I’m sure we are all well aware as to what zombies are at this point. Humans who were once alive, now green, rotting corpses that walk among us, with one goal in mind: eating brains and/or people to increase their numbers, and even if you think you are truly rid of them, they always seem to find a way to come crawling back up from the grave. Of course, we have those typical kinds of zombies, but then you have the… other kinds of zombies… the metaphorical kind. Whether it be a person, a thing, or an idea, they all behave the same: you want them to just die off so you no longer have to see or hear about them anymore, and yet, they can never truly be killed, and will just keep coming back over and over again. In terms of video games, these kinds of zombies can be seen all over the place, with franchises and games that should’ve been dead long ago, and yet, they keep coming back, whether it be through new games, rereleases, or what have you, and one set of games that is somehow always brought back to the public, one way or another, would be with the Rushing Beat series.

For those of you who are unaware, Rushing Beat was a series of beat-’em-up games made by Jaleco back in the early 90s, and by just looking at their covers and screenshots, they don’t really leave that much of a lasting impression. They just look like your typical beat-’em-ups from that era, with seemingly no bells or whistles to them whatsoever, which means you could just easily forget about them and move on with your life. Except, in this case, you CAN’T, because for some reason, these three games keep being rereleased, from the Wii’s Virtual Console, all the way up to the current NSO, even though NOBODY cares about these games. So, out of sheer curiosity, I decided to check out the first game in this series, Rival Turf!, just to see if there was any redeeming qualities to it that may explain why they keep getting rereleased, aside from having the most entertainingly awful box-art of all time. After playing through the game in one sitting, I can say, with confidence, that it is the most generic, by-the-numbers beat-’em-up I have ever seen. I can’t really say it’s that bad, but if you have played any other game from this genre, and I mean literally ANY other, then you have played Rival Turf! without even knowing it.

The story is basically the exact same as Double Dragon, where the main character’s girlfriend is captured by gang members, and you have to go beat up a bunch of dudes to go save her, the graphics are ok, being exactly what you would expect for a SNES beat-’em-up, while also exuding no originality whatsoever, the music is fine, being nothing all too special, but at least it doesn’t make me wanna become the next Vincent van Gogh, the control is exactly what you would expect, being typical for a beat-’em-up for this era, but there is a button that lets you run, so I will give the game some points for including that, and the gameplay is… well, you already know at this point, don’t you?

Yes, it is your textbook definition of a beat-’em-up, where you take control of either Jack Flak or Oozie Nelson (the 90s should’ve never happened), take on a set of six stages through the most generic city-like levels of all time, beat the everloving fuck out of anything that gets in your way with your neverending barrage of punches and kicks, gather plenty of weapons and health items that will give you an advantage over your foes, and fight a set of bosses that will needlessly kick the shit out of you until you can exploit the game enough to where you turn the tides on them. And that is really all there is. That is the entirety of the core game, no joke. Sure, there is a Versus mode, where you and another player can fight each other to see who is the Ooziest Nelson of all time, but that is really about it. To anyone who bought this back in the day for $50 or whatever, I am truly sorry for you. You could’ve spent that money and a little extra on a nice copy of Mega Man X instead, you just had to wait a little longer!

Not only is this the most generic beat-’em-up of all time, but it is also the laziest of all time as well. Everything you would expect is here, when it comes to this setting, the enemies, the features, all of it is here and accounted for! The stages are extremely typical, from the streets, a harbor, a baseball stadium, and a big ol’ office building, which of course is the final level of the game, the enemies are the exact same for the entire game, constantly reusing the same names and sprites, introducing little to no new foes throughout the entire journey, and you have your standard punches, kicks, slides, and special moves you can use in order to take out your opponents, with no added flair or “umph” to really make them feel impactful. It even has the annoying tropes that these games come with, such as the bullshit difficulty in places, as well as repeating bosses that weren’t fun to fight at all in the first place. So, if you were looking for a jack of all trades from one of these games, then you should probably stay as far away from this one as possible, as you will be majorly disappointed.

Now, despite how ruthless I have been with my criticism, I can’t sit here and say that the game is flatout garbage, because it isn’t. Despite its unoriginality in many areas, it does function well enough, and it accomplishes what it sets out to do. I’m sure if you were a kid growing up in the 90s, you didn’t have access to an arcade with any of the other big names, and you didn’t have any of those games ported onto a home system, then this could suffice if you wanted to fulfill that beat-’em-up desire. Also, I can imagine that, if you were to play this game with another person, it could be more fun for both of you. But you can’t deny that so many other games came before this that did all of this first and better, such as with Double Dragon, Final Fight, River City Ransom, the TMNT arcade games, Streets of Rage, and hell, even Golden Axe, as much as I love to talk trash about those games. I would much rather play one of them again over this.

Overall, despite still functioning relatively well, Rival Turf! is, without a doubt, the most generic beat-’em-up that I have played for this website so far, maybe even the most generic I have ever played in my life. I can only recommend it for those who are massive fans of the beat-’em-up genre, and I mean MASSIVE fans, because unless you are one of those, then I don’t see how you will ever find any enjoyment out of this. Now, let’s just hope that after NSO eventually shuts down, we never have to hear from this game, or any of its sequels, ever again. Even though we probably are going to eventually. But hey, a man can dream.

Game #361