Always a good sign when you boot up a tech demo and the frame rate hitches for a solid minute during the opening cinematic. I don't have any real dog in the "classic versus modern Silent Hill" debate; Konami, the speculator market, and the ravages of time have made it damn near impossible to quickly boot up the analog horror masterworks of yore while their maligned contemporaries are just making their way to market. So speaking as a newcomer - thanks, I hate it!

Silent Hill: The Short Message is the American History X of video games: an unsubtle, dog-eared attempt at tackling serious subject matter with all the grace of a sledgehammer. Points for some liminal FMVs and Akira Yamaoka's backing instrumentals, but otherwise, this hyper-linear puzzle game for the 13 Reasons Why crowd has nothing to offer that wasn't pilfered directly from Hideo Kojima's 10-year-old "playable teaser", beginning a new wave of interest in the series before Konami summarily deleted its existence from their portfolio (and yours if you were foolish enough to let it escape your PlayStation hard drive).

Konami's remedial understanding of trauma and suicidal ideation is so inept, they have to flash a trigger warning accompanied by the number for the suicide hotline during every loading screen because a textual reading of the game essentially tells you to take a dive off the nearest high rise when people on Twitter call you a "LOSER" or an "IDIOT." "Show us sexy pics!" screams the mob. "I'm 14 and this is deep!" responds your protagonist. On my social media feed, I see that town...

A worthless download that may cost nothing, but will force you to pay with your time, sanity, and hopes for a better future. Not nearly short enough.