Every journey has a beginning. Whether it be a monumental journey that tells of some great hero setting out to accomplish some goal or to defeat a big bad guy, or rather it be something as simple as how one decided to go to the post office that day, there is always a beginning to every story, and that definitely rings true when it comes to video games. Some of us may have played thousands of games at this point in our lives, while others are merely starting to get into the hobby, but one thing that remains consistent between all of us is that we all had a first video game, the one that would introduce us to this vast, creative and limitless medium, one that either fully enraptured us to the point of seeking out what else you could find, or leaving a simple, yet enjoyable enough impression to where you wouldn’t mind trying anything else out in the future. So, I figured, for the 600th review that I am making on this website (I might be slightly insane), I figured it was about time that I covered the very first video game I ever played in my life, Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island.

I don’t remember the exact, precise details of how I ended up with this as the first game I would ever play, but I do have a bit of a brief summary based on what I do remember, which will do a good enough job at painting a picture. Back in 2003-2004, when I was around 3-4 years old as well, I was a dumbass little kid, not knowing what a video game even was, and most likely doing the things that most toddlers were doing back then, such as running around, yelling, eating weird stuff off the floor, and receiving plenty of injuries. One day, my Mom and Dad came home one day with a little present for me, which just so happened to be a gray Game Boy Advance SP, one that I still own even to this day, and one that I share a lot of fond memories with throughout my life. With this, I also managed to get two games, those being Pokemon Blue and Super Mario Advance 3: Yoshi’s Island, and with all of these things in hand, I had… absolutely zero clue as to what I was supposed to do with it. After messing around with the things for a bit, most likely opening and closing them, chewing on the sides of them, and so on, I then found out I can shove that weird gray rectangle thing into the big gray brick, while also finding a power switch on the system, leading to it turning on, and from that moment on, I was never the same.

So yeah, obviously, I have a lot of nostalgia towards this game, and while those early experiences were with the GBA port of the game rather than the original, it was still pretty accurate to that of the original game, to the point where I fondly remember several memories of me playing it as a kid, including one instance where I got so angry when I lost to the second phase of the Baby Bowser fight. It was my first instance of rage… you love to see it. But anyways, you all obviously didn’t come here to listen to me babble on about the past. You all came here to hear my opinion of this game, and if you couldn’t tell already at this point, I do still hold a soft place for it in my heart, and I love it tremendously. I can’t say it is perfect by any means,as it does have problems I will get into, but it was still fantastic all the way through, not only as one of the first proper Yoshi games ever made that wasn’t a puzzle game or whatever else, but also as the game that would drag me into the world of video games as a whole.

The story is very simple, yet very charming at the same time, where one night, while a stork is delivering two baby brothers by the name of Mario and Luigi to their parents, he is attacked by an evil sorcerer named Kamek, who kidnaps Baby Luigi and causes Baby Mario to fall down into the depths of the island below. Down on said island, a green Yoshi is taking a nice, leisurely stroll, until he then finds Baby Mario falling right on his back, while also dropping the map that the stork was using to deliver the kids. After gathering with several other Yoshis on the island, they then deduce (somehow) what happened to Baby Luigi, so they all then set out, with Baby Mario alongside them, to go and rescue Baby Luigi from Kamek’s evil clutches, while he and his lackeys plot to take Baby Mario as well to succeed in their ultimate goal. It is somewhat of an odd story, considering how it de-ages the Mario bros. and shifts the focus onto the Yoshis, but it is one that you can easily get behind and want to see through, as you don’t wanna see Baby Luigi get hurt by Kamek……… he can hurt Baby Mario instead, considering how much you have to put up with him in this game.

The graphics are still absolutely amazing even to this day, being one of the best looking games from the SNES library, let alone the best looking platformer on the system, having a very unique art style and plenty of vibrant colors, wonderful character, enemy, and boss designs, as well as plenty of vibrant environments that you will travel through for your whole journey, the music is fantastic, having incredibly up-beat and iconic tunes like this one that will play throughout the game, mixed in with some more “menacing” tunes like this one, most of them being a joy to listen to even after all this time, and the gameplay/control is mostly stuff that we have seen before from the Mario franchise, but not only does it remain really fun to play, but there are several different gimmicks that are present in the game that you wouldn’t typically find in other games.

The game is a 2D platformer, where you take control of one of many different colored Yoshis at a time, go through plenty different levels across many different standout locations amongst Yoshi’s Island, take out plenty of enemies either by jumping on them, swallowing them whole, or throwing others’ dead remains at them to drive the point home, protect Baby Mario at all times to not only prevent Kamek’s cronies from taking him, but also to make sure you won’t be listening to this sound for too long, gather plenty of different eggs to help you defend yourself, solve puzzles, and take down foes, while also gathering plenty of collectibles along the way, and take on some goofy, yet at-times threatening bosses, which range from being big, intimidating foes that can definitely give you a run for your money to……. this guy, who you defeat by just simply holding right…….. fucking flawless. Much of it is your standard platforming affair, even for those who are very familiar with Mario and his past adventures, but rest assured, despite the fact that it carries the name “Super Mario World” in its title, Yoshi’s Island manages to have plenty of unique elements that distinguish itself from Mario quite a bit, both in terms of its presentation and gameplay.

A lot of elements in this game have been done to death over and over again in many other games, such as going from left to right to the end of the level, defeating enemies, getting coins, and so on, but one of the ways that makes this feel much different than that of a typical Mario game is how you are playing as Yoshi the entire time. Naturally, he does not go about his business the same way Mario does, being able to swallow enemies and throw them around as eggs, and as such, this changes up how the game expects you to approach many situations, and it is great because of it. There are many instances in this game that can’t be cleared through just by running and jumping, but instead, you may need to figure out a different way to defeat an enemy or solve a puzzle using your flutter jump or your eggs, and while some of it can get tedious at times, most of it is incredibly solid, still feeling natural and just as fun even after all of these years.

Not to mention, there are plenty of things that this game has that expands upon elements seen in previous Mario games, all to its benefit. There are many different bonus games that can be accessed throughout the game, each granting you the chance of getting a GARGANTUAN amount of lives to use for the future, right alongside several items as well, which you can use at any time while in a level. Most of these items aren’t really all that useful, just being a means of helping you get to 100%, and the bonus games themselves aren’t anything too useful after beating them once or twice, but they can still be pretty helpful whenever you get the chance to participate in any of them, and in some instances, they can definitely get you out of a bind that you are in. Aside from that though, there are also the powerups in this game, which, rather than being the traditional ones we see all the time in typical Mario games, are instead a bunch of different transformations that Yoshi can take on for a brief period of time. You can become a helicopter, a submarine, a robot mole, and there’s even a powerup that allows you to play as Baby Mario by himself, running around and going up walls, because who gives a fuck about logic! Granted, not all of these powerups are fun to use, with some like that robot mole I mentioned earlier having some pretty awkward handling at times, but they are a nice change of pace whenever they pop up, and it is always really neat seeing just what kinds of things that they are willing to transform Yoshi into next.

So yeah, the game does have a lot going for it in the gameplay department, being very fun even all the way to now, but a lot of the reason why this game does hold up also has something to do with its presentation. The game was made with the Super FX chip, one that was able to do a whole lot more then what games like Star Fox could, and when you play the game for yourself, you can really see it working perfectly in harmony. Sprites will frequently change sizes to fit the situations, enemies will jump from the background to the foreground, there are 3D objects that can be interacted with, and the way that some enemies and sprites move around looks much more impressive then any other game from the SNES at that point. Hell, even just by watching the intro sequence, you can see just what kind of stuff this game was capable of, and while it does look a little rough nowadays, I can imagine this kind of thing blowing peoples’ minds back in the day, and it has aged pretty wonderfully overtime. Not to mention, the general art style of the game is perfect in every way, making everything look so vibrant, lively, and adorable, to the point where I want to live on this island and never come back to civilization.

However, with all of that out of the way, I can’t let my nostalgia goggles blind me for too long, because I am well aware that this game is not perfect, despite it being very, VERY close to that point. While most of the game is extremely fun to play, great to look at/listen to, and has plenty of charming elements that makes it a must-play for any Nintendo fan, there has always been one element of the game that I never really liked, and that is going for 100%. For those that aren’t aware, in order to 100% Yoshi’s Island, you have to collect plenty of items in every single level, such as 30 stars to max out your life, all of the red coins, and the five smiley flowers for the chance at a bonus game at the end of the level. That doesn’t sound that bad, but trust me, completing these tasks is MUCH easier said than done, not only because of how hard it can be in plenty of places, but also because of how tedious it is. Getting a lot of these collectibles can be quite a gamble, especially in plenty of areas where you have to have perfect precision when it comes to throwing your eggs, or even in life-or-death situations where you can’t screw up, or else you would have to die or start the level over again.

That’s not even bringing up the fact that, once you do 100% the main levels in a world, you then unlock an extra stage to play for that world, and these stages can be quite the pain in the dino-ass if you aren’t prepared for them. This can be seen even as early as the first world’s extra stage, where for most of the stage, you are riding along the back of Poochy, Yoshi’s dog companion who is also be goodest good boy of them all, while going across a lot of precarious lava and tight jumps, while also having a very small platform to go back to every time you land. All of this and more awaits you when you decide to go for 100%, and while I myself usually tend to 100% the games that I play, I just simply don’t like doing that with Yoshi games. I dunno, maybe it’s because of how it was a series I grew up with, and is near and dear to my heart, but I have always found this games to be a “chill” series, one that I could just play, run straight through a lot of the time, not having to worry about much else, and I don’t think I will ever change my mind on that stance. To be fair though, I am not saying that going for 100% in this game is a bad thing at all, because it is still perfectly doable, and quite the challenge, if you so wish to go for it, but it is just something I don’t think I will ever be likely to do that much whenever I go back to one of these games. Not to mention, the last time I did 100% percent a Yoshi game was with Crafted World, and, ah hah……………… NEVER AGAIN.

Overall, despite me not really getting into the whole idea of 100% this game at many given times, I am eternally grateful that this managed to be the first video game I ever played in my life, as not only is it a wonderful place to start for anybody, but it is also a fantastic game in many ways, having a wonderful art style, fantastic music, addicting and satisfying gameplay, and a sense of identity that the series would carry on its shoulders all the way to this day, which is all for the best in my opinion. I would definitely recommend it for those who have never played any Yoshi game before, as well as those who are just big fans of Yoshi in general, because if you somehow haven’t gotten the chance to play this for yourself, then you are clearly missing out, because it truly is one of the finest platformers from the 16-bit era. happy sigh..... man, it feels great to finally get to this game, after I had been planning it for so long. Although, now that I am done with all my gushing, I don’t have any funny gag to end the review on. Uh… obligatory Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy reference. There ya go, is that good enough? Have I won the Yoshi’s Island internet prize, and will people like me now?

Game #578

Hey, y’all remember that one Konami game, Contra? You know, that really fun run ‘n gun game where you and a friend can join together, blast apart a bunch of aliens, take on a bunch of ruthless, yet incredibly satisfying platforming challenges, and just have a grand ol’ time together? Yeah, weren’t all of those games great? Well… what if we just made a game that kinda takes all that and… ruins it? Like, it doesn’t necessarily make the game one of the absolute worst things in the world, but it just removes a lot of the elements that made the original game fun to begin with, and what you are left with is an empty shell that feels like it is trying to be Contra, but it just can’t quite get there. That, my friends………….. would be Contra: Rouge Corps, but that’s for another time, because today we are talking about Cyber-Lip instead.

