now, I don't know if Dio dropped out of voicing the main villain because of his cancer or not, so at most this is an unconfirmed theory that seems to align fairly well with the facts.
Despite this sad thought, Brütal Legend is an absolutely fucking amazing game, that oozes with charm and heavy metal. If you want to have a headbanging good time, then there's only one game that can truly deliver, and it is Brütal.
This review contains spoilers
A Note: This review is a cleaned up and massively expanded version of a review I previously posted on Steam.
Let me get this out of the way, first and foremost. Two Worlds is not a good game. At all. The story is boring, the voice acting is terrible, the game is repetitive at the best of times, and down right broken at the worst of times, and the combat is simply atrocious. But despite all that and many more flaws, I cannot help but love it.
Have you ever heard of a movie called The Room? It was an independent movie released in 2003, that was written, directed, produced, and starred one Tommy Wiseau. The Room was not a good movie. In fact, it's often regarded as flat out one of the worst films in the history of cinema. Yet despite that, many people (myself included) Adore the movie because of just how bad it is, what with Wiseau's ridiculous hamminess, with lines like "I did not hit her, I did not! Oh, hi Mark." and such, it's easy to see why James Franco eventually created The Disaster Artist, a film about the filming of The Room, which was nominated for, and WON, multiple awards, and how people to this day hold annual celebrations by rewatching, re-enacting, or rewatching AND re-enacting the film, all while pelt the screen with spoons(Don't ask).
Now, have you ever heard of the anime Chargeman Ken? It is a sci-fi series created by Tetsuji Suzukawa and Eiji Tanaka, and animated by Knack Productions (now ICHI Corporation). Chargeman Ken, much like The Room, is considered one of, if not THE,Worst in it's field, specifically anime. The animation is horrible, the acting is terrible, the stories are idiotic or downright nonsensical. And yet, just like with The Room, it is one of the most beloved anime in Japan, with festivals and events meant exclusively to celebrate it, with even live re-enactments of episodes preformed with screenings of the show.
Have you ever seen a movie or watched a show that was just so utterly, so atrociously bad that it kind of just looped back around to being amazing? You can probablt think of a couple, at least. Velocipastor, Mac and Me, Manos: The Hands of Fate, all classic So Bad It's Good Movies. But have you ever heard of a video game being so bad it's good?
Well no, you might say to yourself, because games are much longer and more interactive than movies or tv, so if it's too bad, after a certain point you'll stop playing, right?
Now, I believe that Two Worlds is one of the first examples of this kind of property in gaming, as far as I'm aware. The acting is horrendous, but it's bad not in an earsplitting way, but because all the line delivery is just the wrong cadence combined with ye old speak.
The combat is rather bad, and yet is till fun, with surprisingly good and weighty effects that make your attacks feel like they're actually crushing bone and splitting skulls. The magic system, while not as good as it's sequal's, is surprisingly well put together, though something I didn't interact with during the three or four playthroughs I've played of the game total over the years(maybe on my fifth playthrough I'll explore the magic). The enemies are fun and fairly easy to beat for the most part, which is good for a game that isn't the best at combat.
The story Is largely a massive fetch quest to gather a bunch of macguffins for a cult so they'll let your sister go. The one that they kidnapped. Surely these fine, upstanding gentlemen who only have a passing resemblence to ring-wraiths will keep up their end of the bargain! But despite it's flaws, the world is filled side quests that are surprisingly good and filled with interesting ideas and concepts. Dwarves that have completely shut off access to their kingdom, Giant insects with rudimentary civilization, just the entire pantheon and history of the world.
But two things always stick out as some of my favorite experiences in the game, those being the Fall of Ashos and Gor Gammar.
Ashos is, in retrospect, not a particularly fun area. There aren't many quests, aren't many traders, and the main questline is filled with rather horrid people. But, all of this is in service of obtain the item you need from the temple, which is stated multiple times in game to be protecting the city from a massive orc invasion through it's magic power. So, you go in the temple, fight through the snake people(sneeple, if you will) and collect the item you came here for. But when you come out of the temple, you'll find that what the characters said was true, as when you removed the item, it allowed the orcs to finally come in and destroy the city, killing everyone in it.
