MisterRyan
2015
finally, a Souls game that's actually hard.
2017
a delightful treat in the buffet of rougelikes, but it loses its flavor too soon.
I like Caveblazers a fair bit. It plays a bit like a dungeon crawling Smash Bros., which is enough of a novelty to sink a few hours into. And there's probably so much to it that i completely missed. But this game is so relentlessly difficult that being able to see it all basically comes down to a theoretical dice roll (you have a good amount of health going into a boss fight, you have a good weapon to fight the boss, the boss is one of the easier ones). And sometimes that dice roll doesn't happen for a good 10 minutes. A run could be dead before you know it.
I've beaten Caveblazers a handful of times but i don't know if i've ever gotten the True Ending or anything. and sadly, I don't feel like it.
I recommend Caveblazers, but don't get too attached.
I like Caveblazers a fair bit. It plays a bit like a dungeon crawling Smash Bros., which is enough of a novelty to sink a few hours into. And there's probably so much to it that i completely missed. But this game is so relentlessly difficult that being able to see it all basically comes down to a theoretical dice roll (you have a good amount of health going into a boss fight, you have a good weapon to fight the boss, the boss is one of the easier ones). And sometimes that dice roll doesn't happen for a good 10 minutes. A run could be dead before you know it.
I've beaten Caveblazers a handful of times but i don't know if i've ever gotten the True Ending or anything. and sadly, I don't feel like it.
I recommend Caveblazers, but don't get too attached.
unforgettable name, incredible premise, and decent execution. nailing another roller-derby disco robot is a wonderful feeling.
i'm hopeful for a polished sequel with more eyes on it.
i'm hopeful for a polished sequel with more eyes on it.
The little train that couldn’t quite.
Back when I first played it as a teenager, I hated The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. I said that it was the worst Zelda game ever. I said that the train limits your exploration and riding it around is boring.
And it turns out over a decade later I was still right, but now as a wizened sage, I think I was too harsh on it. Like an ounce. Half a pound of Too Harsh.
Spirit Tracks is not the worst Zelda game. It has a whole lot to like about it, maybe even love. But sadly, it also has so, so much going against it.
I want my thoughts on Spirit Tracks to be positive. But there are three fatal flaws that need to be addressed first. Any enjoyment there is to be had with Spirit Tracks is experienced while fully submerged in these fatal flaws. You can’t ignore them, and neither will this review.
The first fatal flaw is the controls. I will not speak too much on them because I already did that during my thoughts on Phantom Hourglass. It’s Bad. Simple as that. Spirit Tracks controls a little bit better than Phantom Hourglass but not enough to be anything but Bad.
The second fatal flaw, something you will thankfully not encounter much, is the instrument interludes. You know how bad it is if it’s a fatal flaw that you don’t encounter often. It’s a crudely formed simulation of playing a flute under the strictest parameters. You will curse Ocarina of Time for ever popularizing fun instrument microgames in Zelda. My advice is to play each note individually and not slur your notes, but even then that hasn’t worked for me every time. It’s bad.
The final fatal flaw, the actual killing blow, is the nature of the game itself. Going from place to place on the train on the titular Spirit Tracks. It’s not enough that it’s pretty slow getting around, or that the tracks are a convoluted nest of paths that you rigidly chug along, no. You are forced to look at the pleasantly rendered New Hyrule and you are denied fully exploring it. The forests and mountains in the distance are set dressing, not a destination.
There’s a lot of talk about linearity in Zelda these days, but I think the focus of that discussion is that there isn’t an open ended objective a lot of the time (it’s mostly Zelda 1 fans wanting to start any dungeon first, which I understand). Most Zelda games have set destinations, but a wide path leading to that destination, full of things to get distracted by. Spirit Tracks isn’t literally the most linear Zelda game (that title goes to Four Swords Adventures), but the lack of a wide path leading to your destination is painfully apparent. The experience of going from one important place to another is literally On Rails. Your only agency is to stop the train and clumsily catch a bunny if you see one. This is the second game to follow The Wind Waker and it ignores the cornerstone of its gameplay. Embarrassing.
Truly, the worst thing about Spirit Tracks is how good it can be despite all of its flaws. There are things about it that I feel would be nice to revisit. It’s no Wind Waker, but there is fun to be had.
Firstly, let’s get it out of the way, the music is excellent. The “Realm Overworld” and “In the Fields” songs are particularly solid bangers that I will never forget. In a game where the kitchen was mostly closed, it’s a blessing that the composers were still out there Cooking.
Secondly, this is the first and only Zelda game where Princess Zelda herself is your companion. She’s a ghost, but she’s with you all the way. And she’s a fun character to have talking all the time, she has a streak of self-centeredness that makes for some mildly funny interactions. This might just be my expectations being so low they’re subterranean after playing Phantom Hourglass but Zelda is good here. Watching her and Link go from strangers to friends over the course of the game is a genuinely nice thing, and watching them brace themselves for their uncertain future, together, is one of my favorite things. She’s also afraid of rats.
Her fear of rats is mechanically important, because when she possesses the invincible suit of armor enemies, the Phantoms, her hulking form will be left paralyzed with fear if she sees even a single rat. It’s cute, I like it. There’s even a pretty good puzzle involving her in the Phantom armor. You don’t have to write the order in which you have to press a switch, it’s automatically a good puzzle in this game.
The only issue with Phantom Zelda is that controlling her has you tracing a path along the floor, and not just outright moving her around like you do with Link (which is already a clumsy affair). It’s a stumble but I’m willing to accept that they made it this way because they wanted to. Maybe it’s to show off how much effort Zelda has to exert to control the armor. I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt because even though they’re going with a dumb stupid control style I don’t like, they’ve got the hang of it this time around. Now that’s some high praise. There’s at least one thing about the game to support that supremely generous theory.
