GwaGwaChurch
4 reviews liked by GwaGwaChurch
Lisa: The Painful
2014
"No. You don't understand. I've been dead for 35 years. Today is the day I live." - Brad Armstrong
Boy Oh Boy, Lisa The Painful. What can be said about this that hasn't been said already? That it's simultaneously one of the most hilarious and gut-wrenching experiences you'll ever have? That it's a prime example of how to create an incredible RPG experience, even without doing anything to stand out or reinventing the wheel, like the likes of SMT? That it did the whole "quirky indie RPG inspired by Earthbound" thing before it was cool?
After going through the first 15 minutes of unskippable cutscenes and establishing backstory, the game puts you in the shoes of one Brad Armstrong, recovered (or struggling, depending on your choices) drug addict and has-been martial artist, as well as friend to many peculiar characters of the Olathe wastelands and surrogate father to the only female human being left on the planet.
Quick history lesson. Ordinary late 20th/early 21st century life is suddenly interrupted by an event known by the last remnants of humanity as "The Flash," a sudden burst of light emitting over all of earth, as every single woman and girl on the planet is suddenly missing. Abducted by aliens, wiped from existence by a deity, who can say for sure? With the rest of the world left with no way to keep the earth populated and on a one-way road to extinction, I'm sure you can fill in the blanks.
Needless to say, in a world like this, a man who suddenly stumbles upon an infant with two X chromosomes has both struck gold and painted a giant target on his back, as after some ten, fifteen-ish years, after passing out drunk on the end of a mountain, Brad stumbles on home to find his childhood friend killed, and worse yet, his adopted daughter, Buddy, the fate of humanity, kidnapped by an unknown party.
Despite most fights and areas of the game being scripted in order to avoid unnecessary grinding, the game has no shortage of intimidating foes and equally odd friends, with a total of 30 party members (Harvey Alibastor is a personal favourite, ignoring the balancing) and armies of bandits, perverts, and worst of all: Joy mutants. What were once men have devolved into overgrown mistakes of nature, warped by a failed bioweapon turned recreational drug, with devastating side effects. Tanky, heavy-handed, and capable of killing your party members - not K.O.-ing, KILLING. Permanently. Not even as part of a scripted event or anything, it can just HAPPEN. You'd better be prepared to take a lot more losses than just Buddy, especially beyond the first act of the game.
In terms of raw gameplay, from a standard, no-nonsense turn-based, you can't get much better than LISA. The scripted fights means each fight is tailor-made for the point in the run that you reach it, even with the environments being considerably open. The buffs and debuffs are plentiful, and for once, actually make a serious impact, which I can always respect a game for doing well. And even in the face of the sheer number of possible party members, each one feels distinct and serves a unique role in the way they support the party, such as Birdie Hall, a healer/buffer that uses TP to heal (a form of MP commonly found in RPG Maker games, accumulated by dealing/receiving damage, or using items).
One of the most novel things about the combat, however, is the attack input system for characters like Brad. Certain special moves can correspond to specific button combos when you choose the character's regular attack option. Upon attacking, a window will pop up with WASD inputs, allowing you to use these attacks, for example, WAWA will make Brad use his Machine Gun Fist move, along with extra damage from each of those button presses. It's also very helpful, as it can help with avoiding wasting a turn on overkill, as one of the hits from the initial button combo can kill one enemy, and the rest of the damage coming from the special move will be passed on to the next enemy, implying it's timed right.
And, of course, what would an experience like LISA be without some fitting music to accompany it? And by fitting, I mean fitting. We're talking about LISA here. This isn't the kinda shit you put on the aux in your mum's car. Austin Jorgensen composed some of the most bizarre, bouncy, bombastic tracks ever heard by the ears of men, and all within a month's free trial of FL Studio, without even being able to save his projects. All of these bangers were one-takes, including, of course, the unforgettable Summer Love:
With all that said, as any real LISAhead will tell you, the meat and potatoes of the franchise lies within the fangames. Hopeful, Pointless, Timeless, to name just the biggest few projects. In a lot of ways, they tend to outdo their predecessor, but it wouldn't be fair for me to put any of them higher than the OG. I implore anyone reading this to play Lisa The Painful, so that they may be given direct passage into the world of these incredible fangames.