Now, back when a young Dala, fresh off the back of playing TES: Oblivion(a far better game than Two Worlds) saw this, they were fabergasted, in stunned disbelief. The world had actually reacted, in a massive way, to a "choice" I had made. I had never really seen that before.
But the real show stopper was Gor Gammar. Oh, Gor Gammar! Gor Gammar is the home of orcs, one of the main enemy monsters you face in the game, but it's flat out stated that there are far too many orcs. How many? Actual hundreds, that's how many. So, you've got to find a way in and out without dying, and there are multiple ways of doing so.
If you've been power leveling until this point and are just massively over leveled for everything in the entire game, it's possible to just charge right in the front door, killing everything that gets close to you until you grab the macguffin, and then make your way back the same way. If you're stealthy enough, I believe it's possible to just sneak in and steal it, though I've never improved my sneak well enough to try. Another method is that there's a secret passage, filled with orcs(but not to many) that exits close enough to grab the macguffin and get out the same way without getting swarmed.
Or, you could do one of two quests.
The first involves helping a blacksmith with various tasks, before eventually being given a set of Orc Camoflage Armor, a set of armor that will make you look like an orc and make it so orcs no longer attack you(duh), but it can only be equipped once, and after that it breaks. After giving that to you, the blacksmith will ask you to wear it to complete another quest, though you actually don't need it do so. This armor is the reason I theorized you could stealth into Gor Gammar with a good enough sneak ability, as wearing the orc suit allows you to simply waltz in, take the macguffin, and waltz out.
Bu my favorite way of accessing Gor Gammar is by helping a Necromancer make a fucking bomb to kill everything in the city. Need I say more?
So, once again, we ask? Is Two Worlds a bad game? Maybe, but I think there's a better question.
Is Two Worlds a fun game, that's actually worth trying at least once? Personally, I would have to say yes without a shadow of a doubt.
Serious score, 5.5/10. Actual Score, 9/10. I really, truly cannot recommend this jank fest of a game enough.
(Also, there are Skeleton Horses and Lizard Horses, and I love them)
Let me get this out of the way, first and foremost. Two Worlds is not a good game. At all. The story is boring, the voice acting is terrible, the game is repetitive at the best of times, and down right broken at the worst of times, and the combat is simply atrocious. But despite all that and many more flaws, I cannot help but love it.
Have you ever heard of a movie called The Room? It was an independent movie released in 2003, that was written, directed, produced, and starred one Tommy Wiseau. The Room was not a good movie. In fact, it's often regarded as flat out one of the worst films in the history of cinema. Yet despite that, many people (myself included) Adore the movie because of just how bad it is, what with Wiseau's ridiculous hamminess, with lines like "I did not hit her, I did not! Oh, hi Mark." and such, it's easy to see why James Franco eventually created The Disaster Artist, a film about the filming of The Room, which was nominated for, and WON, multiple awards, and how people to this day hold annual celebrations by rewatching, re-enacting, or rewatching AND re-enacting the film, all while pelt the screen with spoons(Don't ask).
Now, have you ever heard of the anime Chargeman Ken? It is a sci-fi series created by Tetsuji Suzukawa and Eiji Tanaka, and animated by Knack Productions (now ICHI Corporation). Chargeman Ken, much like The Room, is considered one of, if not THE,Worst in it's field, specifically anime. The animation is horrible, the acting is terrible, the stories are idiotic or downright nonsensical. And yet, just like with The Room, it is one of the most beloved anime in Japan, with festivals and events meant exclusively to celebrate it, with even live re-enactments of episodes preformed with screenings of the show.