The Sand Wand (which I accidentally called the Sand Rod in the first draft of this review) is maybe my new favorite Zelda tool. It’s not useful 24/7 but it shines like diamonds when there’s sand around, and hey check it out, it actually has synergy with the touch screen. So many of the other items that got their start with button gameplay in older Zelda games can feel like a square block/round hole situation on the touch screen. The boomerang used to be the most useful item but now that it’s tied to stylus gimmicks, it’s so obtuse and clumsy and slow that i rarely use it. The Sand Wand, being made specifically for stylus gimmicks, just works. You scribble all over the sand and pillars of the stuff emerge in an instant. And the puzzles they craft for the sand rod are genuinely clever, especially the boss for the Sand Temple, Skeldritch. Everything involving the Sand Wand is just the right amount of clever to make me be thankful for it.
Before this essay gets too long I want to praise the stamp stations. It’s a great way to emphasize Exploration in the grand scale (finding new locations on the rails) and then the small scale (finding the sometimes hidden stamp station at those locations). The rewards for collecting stamps are solid and fun, but I’ll be corny and say that sometimes the stamp itself is the reward.
There is sadly not all that much left for me to praise about Spirit Tracks. Byrne is a somewhat interesting and Cool character. I like his design well enough, his big Freddy Krueger hand is neat. Him being the muscle for a Demon opened the doors to the “demon era” of Zelda we’re in where seemingly all the evils of the world have a single origin. But this is a discussion for another game.
I have played Spirit Tracks twice and beaten it only once. Every phase of the final boss is a miserable time so if the game had a crumb of replay value, that brushed it off the table. I have not 100%ed Spirit Tracks and will more than likely never 100% it. I do not respect it enough to give it that much of my precious time.
I cannot in good conscience recommend The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. I now understand and acknowledge the good in it but that good does not outweigh the bad. This game gave me a headache both times I played it and those times were a decade apart. Two of my three favorite things in Spirit Tracks can be experienced with a savvy YouTube search. This game is not for Zelda freaks, it’s for Zelda scholars who play the games academically.
Back when I first played it as a teenager, I hated The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. I said that it was the worst Zelda game ever. I said that the train limits your exploration and riding it around is boring.
And it turns out over a decade later I was still right, but now as a wizened sage, I think I was too harsh on it. Like an ounce. Half a pound of Too Harsh.
Spirit Tracks is not the worst Zelda game. It has a whole lot to like about it, maybe even love. But sadly, it also has so, so much going against it.
I want my thoughts on Spirit Tracks to be positive. But there are three fatal flaws that need to be addressed first. Any enjoyment there is to be had with Spirit Tracks is experienced while fully submerged in these fatal flaws. You can’t ignore them, and neither will this review.
The first fatal flaw is the controls. I will not speak too much on them because I already did that during my thoughts on Phantom Hourglass. It’s Bad. Simple as that. Spirit Tracks controls a little bit better than Phantom Hourglass but not enough to be anything but Bad.
The second fatal flaw, something you will thankfully not encounter much, is the instrument interludes. You know how bad it is if it’s a fatal flaw that you don’t encounter often. It’s a crudely formed simulation of playing a flute under the strictest parameters. You will curse Ocarina of Time for ever popularizing fun instrument microgames in Zelda. My advice is to play each note individually and not slur your notes, but even then that hasn’t worked for me every time. It’s bad.
The final fatal flaw, the actual killing blow, is the nature of the game itself. Going from place to place on the train on the titular Spirit Tracks. It’s not enough that it’s pretty slow getting around, or that the tracks are a convoluted nest of paths that you rigidly chug along, no. You are forced to look at the pleasantly rendered New Hyrule and you are denied fully exploring it. The forests and mountains in the distance are set dressing, not a destination.
There’s a lot of talk about linearity in Zelda these days, but I think the focus of that discussion is that there isn’t an open ended objective a lot of the time (it’s mostly Zelda 1 fans wanting to start any dungeon first, which I understand). Most Zelda games have set destinations, but a wide path leading to that destination, full of things to get distracted by. Spirit Tracks isn’t literally the most linear Zelda game (that title goes to Four Swords Adventures), but the lack of a wide path leading to your destination is painfully apparent. The experience of going from one important place to another is literally On Rails. Your only agency is to stop the train and clumsily catch a bunny if you see one. This is the second game to follow The Wind Waker and it ignores the cornerstone of its gameplay. Embarrassing.
Truly, the worst thing about Spirit Tracks is how good it can be despite all of its flaws. There are things about it that I feel would be nice to revisit. It’s no Wind Waker, but there is fun to be had.
Firstly, let’s get it out of the way, the music is excellent. The “Realm Overworld” and “In the Fields” songs are particularly solid bangers that I will never forget. In a game where the kitchen was mostly closed, it’s a blessing that the composers were still out there Cooking.
Secondly, this is the first and only Zelda game where Princess Zelda herself is your companion. She’s a ghost, but she’s with you all the way. And she’s a fun character to have talking all the time, she has a streak of self-centeredness that makes for some mildly funny interactions. This might just be my expectations being so low they’re subterranean after playing Phantom Hourglass but Zelda is good here. Watching her and Link go from strangers to friends over the course of the game is a genuinely nice thing, and watching them brace themselves for their uncertain future, together, is one of my favorite things. She’s also afraid of rats.
Her fear of rats is mechanically important, because when she possesses the invincible suit of armor enemies, the Phantoms, her hulking form will be left paralyzed with fear if she sees even a single rat. It’s cute, I like it. There’s even a pretty good puzzle involving her in the Phantom armor. You don’t have to write the order in which you have to press a switch, it’s automatically a good puzzle in this game.
