Gwenniedolyn
2023
Played one online match and two people on my team almost broke down crying because I kept making fun of their headshot percentages, the Counter Strike you've all been waiting for is finally here!
Everything presented could be interesting, but it just falls flat with every new horror element. It's an escape room, a stretched commentary on kids media telling kids weird wacky things, etc. Someone who cared more probably could've made this more than just "kids thing fucked up horror game 14," especially next to things like Poppy Playtime or Bendy and the Ink Machine or Flippy Wahoo's Pancake Scare or whatever it'll be in half a year, maybe Five Nights at Freddy's again, but this is just as boring and forgettable as all the others.
2013
"I love ladders and my military friend." ~ Isaac Clarke
Anyone who gassed this up on launch needs a mandatory psych evaluation, and solitary confinement until they can give me a full explanation as to why this game's controls are set up the way they are.
This review contains spoilers
Woah!! He.. h-he r-r-ri-ripped off Eggman's face!! Sonic would never d-do that!!
I'm so sick of these tryhard scary games taking kids things and making them overly violent or bloody for the sake of shocking horror beats, it's so annoying. Sonic.EXE was never a worthwhile concept, and even if this game is admittedly more creative than the one that came out almost A DECADE AGO, it's just the same shit. Play as a Sonic character, walk right, Evil Sonic attacks you, play as another Sonic character, walk right, Evil Sonic attacks you, rinse and repeat. At least in this one you can jump!
Even separating Sonic.EXE from its poor gameplay, I hate that this culture was revitalized for whatever reason, are people this desperate when it comes to monster designs?? There's this constant staple of "adult" cartoons, where for something to break the mold and show that cartoons can be "adult", it has to have a bunch of senseless gore or swearing, which in turn circles the cartoon back around to being just as juvenile. Sonic.EXE collected this same juvenile grime when I turned an age with more than one digit, it's just an empty excuse to make stupid sprites of kids' characters with blood shooting out of their eyes or their face being ripped off, with nothing to show for it other than "Oh my god, Sonic doesn't normally do this... what's going on??"
Even worse, this game presents the stupid meta-angle of you "making the characters suffer" or "putting them through hell for entertainment's sake," and while those might not be exact quotes, they're repeated constantly in projects exactly like this, where they need a thin narrative to carry the violence and they come up with the most creatively bankrupt concept in the book: "What if video game character actually hurt??" Counterargument, what if that stupid piece of shit hedgehog and all his little friends fucking deserve it? What if when the monitor clicks off they all fucking shoot up heroin or kill each other anyways? What if you could play a stupid platformer made for children and not imagine the main character murdering everyone for no reason?
There's a really interesting scare somewhere in the middle, where the main monster breaks the fourth wall and fake Windows messages pop up telling you that it tried to access your computer's webcam in an attempt to "see you." That's all I can give it, a fun trick involving the webcam. Here's to hoping this stupid culture dies with that Winnie the Pooh horror movie!
I'm so sick of these tryhard scary games taking kids things and making them overly violent or bloody for the sake of shocking horror beats, it's so annoying. Sonic.EXE was never a worthwhile concept, and even if this game is admittedly more creative than the one that came out almost A DECADE AGO, it's just the same shit. Play as a Sonic character, walk right, Evil Sonic attacks you, play as another Sonic character, walk right, Evil Sonic attacks you, rinse and repeat. At least in this one you can jump!
Even separating Sonic.EXE from its poor gameplay, I hate that this culture was revitalized for whatever reason, are people this desperate when it comes to monster designs?? There's this constant staple of "adult" cartoons, where for something to break the mold and show that cartoons can be "adult", it has to have a bunch of senseless gore or swearing, which in turn circles the cartoon back around to being just as juvenile. Sonic.EXE collected this same juvenile grime when I turned an age with more than one digit, it's just an empty excuse to make stupid sprites of kids' characters with blood shooting out of their eyes or their face being ripped off, with nothing to show for it other than "Oh my god, Sonic doesn't normally do this... what's going on??"
Even worse, this game presents the stupid meta-angle of you "making the characters suffer" or "putting them through hell for entertainment's sake," and while those might not be exact quotes, they're repeated constantly in projects exactly like this, where they need a thin narrative to carry the violence and they come up with the most creatively bankrupt concept in the book: "What if video game character actually hurt??" Counterargument, what if that stupid piece of shit hedgehog and all his little friends fucking deserve it? What if when the monitor clicks off they all fucking shoot up heroin or kill each other anyways? What if you could play a stupid platformer made for children and not imagine the main character murdering everyone for no reason?
There's a really interesting scare somewhere in the middle, where the main monster breaks the fourth wall and fake Windows messages pop up telling you that it tried to access your computer's webcam in an attempt to "see you." That's all I can give it, a fun trick involving the webcam. Here's to hoping this stupid culture dies with that Winnie the Pooh horror movie!
2013
Still sucks balls.
2021
Chapter 1: Can you say Marketing Scheme?
This game is almost identical to Bendy and the Ink Machine's first chapter, and has a lot of the same "Horror Games for Kids" issues that a lot of horror games have that fall into the FNaF zeitgeist. The people who made this game also have a YouTube channel that makes millions of views by churning out hour long episodes of Minecraft Five Nights at Freddy's animations geared towards children. This wouldn't be worth mentioning, if they didn't feature other characters like Baldi, Bendy, and the Doki Doki Girls, that arguably generate more views because of their brand recognition, which is ironic given the fact that someone could easily suggest that they made this game so that Poppy or whatever it's name is could appear in those same videos. Me, I'm suggesting that.
They made this horror game so that their recognizable blue scary character could appear in YouTube animations to generate more views. Also they're selling NFTs for Chapter 2 lore.
This game is almost identical to Bendy and the Ink Machine's first chapter, and has a lot of the same "Horror Games for Kids" issues that a lot of horror games have that fall into the FNaF zeitgeist. The people who made this game also have a YouTube channel that makes millions of views by churning out hour long episodes of Minecraft Five Nights at Freddy's animations geared towards children. This wouldn't be worth mentioning, if they didn't feature other characters like Baldi, Bendy, and the Doki Doki Girls, that arguably generate more views because of their brand recognition, which is ironic given the fact that someone could easily suggest that they made this game so that Poppy or whatever it's name is could appear in those same videos. Me, I'm suggesting that.
They made this horror game so that their recognizable blue scary character could appear in YouTube animations to generate more views. Also they're selling NFTs for Chapter 2 lore.
"Horror Games for Kids" is the worst video game subgenre ever made. (Additional note: Finished the game a week after abandoning it, got the ending (motion comic) where the main character is revealed to be HOMELESS!!! OOOOOOO!!!! SCARIEST GAME IN YEARS!)
I really don't understand why this game was made in the first place. The average Arkham Fan probably isn't clamoring for a side scroller version of Batman in a series that has only done this type of movement in literal Scarecrow NIGHTMARE segments. The game is pretty bad, even as some random novelty in the series, it's super lame and I don't understand why this was ported to consoles and PC after being on the 3DS.
As far as positives go, I do think this game is... competent? There's a clear sign of effort here, with the inclusion of case files for some reason, and some parts of the story like Batman's early interactions with Catwoman are cool to see for this universe, but it's about as good as a "3DS Version of Batman Arkham Asylum" sounds. If you also want to Platinum or 100% Complete the game, you need to play it three times. THREE. TIMES. There aren't even any wacky modifiers or gimmicks, it's just the exact same game three different times but the last half hour or so changes depending on which main villain you defeat last.
You can also spam the Cape Stun to maintain a combo forever, and the Blackest Night suit makes you completely invulnerable to any damage. This game is garbage.
As far as positives go, I do think this game is... competent? There's a clear sign of effort here, with the inclusion of case files for some reason, and some parts of the story like Batman's early interactions with Catwoman are cool to see for this universe, but it's about as good as a "3DS Version of Batman Arkham Asylum" sounds. If you also want to Platinum or 100% Complete the game, you need to play it three times. THREE. TIMES. There aren't even any wacky modifiers or gimmicks, it's just the exact same game three different times but the last half hour or so changes depending on which main villain you defeat last.
You can also spam the Cape Stun to maintain a combo forever, and the Blackest Night suit makes you completely invulnerable to any damage. This game is garbage.