Have you ever seen a movie or watched a show that was just so utterly, so atrociously bad that it kind of just looped back around to being amazing? You can probablt think of a couple, at least. Velocipastor, Mac and Me, Manos: The Hands of Fate, all classic So Bad It's Good Movies. But have you ever heard of a video game being so bad it's good?
Well no, you might say to yourself, because games are much longer and more interactive than movies or tv, so if it's too bad, after a certain point you'll stop playing, right?
Now, I believe that Two Worlds is one of the first examples of this kind of property in gaming, as far as I'm aware. The acting is horrendous, but it's bad not in an earsplitting way, but because all the line delivery is just the wrong cadence combined with ye old speak.
The combat is rather bad, and yet is till fun, with surprisingly good and weighty effects that make your attacks feel like they're actually crushing bone and splitting skulls. The magic system, while not as good as it's sequal's, is surprisingly well put together, though something I didn't interact with during the three or four playthroughs I've played of the game total over the years(maybe on my fifth playthrough I'll explore the magic). The enemies are fun and fairly easy to beat for the most part, which is good for a game that isn't the best at combat.
The story Is largely a massive fetch quest to gather a bunch of macguffins for a cult so they'll let your sister go. The one that they kidnapped. Surely these fine, upstanding gentlemen who only have a passing resemblence to ring-wraiths will keep up their end of the bargain! But despite it's flaws, the world is filled side quests that are surprisingly good and filled with interesting ideas and concepts. Dwarves that have completely shut off access to their kingdom, Giant insects with rudimentary civilization, just the entire pantheon and history of the world.
But two things always stick out as some of my favorite experiences in the game, those being the Fall of Ashos and Gor Gammar.
Ashos is, in retrospect, not a particularly fun area. There aren't many quests, aren't many traders, and the main questline is filled with rather horrid people. But, all of this is in service of obtain the item you need from the temple, which is stated multiple times in game to be protecting the city from a massive orc invasion through it's magic power. So, you go in the temple, fight through the snake people(sneeple, if you will) and collect the item you came here for. But when you come out of the temple, you'll find that what the characters said was true, as when you removed the item, it allowed the orcs to finally come in and destroy the city, killing everyone in it.
Now, back when a young Dala, fresh off the back of playing TES: Oblivion(a far better game than Two Worlds) saw this, they were fabergasted, in stunned disbelief. The world had actually reacted, in a massive way, to a "choice" I had made. I had never really seen that before.
But the real show stopper was Gor Gammar. Oh, Gor Gammar! Gor Gammar is the home of orcs, one of the main enemy monsters you face in the game, but it's flat out stated that there are far too many orcs. How many? Actual hundreds, that's how many. So, you've got to find a way in and out without dying, and there are multiple ways of doing so.
If you've been power leveling until this point and are just massively over leveled for everything in the entire game, it's possible to just charge right in the front door, killing everything that gets close to you until you grab the macguffin, and then make your way back the same way. If you're stealthy enough, I believe it's possible to just sneak in and steal it, though I've never improved my sneak well enough to try. Another method is that there's a secret passage, filled with orcs(but not to many) that exits close enough to grab the macguffin and get out the same way without getting swarmed.
Or, you could do one of two quests.
The first involves helping a blacksmith with various tasks, before eventually being given a set of Orc Camoflage Armor, a set of armor that will make you look like an orc and make it so orcs no longer attack you(duh), but it can only be equipped once, and after that it breaks. After giving that to you, the blacksmith will ask you to wear it to complete another quest, though you actually don't need it do so. This armor is the reason I theorized you could stealth into Gor Gammar with a good enough sneak ability, as wearing the orc suit allows you to simply waltz in, take the macguffin, and waltz out.
Bu my favorite way of accessing Gor Gammar is by helping a Necromancer make a fucking bomb to kill everything in the city. Need I say more?
So, once again, we ask? Is Two Worlds a bad game? Maybe, but I think there's a better question.
Is Two Worlds a fun game, that's actually worth trying at least once? Personally, I would have to say yes without a shadow of a doubt.