The only issue with Phantom Zelda is that controlling her has you tracing a path along the floor, and not just outright moving her around like you do with Link (which is already a clumsy affair). It’s a stumble but I’m willing to accept that they made it this way because they wanted to. Maybe it’s to show off how much effort Zelda has to exert to control the armor. I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt because even though they’re going with a dumb stupid control style I don’t like, they’ve got the hang of it this time around. Now that’s some high praise. There’s at least one thing about the game to support that supremely generous theory.
The Sand Wand (which I accidentally called the Sand Rod in the first draft of this review) is maybe my new favorite Zelda tool. It’s not useful 24/7 but it shines like diamonds when there’s sand around, and hey check it out, it actually has synergy with the touch screen. So many of the other items that got their start with button gameplay in older Zelda games can feel like a square block/round hole situation on the touch screen. The boomerang used to be the most useful item but now that it’s tied to stylus gimmicks, it’s so obtuse and clumsy and slow that i rarely use it. The Sand Wand, being made specifically for stylus gimmicks, just works. You scribble all over the sand and pillars of the stuff emerge in an instant. And the puzzles they craft for the sand rod are genuinely clever, especially the boss for the Sand Temple, Skeldritch. Everything involving the Sand Wand is just the right amount of clever to make me be thankful for it.
Before this essay gets too long I want to praise the stamp stations. It’s a great way to emphasize Exploration in the grand scale (finding new locations on the rails) and then the small scale (finding the sometimes hidden stamp station at those locations). The rewards for collecting stamps are solid and fun, but I’ll be corny and say that sometimes the stamp itself is the reward.
There is sadly not all that much left for me to praise about Spirit Tracks. Byrne is a somewhat interesting and Cool character. I like his design well enough, his big Freddy Krueger hand is neat. Him being the muscle for a Demon opened the doors to the “demon era” of Zelda we’re in where seemingly all the evils of the world have a single origin. But this is a discussion for another game.
I have played Spirit Tracks twice and beaten it only once. Every phase of the final boss is a miserable time so if the game had a crumb of replay value, that brushed it off the table. I have not 100%ed Spirit Tracks and will more than likely never 100% it. I do not respect it enough to give it that much of my precious time.
I cannot in good conscience recommend The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. I now understand and acknowledge the good in it but that good does not outweigh the bad. This game gave me a headache both times I played it and those times were a decade apart. Two of my three favorite things in Spirit Tracks can be experienced with a savvy YouTube search. This game is not for Zelda freaks, it’s for Zelda scholars who play the games academically.
2021
there has never been a more mechanically enticing Shopping Simulator
1994
More of the same, and the same is the best around.
1994’s Mega Man X 2 is a fine game. The character designs, music, and settings all live up to the standard that 1993’s Mega Man X pushed the limits to set.
X2 pushes things further by adding new armor parts abilities and three roaming bosses to defeat in exchange for story-related items that slightly changes how the endgame goes. If you don’t beat them, you’re out of luck, so the game demands some pretty slick gameplay.
Unfortunately, you might find that gameplay a little less than slick. Finding the buster parts to upgrade your charged shot gives you a double shot that ignores i-frames and melts through bosses without resetting their ai (this makes Wheel Gator’s fight a breeze compared to using his weakness). The Double Shot is very cool and X does a cool punch animation when he fires the blasts. However, you can’t dash while his charge shot is going, it forces you to stand still. The most iconic thing about the Mega Man X series and X2 denies us constant usage of it. Such a shame.
This doesn’t ruin the game by any means, I’ve played and beaten it multiple times with only a smirk of frustration out of it. It’s just that after X1, my standards are staggeringly high.
Mega Man X 2 is a great time and you should play it just to hear Bubble Crab’s theme.
1994’s Mega Man X 2 is a fine game. The character designs, music, and settings all live up to the standard that 1993’s Mega Man X pushed the limits to set.
X2 pushes things further by adding new armor parts abilities and three roaming bosses to defeat in exchange for story-related items that slightly changes how the endgame goes. If you don’t beat them, you’re out of luck, so the game demands some pretty slick gameplay.
Unfortunately, you might find that gameplay a little less than slick. Finding the buster parts to upgrade your charged shot gives you a double shot that ignores i-frames and melts through bosses without resetting their ai (this makes Wheel Gator’s fight a breeze compared to using his weakness). The Double Shot is very cool and X does a cool punch animation when he fires the blasts. However, you can’t dash while his charge shot is going, it forces you to stand still. The most iconic thing about the Mega Man X series and X2 denies us constant usage of it. Such a shame.
This doesn’t ruin the game by any means, I’ve played and beaten it multiple times with only a smirk of frustration out of it. It’s just that after X1, my standards are staggeringly high.
Mega Man X 2 is a great time and you should play it just to hear Bubble Crab’s theme.
2017
the fact that i bookmarked a twitter thread about getting into Rain World, but i never consulted it after the third time i bounced off the game is all you need to know about it.
looks good though!
looks good though!
2018
cute and visually appealing but there doesn't seem to be anything to it once you get past the "self sufficient" part of the game.
Good way to spend a couple days though!
Good way to spend a couple days though!
2019
one sin two sin red sin blue sin.
Blasphemous is a game that aims to be pure, to reject indulgence and to stay on the path of righteousness despite the slings and arrows that the pious must face. And by that i mean there isn't a double jump or a grappling hook or anything like that. Yeah the beautifully sickening setting and haunting lore is the endgame of religious fanaticism but baby i'm a sinner and i wanna double jump.
Blasphemous is a gorgeously rendered game with a steadfast difficulty and a perfectly designed main character. I had a good time with it, but not enough of a good time to 100% it.