I had never heard about this game before playing it today, and it didn’t really sound or look like the most appealing thing in the world. The few screenshots I had seen did look cool enough, even if it looked like it was trying a little too hard to be exactly like Contra, but nothing about what I was seeing was really telling me that I had to check this out. That is, until I found out that the game was developed by SNK, and if there is any chance that I can take to make fun of SNK, then you damn well know I am taking it. So, I downloaded it on totally legal software, played it, and realized that… yeah, this is literally just the poor man’s Contra. This game is like when you have some kid on the school playground, doing some cool shit that everyone else is impressed by, but then you have that one kid who then goes “Not impressed! I can do that too!”, and they try to do the exact same thing, but ends up slipping up and falling on their face, leading to all the other kids thinking they are a loser and going back to the cooler kid. That is essentially Cyber-Lip in a nutshell.

The story is as generic as the game itself, where in the year 2030, a supercomputer named Cyber-Lip that was created for the sole purpose of fending off an alien invasion suddenly goes haywire, turning evil and joining sides with the alien forces to take over the world, so it is up to androids Rick and Brook to set out and take both Cyber-Lip and the aliens down and save the world, which is about what you would expect from any Contra game or Contra-clone, so this all makes sense. The graphics are fine, looking like if SNK just took the visuals of Contra and slapped their own filter over it, which does look nice enough, but nothing too impressive or memorable, the music is alright, having plenty of tracks that fit with whatever is going on in the levels whenever they pop up, but it is, again, nothing too memorable or exciting, and the gameplay/control is… well, take a wild guess as to how it is.

The game is a 2D run ‘n gun game, where you take control of either Rick or Brook, go through a set of six and a half different stages across plenty of different boring environments, shoot down any moving thing that you see before they can get the jump on you using whatever kind of weapons you can find, gather plenty of different weapons for your gun, as well as additional support upgrades to help you on your way, and take on plenty of big, threatening bosses that do have the same amount of difficulty and strategy one would find in a Contra boss, while also forgetting to bring the charm along with it. A lot of it is pretty standard for the genre, and I imagine if this was someone’s first exposure to run ‘n gun games, they would have a great time with this, but for all of us who have played one or two of these before in our lives, this is nothing all too exciting or fun that you can’t get from other titles from before and since.

I will give the game credit, as there are some interesting ideas at play here that I did enjoy, things that was implemented here before Contra would do the same in their series. First off, in terms of the weapons, not only are there a lot to choose from that can be refueled inside of these rooms you will find throughout the levels (which is kind of pointless, but whatever), but you can even swap between all of the weapons whenever you get them, even after you die. It isn’t much, but it is very helpful just in case you wanna stick with a specific weapon throughout, and it makes dying less of a bitch, as you can jump right back in with a power up as if nothing happened at all. Secondly (spoilers for a game that is over 30 years old), I also really like the ending, where you end up destroying the Cyber-Lip computer, and the guy that has been giving you mission briefings the entire time reveals that he is one of the alien invaders, and now that we have killed the supercomputer, he and his race can come down and take over the planet for their own use. Not gonna lie, that’s a creative plot twist for a game made around this time, and a pretty grim ending too, which I can definitely respect a game like this for doing.

Unfortunately though, everything else is either incredibly lackluster or plagued with issues. The main gameplay itself is very uninspired, providing very little innovation to the run ‘n gun formula other than that weapon swapping thing I mentioned earlier, while also feeling like a downgrade in comparison to those games, such as with aiming, where you can only really aim in several different directions, rather then the full 8 you got from Contra, as well as with the movement, where it can feel really weird and janky to control at times, especially if you try to move and shoot at the same time with some certain weapons (because you know, how dare I try to move and shoot in a RUN AND GUN GAME). Not only that, but there is also, of course, the typical problems that these kinds of games loves to throw at you, such as arcade syndrome, where they will throw plenty of enemies at you to deal with while paired up with difficult platforming sections, and a boss rush at the end of the game, although this boss rush is thankfully not that much of a ball-ache compared to other games.

Out of all my complaints though, I think my biggest one would have to go to the game’s auto scrolling levels, because they are EVERYWHERE. Seriously, I think half of the levels in this game are auto scrollers, which completely kills the pacing of a game like this, where instead of having non-stop, explosive action taking out all of these enemies, the game puts a hand in front of your face, causing you to have to play at its pace, which is not something my fidgety-ass wants to deal with. Now, I don’t wanna throw auto scrolling levels right under the bus, because in some RARE cases, these can actually be decent enough and provide a good challenge, while also not feeling like that much of a pace breaker. However, when these levels do pop up and break the pace, you FEEL it, especially when it comes to this game.

Overall, despite some neat little quirks here and there and having a gameplay set-up that works well enough, this is definitely the poor man’s Contra in every sense of the word, trying to imitate and copy everything that those games did while adding some more to it, while also completely missing several of the elements that made Contra fun and wonderful to begin with. I would recommend it for those who are HUGE run ‘n gun fanatics, as well as those who maybe wanna get into the genre somehow, because the game certainly isn’t bad, but trust me, you could do WAY better than this, even with the games that came out before it. But you know what, at the end of the day, if I were to give SNK and Cyber-Lip any credit for doing anything whatsoever, I will give them this………… this game is a hell of a lot better than Ikari Warriors. It shows that maybe, just one day, SNK will actually make a good video game that isn’t a fighting game….. or one that isn’t named Metal Slug.

Game #577

One of the most odd, yet strangely charming games to come from Nintendo back in the days of the NES era has to be the original StarTropics, which I thought was pretty good back when I played it. Despite how linear the game was for an entry in the adventure genre, how frustrating the control/game could get, and how there was one part of the game that made it literally impossible to get through without a guide, it was able to win me over anyway with its fun gameplay, strange dash of charm, and great visuals for the time, making for somewhat of a hidden gem from the system back in the day. Then again though, most fans of the NES probably know of the game’s existence, so I guess it isn’t TOO much of a hidden gem… but, what most people probably know is that that game actually ended up getting a sequel. I didn’t know either for the longest time until like a couple years ago, but now that I did know about it, and since it has been a while since I reviewed the original game, I figured it was about time I returned back to the Cola Universe and take down Zoda’s Revenge: StarTropics II.

As I had mentioned previously in the last StarTropics review, this sequel was a game that Nintendo pretty much sent out to die back when it came out. It came out exclusively for the NES, in America, in 1994, when the SNES and Genesis were the hottest things on the market, and nobody wanted to play OLD, DUMB, and SMELLY NES games anymore. So, naturally, not many people have played it, and thus, it has become yet another forgotten Nintendo title amongst a plethora of them that they just have stored away in a vault somewhere, never to be re-released again. But hey, even with all of that aside, it’s gotta at least be good, right? I mean, the original game was pretty good, so surely Nintendo could take everything that worked in that game, tweak around the bad parts of the original, and make a much superior title, right? Well, that is exactly what they did!......... somewhat. If I were to rank this alongside the sequel, as it just BARELY comes out as the superior title, as it is still a very fun and charming game to play, having plenty of what made the original game so appealing and enjoyable, while also fixing several of the issues that game initially had… while also ignoring others.

The story is very similar, yet somewhat different from the previous game, where Mike Jones, after enjoying time off from what he had to go through in the previous game, gets contacted by the princess of the Argonians known as Mica, who helps him and Dr. Jones solve a cipher that they found recently, which ends up sending Mike back in time all the way to the stone age. Sometime after this while traveling to other points in time, he discovers that Zoda, the villain from the last game, is back once again, wrecking havoc all across time and space in order to wipe out the Argonians, so it is up to Mike once again to stop him and his evil plans before it is too late. It is a lazy set-up, one that took a dart and threw it at a board full of overused cliches to see what gimmick it can use, but it still manages to be stupid and charming enough to where you buy everything that is going on regardless of how weird it is.

The graphics are… practically unchanged from the original, using the exact same look, sprites, and animations from the previous game, but it is still very pleasant to look at, and the brand new environments and characters that we do see throughout the game are pleasing to the eyes, the music is good, having plenty of simple, yet enjoyable tracks to jam out to, as well as some returning themes from the original game, which is always nice to hear, the control is INFINITELY better this time around, with controlling on the main adventure segments feeling about the same, but the control in the dungeon is a massive improvement, giving you full movement in eight directions, making navigating through caves and fighting monsters much more manageable as a result, and the gameplay remains practically identical to the original game, feeling more like a standalone expansion to the first game more than anything else, but hey, that isn’t usually a bad thing, and it isn’t a bad thing in this case.

The game is yet another 8-bit adventure game, where you once again take control of the generic loser known as Mike Jones, go through many different locations across time full of many different colorful characters to meet, take out many different foul fiends who will do their best at impeding your progress at every turn, gather plenty of different health items, tools, additional weapons, upgrades to your arsenal, and Tetris pieces (no, seriously) that will help you out throughout your journey, and take on plenty of bosses that you will face throughout the game, which are half and half, where some of them are fine, and can be fun to fight at times, and as for the other half…. sigh, we’ll get to them later. If you have played the original StarTropics, then congratulations! You have played Zoda’s Revenge: StarTropics II as well without even realizing it, as the two games are practically identical in the way that they look, sound, and work, but this one manages to stand above the previous by keeping the same fun gameplay intact, improving on several elements that I have mentioned, and also keeping that same level of charm that made the original game so enjoyable.

One of the biggest aspects about this game is that, rather than traveling to many different islands throughout your journey, you are, again, traveling to many different points in time, going to many different locations that do make the game feel more fresh and exciting compared to the first. Yeah, all of these locations are very typical for what you would find in a time travel story, such as the stone age, medieval times, the wild west and so on, but I still found myself having fun traveling through them and seeing what they had to offer regardless. This also applies to the many characters that you interact with throughout your journey, with a handful of them being well-known individuals from media and history, such as Sherlock Holmes, Cleopatra, Leonardo Da Vinci, and several others, which can lead to some conversations with them that are, admittedly, really stupid, but I dunno, I can’t help but smile at a lot of it just for how odd it is for a Nintendo title to do.

Aside from that though, everything else is the same as before: you have the overworlds where you walk around, talk to people, solve a puzzle here and there, and get access to caves and dungeons, where you take on monsters, jump on switches, gather plenty of different treasures, and cry whenever you eventually lose. For those that have played through the original game, they will feel right back at home with this game, as not only does the gameplay remain mostly unchanged, but the way the game looks makes it so that you can easily get adapted to the situation, and start blazing through it like your life depends on it. Thankfully, all of this still managed to be a lot of fun to do, as I loved going through these many different periods of time, talking to these NPCs to see the weird-ass things they say, fighting these monsters, and finding these Tetris pieces, especially with the previously mentioned improved control for the dungeon sections helping out immensely.

I can’t say that everything about this game was improved over the second one, because in some instances, I think it could actually be seen as a downgrade compared to the original. For starters, this game is somehow EVEN MORE LINEAR than the original, with what to do and where to go being spelled out to you in almost every part of the game, with there being only one or two instances where I would go off the beaten path to get an extra life heart or something. This isn’t exactly bad for those who are a fan of more straightforward games like this, but given the fact that the game is in the adventure genre, I wish it felt more like… you know, an adventure, rather then just simply being a museum tour that leads you down a destined path, only to dump you off at the gift shop once it is all done with you.