Serious score, 5.5/10. Actual Score, 9/10. I really, truly cannot recommend this jank fest of a game enough.
(Also, there are Skeleton Horses and Lizard Horses, and I love them)
This review contains spoilers
Oh man, this game. This game. I've been a huge fan of Sands of Time from my childhood, but I was never able to get my hands on either of it's two sequels until just a few years ago. And I have to say, Warrior Within feels like the dream game of every hormonal teenager of the mid-2000s. Does this mean it's bad game? No, I don't think so. Frustrating at times, most certainly, but not bad per se, so much as over the top and way, waayyyy too horny for it's own good.
I mean, when we, the audiance, are first intoduced to one of the main repeating villains(?) of the game, the first part of her we see is. . . her ass, hanging out in the open, because she's wearing what looks like the unholy lovechild between a barely there sling bikini and a Dominatrix outfit that's been cut down to just the seams. And she's wearing this during a raging storm. In the middle of the ocean. Right before boarding the Prince's ship to kill him. During the 9th Century. As I said, way too horny for it's own good.
And knowing past me from around the time I first beat Sands of TIme, I would have lapped this shit UP. But I'm not 9 year old Dala anymore, I'm 24 year old Dala, and I just find it rather uncomfortable now.
Now, the gameplay itself is quite good. The combat feels good, even on a mouse and keyboard, a marked improvment on the first game, the change to the Prince's dual weapons adds an element of survival and variety the previous game lacked, encounters of both the puzzle and combat variety largely don't overstay their welcome too much(Bosses notwithstanding), and the aditions to the parkour system such as being able to slide down banners are greatly apreciated. But, the whole thing just feels, well, off. Because, to be quite honest, this doesn't really feel like it's set in the same world as Sands of Time, nor that I'm playing the same character from the game.
The Prince of Warrior Within feels markedly different from the Prince we knew in Sands of Time, and not for the better. Gone are his rakish charm and quick wit, replaced instead with brooding silence punctuated by a rather impressive volume of swears. Now swearing isn't a bad thing, but this is a level equal to a hyperactive child finally being allowed to swear for the first time. Now yes, I understand that being chased by an immortal time demon can contribute to our nasty mood getting the better of us, that wouldn't and shouldn't cause the Prince's basic personality to change completely. This is after all the same man who was able to joke with Farrah just minutes after killing his own father that had been sand zombified. Now he get's scratched on the face and shouts "You Bitch!".
On a more entertaining note, The Dahaka is a fun and rather interesting enemy. Despite being the supposed cause of the Prince's assholeishness, an immortal time demon that hunts down and punishes those who try and tamper with time is a fucking metal as hell idea. Saddly, I couldn't take him very seriously. Not because he looks stupid or anything, nothing like that, his design is actually quite interesting, especially with his two horns forming an infinity symbol.
No, what makes him something of a joke for me is the music that plays when he chases you. See, while some people might not know that heavy metal riff the moment they hear it, I was raised by a metalhead, so I was instantly able to recognize that it's an instrumental version of the song "I Stand Alone" by Godsmack. Great song, great band, love them to pieces, but it just made all the chase sequences feel silly, so silly that during the first Dahaka chase, I actually died because I burst out laughing upon hearing the guitar and instantly reconizing the song.
Finally, I must say the reason for why the game is marked as "shelved" and not "completed". And it's quite simple. The bosses suck ass to fight against, and I just could not beat one of the bosses. I can't even remember how many times I tried, but what I do remember was getting so fed up and sick of trying and failing that I uninstalled the game.
I will come back to the game, eventually, because I would still like to at least give Two Thrones a shot and I'd feel bad if I didn't beat Warrior Within at least once before doing so.
So for now, Prince of Persia: Warrior Within will sit with it's current score with me, until I come back and give it my final rating.