Blasphemous is a game that aims to be pure, to reject indulgence and to stay on the path of righteousness despite the slings and arrows that the pious must face. And by that i mean there isn't a double jump or a grappling hook or anything like that. Yeah the beautifully sickening setting and haunting lore is the endgame of religious fanaticism but baby i'm a sinner and i wanna double jump.
Blasphemous is a gorgeously rendered game with a steadfast difficulty and a perfectly designed main character. I had a good time with it, but not enough of a good time to 100% it.
2015
a beautiful, unintentionally unsettling, and inspiring experience.
the simple and exploitable gameplay is a vehicle for the unique visuals and world and characters that Mason Lindroth created. it is not an exaggeration to say that the visuals and world and characters of this game changed my life, solely from how i approach illustrating. the music's really fitting too, i love Somsnosa's theme and the Graveyard theme, great stuff.
play this game.
the simple and exploitable gameplay is a vehicle for the unique visuals and world and characters that Mason Lindroth created. it is not an exaggeration to say that the visuals and world and characters of this game changed my life, solely from how i approach illustrating. the music's really fitting too, i love Somsnosa's theme and the Graveyard theme, great stuff.
play this game.
2019
few other things have made me feel like a one billion IQ mega-genius and a brainless moron as much as Baba Is You.
Hempuli is the real one billion IQ mega-genius for conceiving this brilliant game. Play it.
Hempuli is the real one billion IQ mega-genius for conceiving this brilliant game. Play it.
2016
a cute silly game with a real great name, what more could you ask for?
go check it out.
go check it out.
If your friends are fun enough people, even the worst multiplayer game could be a good time. Better hope your friends are fun, then.
As a bonus game paired with the Game Boy Advance port of A Link to the Past, the Legend of Zelda: Four Swords is the stumbling, fumbling, humble beginnings of what I call the Four Sword Saga. On paper, it’s the first on screen appearance of the lovable and expressive Toon Link, coming out a whole year before his most well known outing, Wind Waker. Not only that, but there’s four of him, one for each possible player. These players would of course need their own Game Boy Advances, their own copies of the game, and their own link cables. As someone who struggled to find more than one person at a time to play this game with wirelessly on my 3DS, I can pretty easily see why Wind Waker is the one everyone knows Toon Link for, and not Four Swords.
To make matters worse, you can’t even start Four Swords without at least one other GBA, so even though I had the cart and my pre-owned GBA I got at GameStop for $25 of chores money, I couldn’t play it. I mean, sure I still had A Link to the Past to play for hours on end, but I really loved Wind Waker and Four Swords Adventures, I wanted to see what Four Swords was all about. It doesn’t help that this version of A Link to the Past has an extra dungeon that only lets you enter if you’ve played Four Swords. Four Swords taunted me for years.
Until one day, Nintendo rereleased a single-player capable version of Four Swords as a free digital download for the 3DS, in celebration of Zelda’s 25th anniversary (at the time of writing this, that was over a decade ago, the ceaseless march of time will trample us all).
After downloading the game as soon as I could, I eagerly began the Zelda game that eluded me.
And it turns out it’s basically if Zelda gameplay and a drawn out Mario Party minigame had a baby.
Like a Mario Party minigame, the conceit of Four Swords’ gameplay is a chaotic and greedy mad dash to the end of a randomly generated, excessively sprawling “dungeon”, while gathering as many rupees as you can get your grubby little hands on. The winner is the Link with the most cash, so even though everyone is more or less working together to get through the “dungeon”, they gotta do what they can to screw each other out of rupees.
Conceptually, it’s a cool and fun idea to have a Zelda party game, and the idea of turning the classic zelda gameplay into a party game is even cooler.
In execution, Four Swords has a critical flaw that makes the foundation shaky. And it’s not the simplistic puzzles or the spongey enemies. The flaw is the upgrade charms you can randomly find. There’s a green, blue, and red charm and collecting up to three of each gradually increases your Link’s walking speed, defense, and damage output, respectively. Now this would be a great idea…if you didn’t start every match slow, frail, and weak. Collecting the charms doesn’t make you better, it makes you good. Three red charms doesn’t make you stronger, it makes you strong. Movement is a big thing for me in games, so my Link’s speed being a steady crawl right at the start is infuriating.
But I pressed on, determined to experience the story of the game, and how it connects to the rest of the Four Sword Saga.
Imagine my shock when the party game that introduces the newest (at the time) non-Ganon villain (to keep the stakes low), has very little of interest to say about him.
Vaati the Wind Sorcerer wreaked havoc in the past, and then he was sealed by some unnamed hero kid with The Four Sword. The seal that trapped him weakened and he is once again terrorizing the countryside, capturing young girls. Your mission, should you, and you, and you, and you choose to accept it, is to get three keys to access his palace and stop him. Pretty simple stuff. No time travel, no cross-dressing disguised princesses, no towns. Just Zelda action with up to four players. And it’s alright.
I have completed this game one time, and 90% of it was done solo. It was not all that fun. The other 10% was (stupidly) during senior year French class with a friend who also miraculously had the game. It was Pretty Fun.
I don’t know if I could recommend Four Swords to anyone who isn’t a die hard Zelda Freak who wants to experience everything the series has to offer. Even then I’m not sure you’d be missing much. There are at least two games that use the same assets and ideas that are far and away more accessible, and do a better job at being a fun time.
As a bonus game paired with the Game Boy Advance port of A Link to the Past, the Legend of Zelda: Four Swords is the stumbling, fumbling, humble beginnings of what I call the Four Sword Saga. On paper, it’s the first on screen appearance of the lovable and expressive Toon Link, coming out a whole year before his most well known outing, Wind Waker. Not only that, but there’s four of him, one for each possible player. These players would of course need their own Game Boy Advances, their own copies of the game, and their own link cables. As someone who struggled to find more than one person at a time to play this game with wirelessly on my 3DS, I can pretty easily see why Wind Waker is the one everyone knows Toon Link for, and not Four Swords.