Trust me though, that doesn’t even matter to me compared to my main problem with this game, and that would be with the bosses. The difficulty from the previous game is still intact here, and while I didn’t feel it too much when it came to the main dungeon parts of the game, I certainly did feel it with some of these bosses, because good god, these ones that I am talking about are TERRIBLE. I think the worst boss in the entire game has to go to the Zoda clone that you fight around the half-way point, where you have to fight him while constantly being moved around on these arrow platforms, which can make even trying to ready yourself to attack the guy a huge pain in the ass. Not to mention, he is also constantly teleporting and sending his own attacks out at you, so not only do you have to worry about him killing you, but you also have to worry about dodging his attacks, positioning yourself correctly, and firing plenty of shots at him, WHILE constantly being moved by these goddamn arrow platforms! There are several other bosses that are pretty bad too, but not to this extent, and when you reach the end of the game, where there is a boss rush waiting for you before you fight the big bad himself, you get to re-experience all of these god-awful fights back-to-back with little changed from the last encounters…………… OH, WHAT… FUN.

Overall, despite the game’s increased linearity and some truly abysmal boss fights, this game manages to be a decent enough successor to the original StarTropics in every other way, and is a really good game as a whole, having plenty of goofy and weird things to see and do, plenty of dungeons for you to take on, and enough of that dumb dated 90s charm that you can’t help but love whenever you experience it. I would recommend it for those who were big fans of the original StarTropics, as well as those who wanted to see what else the system had up its sleeve near the end of its life cycle, because despite being pretty much fully ignored back when it first came out, it does manage to be fun enough if you were to go back and see what everyone was missing out on back then. Unfortunately though, this would be the last that we would ever see from the StarTropics franchise, as there would never be any new game in the series, remakes, spin-offs, or what have you from this point onwards… which is kinda sad, to be honest, but eh, it isn’t exactly a terrible loss. Plus, I don’t want them to try to bring this series back from the dead, considering that Nintendo are usually very split down the middle when it comes to these revivals. On one hand, you could end up with another Kid Icarus: Uprising, and on the other, you could get another Metroid Prime: Federation Force, and I am not willing to take that risk!

Game #576

For the longest time, I have believed that, in order to get the most out of any video game, you have to experience it in its most true, original form, and by that, I mean you would get the most out of a game by playing it through its original release on its original system. While I don’t agree with that now, I can kinda see where young me would come from with that argument, because after all, having the physical copy of a game to play on the actual system would probably leave a much bigger impact on the player rather than, say, just loading it up on your emulator like any other game and playing it from there. However, now that I am a true pirate at heart, I have come to learn that you can not only experience a hell of a lot more games with the emulation, but you can also hypothetically enhance the experience thanks to all the quirks that come with it. This isn’t even limited to emulation either, as there have been plenty of collections or re-releases of a game out there that do add several features that you would typically see from an emulator, which ends up ultimately making the process of playing the game that much less painful. That became all too clear to me whenever I had decided to play through the original Turrican.

Truth be told, I had no idea that this was a thing for the longest time, as I’m sure most of you probably don’t know what it is either. The only way I ended up finding out about it was when I saw some people logging it on this website a long time ago, and it did somewhat catch my eye, so I looked it up, and it actually looked like it could be pretty fun. So, I went ahead and decided to play the original game… after a long time of waiting (don’t ever change, Mega), and based on what I have played, there are many ways that I could absolutely tear this thing to shreds, as it has a lot of issues. However, at the end of the day, I ended up enjoying it enough not just because of some solid elements that do shine through all the rubble, but also with the way that I played the game that did make a huge difference, and will definitely play a big factor into how you enjoy it.

The story is somewhat generic for the time the game was made, where there was once a peaceful, man-made world in a distant galaxy known as Alterra, which was held together primarily with the help of the MORGUL unit, who all of a sudden decides to rebel against the humans due to a freak accident, so in response, the remaining humans created Turrican, a mutant warrior who is given the sole task of taking out MORGUL and taking back Alterra for them, so he sets out to do just that. None of that is explained within the game itself, and it is definitely one of those plots you can just throw to the wayside with no care in the world, as it is basically just copied and pasted form plenty of other games, just with a few words changed around to make it sound original.

The graphics are good, with Turrican himself having plenty of detail, as well as all of the environments and some of the enemies, but most of it does look pretty generic for a platformer made around this time, the music ranges from being pretty decent to pretty bad, and while I can’t say I really grew attached to any of the tracks found here, there were definitely several tracks that I would much rather listen to over others, and the gameplay/control is somewhat typical for a platformer from the early 90s, but it does mix in plenty of elements that do make it stand on its own, even if those legs that it is standing with are pretty frail and could snap in half at any second.

The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Turrican, go through a set of thirteen different nonlinear levels through several different worlds, take down plenty of different enemies and get through several parts of the world using any of the weapons that you have at your disposal, gather MANY different power ups that can do a wide array of things, including healing yourself, upgrading your weapons, giving you ammo for said weapons, and so on, and take on plenty of bosses that will surely put your skills to the test, both in terms of how much you can dodge and attack, but also in how much bullshit can you put up with before calling it quits. Like I mentioned before, while a lot of this is pretty typical stuff, there are definitely a lot of combining elements that do make this game stand out from a lot of the others on other systems, even if it is held back massively due to all of its faults.

Starting with the good though, I have to bring up Turrican’s moveset, as he is quite possibly the most versatile video game protagonists that I have ever seen from the early 90s. From the start of the game, you already have access to a ridiculous amount of weapons, and as you keep going, your arsenal only builds from there, with you being able to shoot a regular shot, throw out large bombs, place mines to blow up enemies, shoot a fiery laser, roll into a spikey ball and speed around the place, and plenty of other things I didn’t even mention. That is a FUCK-TON of things you can do right out the gate, and while this may seem like too much at times (which it can be), a lot of these weapons and skills become very helpful later down the road, not only in terms of taking out enemies, but also with getting through several areas, which is really appreciated, along with several areas that change up the type of gameplay you will handle, and thus, how you will go about using these weapons.

What is also pretty noteworthy is how one goes about progressing through the game, as it is basically a mix between your standard action platformer and something like Metroid. You have one clear goal in mind, and that is to get to the end of each stage and/or fight a boss, but a lot of the levels are pretty big, allowing you to explore many different pathways to figure out precisely where you need to go. Sure, there are some levels that remove this aspect entirely, and there aren’t really too many areas that you would want to go exploring in other than the one that takes you to the end, but it isn’t as if exploring around is a complete waste of time, because you can find a MOTHERLOAD of power ups by searching around a lot of the time, making it worth it to go out of your way in plenty of instances.

Despite all of that though, none of that can make up for the game’s problems, because MY GOD, there are a lot of them. In fact, there are so much of them that we are gonna pull a Mega Man 1 here and do a quick lightning round of all of them, because if I were to discuss each point in depth, we would be here all day. pulls out sheet of paper and clears throat............ while the levels are pretty expansive and rewarding to explore, the level design itself is pretty shit, full of plenty of different traps and unfair sections that hinder your progress because of you can’t see everything clearly, you have no invincibility frames, meaning that you can go from having full health to none in the blink of an eye because you didn’t notice that one spike pixel touching your ass, there are several segments throughout the game where you need to navigate through very tight spaces while using your tools to help you go further, and trust me, doing this is much easier said than done, especially when you are fumbling around like an idiot most of the time, you are on a time limit for every stage, where it does give you plenty of time in the first couple of stages, but later down the road, it gets to the point where if you take just one wrong turn, that’ll cost you one life, and finally, the bosses can be a pain in the dick, taking up way too much room and not giving you any sort of fair opening to get shots in without getting hurt yourself, and finally, there are enemies all over the goddamn place, making it so that you will never get out of a fight unscathed, and you will always need to watch around the corner to make sure you won’t die………………. yeah. I’m pretty sure there’s one or two other problems I could’ve brought up, but I think that should be plenty to prove to you that the original version of this game FUCKING SUCKS, and I don’t know how anyone would’ve gotten away with releasing something like this back in the day.

However, note that I said the ORIGINAL version of this game sucks, which brings me back to the point that I brought up from the very beginning. You may have been wondering, if I think this game sucks and have been bitching about it for a lot of this review, why did I still give it three out of five stars? Well, that is because of one saving grace that made this entire game bearable to play: re-releases. I played through this entire thing using the Turrican Flashback collection on the Switch, which not only has several Turrican games included on it, but it also updates in them in a lot of the ways you would typically expect from one of these collections, such as customizable controls, save states, a rewind feature, and so on. All of these features, especially the rewind feature, basically saved this entire game for me, as whenever I did encounter a particularly frustrating section or an obstacle I couldn’t quite clear on my first go, I would just have to hit that rewind button or save state button so that I could give it another shot.

Now, some of you may criticize me for using these methods in order to play this game, and you may question how I can call this game good with those features present, to which I say that, because of these features, the game turned out to be a lot more enjoyable. There are aspects of this game that I did genuinely really like, and there are a lot of aspects here that, if treated with better care, could’ve made the game so much better, but because of these functions, I am able to enjoy the game at a reasonable pace with a reasonable amount of difficulty, to where I never ended up getting too frustrated and I managed to enjoy myself by the end of it. If you aren’t convinced by that, then do yourself a favor, and try to actually play the game as it was originally intended, with no save states or rewind feature whatsoever, beat the whole thing like that, and get back to me on how you feel then.

Overall, despite its many, many, MANY problems, I ended up enjoying my time with Turrican regardless of all that, not just because of that shit that I just mentioned, but also because of all the different weapons you can mess around with, the fun combat whenever you manage to get a proper rhythm going, and some genuinely fun levels that do keep you on your toes to watch out for what comes ahead. I would definitely recommend it for those who are into old-school platformers, but if you do decide to try it out for yourself, PLEASE do so using an emulator, or that collection that I mentioned earlier. It may not be the most official way to play the game, but it will definitely be the best way you can play it, and hey, who knows: you may end up liking it as much as I did. I just hope that, for the sequel, they end up toning down on the bullshit so that I wouldn’t need to rely on that stuff religiously in order to have a good time. Although, let’s be real, those silly 90s devs probably aren’t gonna do that, so I will prepare myself for the inevitable ass-whooping I will get from that game in the future.

Game #575

You know what I really like? Giant mech suit robots. There have been quite a fuck ton of these things that have been made and shown off in various games, movies, TV shows and what have you over time, and while some of them can be pretty lame and…….. stupid, most of them either end up being fun or straight up fucking awesome! Not only that, but they can be the solution to any problem that you are having. You need something to make your product more exciting and likable? Giant robot. You need to get rid of some bozo that’s constantly bothering you all the time? GIANT ROBOT. You need to spice up your relationship so that you and your partner don’t end up leaving each other? GIANT. ROBOT. And hey, these things even work in the case of today’s game, because one day at Capcom HQ, while trying to develop new games, I guess they were thinking to themselves “Hmm…. how can we make a beat-’em-up that spices things up and doesn’t just feel like a retread of our previous games?” and the answer to that question was simple: giant robots. They then took this idea and ran with it, creating the forgotten, yet oh so sweet, Armored Warriors.

I had never played this game before, but it was always one of the games from the Capcom Arcade Stadium that managed to catch my eye whenever I would scroll through what was available to choose from. Not only did the game have that look of quality Capcom games usually have, but it was also a beat-’em-up WITH MECHS. How could they possibly fuck up that kind of concept? Of course though, me being me, I waited long enough to play it, so I decided now was a good time to finally give it a shot, and yeah, it is definitely as great as I thought it was gonna be. It can definitely feel pretty same-y at times, especially if you have played Capcom’s other beat-’em-ups, but this game still manages to kick all the ass for most of its run, not only because of its gimmick, but also by just being really fun in general.

The story is somewhat generic for this type of game and genre, where after a long-fought war has come to an end through the use of a ceasefire treaty, news starts to spread that Melkide, the capital of Raian, has been overtaken by a mysterious and malevolent army, so it is up to a group of soldier to pilot their own respective mechs, go take back the city of Melkide, and figure out what is truly going on, which is the kind of plot that I would typically complain about, but I am too distracted by the giant mech action happening to get that upset. The graphics are wonderful, fully carrying that shine of quality that Capcom usually gives to their arcade titles, while also having plenty of fantastic designs, animations, and details given to all of the different robots, characters, environments, and so on, the music is… somewhat of a let-down, definitely not giving off the exact vibe and feel that a game like this should have, but the tracks themselves are still fine and enjoyable enough to listen to, and the gameplay/control is very typical for that of a beat-’em-up, only you, once again, are in control of giant mechs, which makes it all worthwhile.

The game is mostly a typical arcade beat-’em-up, where you take control of one of four different mechs, go through seven different missions that will take you across several locations across multiple planets and the depths of space, take out the many different enemy mechs and soldiers in your way using your mech’s various skills and different powers, gather plenty of different items to get points and heal your mech, along with plenty of different weapons to get an edge over your foes, and take on plenty of larger than life bosses that will test you in how you use your weaponry in many different circumstances. This is the same song and dance we have partaken in with many other games in the past, but again, not to sound like a broken record, but the fact that all of this is done with giant mechs and the benefits that come with them makes this all the more engaging and fun to play through.

One of the best things to come from this game that no other game in this genre has been able to accomplish so far would be with the use of the weapons that you get. As you defeat plenty of enemies, they will drop many different parts, and at points, you can even pick up those parts and attach them directly onto yourself to change up your attack, from a standard punch to a drill to even a laser sword of all things! This also applies to your secondary weapon, which you can swap out for different types of guns like a grenade gun, a laser, and a flamethrower. All of this is already pretty sweet, but then you get to the different types of legs you can swap between as well, which not only gives you a greater feel for mobility depending on what you get, but it also allows you to perform plenty of different special moves that can both change the tide of battle and be amazing to watch play out. If none of this convinces you though, then you may change your mind when I tell you that, if you are to play this game with one or two other people, you can pull a Power Rangers and combine your mechs together to create one GIANT mech that can cause much more destruction and mayhem, with all players needing to control one specific aspect of the mech in order for it to function. This is as cool as it sounds, and I love how it actually requires you and your friends to work together as a team, rather then just simply having one of those “Beat up all the guys so that we can move on already” kind of playthroughs.

With all that being said though, if giant mech suits aren’t exactly your bread and butter (and by that, I mean you are some kind of weirdo), then you probably won’t get too much out of this game that you haven’t seen from other beat-’em-ups in the past, especially from Capcom. If you look past all the cool mech shit, it works pretty much exactly like another typical game from the genre, one that is fun to play, but some could find generic nonetheless. Not to mention, there are several instances where arcade syndrome can peer its ugly head around the corner, making some fights and bosses much more stressful than they need to, but thankfully it is nowhere near as bad as other games out there, and it still manages to be very fun at the end of the day regardless of any complaints I could have about it.

Overall, despite being another typical beat-’em-up under the surface and having some slight difficulty issues here and there, this was a blast to play after wanting to try it out for so long, and it is definitely one of the best beat-’em-ups that I have ever played from Capcom, having plenty of different mech forms and weapons to try out, having explosive and fun gameplay all throughout, and managing to make a gimmick like this work almost flawlessly that’ll make any fan of giant robots wanna try it out for themselves. I would definitely recommend it for those people, as well as those who are big on arcade beat-’em-ups in general, because if the typical means of progression throughout the game won’t do it for you, the combat, visuals, and customization of your mechs certainly will. And hey, it even managed to get a spin-off of sorts just one year later, so it clearly worked out for the best. I wonder what that game is li- AAAAAAAAND it’s another fighting game. Holy shit, Capcom, buddy, I get it, you made a lot of great fighting games, but not everything you make needs to become a fighting game at some point! What’s next, are you gonna make an Ace Attorney fighting game?............ you know, one that doesn’t involve Marvel?

Game #574

(Part 2 of the Half Century Challenge, created by C_F. You can find their second review here)

Space… it’s huge… so huge in fact, that if you lost your car keys in it, they’d be almost impossible to find… and not only that, but also huge enough to host a limitless amount of potential, not just for us as a species to explore and discover, but also to take advantage of for video game concepts. I mean, why wouldn’t we? Space is pretty fucking cool, despite how terrifying it is when you think about it for too long, and there have been plenty of games made that take advantage of what could happen in space, such as countless battles against extra-terrestrial menaces, exploring the many worlds that could be out there and the inhabitants that live on them, and also some other… weird shit that I would rather not bring up. Hell, even in some of the earliest days of video gaming, space was used as the primary gimmick when it came to their concepts, such as the case with 1962’s Spacewar….. which is too old for the sake of this challenge, so instead, we’re gonna talk about Galaxy Game, which is essentially the same thing.

Going back to playing these games that were released over half a century ago is pretty jarring for anybody who has been playing video games for the past ten years or so, not only because of how primitive it is compared to literally everything else released ever since, but also because of the fact that, really, there is no game here at all. Of course, I can’t heavily criticize a game like this that much, but if you are to ever go about trying to play this, or Spacewar, yourself, then you will find it to be a nothing experience, one that you would get tired of extremely quickly, and would cause you to want to go back to playing… I dunno, whatever the cool kids play nowadays, like Fortnite or one of those shitty live service games. The only way one could fairly judge this “game” would be not as a video game, but as a piece of history, one that somewhat paved the way for many more games like it to come in the future, so with that perspective in mind, I can certainly say that Galaxy Game is, indeed, a game that was made at one point in history.

Even jumping into the game first thing makes you feel like you have stepped back into the stone age, with you greeted by a black title screen with only a few words placed on it that are made of dots. You are given the option to play just one game for a measly ten cents, or even three games for a whopping twenty-five cents, and when you shove your money straight through your computer screen with great force, you are then greeted by the game’s… “options”. You are seemingly given the option for things such as slow speed, two player matches, the inclusion of the sun and gravity, along with positive gravity. However, based on my experience (and by that, I mean trying to get any of these options to work), I found that all of them are pretty much the exact same thing, so all of these options are lies, and you should ignore them at all costs.

You are then thrusted into action after the most intense countdown I have ever seen in my entire life, and what you are greeted with is a field of stars, occupied by two jagged penises, one black and one white, which I can only assume are meant to be rocket ships of some kind, and right in the middle, you have a seizure-inducing square that I can only assume is meant to be the sun. From here, the game is afoot, as you take control of one of the penises and figure out how to control it, rotating around and having a fire button, and from there on, your objective is clear: you must go and destroy the other penis who is doing nothing whatsoever, just so that you can prove you are the most skilled fighter in the entire galaxy!

So you then start to propel yourself forward towards the other penis, only to find that you have the SLOWEST MOVING ROCKET IN VIDEOGAME HISTORY. Seriously, these things move slower than the sloths from Zootopia, with it taking ages for you to get anywhere, and if you at some point in the game ever need to TURN of all things to propel yourself in another direction, then oh-ho-ho-ho-ho BOY, may god have mercy on your soul. Most of the time you will probably just be flying across the screen at numerous points, just trying to position your penis properly (I apologize to everyone reading this) so that you can properly aim and fire at your opponent, while they just sit there, wondering if they left the oven on before coming out to space for this battle.

This was pretty much the experience I had with this game throughout my whole time playing it, not only trying to get the rocket to move how I wanted it to so I could land a shot, but also fighting the controls, as there would be multiple points where they would just stop working, with me being only able to fire while not turning or propelling myself forward, causing me to have to restart the game several times. But then, finally, after a good five minutes or so of this struggle…. IT HAPPENED. I managed to position the penis properly to where I was going towards the target, I fired a shot, it hit the target, and then it exploded into a glorious explosion of pixels, with this playing in my head as a result, allowing me to feel an immense rush of satisfaction, as I had finally defeated my non-lethal opponent!............. only to then be booted back to the menu screen shortly afterwards, reminding me that I was still playing Galaxy Fucking Game, and that I am a sad, sad man.

So yeah, in a lot of ways, this game is forever stuck in its time period, unable to be enjoyed properly by anyone nowadays due to the simple factor that it is outdated in every single way possible, giving you no reason to want to go back and try it out. However, like with Highnoon, it is very interesting to look back on, not just in terms of how video games like this were made at such a primitive age, but even to see some of its small, yet charming little quirks, such as how somebody paid 10 cents at one point to play a round of this, or even all of these options available to mess around with. It’s not something I could recommend anyone checking out unless they want to see a piece of video game history at work, because let me tell you, it is certainly nice to look at, but not much else. And with that, I will see you all next time for another game from the far past to talk about, with less talking about penises in that review………. I think…….

Game #573

We have covered many different fighters from SNK on this website so far, from the good to the bad, the iconic to the obscure, the stupid to the…. equally as stupid. You get the picture, we have covered a lot so far, but we have yet to cover… THE SNK fighter, the one that most people gravitate towards when they think of the company, the one that has managed to outlast every single other one and become the flagship franchise for the company. This wasn’t just any simple fighting game though, because we have already had too many of those to count from the company, but instead, it was gonna be a crossover event, one that takes two of the big fighting juggernauts from the company, along with several others, and bring them together for the first time to duke it out, not only to defeat a common enemy, but also to stand as the best of the best. This was the story… of The King of Fighters ‘94……………. or at least, that is what happened when it did get turned into a fighting game rather than a beat-’em-up.

Out of all of the fighting franchises from this company, this is the one that I had heard the most about before checking out for myself, not only because of how huge it had gotten ever since its inception, but because of its entire concept in general. At this point in time, there had never been a fighting game that’s primary focus was to be a full-on crossover game, taking two different universe and clashing them together, so seeing a game not only take Fatal Fury and Art of Fighting and having them duke it out, along with characters from Ikari Warriors and Athena because why the hell not, must’ve been really exciting for anyone who was fans of any of these games. And hey, it clearly paid off at the end of the day, because the game would go onto get yearly installments for quite some time, as well as plenty of spin-offs, side games, and other forms of media released right alongside it to this day. So, now that I am pretty familiar with every single franchise that is represented in this game, I figured it was about time I gave the series a shot with the first game, and to the surprise of nobody, I ended up really enjoying it. It most likely does not come even close to the quality of future titles, and it isn’t toooooooo different from their previous title, but it does manage to not only be a great introduction for the series as a whole, but also a really good fighting game all on its own that i am really happy to have checked out.

The story doesn’t try to be anything more than what you have come to expect, where a new face in town known as Rugal decides to host a brand new King of Fighters tournament after seeing Geese and Krauser do so in the events of Fatal Fury 1 and 2 (as well as Art of Fighting 2, but who cares), sending invitations all over the world which not only reaches the main characters from those games, but also plenty of other newcomers from around the world, so they all come together to form teams of three to take on the tournament, become the definitive King of the Fighters, and figure out what sinister intentions Rugal might be hiding. It’s an SNK fighting game, so it would feel weird for this to not be the plot, and I don’t wanna risk tearing a hole into the fabric of the universe, so I will just accept the generic plot and move along from there.

The graphics are wonderful, having some fantastic sprite work, animations, and designs for all of the characters, stages, and effects, although there are some parts like the drawings for the characters during the ending cutscenes that definitely do look rough around the edges, and is just… ugh, the music is great, having plenty of kick-ass tunes to go along with you kicking your opponent’s teeth in, but of course, you will barely be able to hear it over the sounds of the many sound effects that will be playing as you fight your opponent, and the gameplay/control is mostly what you would expect from a fighting game, but with several changes and gimmicks that would not only become a staple part of the franchise, but would make fights much more interesting as a whole.

The game is a somewhat-typical 2D fighter, where you take control of one of eight different teams, each consisting of three different fighters from other SNK games, or completely new faces that would become regulars in the series, take on plenty of other teams in locations fought all around the world, throw out plenty of different punches, kicks, and special moves to eliminate all members of the team while relying on your team’s special skills, block and dodge accordingly to sustain minimal damage to any member of your team at any time, and bask in the sweet glow of victory for those few moments…. only to then get pummeled by the next opponent who will come by. Most fighting game veterans would be able to comfortably settle into this game and have a great time with it, even with the apparent changes made to the formula, which one can easily adjust to if they know what they are doing, and still have a great time with it.

If you SOMEHOW haven’t caught onto this already, the one big change made in this game compared to every single fighting game before this is how you take control of a team of characters rather then just one solo character, and while this doesn’t affect the gameplay too heavily, it does make just enough of a change to where it does make you think about how to approach matches. Rather than the typical “three rounds and ya win/lose” formula that most fighting games have, each fighter can only be used once per match as long as they aren’t knocked out, and whenever a fighter is knocked out, they are then switched out for the next fighter on the team in the order that you selected. The only other time I have ever had experience with this style of fighting is with Marvel vs. Capcom, so I was fully aware of what this system was gonna be like going into it, and from what we have here, it works out pretty well.

It does make you think more about how you go about winning a fight, based on what character you are playing as, what moves they can pull off, their speed, their attacks, all of that shit, and seeing how you can be using a completely new character on the fly if you fuck up, it adds another level of strategy and complexity that was simple to grasp and incredibly satisfying to master. Not to mention, given how you don’t get a full health bar back whenever you beat an opponent, the game encourages you, more than ever, to play smart, and not just constantly spam the same move over and over again, or just button mash, in the vein hope of winning (even though, with some of these games, I have no choice but to do that).

Other then that though, not too much has changed if you compare this to other SNK fighters, as it is mostly your standard romp. The only real other differences I can see is that there are no bonus stages to take on, and the way that you use special moves is a bit different, but otherwise, you know what you are getting into with this, and as someone who has now played more of these then I can count, I can safely say that this was one really fun. Of course, the combat was rough around the edges, but the flow of fights still felt pretty satisfying, the energy that was there made a lot of the game feel exciting and fun, the little extra story bits here and there were very interesting, and with the fact that you essentially have 24 different characters to mess around with, there is plenty of things to do that will leave you busy, especially if you are going for all the endings.

However, as is traditional with fighting games, we gotta talk about the elephant in the room, and that elephant’s name is Fighting Game Syndrome, where the game’s CPU will not hesitate to pummel your ass to the ground before you even have a chance to comprehend what was going on in the first place. Although, with that being said, I didn’t actually find the difficulty of the game to be that bad when playing through it……. THAT IS, until I reached the final battle with Rugal, who takes on your entire team by himself, and that right there is a dirty, rotten trick. It lures you into a false sense of security, with you thinking “PFFT, three against one? This will be a total cakewalk!”, but then you actually fight him, and you will learn to never trust one of these games again. His first phase is pretty standard, nothing too bad that you can just easily get through if you know what you are doing, but then he throws off his coat, and that is when SHIT GETS REAL. He will be throwing out all these crazy attacks, comboing you before you can do anything to stop it, push you across the screen and slam you into the walls, and it is an absolute nightmare of a fight at this point. Of course, he is beatable, but you need to be pretty skilled at these games in order to take him down, and while I wouldn’t say this boss is as hard as, say, Geese Howard in Fatal Fury 1, he will still have you begging for mercy if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Overall, despite fighting game syndrome being in effect and Rugal needing to go fuck himself in every way possible, this was a great way to start off an ambitious franchise like this, and an overall really good game, having plenty of what SNK fighters had that make them so fun to try out and beat, a gameplay gimmick that shakes things up to where it is much more interesting without sacrificing what makes these games work, and having plenty of fan service from plenty of points in SNK’s history with the characters that you can’t help but appreciate if you have been playing all of these games like I have. I would definitely recommend it for those who are big fighting game fans, as well as those who love the other fighters from the company like Fatal Fury and Art of Fighting, because this game manages to blow both of those out of the water in every single way, and I can’t wait to see what the next installments have in store. But if there is one thing I will ask for, it would be to PLEASE tone down the final boss of the next game so that they won’t be as much of a pain to fight?....... who am I kidding, it’s SNK, they’re not gonna do that. And given what played at the end of the game there, looks like I am gonna have double the fun with it in the next game, so YAY FOR ME!....................... help

Game #572

A long time ago, I went ahead and played a little cute-’em-up from Konami called TwinBee, and I remember really enjoying it at the time. The game was a very basic shmup as a whole, giving a bit of a unique twist on how one goes about getting power ups and providing plenty of strange, yet enjoyable enemies to shoot down, but there wasn’t that much more to offer aside from that. Despite this, it was enough to keep me entertained back then as someone who didn’t play that many shmups, but now, it has been almost a year since I have played and reviewed that original game, and something has happened in that timespan…. I have become a shmup fanatic. I have played and reviewed many other games in the genre, and while I haven’t even scratched the surface of what the genre has offered, it is quite clear that I have more experience with them, as well as what makes a great one or a mediocre one. So, now that I have all this “experience” under my belt, I figured it was about time I returned to this series by checking out its second installment, Stinger.

I had actually been wanting to check out this game for a long time, as well as getting back to reviewing TwinBee games as a whole, but I had always put it on the backburner for quite a while. Not really sure why I did this, as I remembered having pretty good memories with the first game, and I figured I would come to enjoy the others, but I dunno, after playing games like Aero Fighters and Thunder Force IV, how exactly do you go back to something like this? Well, I figured I would find that answer out myself, playing through the game finally, and from that experience, I can certainly say that it is, indeed, another TwinBee game. It’s a good time, giving you plenty of what you loved in the original TwinBee while slightly expanding on it, but it definitely isn’t doing anything too crazy or incredible that we haven’t already seen before.

The story is fairly simple to follow and interpret, where one day at Konami HQ, aliens come out of nowhere and suddenly start to destroy the entire place, coming down and kidnapping Dr. Wily before fleeing off towards an unknown location, so it is up to TwinBee, along with his pals WinBee and GwinBee, to set out on a mission to rescue him so that he can save Konami………………… I couldn’t find the official story online, so I had to go with what was shown in the opening cutscene, and, uh, ha ha, CLEARLY it is 100% accurate, and it is the best story of all time. But anyway, the graphics are good, looking pretty much identical to that of the NES port of the original TwinBee, but it is still colorful enough with plenty of goofy enemy designs to where I don’t mind it, the music is also good, but it isn’t anything noteworthy to where I can tell you anything about any of the tracks, as it left my mind pretty quickly, and the gameplay/control is also pretty identical to that of the original game, expanded upon enough to where it does feel like a proper step-up from that original game, but nothing more.

The game is your typical NES cute-’em-up, where you take control of one of the Bees that I mentioned earlier, go through a set of seven different levels through plenty of different environments from the pyramids to the grassy plains and to the far reaches of space, shoot down whatever weird creatures come your way using either your main shots or your unlimited supply of bombs, gather plenty of different power ups from the many bells you can find that can either increase your speed or firepower, and take on plenty of bosses that are also just as weird and out-there as the enemies, but are also pretty easy if you have the right tools equipped for the job. Anyone who played the original TwinBee knows pretty much exactly what to expect from this game, and it does manage to offer several new features for the player to take on and mess around with, but it doesn’t really make the game any more fun or exciting than what had come previously.

When it comes to what has changed from the previous game, this time around, they decided to pull a Life Force and give us not only the top-down levels from the last game, but we also now have horizontally scrolling stages as well, with there not being too much difference between the two other then that one of them has you shooting and throwing bombs down at the same time, which can be helpful in some situations. These levels are pretty fun to play, but they are pretty few and far between compared to the main levels, which does kinda suck, but eh, what can ya do. Not only that, but we have new power ups to mess around with, such as a laser, which, if you know me, is something that I immediately gravitated towards and never let go of for even a fraction of a second, and as I mentioned before, we have boss fights! These aren’t anything too special, especially if you have the glorious LASER, but they can be fun to take down, and have just as goofy and ridiculous designs as the enemies in the game. Although, not gonna lie, I didn’t need the seizure that the game keeps wanting to give me before each fight, you can take that back home with you.

Other than all that though, what you see is what you get with this game, as it doesn’t do much of anything else to excite or entrance the player. It makes sense, given that this is a shooter from the 80s, but if you weren’t a fan of the original game, then you most likely aren’t gonna be a fan of this one either, because it sticks way too closely to its roots to be anything more grand or exciting. Kind of seems to be a running theme with Konami shmup sequels, since I have played so many Gradius games at this point. But hey, if you don’t mind a little simplicity here and there, then by all means, go for it, and if you have two friends nearby that have nothing better to do, have them join the game as well for some good ol’ fashioned fun.

Overall, despite the lack of any major change, Stinger is still a good shmup at the end of the day, and a natural evolution for the TwinBee series as a whole, adding just enough to where it does feel like an upgrade to the previous game, while still keeping the main gameplay and charm of the original intact. I would recommend it for those who were fans of the original TwinBee, as well as those who are fans of shmups in general, but for everyone else, there are definitely plenty of better options out there that you could choose from instead. But either way, I am just glad to finally get this game out of the way, and now that I am back, I guess I will have to check out the rest of the games at some point in the future. It’ll go right alongside Gradius as the series that I will never shut the fuck up about, despite having covered over a dozen games from it at this point… I think.

Game #571

Throughout my many years of playing games from Sega’s lineup of consoles, the one console that I have little to zero experience with whatsoever would be the Sega Saturn. I have played some games from the system, such as Nights Into Dreams and maaaaaaaaaaaaybe Sonic R, even though I’m not sure if that’s a real game, but aside from those two, I have had zero experience with any Sega Saturn exclusive games whatsoever. It is a shame too, considering that from what I have seen, it looks like there are a lot of quality games for the system, ones that probably don’t reach the same quality as many other games of the era, but enough to where anyone who owned the system could definitely get their money’s worth from a nice selection of titles to choose from. So, I figured it is about time that I dip my toes further into the pool that is the Sega Saturn library, starting with a game that was a launch title for the system for us Americans, Clockwork Knight.

I have never played this game or it’s sequel before, but I have known about them for quite a while, seeing them being played on some YouTube channels that I have been subscribed to over the years. It looked charming enough with its toy-themed setting, and it did look short enough to where I could get through it in one afternoon, so I figured “Why the hell not?”, and I did blaze through it in that same afternoon, finding a charming and fun game that… doesn’t really do that much. It is a solid platformer all throughout for the most part, and it does the job that it is supposed to do, but there are definitely plenty of other titles that were out around this time that could do what this game did a whole lot better.