I mean, when we, the audiance, are first intoduced to one of the main repeating villains(?) of the game, the first part of her we see is. . . her ass, hanging out in the open, because she's wearing what looks like the unholy lovechild between a barely there sling bikini and a Dominatrix outfit that's been cut down to just the seams. And she's wearing this during a raging storm. In the middle of the ocean. Right before boarding the Prince's ship to kill him. During the 9th Century. As I said, way too horny for it's own good.
And knowing past me from around the time I first beat Sands of TIme, I would have lapped this shit UP. But I'm not 9 year old Dala anymore, I'm 24 year old Dala, and I just find it rather uncomfortable now.
Now, the gameplay itself is quite good. The combat feels good, even on a mouse and keyboard, a marked improvment on the first game, the change to the Prince's dual weapons adds an element of survival and variety the previous game lacked, encounters of both the puzzle and combat variety largely don't overstay their welcome too much(Bosses notwithstanding), and the aditions to the parkour system such as being able to slide down banners are greatly apreciated. But, the whole thing just feels, well, off. Because, to be quite honest, this doesn't really feel like it's set in the same world as Sands of Time, nor that I'm playing the same character from the game.
The Prince of Warrior Within feels markedly different from the Prince we knew in Sands of Time, and not for the better. Gone are his rakish charm and quick wit, replaced instead with brooding silence punctuated by a rather impressive volume of swears. Now swearing isn't a bad thing, but this is a level equal to a hyperactive child finally being allowed to swear for the first time. Now yes, I understand that being chased by an immortal time demon can contribute to our nasty mood getting the better of us, that wouldn't and shouldn't cause the Prince's basic personality to change completely. This is after all the same man who was able to joke with Farrah just minutes after killing his own father that had been sand zombified. Now he get's scratched on the face and shouts "You Bitch!".
On a more entertaining note, The Dahaka is a fun and rather interesting enemy. Despite being the supposed cause of the Prince's assholeishness, an immortal time demon that hunts down and punishes those who try and tamper with time is a fucking metal as hell idea. Saddly, I couldn't take him very seriously. Not because he looks stupid or anything, nothing like that, his design is actually quite interesting, especially with his two horns forming an infinity symbol.
No, what makes him something of a joke for me is the music that plays when he chases you. See, while some people might not know that heavy metal riff the moment they hear it, I was raised by a metalhead, so I was instantly able to recognize that it's an instrumental version of the song "I Stand Alone" by Godsmack. Great song, great band, love them to pieces, but it just made all the chase sequences feel silly, so silly that during the first Dahaka chase, I actually died because I burst out laughing upon hearing the guitar and instantly reconizing the song.
Finally, I must say the reason for why the game is marked as "shelved" and not "completed". And it's quite simple. The bosses suck ass to fight against, and I just could not beat one of the bosses. I can't even remember how many times I tried, but what I do remember was getting so fed up and sick of trying and failing that I uninstalled the game.
I will come back to the game, eventually, because I would still like to at least give Two Thrones a shot and I'd feel bad if I didn't beat Warrior Within at least once before doing so.
So for now, Prince of Persia: Warrior Within will sit with it's current score with me, until I come back and give it my final rating.
A Note: This is a cleaned up and expanded version of a previous review I posted on Steam
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is, in my humble opinion, a modern classic. It's combination of platforming and acrobatic combat has left an undeniable mark on video games as a whole, and it's influence can be seen everywhere from Batman to Uncharted, and more. Now, I won't deny, Sands of Time does have it's fair share of hiccups.
Besides the fact it was never meant to run on Windows 10 and the obvious problems this can cause(Some wonky physics and the like, as well as some problems with the water effects), the fights seem to run for at least 2 minutes too long at least, often having three to four more waves than feels right. In addition, some of the platforming and puzzles can feel unintuitive, especially on mouse and keyboard instead of a controller, as this game was clearly intended. Add onto this the rather wonky sound design, and the complete lack of subtitles, and it can feel as if you're ramming your head into a wall endlessly.
Yet, despite all it's faults, I can't help but adore this game. The story is fun with some rather sad moments thrown in, the Prince is an interesting and witty character, and the time mechanics, oh my lord the TIME MECHANICS! What a genius way of allowing players to experiment, have consequences, and yet still be able to avoid a sticky end.