Boy Oh Boy, Lisa The Painful. What can be said about this that hasn't been said already? That it's simultaneously one of the most hilarious and gut-wrenching experiences you'll ever have? That it's a prime example of how to create an incredible RPG experience, even without doing anything to stand out or reinventing the wheel, like the likes of SMT? That it did the whole "quirky indie RPG inspired by Earthbound" thing before it was cool?
After going through the first 15 minutes of unskippable cutscenes and establishing backstory, the game puts you in the shoes of one Brad Armstrong, recovered (or struggling, depending on your choices) drug addict and has-been martial artist, as well as friend to many peculiar characters of the Olathe wastelands and surrogate father to the only female human being left on the planet.
Quick history lesson. Ordinary late 20th/early 21st century life is suddenly interrupted by an event known by the last remnants of humanity as "The Flash," a sudden burst of light emitting over all of earth, as every single woman and girl on the planet is suddenly missing. Abducted by aliens, wiped from existence by a deity, who can say for sure? With the rest of the world left with no way to keep the earth populated and on a one-way road to extinction, I'm sure you can fill in the blanks.
Needless to say, in a world like this, a man who suddenly stumbles upon an infant with two X chromosomes has both struck gold and painted a giant target on his back, as after some ten, fifteen-ish years, after passing out drunk on the end of a mountain, Brad stumbles on home to find his childhood friend killed, and worse yet, his adopted daughter, Buddy, the fate of humanity, kidnapped by an unknown party.
Despite most fights and areas of the game being scripted in order to avoid unnecessary grinding, the game has no shortage of intimidating foes and equally odd friends, with a total of 30 party members (Harvey Alibastor is a personal favourite, ignoring the balancing) and armies of bandits, perverts, and worst of all: Joy mutants. What were once men have devolved into overgrown mistakes of nature, warped by a failed bioweapon turned recreational drug, with devastating side effects. Tanky, heavy-handed, and capable of killing your party members - not K.O.-ing, KILLING. Permanently. Not even as part of a scripted event or anything, it can just HAPPEN. You'd better be prepared to take a lot more losses than just Buddy, especially beyond the first act of the game.
In terms of raw gameplay, from a standard, no-nonsense turn-based, you can't get much better than LISA. The scripted fights means each fight is tailor-made for the point in the run that you reach it, even with the environments being considerably open. The buffs and debuffs are plentiful, and for once, actually make a serious impact, which I can always respect a game for doing well. And even in the face of the sheer number of possible party members, each one feels distinct and serves a unique role in the way they support the party, such as Birdie Hall, a healer/buffer that uses TP to heal (a form of MP commonly found in RPG Maker games, accumulated by dealing/receiving damage, or using items).
One of the most novel things about the combat, however, is the attack input system for characters like Brad. Certain special moves can correspond to specific button combos when you choose the character's regular attack option. Upon attacking, a window will pop up with WASD inputs, allowing you to use these attacks, for example, WAWA will make Brad use his Machine Gun Fist move, along with extra damage from each of those button presses. It's also very helpful, as it can help with avoiding wasting a turn on overkill, as one of the hits from the initial button combo can kill one enemy, and the rest of the damage coming from the special move will be passed on to the next enemy, implying it's timed right.
