Fun fact for all of you at home: did you know that Karnov, the big ol’ Russian man over on the left/top/whereverthepictureis there, was actually the mascot for Data East?......................... what kind of mascot is that? I mean, seriously, you’d think they would choose a more appealing and recognizable character for their mascot, such as with Joe or Mac, or maybe even the Bad Dudes if they are feeling special enough… you know, two sets of characters who have had a longer lasting time in the spotlight than him. But no, instead, you settle for this random fuck who only got one game, and then just randomly appeared in a bunch of other games afterwards. No clue what the reason for this was, but hey, who knows? Maybe the original game was just TOO perfect, where it never needed any kind of follow-up whatsoever, and they figured, since they could never improve from there, they just decided to stick with him. Well, you know what, I think it’s about time someone found out for sure.

I have never played this game before, but I had seen it before in videos, specifically with the NES version, and it looked… rough. I wouldn’t say it looked terrible, but it definitely looked on the cheaper side of NES arcade ports, something that you would buy little Jimmy for his birthday, thinking he would love it, until you then find him burning the cartridge in the backyard while roasting marshmallows over the fire. But hey, I didn’t wanna judge a book by its cover, despite how ugly it is, and since I couldn’t get the arcade version to work on my emulator, I ended up having to play the NES version instead, so now I could actually see if the game was as rough as I had initially thought it would be. Unsurprisingly though, after my playthrough, I did come to the conclusion that this game… just isn’t really that good, not to the point where I would say it is terrible or even that bad, but because of how unpolished, boring, and lifeless the package as a whole is.

The story is practically non-existent, where it just focuses on Karnov searching many different lands to try to find the ultimate treasure, which does make him very relatable, since I am also a big greedy dumbshit, but it doesn’t make me care anymore about anything that is happening. The graphics for the arcade version are very generic, looking and feeling like any other arcade game from the time, and as for the NES version… I mean, at least they don’t make me wanna rip out my eyeballs, so that’s kind of a plus, the music unfortunately suffers from Simpsons syndrome, where for a majority of the game, only one song plays, and if you aren’t a fan of that one song, then you are definitely gonna want to turn that shit down and throw on some peak music instead, and the gameplay/control feels exactly like a cheap arcade game from the late 80s should, not only replicating how flimsy and rigid it can be, but also that allowing the depression laying deep within me to fully come out and envelop me to where I wasn’t having that much of a good time.

The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Karnov, go through a set of nine different levels through nine different, yet very similar looking locations, shoot fireballs all over the place to take out the many enemies before while you do the bare minimum platforming required for this game to be considered a platformer, gather plenty of items that can not only be used to upgrade your main attack, but also to assist you in many other ways that I will get into in a second, and take on plenty of bosses that are just as fair as you can expect (not at all), and thus become as fun to fight as you would expect (NOT AT ALL). It does everything it needs to do to be a platformer, and I’m sure that someone who has never played any other platformer in their lives could find some fun out of it, but someone like me, who has been playing platformers even before I could fully comprehend I was alive, it is basically nothing to me.

Most of what you will find in this game is as standard as it gets, with the typical platforming tropes that you would come to expect, none of it having the proper care or thought put into it to where it becomes as addicting or fun as many other games on the market at the time. However, to the game’s credit, there was one element of the game that was somewhat creative and interesting, and that was the many items that you get throughout the game. Of course, there are the typical items you would get from this kind of game, such as the fireballs that upgrades your shot up to being able to shoot three fireballs at once, but there are also plenty of items that actually allow you to mess around with the environment and whatever’s in it, such as a ladder that you can use to reach certain places, bombs which can be used to blow up walls, shoes that let you jump higher, and even wings that allow you to fly along a certain distance before they run out. That is all pretty neat and all, but of course, there is a catch to it, and by that I mean, while all these items are cool, none of them are really all that useful. There are rarely any points in the game where it feels like you need to use these items to proceed forward, with the exception of Stages 7 and 8, where you are required to use some of them to beat the stages, and in every other instance, there just isn’t really any need to use them, making me question why they were included in the first place.

Not only that, but the game also carries along a lot of the typical problems that arcade games from this generation usually have, such as arcade syndrome, where it throws a bunch of enemies at you at once while saying “What are you talking about, that’s fair difficulty! Everyone’s doing it, so it has to be true”, and there are bosses that repeated throughout the game, especially the first boss, who is repeated CONSTANTLY throughout the whole game. Although, none of that really bothers me that much when compared to the biggest criticism that I have with the game as a whole: it just doesn’t feel fun to play. Everything about it just feels… wrong, from the way you control, to the way that levels are designed, to how you progress through some levels, and everything else in between. It feels like it is trying its best, like it is trying to be a good game with everything that it is trying, but at the end of the day, nothing meshes well together, and while it doesn’t make the game terrible, it doesn’t make me wanna think about it anymore then I already have.