So in the end, I give Prince of Persia: The De-Shirting of the Twunk a heartfelt 8/10
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is, in my humble opinion, a modern classic. It's combination of platforming and acrobatic combat has left an undeniable mark on video games as a whole, and it's influence can be seen everywhere from Batman to Uncharted, and more. Now, I won't deny, Sands of Time does have it's fair share of hiccups.
Besides the fact it was never meant to run on Windows 10 and the obvious problems this can cause(Some wonky physics and the like, as well as some problems with the water effects), the fights seem to run for at least 2 minutes too long at least, often having three to four more waves than feels right. In addition, some of the platforming and puzzles can feel unintuitive, especially on mouse and keyboard instead of a controller, as this game was clearly intended. Add onto this the rather wonky sound design, and the complete lack of subtitles, and it can feel as if you're ramming your head into a wall endlessly.
Yet, despite all it's faults, I can't help but adore this game. The story is fun with some rather sad moments thrown in, the Prince is an interesting and witty character, and the time mechanics, oh my lord the TIME MECHANICS! What a genius way of allowing players to experiment, have consequences, and yet still be able to avoid a sticky end.
So in the end, I give Prince of Persia: The De-Shirting of the Twunk a heartfelt 8/10
This review contains spoilers
A Note: This reveiw is a slightly edited version of a previous review I made on Steam.
Where the Water Tastes Like Wine is probably the perfect example of a "Diamond in the Rough" kind of game. A majority of the game play is a walking simulator, traveling between towns and cities, collecting stories and speaking to the sixteen characters(seventeen, if you count The Dire Wolf voiced by Sting, whom you can only speak to if and when you die) who are the closest thing to a "main objective" you have in the game. The stories you can collect range from hopping into a taxi and seeing the future, to meeting a man who makes molasses, to encountering a fish fishing for people, and even encounter famous characters from American Folk Tales, such as The Jersey Devil, Pecos Bill, Paul Bunyan, and even that oh so classic villain of American folk lore, none other than The Devil himself (Whom you can meet Twice, too, considering there's an achievement for it and all).
As you encounter these various tales, you'll find that as you tell them, they'll rather quickly grow and change from your initial encounters. The story about a lighthouse that is home to a pair of gay lighthouse keepers in love evolves into a lighthouse sanctuary for lovers and then to a magical lantern that can detect true love, or the story of the bull that kills travelers that changes into the bull king seeking vengeance which changes into the Devil taking on the form of a bull to terrorize sinners. So much of the game focuses on these strange and wild tales, but sadly it only uses them for a single purpose, as puzzle pieces to unlock conversations with the main Sixteen/Seventeen characters.
Now, don't get me wrong. Many of their stories are touching, sad, haunting, or all of the above. Some of my favorites(without major spoilers) are Ray, the Cowboy who loves a desert that is rapidly being fenced in and away under the control of the government and various private citizens, Little Ben, the fugitive Coal Miner wanted for joining one of America's first Unions, Alathea, the Blues Singer who made a perfect deal with the devil, only for the devil to show why he always wins, and Cassady, the poet stuck constantly thinking of the man he loves. These characters and the other twelve all have stories you must parse out, by telling them the many stories you've encountered during your travels.
This one area, the retelling of the tales, is personally one of the biggest failings of the game, because you don't actually get to "Tell the Tale". You don't get to spin the yarn, change the story as you go, or even get much in the way of forewarning about what kind of story you're telling. The characters will simply request a "Funny" story, or a "Hopeful" one, or an "Exciting" one, and when you choose one, the scene will shift to a gray background where the illustration representing the story will pop up, along with words that go along the lines of "You told them the story of the Cow with Scales" or some such. And that's it.
Add onto this how the names of the stories can be misleading to the tone the story actually has, or how the evolution of the story can change the tone completely, at least in theory, but not in the slightest in practice. For example, the tale of the Graverobber in the Indian Burial Mound whom I scared away to never return by telling him scary stories about ghosts is a pretty sad story. The tale of the Native American Robin Hood who Rescues the Remains of his People from the thieving white man sounds more like a hopeful adventure story, yet somehow retains the exact same tone as the original version in game.
Another odd part is the "True Stories", those stories of the Sixteen characters you're tasked with collecting, which can be used to help you with other characters, but are better than normal stories because these ones can be used with any request and still work. But, thematically speaking, they make no sense. Like, how can I focus on the "Funny Parts" of the WWI Vet's story about his brother dying. I mean, what the hell man? Or how do you focus on the "Scary Parts" of the Pullman Porter's story of being a black porter for a train company?
A few more things I disliked but felt a bit petty on my part or kinda stupid on the developers part.
While I never encountered any major glitches, I did encounter about half a dozen graphical bugs, such as flickering textures on the overworld and the like.
Despite having originally been released on the PC exclusively and only getting console ports a year after it's release, this game's controls are horridly designed for PC players, and don't even allow you to rebind buttons.
The hitchhiking system feels a tad half baked, mainly because you can hitch a ride with one car and get dropped off less than ten feet down the road, and with a second car get stuck in there for 8 states and completely miss the one place you were trying to get to because there's no way to just hop out of the freaking cars before they force you out.
Oh yeah, and the last achievement is actually impossible to get without cheating, as there isn't a place Where the Water Tastes Like Wine, because the place Where the Water Tastes Like Wine is actually when you're with good company. And like yeah, I get it, friendship and kindness are more important than any earthly Eden, but say that in the actual game, don't make it impossible to 100% your game. Or heck, they could have hidden the achievement behind you collecting all 200+ stories in the game world, and maybe have the Dire Wolf and/or the Narrator say something along the lines of how despite collecting all these stories, there still isn't a real place Where the Water Tastes Like Wine, because the real place is when you're with the people you met on your long journey or some such.
Yet, despite everything, I still love this game. The stories are sad, hopeful, inspiring, funny, and so much more. While I wouldn't recommend the game to everyone, I would recommend Where the Water Tastes Like Wine to just about anyone who's willing to put themselves through less than perfect game play for what believe is a rich and immensely rewarding set of stories.
Where the Water Tastes Like Wine is probably the perfect example of a "Diamond in the Rough" kind of game. A majority of the game play is a walking simulator, traveling between towns and cities, collecting stories and speaking to the sixteen characters(seventeen, if you count The Dire Wolf voiced by Sting, whom you can only speak to if and when you die) who are the closest thing to a "main objective" you have in the game. The stories you can collect range from hopping into a taxi and seeing the future, to meeting a man who makes molasses, to encountering a fish fishing for people, and even encounter famous characters from American Folk Tales, such as The Jersey Devil, Pecos Bill, Paul Bunyan, and even that oh so classic villain of American folk lore, none other than The Devil himself (Whom you can meet Twice, too, considering there's an achievement for it and all).
As you encounter these various tales, you'll find that as you tell them, they'll rather quickly grow and change from your initial encounters. The story about a lighthouse that is home to a pair of gay lighthouse keepers in love evolves into a lighthouse sanctuary for lovers and then to a magical lantern that can detect true love, or the story of the bull that kills travelers that changes into the bull king seeking vengeance which changes into the Devil taking on the form of a bull to terrorize sinners. So much of the game focuses on these strange and wild tales, but sadly it only uses them for a single purpose, as puzzle pieces to unlock conversations with the main Sixteen/Seventeen characters.
Now, don't get me wrong. Many of their stories are touching, sad, haunting, or all of the above. Some of my favorites(without major spoilers) are Ray, the Cowboy who loves a desert that is rapidly being fenced in and away under the control of the government and various private citizens, Little Ben, the fugitive Coal Miner wanted for joining one of America's first Unions, Alathea, the Blues Singer who made a perfect deal with the devil, only for the devil to show why he always wins, and Cassady, the poet stuck constantly thinking of the man he loves. These characters and the other twelve all have stories you must parse out, by telling them the many stories you've encountered during your travels.