And, of course, what would an experience like LISA be without some fitting music to accompany it? And by fitting, I mean fitting. We're talking about LISA here. This isn't the kinda shit you put on the aux in your mum's car. Austin Jorgensen composed some of the most bizarre, bouncy, bombastic tracks ever heard by the ears of men, and all within a month's free trial of FL Studio, without even being able to save his projects. All of these bangers were one-takes, including, of course, the unforgettable Summer Love:
With all that said, as any real LISAhead will tell you, the meat and potatoes of the franchise lies within the fangames. Hopeful, Pointless, Timeless, to name just the biggest few projects. In a lot of ways, they tend to outdo their predecessor, but it wouldn't be fair for me to put any of them higher than the OG. I implore anyone reading this to play Lisa The Painful, so that they may be given direct passage into the world of these incredible fangames.
Yakuza 0
2015
"To me, a finger or two don't mean shit. Having Awano or Shibusawa beat me to the captain's spot? Couldn't give a fuck... As long as I'm alive, I'll keep getting back up for more. Which is why you... A half-ass like you's the one thing I can't stand. Now DIE, you little shit!" - Daisaku Kuze
I hadn't heard much about Yakuza before getting into it, only that 0 was considered the best game and that it was named vaguely after the game's subject matter. But as soon as I managed to snag a copy, I grew obsessed.
Yakuza Kiwami was actually my first experience with the series, but outside of the combat, the layout of Kamurocho and a few faces I would meet again, I had no idea what to expect from 0.
One of the biggest things that drew me to Yakuza was the aforementioned combat. I still love the complexity and over-the-top nature of hack and slashes like the Devil May Cry series, but I'm a sucker for the more grounded, rugged, knuckle-dragging type of fighting this series is known for.
Each style feels perfectly suited to a specific use-case, and all, while not exactly equal, can be fun and rewarding to use when done right. Breaker is my personal favourite, not even because of the novelty of using breakdancing as a fighting style, but because of how fluid and adaptable it is, and the sheer crowd control power it has.
I won't get knee deep into story territory because otherwise I'd be here all day, but it's truthfully simultaneously heartwarming, gut-wrenching, and super satisfying to see through to the end. The dynamic between Kiryu and Kuze is some of the best character dissection I have ever seen, and Majima's origin story is utterly tragic but so compelling.
Quite possibly the most impressive part of 0, and the series as a whole by extension, is the overworld. While not quite at their most expansive in 0, Kamurocho and Sotenbori are so distinctive and vibrant it really feels like a real place that's living and breathing, with every resident having their own story to tell.
Speaking of stories, the substories. Though typically not as fleshed out or captivating as the main story, the substories (or side missions) in the Yakuza games have always been a heartwarming Novelty to add extra runtime and things to do to the games. Hiring a chicken as an advisor for your up-and-coming real estate firm is not something I thought would happen going into a game that presents itself as a serious and gritty crime thriller.
And that, to me, is the spirit of Yakuza. The complete and utter contradiction that it is and how it creates a stark contrast between these two extremes and makes them feel feasible in the same world. Kiryu can be and very much IS the kind of guy that will take on the world just to be able to play with bootleg Hot Wheels in peace, and as time flies, So Much More. ;)
Oh, and the music is banging too. A personal favourite of mine:
I hadn't heard much about Yakuza before getting into it, only that 0 was considered the best game and that it was named vaguely after the game's subject matter. But as soon as I managed to snag a copy, I grew obsessed.
Yakuza Kiwami was actually my first experience with the series, but outside of the combat, the layout of Kamurocho and a few faces I would meet again, I had no idea what to expect from 0.
One of the biggest things that drew me to Yakuza was the aforementioned combat. I still love the complexity and over-the-top nature of hack and slashes like the Devil May Cry series, but I'm a sucker for the more grounded, rugged, knuckle-dragging type of fighting this series is known for.
Each style feels perfectly suited to a specific use-case, and all, while not exactly equal, can be fun and rewarding to use when done right. Breaker is my personal favourite, not even because of the novelty of using breakdancing as a fighting style, but because of how fluid and adaptable it is, and the sheer crowd control power it has.