To make matters worse, you can’t even start Four Swords without at least one other GBA, so even though I had the cart and my pre-owned GBA I got at GameStop for $25 of chores money, I couldn’t play it. I mean, sure I still had A Link to the Past to play for hours on end, but I really loved Wind Waker and Four Swords Adventures, I wanted to see what Four Swords was all about. It doesn’t help that this version of A Link to the Past has an extra dungeon that only lets you enter if you’ve played Four Swords. Four Swords taunted me for years.
Until one day, Nintendo rereleased a single-player capable version of Four Swords as a free digital download for the 3DS, in celebration of Zelda’s 25th anniversary (at the time of writing this, that was over a decade ago, the ceaseless march of time will trample us all).
After downloading the game as soon as I could, I eagerly began the Zelda game that eluded me.
And it turns out it’s basically if Zelda gameplay and a drawn out Mario Party minigame had a baby.
Like a Mario Party minigame, the conceit of Four Swords’ gameplay is a chaotic and greedy mad dash to the end of a randomly generated, excessively sprawling “dungeon”, while gathering as many rupees as you can get your grubby little hands on. The winner is the Link with the most cash, so even though everyone is more or less working together to get through the “dungeon”, they gotta do what they can to screw each other out of rupees.
Conceptually, it’s a cool and fun idea to have a Zelda party game, and the idea of turning the classic zelda gameplay into a party game is even cooler.
In execution, Four Swords has a critical flaw that makes the foundation shaky. And it’s not the simplistic puzzles or the spongey enemies. The flaw is the upgrade charms you can randomly find. There’s a green, blue, and red charm and collecting up to three of each gradually increases your Link’s walking speed, defense, and damage output, respectively. Now this would be a great idea…if you didn’t start every match slow, frail, and weak. Collecting the charms doesn’t make you better, it makes you good. Three red charms doesn’t make you stronger, it makes you strong. Movement is a big thing for me in games, so my Link’s speed being a steady crawl right at the start is infuriating.
But I pressed on, determined to experience the story of the game, and how it connects to the rest of the Four Sword Saga.
Imagine my shock when the party game that introduces the newest (at the time) non-Ganon villain (to keep the stakes low), has very little of interest to say about him.
Vaati the Wind Sorcerer wreaked havoc in the past, and then he was sealed by some unnamed hero kid with The Four Sword. The seal that trapped him weakened and he is once again terrorizing the countryside, capturing young girls. Your mission, should you, and you, and you, and you choose to accept it, is to get three keys to access his palace and stop him. Pretty simple stuff. No time travel, no cross-dressing disguised princesses, no towns. Just Zelda action with up to four players. And it’s alright.
I have completed this game one time, and 90% of it was done solo. It was not all that fun. The other 10% was (stupidly) during senior year French class with a friend who also miraculously had the game. It was Pretty Fun.
I don’t know if I could recommend Four Swords to anyone who isn’t a die hard Zelda Freak who wants to experience everything the series has to offer. Even then I’m not sure you’d be missing much. There are at least two games that use the same assets and ideas that are far and away more accessible, and do a better job at being a fun time.
2000
If you squeeze this lemon hard enough, you will find the razor blades within it.
In the scope of a single playthrough, 2000’s Mega Man X 5 is a Fine game. It’s Fine. It doesn’t live up to the game that came right before it (and it definitely doesn’t live up to the first Mega Man X), but it is Fine. It’s playable and feels decent in the hands and there’s some good music, and there’s things to collect and you can switch between X and Zero whenever you want, it’s Fine. These are all things that would entice me if I read them on the back of the game’s box. It’s Fine.
Something interesting (or irritating) about the game is the “time limit” it gives you. In the story, there’s a space colony that’s about to collide with the earth, and the world’s only hope is a massive cannon that hasn’t been used in years. You have 16 in-game “hours” to make the upgrade the Enigma Cannon and increase its chances of destroying the space colony. Four of the eight bosses in the game have those upgrades, and an “hour” will pass when you leave Maverick Hunter HQ and return from the level, so you have to be deliberate with where you go. The other four Mavericks have parts to upgrade a space shuttle to collide with the colony in the event the cannon fails. Actually, I should take back what I said, not all of the bosses are technically Mavericks. They just have the item and X or Zero asks nicely for it and a lot of the time the boss challenges them to a fight because it’ll be fun, or it’s the way the world works. It’s a funny way to wedge conflict into the situation, but it makes X especially look all to eager to get in a fight, when if you have played any other Mega Man X game, you’d know he wants the fighting to end. Regardless, the time limit is a novelty that I personally find interesting.
The mild character assassination of X could be due to a lot of things, but a lot of fingers point to the localization team. It happened with Mega Man 7, why not Mega Man X 5? I won’t spend too much time complaining about it though, because I feel like there’s too many unsavory people using bad localization as fuel for their grifts, and they might see this and think I’m a mark or something. All I’ll say is if my girlfriend changed the names of a bunch of video game characters to names of the members of my favorite band, and it shipped nationwide, I’d make sure her feet never touched the ground lmao. What a flex. Need me a freak like that.
But anyway.
So you beat the game, and it was Fine, but you only beat it as one of the two playable characters. So you start a new file and now things are different. Instead of a portion of the colony being destroyed, the Enigma Cannon only grazes it. And then the space shuttle does minimal damage, the space colony crashes into Earth and Zero becomes a Maverick. Now you can no longer play as him. Hopefully this wasn’t your playthrough where you invested hearts and upgrades into him.
Despite how it feels to me, Mega Man X 5 only has three endings. A good ending for X and Zero (assuming everything went well and Zero did not go Maverick) and a bad ending for X (assuming Zero went Maverick). The amount of variables in the middle of the game makes it feel like it’s twice as big and involved as it really is. The cannon could fail but the shuttle succeeds, and vice versa. It becomes intimidating and annoying.
