Instead of taking another crack at Bio-Hazard Battle I decided for whatever reason to play an Alex Kidd game. I assume I was in the mood to hear the little shit squeal like a pig every time something even mildly inconvenienced him.

The voice quality on here really ain't bad for Master System, it's just a shame most of the memorable moments will be "FIND THE MIRACLE BAWL" and Alex Kidd's screams of agony. It actually feels like the developers knew how funny it was, and took their time to make a laughing stock out of their supposed mascot by placing machines that attempt to end Alex's life with nothing but a simple poke of the index finger. I guess it's not too surprising that Sega wouldn't think things through and besmirch the pajama pants fucker's supposed reputation by having him get owned by a bowling ball shot out of some dancing nudist's ass, but what do I know? Maybe the big wigs asked for it and knew something I didn't.

It's telling how they had no idea what to do with Alex Mid when they constantly change his gameplay style and insert him into random environments. One day he's kinda just okay and obsessed with jankenpon, then the next he's doing his best impression of that baseball cap wearing shithead and screaming like a toddler stubbing their toe on a coffee table. I will say I welcome the non-existence of jankenpon, though it's a shame Alex's obsession would resurface later around the time he started wearing banana slugs for shoes and slamming his face into car windows.

It's just a super easy Adventure Island knockoff with a very fantastic Ghouls n' Ghosts-like attempt to pad the game out and make me replay levels that have maybe a smidgen of more enemies in them. If the game didn't entertain my sadistic glee of seeing this guy get a spear shoved up his crotch I probably would rate this lower, but it never fails to crack me up. Seriously, why do some characters jump while splitting their legs open like that? That's fucking weird, you're begging for an accident with that shit buddy. Get real.