The story is fairly standard for a game like this, where in a seemingly average household at midnight, all of the toys in the house are brought to life by the voice of lovely Clockwork Fairy Princess Chelsea, and everybody goes about their merry way as a result, but suddenly, she is kidnapped by an unknown and mysterious force, so it is up to Sir Tongara de Pepperoucha III, or just Pepper, to set out on a journey to rescue her and stop her vile kidnapper, which is all presented in a charming, yet understandably terrifying, intro cutscene, which does give the story much more charm despite how generic it is. The graphics are pretty good, using pre-rendered sprites for the characters and enemies like Donkey Kong Country, and mixing them together with 3D polygonal environments, all of which blend together pretty well, despite it obviously looking dated, the music is pretty good, having plenty of enjoyable tunes to listen to throughout your journey, and the gameplay/control is pretty standard for a 2D platformer, but it all works out pretty well, and you can get a handle on things with no problem whatsoever.

The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Pepper, go through four different worlds, each with two levels and a boss, all themed around different toys and other objects and places you would find in an average house, go through many different platforming challenges while taking out plenty of enemies using your trusty keyblade weapon (wait a minute…), gather plenty of different coins, health upgrades and pickups, and extra lives to give you an advantage for what comes up ahead later down the road, and take on several boss fights that range from being piss easy to mildly annoying, all for the purpose of saving the one girl who is responsible for your entire existence. It’s the same song and dance you have seen time and time again, with very little to make it stand out amongst other titles, but again, it does manage to still be fun for the time it lasts, and its simplicity does help make it more appealing for those like myself who were looking for something to play from the console as an introduction.

Given that this was a launch title for the Sega Saturn (for us Americans, anyway), it is important for the game to not only be fun, but to also show off some of the things that the system was capable of, and while it doesn’t push the system to its limits, it does a good job at showing some of the things it can do. There are plenty of different cutscenes throughout the game, showing the characters animated with a CG style, and while nowadays these cutscenes look terrifying just from the toy designs alone, I imagine this must’ve looked really impressive back in the day. Not only that, but once again, the pre-rendered sprites for the characters and enemies mesh together really well with the 3D environments, and the main gameplay style is familiar enough for those who owned plenty of other well-known titles for the Sega Genesis, being able to bring them into this new generation smoothly without anything too crazy or intimidating getting in the way.

With all that being said though, from the lens of a modern-day player like myself, there isn’t much else the game has going for it other then that. It is a very basic platformer, where ya run, ya jump, ya grab the shiny objects, ya save the girl, ya drill these guys in the ass with your keyblade, we all know how it goes. It manages to do everything right, and it feels good to play, but at the same time, it doesn’t go out of its way to really shake things up or do anything crazy, which leads it to being somewhat generic as a result. Not to mention, the game is REALLY short, only having eight main levels and five bosses, all of which can be beaten fairly quickly if you know what you are doing, which is definitely a letdown. If only there was maybe one or two more worlds with more fleshed out mechanics, as well as possibly adding one or two more levels to the already existing worlds, then maybe this would feel like a complete package, but as it stands, it does feel like it ends too quickly once you beat the final boss, leaving you wanting a little more.

Overall, despite how basic and short the game is, Clockwork Knight manages to not only do a good job at being a launch title for the Sega Saturn, but also for being just an all around enjoyable platformer, full of plenty of platforming challenges for those that are fans of the genre, an impressive visual style and graphics for the time, and having a sense of charm to it that does make it much more appealing as a result. I would definitely recommend it for those who are looking for something to play on the system, or for those who are just fans of 90s platformers in general, because while this isn’t the meatiest one of the bunch, it should provide a good amount of fun and leaves you satisfied by the end of it all. Although, speaking of which, it does kinda suck that it ends on a cliffhanger of all things, which really paints a picture of what they are trying to do. “Aw, you wanna know what happens to Chelsea? Well, you can certainly find out, for a small $60 fee, thank you very much…”

Game #570

Around this point in time, say, 1990-1992, Konami, despite having plenty of successful titles under their belt, didn’t really have any kind of mascot to call their own. Yeah, they had plenty of successful franchises, like Castlevania, Contra, Gradius, and so on, but they didn’t have a main character that had that worldwide appealing factor to them, as can be seen with other video game mascots like Mario, Sonic, Mega Man, and Bub- I MEAN, UH………. Aero the Acro-Bat. Nice save there, Mega. But anyway, these characters were all the rage back in the day, so they figured that they needed to throw their hat into the ring somehow, and they managed to do so by not only creating a cute animal mascot to call their own… but also by giving them a rocket pack! This character would then get to star in the first of quite a few games known simply as Rocket Knight Adventures.

For the longest time, I had never played any Rocket Knight game before, but I REALLY wanted to, as it looked to be right up my alley. I am a big fan of these mascot platformers from back in the day, and it looked like it had the exact kind of chaotic energy that Konami usually put into their games back then, which I adore, along with charming characters placed right alongside it. It’s almost as if they made this game just for somebody like me! However, I still hadn’t checked it out in a long time, so I knew it was about time that I finally gave the series a proper shot, so I played through the first game, and yeah, it was just as great as I expected it to be. This is definitely one of the best mascot platformers that you can find on the Sega Genesis, giving you everything you could want from one of these games, mixed with a dash of Contra-level energy and craziness that makes it damn near perfect for someone like me.

The story is pretty decent for a game in this genre, where chaos erupts in the kingdom of Zephyrus, with the fair Princess Sherry being captured by the evil Axel Gear, along with a mysterious force seeking to reactivate the power of a destructive starship known as the Pig Star (hey, if Sonic can do it, so can this series), so it is up to Sparkster, taught in the ways of being a Rocket Knight, to set out to not only save the princess but also to stop the Pig Star from destroying everything, which is a story that basically decided to take the two most generic plot points for platformers from the 90s and combine them into one, which I can definitely respect. The graphics are wonderful, having plenty of colorful levels to travel through, accompanied with plenty of characters and enemies, Sparkster included, that have wonderful designs, the music is pretty great, having plenty of up-beat, yet still menacing-at-times tunes playing throughout the game, with this just being one of the many great tracks to be found here, and the gameplay/control feels just right for this kind of game, giving you plenty to work with for a typical platformer, while also mixing in plenty of fresh and exciting elements to help it stand completely on its own.

The game is an 2D action platformer, where you take control of Sparkster, go through a set of seven different levels spanning many different environments that range from peaceful and simple to deadly and chaotic, slash your way through many different enemies using your trusty blade or your rocket pack in many different situations, gather plenty of fruit to keep yourself healed throughout the journey, as well as extra lives for whenever you die (not IF you die), and take on plenty of large and insane bosses, each putting the player’s skill to the test in plenty of different ways. You have all the right ingredients for a fairly standard platformer present here, but then you have the standout elements that make Sparkster what he is, mixing them together with these standard elements, to end up with a concoction that provides a sweet and satisfying experience all the way through.

Sparkster himself does many of the typical things a platformer mascot should, such as running, jumping, and slicing down foes with a weapon of his choice, but alongside all of that, he also incorporates the rocket pack in with everything else, making for one of the best mechanics of the game. With this rocket pack, you can charge it up and launch yourself in any direction you wish, allowing you to not only speed along through plenty of different parts of the levels, but to also reach certain areas you wouldn’t be able to do so otherwise, and to cause MASSIVE damage to enemies and bosses while swinging your sword, and that shit right there ROCKS, I don’t care what anyone says. Mix all that with some other small, yet nice touches, like how you can hang onto trees and other platforms at some points, along with level gimmicks like going in and out of the background and high-speed cart segments, and Rocket Knight Adventures gives the player plenty of challenges to overcome with some kick-ass tools to boot, and it is a joy from start to finish in every way.

Not only that, but the game also makes sure to keep the gameplay fresh and unexpected as you go along, with there being plenty of sections and entire levels where it will change up the gameplay style to make things interesting. There will be plenty of instances where you will be continuously rocketing forward, taking on a horizontal shmup style, slicing down many things flying in your way, dodging plenty of projectiles coming from all over the place, and taking on plenty of bosses along the way. It doesn’t do anything too crazy with these segments, certainly not to the level of actual shmups out there, but it manages to be refreshing and fun enough to where you can definitely get behind it a lot of the time. If all of that wasn’t enough for you, how about an entire boss fight of the game where you control a GIANT ROBOT, swinging punches at Axel Gear, who is also in a giant robot, in an over-the-top game of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots? It isn’t necessarily the best segment in the game, but it does still manage to be fun and fairly tricky, to where when you manage to take Axel Gear down, you feel like you truly triumphed over a hard foe.

And speaking of triumphing over a hard foe, that belatedly leads onto one of my only real criticisms for the game as a whole: it is REALLY HARD. In the good ol’ classic Konami tradition, this game will not hold any punches, sending plenty of enemies and hazards you way at any chance it gets, some that can even insta-kill you if you aren’t careful, and you need to react accordingly and carefully in these situations, otherwise that rocket knight suit will be donned by nothing other than a rotting marsupial corpse. Granted, there are plenty of difficulty options that can help you make things easier for yourself, but once again, this is a Konami game, which means that not only will you not get the true ending by playing on certain difficulties, but the amount of lives and continues that you get vary greatly depending on which difficulty you choose, mostly not in your favor. Also, this may be just a little personal grievance, but I think the final level gets a LIIIIIIIITLE too trigger happy with its bosses, as you have to go through, like, five or six of them before you have truly beaten the game, even during sequences when you think you are truly save. Again though, that might just be me.

Overall, despite how brutal it can be and the final level dragging things out further than they needed to be, I can’t believe I didn’t try out any of these games sooner, because this first entry manages to get just about everything right, having wonderful and charming visuals, a soundtrack full of bangers, incredibly fun and satisfying gameplay, and that classic 90s Konami insanity that I just can’t get enough of. I would definitely recommend it for those who are a big fan of mascot platformers, as well as those who are looking for more games from the Genesis to play, because if you haven’t given this game a shot yet, then you, my friend, like me for most of my life, were truly missing out. And hey, it’s even coming back in a brand new collection, so that means you will have very easy means to try it out!............. unless you wanna play it right now, in which case, if you aren’t willing to go out and find a copy for yourself, yar-har-fiddly-dee it is.

Game #569

If you take a look over to our right here, you can see a… peculiar individual, constantly running into this wall right here, having no clue about what they are doing, and not wanting to change course or direction to help them get out of this predicament they are in. That individual, readers, represents the state of Joe & Mac around the time that Joe & Mac 2: Lost In the Tropics was released. The game was still good, but while it had some interesting ideas that would have benefited the main gameplay to be much more fun than what we had previously, instead, it does nothing to flesh out these ideas, or even to encourage you to check them out, and thus, you are left with yet another generic prehistoric-themed platformer that comes and goes as fast as the flavor of Fruit Stripe Gum. But hey, maybe that was just a rough patch that the series went through for a second. I mean, surely, they can pick themselves up from here and benefit with another title right?............ well no, because instead, we got Joe & Mac Returns.

