Managing to get Jaguar emulation working has single-handedly ruined my entire weekend, it's raining out and I'm depressing myself by playing a Bubsy game.

Even putting aside my personal beefs against Bubsy himself and wanting to slap a rear naked choke on him and strangle the life out of the bastard, it was incredibly difficult to get any kind of entertainment value out of Fractured Furry Tales. The stages are just as bamboozling as ever, with enemies blindsiding you with cheap shots out of nowhere from the outskirts of the screen. A classic game of "oh it's not so bad if you constantly stop every two seconds and use the look ahead button" type of fake-ass "skill issue" garbage. The most unfun way to possibly play a character desperately chasing the popularity of Sonic The Hedgehog.

The worst part of Bubsy in Fractured Ass is that it manages to also bore the player into a coma. That's right, in addition to the game itself being frustrating it also somehow got me to feel a bit drowsy. It lacks all the pompousness of the prior Bubsy games, and dulls the life out of everything with it's crappy Fairy Tale aesthetic and Bubsy shockingly doesn't have as much to say except for when you die five thousand times in the first minute of the game with repeating lines of "oh sure, let's all torch the Bubster!" I would gladly do so if I had access to a blowtorch, but I'm afraid I can't oblige due to being banned from all flame-producing equipment. It's simply astounding too, because with how upset you'll get at the random Asshole Mario-esque enemy placement and Bubsy's amazing ability to slip off platforms, you'll also be very upset at how the stages refuse to end. Levels that time forgot, if only it did, because unfortunately there's still a time limit. A time limit that isn't as generous as it seems. Terrible game, boring game, the worst of both worlds.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to flatten bobcats with a cartoonishly big mallet and some grand pianos.