This one area, the retelling of the tales, is personally one of the biggest failings of the game, because you don't actually get to "Tell the Tale". You don't get to spin the yarn, change the story as you go, or even get much in the way of forewarning about what kind of story you're telling. The characters will simply request a "Funny" story, or a "Hopeful" one, or an "Exciting" one, and when you choose one, the scene will shift to a gray background where the illustration representing the story will pop up, along with words that go along the lines of "You told them the story of the Cow with Scales" or some such. And that's it.
Add onto this how the names of the stories can be misleading to the tone the story actually has, or how the evolution of the story can change the tone completely, at least in theory, but not in the slightest in practice. For example, the tale of the Graverobber in the Indian Burial Mound whom I scared away to never return by telling him scary stories about ghosts is a pretty sad story. The tale of the Native American Robin Hood who Rescues the Remains of his People from the thieving white man sounds more like a hopeful adventure story, yet somehow retains the exact same tone as the original version in game.
Another odd part is the "True Stories", those stories of the Sixteen characters you're tasked with collecting, which can be used to help you with other characters, but are better than normal stories because these ones can be used with any request and still work. But, thematically speaking, they make no sense. Like, how can I focus on the "Funny Parts" of the WWI Vet's story about his brother dying. I mean, what the hell man? Or how do you focus on the "Scary Parts" of the Pullman Porter's story of being a black porter for a train company?
A few more things I disliked but felt a bit petty on my part or kinda stupid on the developers part.
While I never encountered any major glitches, I did encounter about half a dozen graphical bugs, such as flickering textures on the overworld and the like.
Despite having originally been released on the PC exclusively and only getting console ports a year after it's release, this game's controls are horridly designed for PC players, and don't even allow you to rebind buttons.
The hitchhiking system feels a tad half baked, mainly because you can hitch a ride with one car and get dropped off less than ten feet down the road, and with a second car get stuck in there for 8 states and completely miss the one place you were trying to get to because there's no way to just hop out of the freaking cars before they force you out.
Oh yeah, and the last achievement is actually impossible to get without cheating, as there isn't a place Where the Water Tastes Like Wine, because the place Where the Water Tastes Like Wine is actually when you're with good company. And like yeah, I get it, friendship and kindness are more important than any earthly Eden, but say that in the actual game, don't make it impossible to 100% your game. Or heck, they could have hidden the achievement behind you collecting all 200+ stories in the game world, and maybe have the Dire Wolf and/or the Narrator say something along the lines of how despite collecting all these stories, there still isn't a real place Where the Water Tastes Like Wine, because the real place is when you're with the people you met on your long journey or some such.
Yet, despite everything, I still love this game. The stories are sad, hopeful, inspiring, funny, and so much more. While I wouldn't recommend the game to everyone, I would recommend Where the Water Tastes Like Wine to just about anyone who's willing to put themselves through less than perfect game play for what believe is a rich and immensely rewarding set of stories.
2020
While I don't hate rogue-likes, I don't particularly care about the genre either. Most rogue-likes get annoying after a while, feeling like no matter what I do I'm put back at zero again, and rarely have anything in the way of story.
But Hades isn't like that. To be perfectly honest, I cried during this game. A couple times, too. And not because of the difficulty, either. But because the story, the characters, got me to cry. That's why I love Hades, and why I have over 175 hours and counting in the game, despite the fact I've already "beaten" it.
I will most certainly wait with bated breath for Hades 2.
But Hades isn't like that. To be perfectly honest, I cried during this game. A couple times, too. And not because of the difficulty, either. But because the story, the characters, got me to cry. That's why I love Hades, and why I have over 175 hours and counting in the game, despite the fact I've already "beaten" it.
I will most certainly wait with bated breath for Hades 2.