At first glance, this game doesn’t seem like anything all too disappointing, just another typical arcade platformer for this series, and one that would be fun enough for a couple of minutes before you move onto something else. For the most part, you would be right, as the game is a good time, featuring plenty of simple, yet fun levels to go through, pleasing visuals, and a gameplay style that is very fun to try out, especially with a buddy to play with you. However, then you notice that, when looking at footage of the game, it is literally just yet another clone of Bubble Bobble, Snow Bros., Buster Bros., or whatever game with a very similar style of gameplay, and that was about the point where I immediately stopped caring, even if the game is still decent as a whole.

The story is non-existant, as it just has Joe & Mac running through all of these different locations and beating the fuck out of everything they run across, which I like to look at not as a lack of plot, but more so just these two letting out their pent up rage and going on a murderous bonking spree, which seems very appropriate for cavemen to do. The graphics are pretty good, looking very similar to that of every other game in this series, but still having plenty of fun designs for the levels, characters, enemies, and bosses, along with animations that go with these designs, the music is alright, having some decent enough tracks to accompany what you are doing, but nothing managed to stick with me after playing, and it didn’t leave that much of an impression either way, and the gameplay/control can pretty much be summarized as “Hey, have you ever played Snow Bros.? You have? Well there ya go, just saved ya an hour of your life.”

But just in case you haven’t played that game, the game is a 2D platformer, where you take control of either Joe or Mac yet again, go through a set of seven different worlds, each with their own set of levels full of plenty of different enemies to take on, club the fuck out of said enemies so you can put them in your sack that you just so happen to be carrying around and throw them at other enemies to take them out, as well as whatever other obstacles you will run across on your journey, gather plenty of different power ups that can assist you in many different ways, and take on plenty of familiar faces for boss fights, who will challenge you to a degree, unless you are fast on the controls, in which case they all fall like a line of dominos. It does everything a game like this should, and many would probably have a good time with it if you are a big fan of those other games I mentioned earlier, even if I wasn’t able to get into it that much myself.

Before I go onto further discussing Joe & Mac’s mid-life crisis, I may as well go ahead and get all of the positives out of the way, because the game does manage to get a lot right. The main gameplay is solid enough, having the right amount of energy that a series like this should have, plenty of levels to go through to feel like a complete package, and the power ups that you get are fun to mess around with, such as the one that makes you go faster, and the wheel from the previous games, making any enemy you come across go down lickety split, which is so immensely satisfying… even if it only lasts for that level before being taken away. Not to mention there are other, smaller touches that I enjoyed seeing, such as characters from other Data East title in certain levels, how you can choose the first level you start with from the beginning, and once again, just how great the game looks, considering how the last two titles were restricted to being stuck on the Super Nintendo.

However, while all that is great and all, one question did constantly pop into my head while I was playing the game……. why does this exist? Why do we need a game like Bubble Bobble and Snow Bros., but for the Joe & Mac series? What, was it because there hadn’t been one of these games yet that was done with a caveman motif? It doesn’t do anything to expand upon the gameplay of those other titles, nor does it really give off the same satisfaction, joy, and magical feeling that those other games did, making me wonder why one would ever choose to play this game over those other titles? Granted, again, it doesn’t really do anything too bad, but it just comes off as bland and lifeless as a result, with its one and only unique trait being that it is a Joe & Mac game, which definitely isn’t enough in this case.

Not to mention, there were definitely elements about the game that I didn’t like. There were the usual issues you’d come to expect, such as a tiny bit of arcade syndrome throughout, how the game does drag on a little bit towards the end, and how it forces you to go through a boss rush for a majority of the last world, but I think the one thing that annoyed me the most more than anything else was, oddly enough, Joe & Mac’s voices. No disrespect to the voice actors who did these lines, as they did a decent enough job, but GODDAMN, they are so annoying, where you hear them let out these loud yelps and phrases all the time that just grate on your ears very quickly. The biggest example of this for me was whenever you would grab any power up found in the game, and your character would react to this by shouting “I GOT A POWER-UP!”, which made me wanna turn the volume all the way down so badly at many points, it is so annoying. Also, one more issue I wanna bring up is the cutscenes that play in-between each world, where it involves something bad happening to the cavegirls you see throughout the whole game, usually in a sexual manner, which is followed up by a sitcom-ass laugh track that plays over it…………………… yeah, kinda makes you feel uncomfortable when you watch it.

Overall, despite my own personal gripes with the game and the genuine ones that do hold it back, this is still a solid enough game, and a great return for the cavemen duo for the arcade, providing fun and satisfying gameplay, plenty of fun to be had with friends, and the amount of charm and zaniness that makes these games appealing at first glance to begin with. I would recommend it for those who were a big fan of the other Joe & Mac games, as well as those who are also fans of Bubble Bobble and Snow Bros., because if you love all of those series dearly, then this game might just be a match made in heaven for you. I just wish that I was able to like it more, and not see it as Data East fumbling around, not sure what to do with this franchise anymore. Not surprising that this would be the last game that the series would ever get for almost 30 years, before the original game got remade in 2022. I actually never played that one either, so I wonder how it is… let me take a look at it real quick…

one video later

Huh… ok then. I guess it looks decent enough for a mobile game. someone whispers something in my ear....... what do you mean it’s not a mobile game?

Game #568

Fun fact for all of you at home: did you know that Karnov, the big ol’ Russian man over on the left/top/whereverthepictureis there, was actually the mascot for Data East?......................... what kind of mascot is that? I mean, seriously, you’d think they would choose a more appealing and recognizable character for their mascot, such as with Joe or Mac, or maybe even the Bad Dudes if they are feeling special enough… you know, two sets of characters who have had a longer lasting time in the spotlight than him. But no, instead, you settle for this random fuck who only got one game, and then just randomly appeared in a bunch of other games afterwards. No clue what the reason for this was, but hey, who knows? Maybe the original game was just TOO perfect, where it never needed any kind of follow-up whatsoever, and they figured, since they could never improve from there, they just decided to stick with him. Well, you know what, I think it’s about time someone found out for sure.

I have never played this game before, but I had seen it before in videos, specifically with the NES version, and it looked… rough. I wouldn’t say it looked terrible, but it definitely looked on the cheaper side of NES arcade ports, something that you would buy little Jimmy for his birthday, thinking he would love it, until you then find him burning the cartridge in the backyard while roasting marshmallows over the fire. But hey, I didn’t wanna judge a book by its cover, despite how ugly it is, and since I couldn’t get the arcade version to work on my emulator, I ended up having to play the NES version instead, so now I could actually see if the game was as rough as I had initially thought it would be. Unsurprisingly though, after my playthrough, I did come to the conclusion that this game… just isn’t really that good, not to the point where I would say it is terrible or even that bad, but because of how unpolished, boring, and lifeless the package as a whole is.

The story is practically non-existent, where it just focuses on Karnov searching many different lands to try to find the ultimate treasure, which does make him very relatable, since I am also a big greedy dumbshit, but it doesn’t make me care anymore about anything that is happening. The graphics for the arcade version are very generic, looking and feeling like any other arcade game from the time, and as for the NES version… I mean, at least they don’t make me wanna rip out my eyeballs, so that’s kind of a plus, the music unfortunately suffers from Simpsons syndrome, where for a majority of the game, only one song plays, and if you aren’t a fan of that one song, then you are definitely gonna want to turn that shit down and throw on some peak music instead, and the gameplay/control feels exactly like a cheap arcade game from the late 80s should, not only replicating how flimsy and rigid it can be, but also that allowing the depression laying deep within me to fully come out and envelop me to where I wasn’t having that much of a good time.

The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Karnov, go through a set of nine different levels through nine different, yet very similar looking locations, shoot fireballs all over the place to take out the many enemies before while you do the bare minimum platforming required for this game to be considered a platformer, gather plenty of items that can not only be used to upgrade your main attack, but also to assist you in many other ways that I will get into in a second, and take on plenty of bosses that are just as fair as you can expect (not at all), and thus become as fun to fight as you would expect (NOT AT ALL). It does everything it needs to do to be a platformer, and I’m sure that someone who has never played any other platformer in their lives could find some fun out of it, but someone like me, who has been playing platformers even before I could fully comprehend I was alive, it is basically nothing to me.

Most of what you will find in this game is as standard as it gets, with the typical platforming tropes that you would come to expect, none of it having the proper care or thought put into it to where it becomes as addicting or fun as many other games on the market at the time. However, to the game’s credit, there was one element of the game that was somewhat creative and interesting, and that was the many items that you get throughout the game. Of course, there are the typical items you would get from this kind of game, such as the fireballs that upgrades your shot up to being able to shoot three fireballs at once, but there are also plenty of items that actually allow you to mess around with the environment and whatever’s in it, such as a ladder that you can use to reach certain places, bombs which can be used to blow up walls, shoes that let you jump higher, and even wings that allow you to fly along a certain distance before they run out. That is all pretty neat and all, but of course, there is a catch to it, and by that I mean, while all these items are cool, none of them are really all that useful. There are rarely any points in the game where it feels like you need to use these items to proceed forward, with the exception of Stages 7 and 8, where you are required to use some of them to beat the stages, and in every other instance, there just isn’t really any need to use them, making me question why they were included in the first place.

Not only that, but the game also carries along a lot of the typical problems that arcade games from this generation usually have, such as arcade syndrome, where it throws a bunch of enemies at you at once while saying “What are you talking about, that’s fair difficulty! Everyone’s doing it, so it has to be true”, and there are bosses that repeated throughout the game, especially the first boss, who is repeated CONSTANTLY throughout the whole game. Although, none of that really bothers me that much when compared to the biggest criticism that I have with the game as a whole: it just doesn’t feel fun to play. Everything about it just feels… wrong, from the way you control, to the way that levels are designed, to how you progress through some levels, and everything else in between. It feels like it is trying its best, like it is trying to be a good game with everything that it is trying, but at the end of the day, nothing meshes well together, and while it doesn’t make the game terrible, it doesn’t make me wanna think about it anymore then I already have.

Overall, despite having some creative ideas when it comes to the items it gives you, there is just nothing here to cohesively hold the entire game together to make one, solid package, and as a result, it ends up being kind of a mess, one that is one of the most poor and pathetic attempts at an arcade game that I have ever seen, but not one that is even worth getting too mad about, as there is just nothing to it as a whole. I wouldn’t really recommend it to anyone, unless you really wanna know where the mascot for Data East initially came from, but then again, you could probably find plenty of other Data East games that he just so happened to be in, and you would probably have a much better time with those as a result instead. And even then, again, some other gaming characters like Joe & Mac would’ve been a MUCH better choice for mascots for this company, as they were more prevalent icons. Speaking of which…….

Game #567

If I were ever a child in the 90s, and I had some friends over to play some games on the Genesis, and we wanted to play a beat-’em-up game, there would be many suggestions that could be thrown around. We could mention Double Dragon, to where we would say we had already spent enough time on that game, some could mention Alien Storm, which we would be open to, but at some other point in time, and then there would be that one kid who suggests any of the Golden Axe games, who we would then tell to fuck off and die, as he has shit taste and should feel bad for it. After that, we would then settle with Streets of Rage 2, as it just seems like the go-to beat-’em-up for the Genesis as a whole, and why wouldn’t it be? The combat is fast and satisfying, the graphics are great, the stages are really fun to go through, and while it can certainly kick your ass up and down the block, it never leaves you feeling discouraged, and it makes you wanna try again so you can take down your foes and have a grand ol’ time. However, with how good that game turned out to be even after my second playthrough of it, nothing could’ve possibly prepared me for what was ultimately going to be the game that would end up winning me over more than all the others, Streets of Rage 3.