Overall, despite having some creative ideas when it comes to the items it gives you, there is just nothing here to cohesively hold the entire game together to make one, solid package, and as a result, it ends up being kind of a mess, one that is one of the most poor and pathetic attempts at an arcade game that I have ever seen, but not one that is even worth getting too mad about, as there is just nothing to it as a whole. I wouldn’t really recommend it to anyone, unless you really wanna know where the mascot for Data East initially came from, but then again, you could probably find plenty of other Data East games that he just so happened to be in, and you would probably have a much better time with those as a result instead. And even then, again, some other gaming characters like Joe & Mac would’ve been a MUCH better choice for mascots for this company, as they were more prevalent icons. Speaking of which…….

Game #567

If I were ever a child in the 90s, and I had some friends over to play some games on the Genesis, and we wanted to play a beat-’em-up game, there would be many suggestions that could be thrown around. We could mention Double Dragon, to where we would say we had already spent enough time on that game, some could mention Alien Storm, which we would be open to, but at some other point in time, and then there would be that one kid who suggests any of the Golden Axe games, who we would then tell to fuck off and die, as he has shit taste and should feel bad for it. After that, we would then settle with Streets of Rage 2, as it just seems like the go-to beat-’em-up for the Genesis as a whole, and why wouldn’t it be? The combat is fast and satisfying, the graphics are great, the stages are really fun to go through, and while it can certainly kick your ass up and down the block, it never leaves you feeling discouraged, and it makes you wanna try again so you can take down your foes and have a grand ol’ time. However, with how good that game turned out to be even after my second playthrough of it, nothing could’ve possibly prepared me for what was ultimately going to be the game that would end up winning me over more than all the others, Streets of Rage 3.

Before playing this game, this was the title I had the least experience with out of any of the Streets of Rage games, with me having played every other game in the series at least a little bit before going back to it for the sake of giving it a proper shot. I was curious as to how I would end up liking this one, considering that Streets of Rage 2 is considered to be not just one of the best games on the Genesis, but also one of the best beat-’em-ups of all time, so needless to say, it was gonna take a lot to make me consider this one the superior title of the two games, let alone the best in the initial trilogy. However, after having played the game for myself……. there’s no way I can ever go back to Streets of Rage 2 now, as this game manages to be phenomenal in just about every way, and I loved almost all of what I got out of it.

The story is a bit more complex than that of previous titles (keywords being “a bit”), where Mr. X, after facing defeat twice in the previous two games, continues to participate in criminal activities under the guise of his new company, RoboCy Corporation, with an ultimate plan to control the city at large through violent means, so when he hears this, Dr. Zan, a roboticist who was working with Mr. X, reaches out to Blaze Fielding for help, and so they, along with Axel Stone and Skate, set out to take down Mr. X once again and save the city, and possibly the world, from utter annihilation. It does sound pretty typical of this kind of game, but I do appreciate the added detail given to the game’s plot as a whole, as well as the cutscenes in the game that give more details on what’s going on, even if it is as basic as can be.

The graphics are pretty great, not looking too much different from what we got in the previous game, but it does feel improved enough to where it is still great to look at, the music is INCREDIBLE, with so many of the tracks having an infectious quality to them that I can’t help but love, to the point where even the character select screen has a banger of a theme, and the gameplay/control is pretty similar to that of the other two games, but not only does it feel pretty great to play, but it tops everything that the previous game gave us, making for one of the best beat-’em-up games that I have played in recent memory, and my favorite beat-’em-up on the Genesis.

The game still retains a lot of the beat-’em-up gameplay you have seen from the previous titles, where you take control of one of four different characters, or if you are me, you always choose Axel Stone every time, go through a set of five to seven levels through plenty of different locations you would typically see in a beat-’em-up, take down whatever sorry punk gets in your way by throwing plenty of punches, kicks, and special moves to your advantage, gather plenty of different weapons, money, and health items to assist you along the way, and take on plenty of bosses, some of which being familiar faces, who will test your skill in how fast you can dodge attacks, throw out punches, and not rage quit at some of the bullshit they can pull off. Most of this is identical to that of previous Streets of Rage games, and there aren’t too many new additions to spice up the gameplay more than what you are used to, but the little changes that are there make this all the better to play in my opinion, as I had a blast with it.

In terms of the changes that were there, again, it isn’t much, but what is there does make things better to play as a whole. Characters now have the ability to run, there are cutscenes that can be seen throughout the game, you can perform special moves with some of the weapons that you can get, which is pretty neat, you have a special meter that will allow you to perform special moves without losing health, and depending on some of your actions in the game, you can actually get many different endings. That last one is one of the best inclusions of them all, seeing as the methods of getting these special endings aren’t exactly clear. It isn’t too blatantly obvious, like “going down this way leads to a different ending”, and instead, it more so falls under who you beat up and who you don’t, which can not only lead to that better ending, but it can also give you new characters to play as as well. It isn’t much, but little bonuses like that do help make the game more enjoyable and replayable, which I can really appreciate.

However, the biggest and best change to the game in my opinion, the one that ended up winning me over in the end, is the speed. Like I mentioned before, you now have the ability to run with every single character, but even ignoring that, the game, in general, is much faster. Combat is a lot faster, you can dish out moves more quickly, and there is a quick, yet noticeable impact you can feel with the punches you throw, which definitely was in the previous games, but it is much more preferable to me here. When it comes to beat-’em-ups, I am a fan of moving fast and hitting hard, and Streets of Rage 2 managed to give me that hard-hitting action, but it was somewhat lacking in the speed department, even if that didn’t bring the game down at all. Here, however, it manages to get both of these elements just right, and when mixed with the wonderful visuals and infectious soundtrack, it made for an incredible time that I would love to play through again with someone else at some point.

I can’t say that the entire game is perfect though, because really, it isn’t. At its core, a lot of it is the same shit that we have seen over and over again, not just from the Streets of Rage series, but also other beat-’em-ups in general, so if you are one who isn’t a fan of these games, or you are burnt out on them entirely, this game will not do anything to change your mind. In addition, like with another game I reviewed recently, Thunder Force IV, this game does have a bit of a problem with pacing. A good handful of the levels are longer than that of the previous game, and while this does work out at some points, other times, especially towards the end, these levels can drag on, making it feel exhausting to play after a while. Granted, this factor varies greatly depending on what difficulty you play on and what ending you go for, but this is still a problem nonetheless. Also, that one part where you are being chased by that bulldozer or whatever… just fuck that part. No one needed it there, and yet you put it in there anyway.

Overall, despite some pacing issues, a lack of major change, and that fucking bulldozer, this is still not only the best of the original Streets of Rage trilogy in my eyes, but also an incredible beat-’em-up all on its own, with wonderful visuals and music, plenty to do that other beat-’em-ups don’t offer, more emphasis on story, and the fast and hard-hitting action that I look for in a beat-’em-up that makes me love it so much more. I would absolutely recommend it for those who are big fans of the beat-’em-up genre, as well as those who loved the other Streets of Rage games as well, because if you think that Streets of Rage 2 is the best game in the series, then let me tell you………. you might still think that after playing this, but at least give it a fair shot. Although, now with all that being said, I am somewhat afraid of going back to Streets of Rage 4 now. I mean, with a game as great as this, how are they gonna be able to top that, especially with a 26-year gap in releases? Well, I guess there’s only one way to find out………….. and that is to actually play it, which I won’t be doing for five years.

Game #566

(Part 1 of the Half Century Challenge, created by C_F. You can read their first review here)

For today’s review, I wanted to take you all back, and I mean WAY back, all the way to 1970, when the Apollo 13 launched into orbit, the US was given the “gift” of PBS, and a band nobody knows of known as The Beatles would break up, with all of the members going on to doing their own thing. Yes, it was a magical time in history, one full of many ups, downs, and surprising developments for the future, lacking the bullshit we face now on a day-to-day basis, and there were plenty of things for people to do and experience, even involving the world of video games. These were a rare breed around this time, certainly nowhere near as universally known and praised like they are today, and none of these titles could ever come to match the quality of what has managed to come out since, but every once in a while, it is nice to take a look back at some of the most primitive ages of video games, seeing what developers could get away with at the time and use to make a simple, yet very memorable experience. This can be seen with some games such as with today’s example, Highnoon.

In general, I’m not really one who is too into text-based adventure games. Not to say that I have anything against them, but whenever I go to play any video game, I typically like to have… you know, SOMETHING to look at rather than just a wall of text, hence why I have only played, like, one or two of them throughout my entire life. I have wanted to check out some more of them though, as there are quite a lot of them, and there has to be some special elements they bring to the table that most other games couldn’t, otherwise why would they have persisted for so long. So, I decided to pick this one, which I had never played or heard of before, and based on my experience, I would say that I had a good time with it. You definitely aren’t gonna get much more then what is initially presented to you, but for being one of the earliest text-based adventure games, it manages to do its job well, while also adding enough charm to make it an enjoyable title to mess with for around 10 minutes or so.

One of the most appealing parts of this game, as well as any game made in a similar manner to this, is the fact that, for the most part, your imagination is the key tool to helping you paint the scenario laid out in front of you. You have already been spoiled enough with all of your fancy-schmancy new video games that have GRAPHICS and SOUND and CONTROL, BLEH! Who needs that shit, anyway?! All you need to have a grand ol’ time is just a bunch of text telling you what is going on, and you can just form the scenario around in your head. It’s almost like reading a book, except this has way more interactivity then a book, and you can make your own adventure out of it, rather than just simply reaching the same, predetermined conclusion every time.

But of course though, you gotta have a basic set-up to get you moving on the road ahead, and the set-up for this game is simple: it’s 1889, and you have been challenged to have a showdown in the Allegheny Mountains, facing the nefarious Black Bart, who will make sure that you end up as a dead man by the end of the day. You then meet up on a deserted road, and it is up to you to get the upper hand on Black Bart by moving forward, using your trusty pistol at precisely the right time, and to hope that luck is on your side so that Black Bart doesn’t end up taking you down and continuing his reign of terror. It’s a premise we have all seen and heard of before, but now, instead of watching it play out in front of you, or possibly even pretend-playing this scenario out with friends, you are now in the line yourself, and you have to take out your computer opponent before it is too late.

From there, you have very limited options for what you can do next, but they are enough to get the job done. All you can do is move forward, fire your gun, jump to the side for cover, give up, run away like a little bitch, or just do nothing at all, with each of these commands being assigned to specific numbers on the keyboard. You can then go about inputting these numbers one by one, seeing what the program does in response to this, and then continuing on from there. A lot of it is, obviously, randomly generated, as you don’t know what will happen at any time, or whether or not Black Bart will shoot or not, or even if the shots will hit you, but there is also a bit of strategy that comes into play, as whatever move you end up making at specific times could be the difference between life or death, so it is always wise to consider your next movement and choose wisely, which not only creates some pretty exciting tension, but also a good ol’ helping of satisfaction when your next move turns out to be just what you needed.

Aside from the main premise and how the game works, a lot of the appeal from this game can also be seen in the way that the game not only describes what events play out, but also how it reacts to your moves. While it mostly types things out in the way that you would expect it to, a lot of the time whenever something happens, or whenever you do anything specifically, it will throw in a snappy or snarky comment to emphasize what happened, such as “Good idea there”, or “You aren’t gonna get too far by doing that.” There was one part in the game that really stuck out to me and made me laugh, which was when I ended up getting killed by Black Bart, and how the game chose to describe what happened, where it basically said “Black Bart fires at you, landing a bullet right in your back, and then he fires again, with him shooting you right in the ass. You aren’t gonna be resting peacefully after that.” I dunno, seeing something like that in a game that is this old feels oddly refreshing, and it makes the game much more memorable as a result.

However, with all that being said, I still can’t say this game is anything more than just good because of how limited it is. It is a text-based adventure game after all, so there is only so much you can get out of it, with just one scenario to go through and the several outcomes you can get out of it, mainly either “you win” or “you die”. It is definitely only for the crowd of gamers like myself who has the love and patience for these kinds of games, but for those of you who prefer a little more interactivity, playtime, and, y’know, things to look at in your games, then this is definitely gonna be one of the last things that you ever end up deciding to check out for yourself. That doesn’t lower the game’s quality, mind you, it just affects how approachable it is in 2024.

Overall, despite being very basic and offering little more than the base concept, Highnoon is both very impressive and very charming for a game that came out back in 1970, providing you with a simple, yet descriptive scenario that you can paint in your head and have fun with, plenty of options to choose from to change the course of the game in however way you’d like, and giving off enough charm to where it feels like it stands on its own compared to what very little else was on the market at that time. I would recommend it for those who are a fan of these kinds of text-based adventure games, because while it may not give you that much to do, it is still a neat example of where these kinds of games were around that point, and it is fun to mess around with even over 50 years later. And for those of you who actually sat here and read all of what I just typed about a text-based adventure game from 1970, thanks for sticking it out to the end, as writing this one was much harder than you think it would be. Also, go check out C_F’s first review up there as well. Tell them that Mega sent ya.

Game #565