I won't get knee deep into story territory because otherwise I'd be here all day, but it's truthfully simultaneously heartwarming, gut-wrenching, and super satisfying to see through to the end. The dynamic between Kiryu and Kuze is some of the best character dissection I have ever seen, and Majima's origin story is utterly tragic but so compelling.
Quite possibly the most impressive part of 0, and the series as a whole by extension, is the overworld. While not quite at their most expansive in 0, Kamurocho and Sotenbori are so distinctive and vibrant it really feels like a real place that's living and breathing, with every resident having their own story to tell.
Speaking of stories, the substories. Though typically not as fleshed out or captivating as the main story, the substories (or side missions) in the Yakuza games have always been a heartwarming Novelty to add extra runtime and things to do to the games. Hiring a chicken as an advisor for your up-and-coming real estate firm is not something I thought would happen going into a game that presents itself as a serious and gritty crime thriller.
And that, to me, is the spirit of Yakuza. The complete and utter contradiction that it is and how it creates a stark contrast between these two extremes and makes them feel feasible in the same world. Kiryu can be and very much IS the kind of guy that will take on the world just to be able to play with bootleg Hot Wheels in peace, and as time flies, So Much More. ;)
Oh, and the music is banging too. A personal favourite of mine:
Left 4 Dead 2
2009
"We are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, and kicking ass!" - Nick
Objectively the best co-op PvE game ever made.
Every single campaign is laid out in such a way that they all feel unique. Dead Centre serves as a fantastic introduction to the mechanics and enemy types of the game, and the quirks of the source engine (unless your first time is in versus), and the Director changing up the layout of the area at random makes for near endless replayability.
Every single facet of the presentation is phenomenal, the music, the sound design, the distinct personalities and memorable lines of each character that isn't an african-american female, the designs of the special infected, even the writings on the walls in the safe rooms lend a lot to the experience of being in a zombie movie that the devs were going for.
Most of my time spent ingame has been in versus, though. Being able to play as the special infected and seeing how weak they really are against the surviviors makes it so much more satisfying when you finally get a match with a good team that can utterly decimate unsuspecting survivors. Granted, versus isn't perfect. The community is terrible and the sourcejank you have to constantly compete with is even worse, but it's an experience like no other once you get it down.
Of course, if you don't have the patience of a saint, you can always try the plethora of workshop campaigns and mutations that change the way the game is played completely, some of which honestly even outdo the main game. Suicide Blitz is a personal favourite, and I have fond memories of The Bloody Moors (albeit probably due to personal bias and patriotism).
When I can't think of what else to play with friends, Left 4 Dead 2 is always a fine choice. There's an endless ocean of amazing content for the game (while not exactly quality assured) that can keep you coming back for a long time.
And, of course, what would the greatest co-op PvE experience be without equally great music to accompany it? And thanks to the blessed Last Stand update, we got to enjoy this banger:
Objectively the best co-op PvE game ever made.
Every single campaign is laid out in such a way that they all feel unique. Dead Centre serves as a fantastic introduction to the mechanics and enemy types of the game, and the quirks of the source engine (unless your first time is in versus), and the Director changing up the layout of the area at random makes for near endless replayability.
Every single facet of the presentation is phenomenal, the music, the sound design, the distinct personalities and memorable lines of each character that isn't an african-american female, the designs of the special infected, even the writings on the walls in the safe rooms lend a lot to the experience of being in a zombie movie that the devs were going for.
Most of my time spent ingame has been in versus, though. Being able to play as the special infected and seeing how weak they really are against the surviviors makes it so much more satisfying when you finally get a match with a good team that can utterly decimate unsuspecting survivors. Granted, versus isn't perfect. The community is terrible and the sourcejank you have to constantly compete with is even worse, but it's an experience like no other once you get it down.
Of course, if you don't have the patience of a saint, you can always try the plethora of workshop campaigns and mutations that change the way the game is played completely, some of which honestly even outdo the main game. Suicide Blitz is a personal favourite, and I have fond memories of The Bloody Moors (albeit probably due to personal bias and patriotism).