Well, if you just play it once it isn’t so bad. It’s a regular Mega Man X game with a slight twist. It’s Fine.
But you might be like me and you like Mega Man X. As simple as they are, you care about the characters and want to know the few lines of text that happens to them. And in order to do that, you have to play the game at least three times. And playing this game three times is where the pain sets in.
The Pain in question:
-Volt Kraken’s stage is excessively long and can kill you in the first few seconds if you blink at the wrong time.
-Tidal Whale’s autoscroller stage takes forever, and lining up the Goo Shaver shot to get the Falcon Armor body program is really tedious and one mistake could have you resetting, to prevent using up an hour of in-game time.
-You have to beat Tidal Whale and come back again to use Goo Shaver to get the Falcon Armor body program, which uses up an extra hour of in-game time.
-It’s called Goo Shaver.
-The Falcon Armor doesn’t charge Special Weapons.
-The Gaea Armor doesn’t even let you use Special Weapons.
-The Gaea Armor is terrible.
-There are life upgrades that can only be gotten with the useless Gaea Armor, which means Zero can’t get those upgrades.
-Shadow Devil is a stupefyingly hard challenge out of no where and then the game does not match that difficulty anywhere afterwards.
-The final boss alludes to Dr. Wily from the Classic series still being alive, but the game provides no concrete proof of this.
I know this pain all too well, because in order to get every medal in the Mega Man X Legacy Collection 2, I had to play this game countless times. I forgot how many times I’ve beaten it. I just remember how painful and annoying the game can be. I remember the razor blades in the lemon.
I don’t think you should play Mega Man X 5, but as one in a series that depressingly, gradually gets worse, it’s not the worst one in the bunch. A Mega Man X fan should play this the one time and then look up the other endings online. Save yourself the trouble.
In the scope of a single playthrough, 2000’s Mega Man X 5 is a Fine game. It’s Fine. It doesn’t live up to the game that came right before it (and it definitely doesn’t live up to the first Mega Man X), but it is Fine. It’s playable and feels decent in the hands and there’s some good music, and there’s things to collect and you can switch between X and Zero whenever you want, it’s Fine. These are all things that would entice me if I read them on the back of the game’s box. It’s Fine.
Something interesting (or irritating) about the game is the “time limit” it gives you. In the story, there’s a space colony that’s about to collide with the earth, and the world’s only hope is a massive cannon that hasn’t been used in years. You have 16 in-game “hours” to make the upgrade the Enigma Cannon and increase its chances of destroying the space colony. Four of the eight bosses in the game have those upgrades, and an “hour” will pass when you leave Maverick Hunter HQ and return from the level, so you have to be deliberate with where you go. The other four Mavericks have parts to upgrade a space shuttle to collide with the colony in the event the cannon fails. Actually, I should take back what I said, not all of the bosses are technically Mavericks. They just have the item and X or Zero asks nicely for it and a lot of the time the boss challenges them to a fight because it’ll be fun, or it’s the way the world works. It’s a funny way to wedge conflict into the situation, but it makes X especially look all to eager to get in a fight, when if you have played any other Mega Man X game, you’d know he wants the fighting to end. Regardless, the time limit is a novelty that I personally find interesting.
The mild character assassination of X could be due to a lot of things, but a lot of fingers point to the localization team. It happened with Mega Man 7, why not Mega Man X 5? I won’t spend too much time complaining about it though, because I feel like there’s too many unsavory people using bad localization as fuel for their grifts, and they might see this and think I’m a mark or something. All I’ll say is if my girlfriend changed the names of a bunch of video game characters to names of the members of my favorite band, and it shipped nationwide, I’d make sure her feet never touched the ground lmao. What a flex. Need me a freak like that.
But anyway.
So you beat the game, and it was Fine, but you only beat it as one of the two playable characters. So you start a new file and now things are different. Instead of a portion of the colony being destroyed, the Enigma Cannon only grazes it. And then the space shuttle does minimal damage, the space colony crashes into Earth and Zero becomes a Maverick. Now you can no longer play as him. Hopefully this wasn’t your playthrough where you invested hearts and upgrades into him.
Despite how it feels to me, Mega Man X 5 only has three endings. A good ending for X and Zero (assuming everything went well and Zero did not go Maverick) and a bad ending for X (assuming Zero went Maverick). The amount of variables in the middle of the game makes it feel like it’s twice as big and involved as it really is. The cannon could fail but the shuttle succeeds, and vice versa. It becomes intimidating and annoying.
Well, if you just play it once it isn’t so bad. It’s a regular Mega Man X game with a slight twist. It’s Fine.
But you might be like me and you like Mega Man X. As simple as they are, you care about the characters and want to know the few lines of text that happens to them. And in order to do that, you have to play the game at least three times. And playing this game three times is where the pain sets in.
The Pain in question:
-Volt Kraken’s stage is excessively long and can kill you in the first few seconds if you blink at the wrong time.
-Tidal Whale’s autoscroller stage takes forever, and lining up the Goo Shaver shot to get the Falcon Armor body program is really tedious and one mistake could have you resetting, to prevent using up an hour of in-game time.
-You have to beat Tidal Whale and come back again to use Goo Shaver to get the Falcon Armor body program, which uses up an extra hour of in-game time.
-It’s called Goo Shaver.
-The Falcon Armor doesn’t charge Special Weapons.
-The Gaea Armor doesn’t even let you use Special Weapons.
-The Gaea Armor is terrible.
-There are life upgrades that can only be gotten with the useless Gaea Armor, which means Zero can’t get those upgrades.
-Shadow Devil is a stupefyingly hard challenge out of no where and then the game does not match that difficulty anywhere afterwards.
-The final boss alludes to Dr. Wily from the Classic series still being alive, but the game provides no concrete proof of this.
I know this pain all too well, because in order to get every medal in the Mega Man X Legacy Collection 2, I had to play this game countless times. I forgot how many times I’ve beaten it. I just remember how painful and annoying the game can be. I remember the razor blades in the lemon.
I don’t think you should play Mega Man X 5, but as one in a series that depressingly, gradually gets worse, it’s not the worst one in the bunch. A Mega Man X fan should play this the one time and then look up the other endings online. Save yourself the trouble.
2004
The boys are back in town, one last time.
Mega Man X 8 could not exist without the front flip into the dirt that was Mega Man X 7. X8 feels in every way like what X7 should have been. I don’t want to say that it was an apology for X7, but the amount of things they got right here is like they’re overcompensating.
The most important lesson learned from X7 is keeping it 2D. I don’t necessarily think that Mega Man X NEEDS to be a strictly 2D game series, but the way X7 botched it means they weren’t ready for it yet. With X8, they played it safe and stuck with what they knew and for whatever that’s worth, it’s a better game for it.
The biggest reason for this is there is no targeting system to accommodate three dimensional play. You shoot right in front of you, simple as that. This gives Axl, a character I loathed to play as in X7, a more interesting playstyle. To set him apart from X, his weapons have analogue aiming. Due to his stop-and-pop combat and lack of heavy damage, I still don’t find him to be nearly as viable or fun as X or Zero. I find that stop-and-pop style to be pretty antithetical to Mega Man as a whole but hey, he’s got something besides “X but way worse” so I’m happy for him I guess. He’s still a Scrappy Doo ass character though.
X is as reliable and fun to play as ever, and his new Neutral Armor brings back the toyetic nature of the X series in full force. The Neutral Armor is a blank slate (looks pretty cool too, I like the “collar” that comes up high enough to cover his mouth) that you can mix and match parts from the attack-focused Icarus set (the red one) and the mobility-focused Hermes set (the blue one). The customizability of the Neutral Armor is one of my favorite things about this game. The gunpla-ness of the X Armors has reached its endgame, you can literally kitbash the Neutral Armor into something that fits your playstyle. This is of course made pointless by the secret Ultimate Armor having the best of both armors, but if you’re not using a code, you can’t get that armor without beating the game first.
To round up the cast of playable characters, X8’s treatment of Zero is proof of the Mega Man X’s series’ head over heels love for that guy. It’s not misplaced love, he’s a cool guy. This is also the best Zero has been handled in any of the Mega Man X games. Every skill you learn from a boss is naturally incorporated into his moveset, and it isn’t something like adding an air dash or a double jump (Zero starts the game with those things). They sat down and looked at Zero’s kit and asked what could be added to it, rather than taken away and given back. Furthermore, nothing feels clumsily added either, like taking one of X’s weapons and just giving it to Zero. He’s always been a solid character to play as, but X8 gives us the most polished Zero in any game he shows up in. Except maybe Marvel vs. Capcom 3…
Anyways
The toy box nature of Mega Man X does not stop with X’s kitbash armor, no. Not by a long shot. Zero gets himself a whole arsenal of weapons to play with. From a hammer to battle fans, each weapon has a signature move tied to one of the boss skills. The brass knuckles turning most of the skills into a Street Fighter move is very fun and I like it. But the D Glaive. Oh, the D Glaive. What a weapon. Named from the Hindu goddess of motherhood and war, the Durga Glaive is Zero’s best non-New Game+ weapon for its sheer range alone. This weapon turns Zero into a long range fighter. Spamming the jump slash is enough to take out entire rooms of enemies. There are certain parts of the game where optimal play is needed to get a reward and the D Glaive is the tool for the job. Its so satisfying to swing this thing around. It’s too good. I’m glad the D Glaive is there because the hammer is kinda dumb.
The weapons and armor are just a fraction of things to find in the levels of this game, there is a buffet of upgrades and goodies to get your hands on and then buy in the in-game shop. You’ll be backtracking, you’ll be resetting because you missed something, you’ll be farming for cash at Earthrock Trilobite's level. It’s maybe an artificial extension on the game, but it’s a good enough game that I’ll take any excuse to spend more time with it. Doing Avalanche Yeti’s stage more than once is pretty stupid though! It’s not a great level!
To save yourself a bit of time, I recommend getting the D Glaive from Dark Mantis’ stage as soon as you can (you’ll need to beat Gigavolt Man-O-War first, another not great level) and then clear Optic Sunflower’s stage as best as you can to get the Metal Generator for a steady flow of cash as you go through the game.
Alright I’ve waited long enough, I’ve said enough good things about this game. It’s time for my biggest gripe about Mega Man X 8.
I don’t like the visual style. Everyone looks weird. Axl comes out relatively unscathed but good lord X and Zero look extruded and maligned. The classic bell-bottom boots that Mega Man founded are gone. X’s buster is too busy, he has gray on his boots where it wasn’t needed. The “ear” parts of his helmet have the letter “X” incorporated into it, a design move I really don’t agree with. He looks more cylindrical, I hate it. And Zero? Oh, the massacred my boy. You look at him for a second and everything looks fine, but then he turns around and his beautiful flowing hair has been reduced to a thin dangling rat tail. What where they thinking???
It should be said though that this game is solid enough to make me forget about my misgivings with the visual style. The game is rendered well, I just wish there was a mod that made the boys look more Classic.
Speaking of the boys, I think it’s nice that you can eventually play as the girls, your navigators that have been yapping in your ear the whole game. Layer is very good and I like her and it’s insane that they got away with her body-stocking-underboob design.
I have beaten Mega Man X 8 three times and 100%ed it at least one of those times. I thoroughly enjoyed latest playthrough, though I’m willing to admit that was because I had just come off of Mega Man X 7. I’m also willing to admit that X8 has enough merit to be enjoyable without having to put yourself through torture beforehand.
I recommend Mega Man X 8. Take your time with it, because lord knows we won’t get another one any time soon.
Mega Man X 8 could not exist without the front flip into the dirt that was Mega Man X 7. X8 feels in every way like what X7 should have been. I don’t want to say that it was an apology for X7, but the amount of things they got right here is like they’re overcompensating.
The most important lesson learned from X7 is keeping it 2D. I don’t necessarily think that Mega Man X NEEDS to be a strictly 2D game series, but the way X7 botched it means they weren’t ready for it yet. With X8, they played it safe and stuck with what they knew and for whatever that’s worth, it’s a better game for it.
The biggest reason for this is there is no targeting system to accommodate three dimensional play. You shoot right in front of you, simple as that. This gives Axl, a character I loathed to play as in X7, a more interesting playstyle. To set him apart from X, his weapons have analogue aiming. Due to his stop-and-pop combat and lack of heavy damage, I still don’t find him to be nearly as viable or fun as X or Zero. I find that stop-and-pop style to be pretty antithetical to Mega Man as a whole but hey, he’s got something besides “X but way worse” so I’m happy for him I guess. He’s still a Scrappy Doo ass character though.
X is as reliable and fun to play as ever, and his new Neutral Armor brings back the toyetic nature of the X series in full force. The Neutral Armor is a blank slate (looks pretty cool too, I like the “collar” that comes up high enough to cover his mouth) that you can mix and match parts from the attack-focused Icarus set (the red one) and the mobility-focused Hermes set (the blue one). The customizability of the Neutral Armor is one of my favorite things about this game. The gunpla-ness of the X Armors has reached its endgame, you can literally kitbash the Neutral Armor into something that fits your playstyle. This is of course made pointless by the secret Ultimate Armor having the best of both armors, but if you’re not using a code, you can’t get that armor without beating the game first.
To round up the cast of playable characters, X8’s treatment of Zero is proof of the Mega Man X’s series’ head over heels love for that guy. It’s not misplaced love, he’s a cool guy. This is also the best Zero has been handled in any of the Mega Man X games. Every skill you learn from a boss is naturally incorporated into his moveset, and it isn’t something like adding an air dash or a double jump (Zero starts the game with those things). They sat down and looked at Zero’s kit and asked what could be added to it, rather than taken away and given back. Furthermore, nothing feels clumsily added either, like taking one of X’s weapons and just giving it to Zero. He’s always been a solid character to play as, but X8 gives us the most polished Zero in any game he shows up in. Except maybe Marvel vs. Capcom 3…
Anyways
The toy box nature of Mega Man X does not stop with X’s kitbash armor, no. Not by a long shot. Zero gets himself a whole arsenal of weapons to play with. From a hammer to battle fans, each weapon has a signature move tied to one of the boss skills. The brass knuckles turning most of the skills into a Street Fighter move is very fun and I like it. But the D Glaive. Oh, the D Glaive. What a weapon. Named from the Hindu goddess of motherhood and war, the Durga Glaive is Zero’s best non-New Game+ weapon for its sheer range alone. This weapon turns Zero into a long range fighter. Spamming the jump slash is enough to take out entire rooms of enemies. There are certain parts of the game where optimal play is needed to get a reward and the D Glaive is the tool for the job. Its so satisfying to swing this thing around. It’s too good. I’m glad the D Glaive is there because the hammer is kinda dumb.
The weapons and armor are just a fraction of things to find in the levels of this game, there is a buffet of upgrades and goodies to get your hands on and then buy in the in-game shop. You’ll be backtracking, you’ll be resetting because you missed something, you’ll be farming for cash at Earthrock Trilobite's level. It’s maybe an artificial extension on the game, but it’s a good enough game that I’ll take any excuse to spend more time with it. Doing Avalanche Yeti’s stage more than once is pretty stupid though! It’s not a great level!
To save yourself a bit of time, I recommend getting the D Glaive from Dark Mantis’ stage as soon as you can (you’ll need to beat Gigavolt Man-O-War first, another not great level) and then clear Optic Sunflower’s stage as best as you can to get the Metal Generator for a steady flow of cash as you go through the game.
Alright I’ve waited long enough, I’ve said enough good things about this game. It’s time for my biggest gripe about Mega Man X 8.
I don’t like the visual style. Everyone looks weird. Axl comes out relatively unscathed but good lord X and Zero look extruded and maligned. The classic bell-bottom boots that Mega Man founded are gone. X’s buster is too busy, he has gray on his boots where it wasn’t needed. The “ear” parts of his helmet have the letter “X” incorporated into it, a design move I really don’t agree with. He looks more cylindrical, I hate it. And Zero? Oh, the massacred my boy. You look at him for a second and everything looks fine, but then he turns around and his beautiful flowing hair has been reduced to a thin dangling rat tail. What where they thinking???
It should be said though that this game is solid enough to make me forget about my misgivings with the visual style. The game is rendered well, I just wish there was a mod that made the boys look more Classic.
Speaking of the boys, I think it’s nice that you can eventually play as the girls, your navigators that have been yapping in your ear the whole game. Layer is very good and I like her and it’s insane that they got away with her body-stocking-underboob design.
I have beaten Mega Man X 8 three times and 100%ed it at least one of those times. I thoroughly enjoyed latest playthrough, though I’m willing to admit that was because I had just come off of Mega Man X 7. I’m also willing to admit that X8 has enough merit to be enjoyable without having to put yourself through torture beforehand.
I recommend Mega Man X 8. Take your time with it, because lord knows we won’t get another one any time soon.