Before playing this game, this was the title I had the least experience with out of any of the Streets of Rage games, with me having played every other game in the series at least a little bit before going back to it for the sake of giving it a proper shot. I was curious as to how I would end up liking this one, considering that Streets of Rage 2 is considered to be not just one of the best games on the Genesis, but also one of the best beat-’em-ups of all time, so needless to say, it was gonna take a lot to make me consider this one the superior title of the two games, let alone the best in the initial trilogy. However, after having played the game for myself……. there’s no way I can ever go back to Streets of Rage 2 now, as this game manages to be phenomenal in just about every way, and I loved almost all of what I got out of it.

The story is a bit more complex than that of previous titles (keywords being “a bit”), where Mr. X, after facing defeat twice in the previous two games, continues to participate in criminal activities under the guise of his new company, RoboCy Corporation, with an ultimate plan to control the city at large through violent means, so when he hears this, Dr. Zan, a roboticist who was working with Mr. X, reaches out to Blaze Fielding for help, and so they, along with Axel Stone and Skate, set out to take down Mr. X once again and save the city, and possibly the world, from utter annihilation. It does sound pretty typical of this kind of game, but I do appreciate the added detail given to the game’s plot as a whole, as well as the cutscenes in the game that give more details on what’s going on, even if it is as basic as can be.

The graphics are pretty great, not looking too much different from what we got in the previous game, but it does feel improved enough to where it is still great to look at, the music is INCREDIBLE, with so many of the tracks having an infectious quality to them that I can’t help but love, to the point where even the character select screen has a banger of a theme, and the gameplay/control is pretty similar to that of the other two games, but not only does it feel pretty great to play, but it tops everything that the previous game gave us, making for one of the best beat-’em-up games that I have played in recent memory, and my favorite beat-’em-up on the Genesis.

The game still retains a lot of the beat-’em-up gameplay you have seen from the previous titles, where you take control of one of four different characters, or if you are me, you always choose Axel Stone every time, go through a set of five to seven levels through plenty of different locations you would typically see in a beat-’em-up, take down whatever sorry punk gets in your way by throwing plenty of punches, kicks, and special moves to your advantage, gather plenty of different weapons, money, and health items to assist you along the way, and take on plenty of bosses, some of which being familiar faces, who will test your skill in how fast you can dodge attacks, throw out punches, and not rage quit at some of the bullshit they can pull off. Most of this is identical to that of previous Streets of Rage games, and there aren’t too many new additions to spice up the gameplay more than what you are used to, but the little changes that are there make this all the better to play in my opinion, as I had a blast with it.

In terms of the changes that were there, again, it isn’t much, but what is there does make things better to play as a whole. Characters now have the ability to run, there are cutscenes that can be seen throughout the game, you can perform special moves with some of the weapons that you can get, which is pretty neat, you have a special meter that will allow you to perform special moves without losing health, and depending on some of your actions in the game, you can actually get many different endings. That last one is one of the best inclusions of them all, seeing as the methods of getting these special endings aren’t exactly clear. It isn’t too blatantly obvious, like “going down this way leads to a different ending”, and instead, it more so falls under who you beat up and who you don’t, which can not only lead to that better ending, but it can also give you new characters to play as as well. It isn’t much, but little bonuses like that do help make the game more enjoyable and replayable, which I can really appreciate.

However, the biggest and best change to the game in my opinion, the one that ended up winning me over in the end, is the speed. Like I mentioned before, you now have the ability to run with every single character, but even ignoring that, the game, in general, is much faster. Combat is a lot faster, you can dish out moves more quickly, and there is a quick, yet noticeable impact you can feel with the punches you throw, which definitely was in the previous games, but it is much more preferable to me here. When it comes to beat-’em-ups, I am a fan of moving fast and hitting hard, and Streets of Rage 2 managed to give me that hard-hitting action, but it was somewhat lacking in the speed department, even if that didn’t bring the game down at all. Here, however, it manages to get both of these elements just right, and when mixed with the wonderful visuals and infectious soundtrack, it made for an incredible time that I would love to play through again with someone else at some point.

I can’t say that the entire game is perfect though, because really, it isn’t. At its core, a lot of it is the same shit that we have seen over and over again, not just from the Streets of Rage series, but also other beat-’em-ups in general, so if you are one who isn’t a fan of these games, or you are burnt out on them entirely, this game will not do anything to change your mind. In addition, like with another game I reviewed recently, Thunder Force IV, this game does have a bit of a problem with pacing. A good handful of the levels are longer than that of the previous game, and while this does work out at some points, other times, especially towards the end, these levels can drag on, making it feel exhausting to play after a while. Granted, this factor varies greatly depending on what difficulty you play on and what ending you go for, but this is still a problem nonetheless. Also, that one part where you are being chased by that bulldozer or whatever… just fuck that part. No one needed it there, and yet you put it in there anyway.

Overall, despite some pacing issues, a lack of major change, and that fucking bulldozer, this is still not only the best of the original Streets of Rage trilogy in my eyes, but also an incredible beat-’em-up all on its own, with wonderful visuals and music, plenty to do that other beat-’em-ups don’t offer, more emphasis on story, and the fast and hard-hitting action that I look for in a beat-’em-up that makes me love it so much more. I would absolutely recommend it for those who are big fans of the beat-’em-up genre, as well as those who loved the other Streets of Rage games as well, because if you think that Streets of Rage 2 is the best game in the series, then let me tell you………. you might still think that after playing this, but at least give it a fair shot. Although, now with all that being said, I am somewhat afraid of going back to Streets of Rage 4 now. I mean, with a game as great as this, how are they gonna be able to top that, especially with a 26-year gap in releases? Well, I guess there’s only one way to find out………….. and that is to actually play it, which I won’t be doing for five years.

Game #566

(Part 1 of the Half Century Challenge, created by C_F. You can read their first review here)

For today’s review, I wanted to take you all back, and I mean WAY back, all the way to 1970, when the Apollo 13 launched into orbit, the US was given the “gift” of PBS, and a band nobody knows of known as The Beatles would break up, with all of the members going on to doing their own thing. Yes, it was a magical time in history, one full of many ups, downs, and surprising developments for the future, lacking the bullshit we face now on a day-to-day basis, and there were plenty of things for people to do and experience, even involving the world of video games. These were a rare breed around this time, certainly nowhere near as universally known and praised like they are today, and none of these titles could ever come to match the quality of what has managed to come out since, but every once in a while, it is nice to take a look back at some of the most primitive ages of video games, seeing what developers could get away with at the time and use to make a simple, yet very memorable experience. This can be seen with some games such as with today’s example, Highnoon.

In general, I’m not really one who is too into text-based adventure games. Not to say that I have anything against them, but whenever I go to play any video game, I typically like to have… you know, SOMETHING to look at rather than just a wall of text, hence why I have only played, like, one or two of them throughout my entire life. I have wanted to check out some more of them though, as there are quite a lot of them, and there has to be some special elements they bring to the table that most other games couldn’t, otherwise why would they have persisted for so long. So, I decided to pick this one, which I had never played or heard of before, and based on my experience, I would say that I had a good time with it. You definitely aren’t gonna get much more then what is initially presented to you, but for being one of the earliest text-based adventure games, it manages to do its job well, while also adding enough charm to make it an enjoyable title to mess with for around 10 minutes or so.

One of the most appealing parts of this game, as well as any game made in a similar manner to this, is the fact that, for the most part, your imagination is the key tool to helping you paint the scenario laid out in front of you. You have already been spoiled enough with all of your fancy-schmancy new video games that have GRAPHICS and SOUND and CONTROL, BLEH! Who needs that shit, anyway?! All you need to have a grand ol’ time is just a bunch of text telling you what is going on, and you can just form the scenario around in your head. It’s almost like reading a book, except this has way more interactivity then a book, and you can make your own adventure out of it, rather than just simply reaching the same, predetermined conclusion every time.

But of course though, you gotta have a basic set-up to get you moving on the road ahead, and the set-up for this game is simple: it’s 1889, and you have been challenged to have a showdown in the Allegheny Mountains, facing the nefarious Black Bart, who will make sure that you end up as a dead man by the end of the day. You then meet up on a deserted road, and it is up to you to get the upper hand on Black Bart by moving forward, using your trusty pistol at precisely the right time, and to hope that luck is on your side so that Black Bart doesn’t end up taking you down and continuing his reign of terror. It’s a premise we have all seen and heard of before, but now, instead of watching it play out in front of you, or possibly even pretend-playing this scenario out with friends, you are now in the line yourself, and you have to take out your computer opponent before it is too late.

From there, you have very limited options for what you can do next, but they are enough to get the job done. All you can do is move forward, fire your gun, jump to the side for cover, give up, run away like a little bitch, or just do nothing at all, with each of these commands being assigned to specific numbers on the keyboard. You can then go about inputting these numbers one by one, seeing what the program does in response to this, and then continuing on from there. A lot of it is, obviously, randomly generated, as you don’t know what will happen at any time, or whether or not Black Bart will shoot or not, or even if the shots will hit you, but there is also a bit of strategy that comes into play, as whatever move you end up making at specific times could be the difference between life or death, so it is always wise to consider your next movement and choose wisely, which not only creates some pretty exciting tension, but also a good ol’ helping of satisfaction when your next move turns out to be just what you needed.

Aside from the main premise and how the game works, a lot of the appeal from this game can also be seen in the way that the game not only describes what events play out, but also how it reacts to your moves. While it mostly types things out in the way that you would expect it to, a lot of the time whenever something happens, or whenever you do anything specifically, it will throw in a snappy or snarky comment to emphasize what happened, such as “Good idea there”, or “You aren’t gonna get too far by doing that.” There was one part in the game that really stuck out to me and made me laugh, which was when I ended up getting killed by Black Bart, and how the game chose to describe what happened, where it basically said “Black Bart fires at you, landing a bullet right in your back, and then he fires again, with him shooting you right in the ass. You aren’t gonna be resting peacefully after that.” I dunno, seeing something like that in a game that is this old feels oddly refreshing, and it makes the game much more memorable as a result.

However, with all that being said, I still can’t say this game is anything more than just good because of how limited it is. It is a text-based adventure game after all, so there is only so much you can get out of it, with just one scenario to go through and the several outcomes you can get out of it, mainly either “you win” or “you die”. It is definitely only for the crowd of gamers like myself who has the love and patience for these kinds of games, but for those of you who prefer a little more interactivity, playtime, and, y’know, things to look at in your games, then this is definitely gonna be one of the last things that you ever end up deciding to check out for yourself. That doesn’t lower the game’s quality, mind you, it just affects how approachable it is in 2024.

Overall, despite being very basic and offering little more than the base concept, Highnoon is both very impressive and very charming for a game that came out back in 1970, providing you with a simple, yet descriptive scenario that you can paint in your head and have fun with, plenty of options to choose from to change the course of the game in however way you’d like, and giving off enough charm to where it feels like it stands on its own compared to what very little else was on the market at that time. I would recommend it for those who are a fan of these kinds of text-based adventure games, because while it may not give you that much to do, it is still a neat example of where these kinds of games were around that point, and it is fun to mess around with even over 50 years later. And for those of you who actually sat here and read all of what I just typed about a text-based adventure game from 1970, thanks for sticking it out to the end, as writing this one was much harder than you think it would be. Also, go check out C_F’s first review up there as well. Tell them that Mega sent ya.

Game #565