When I can't think of what else to play with friends, Left 4 Dead 2 is always a fine choice. There's an endless ocean of amazing content for the game (while not exactly quality assured) that can keep you coming back for a long time.
And, of course, what would the greatest co-op PvE experience be without equally great music to accompany it? And thanks to the blessed Last Stand update, we got to enjoy this banger:
Deep Rock Galactic
2018
"Rock and stone!" - The Dwarves
While not executed quite as well as other games that did similar things, DRG is still a prime example of a game that manages to have an perfect balance of silly social interactions and intense and rewarding co-op combat, while maintaining the replayability that is required for any game to stand the test of time.
Each class brings something to the table in a mission, not just in terms of their utilities making terrain traversal more practical, but also with how builds can synergise and compliment each other in terms of combat. I always appreciate Scouts that take cryo grenades and make my job a little bit easier. With that said, it's still totally feasible to go on an Elite Deep Dive as four Drillers and absolutely clean house, in case one of your friends doesn't like playing a specific class.
I'm tempted to give this game a higher score, but there are two things keeping it back. One, overall amount of readily available content. There are lots of cosmetic customisation options and some really cool looking unlockable armour sets as you progress in the game, which is all well and good, but in terms of weapon and weapon overclock variety, mission types to select from, and other more significant facets of the game, it can be a bit lacking. Granted, the game is being updated regularly, and more content is being added, but not at a brilliant pace.
The second, which is more significant, is the lack of character the playable dwarves have. Not to say there's no entertaining voice lines or interactions to be had, but I wish each class had their own voice lines and distinct personality separate from each other, even if they had to reuse the same voice actor each time. It would lend a lot more to the experience than just the same lines pitch-shifted depending on your class. Though, that would then invalidate my theory that all the dwarves are just clones of Karl, so whatever.
Overall, one of the best co-op shooters ever made.
Oh, did I mention there's mod support? And thank goodness there is because, while I can't say the existing soundtrack for the game is outright bad, far from it, it does get incredibly repetitive, along with the repetitive style of gameplay that comes with lack of mission variety, which makes me so thankful for soundtrack mods. Still...:
While not executed quite as well as other games that did similar things, DRG is still a prime example of a game that manages to have an perfect balance of silly social interactions and intense and rewarding co-op combat, while maintaining the replayability that is required for any game to stand the test of time.
Each class brings something to the table in a mission, not just in terms of their utilities making terrain traversal more practical, but also with how builds can synergise and compliment each other in terms of combat. I always appreciate Scouts that take cryo grenades and make my job a little bit easier. With that said, it's still totally feasible to go on an Elite Deep Dive as four Drillers and absolutely clean house, in case one of your friends doesn't like playing a specific class.
I'm tempted to give this game a higher score, but there are two things keeping it back. One, overall amount of readily available content. There are lots of cosmetic customisation options and some really cool looking unlockable armour sets as you progress in the game, which is all well and good, but in terms of weapon and weapon overclock variety, mission types to select from, and other more significant facets of the game, it can be a bit lacking. Granted, the game is being updated regularly, and more content is being added, but not at a brilliant pace.
The second, which is more significant, is the lack of character the playable dwarves have. Not to say there's no entertaining voice lines or interactions to be had, but I wish each class had their own voice lines and distinct personality separate from each other, even if they had to reuse the same voice actor each time. It would lend a lot more to the experience than just the same lines pitch-shifted depending on your class. Though, that would then invalidate my theory that all the dwarves are just clones of Karl, so whatever.
Overall, one of the best co-op shooters ever made.
Oh, did I mention there's mod support? And thank goodness there is because, while I can't say the existing soundtrack for the game is outright bad, far from it, it does get incredibly repetitive, along with the repetitive style of gameplay that comes with lack of mission variety, which makes me so thankful for soundtrack mods. Still...: